Alright. So it might not be the most perfect film ever. It may have random green screen for outside scenes. But you know what? It is entertaining. Talon is, honestly, a cool character. And The Savage does a good job playing the character. He's an assassin, that isn't exactly human...and when he is hired to kill a woman he knows as a friend, trouble happens. Sound familiar? Of course it does. But it has enough original elements in it to make up for it. Heck, he even has a cool name. Movie also has some other great characters, like that cowboy. It's comical, it's fun, and it is worth watching at least once. I caught the screening at the Pittsburgh Horror Festival, and it was one of the better films. Check it out if you get the chance. But don't expect The Godfather.
Reviews
110 Reviews
Karl the Butcher vs Axe
(2010)
Karl the Butcher is BACK!
26 May 2011
The Violent Sh*t movies are amazing. I mean, they aren't GOOD, per say, but they are pretty entertaining. Andreas Schnaas has pretty much gotten better with each new film he has done, and now that Schnaas and Timo Rose have joined forces, it's a gore fan's dream. Unrated The Movie was a bit disappointing to me - but Karl the Butcher vs. Axe does not disappoint. It has all the hyper violence any fan of the genre could ask for. Though, in my opinion, not as good as Nikos the Impaler, this one comes close, and I believe to be one of Schnaas's best films to date, as well as Rose's. It's funny, ridiculous, gory, offensive, and fun. A must see for any fans of German splatter. The last 20 minutes is just pure gore. This one does not disappoint!
Unrated: The Movie
(2009)
Should of been better
26 May 2011
With the joining of two great German horror legends - Andreas Schnaas and Timo Rose - you would expect the greatest film ever. However, what you do get is a movie that is just okay. And a movie where the only gore is in the last 10 minutes. And a musical number by Karl the Butcher - but that's a good thing. However, the first hour of the movie is kind of boring. Considering what the movie is, you know the fans just want gore, and it doesn't deliver till the very end. It just isn't well made or that entertaining. See it - but don't expect too much. However, Karl the Butcher vs. Axe was a definite improvement over this, and I know that these two will make many good films to come. Well, good if you like this type of thing.
Freddy Got Fingered
(2001)
What the heck?? Left me speechless!
4 September 2009
The cover of this movie, makes it sound disgusting and notorious for being so. So I decided to rent it, and as I viewed it, I was left speechless. I really have no idea what I watched. I have no idea what it was supposed to be. But the sad thing is, I kind of liked it. A scene in the shower make me chuckle every time I think of it, as does a few other scenes. I mean...why would anyone make this movie? Haha. It's rude, it is crude, it's absurd, it's outrageous, it's disgusting, it's offensive, and that is why I liked it. I was almost appalled at some of the scenes in the movie, and I want to give Tom Green a high five for that, I watch the most offensive movies ever, and some of this made me say...woah. The storyline is pretty weak, but it is entertaining enough to entertain. Watch ONLY if you like offensive humor, and when I say offensive, I mean OFFENSIVE.
Dr. Chopper
(2005 Video)
I want you to meet someone...my inner *****!
18 August 2009
HAHAHA! This film is actually REALLY funny. REALLY terrible at the same time, but you can't really say it is boring. A friend told me this was the worst film ever, and I needed to see it, so I did and only enough I kind of enjoyed it. It has some okay gore, and some really hot ladies, but the acting is bad, and the "villain," Dr. Chopper has to be the most nonthreatening villain I have ever seen. And I love why they call him Dr. Chopper...dude, he rides a motorcycle! With an obvious ending, but entertaining all throughout, this movie isn't so bad. A scene at the end when the main character frantically throws a garbage pail at the villain is the funniest. Worth a look if you are really bored and need a movie to mock.
Colonel Kill Motherfuckers
(2008)
Awesome!
11 August 2009
This movie is EXACTLY what a no budget horror/comedy should be. The gore is cheap, but good, the comedy is funny, the film makes good use of it's budget, and the whole film is entertaining, with not one boring second! And the use of a lollipop to kill someone is one of the most genius ideas ever! It is a must see for anyone looking for a fun, no budget horror film, and shows the viewers at home they can do this too. A reason why this movie is so awesome is because anyone can make something like it. Also, the title is catchy, there are many memorable lines and funny characters, and I know real people who are like them! This was my 3rd Hack Movie and so far it is definitely my favorite. Check this flick out, you won't be disappointed.
It's Alive
(2009)
Not that bad, actually...
1 July 2009
I love It's Alive, it is a favorite of mine. Cheesy 70's killer baby flick, you can't beat that. I am a big fan of Larry Cohen, and his older flicks, so when I heard a remake was being made I was skeptical. I thought if done right, if they went with a less cheesy approach, it could be decent, at least better than some of the other recent remakes. I wasn't sure what was going on with this film until recently I received a screener of the remake at work. I must say, I actually enjoyed it a lot more than expected. It has flaws, including a CGI killer baby this time...but overall, this film is actually a lot of fun. It isn't the spooky, realistic film it could have been, but it is a bloody good time. Though not as much fun as the original, it is a decent watch, with some decent gore. It really has no relation to the original, other than a killing baby, and the same of the family is still Davis. Overall, if you like the original, it is a decent watch, and if you haven't watched the legendary classic, watch that first, then this. I was just sad they didn't recreate the milkman scene.
Black Devil Doll
(2007)
Black Devil Doll...filmed in NEGROSCOPE!
14 June 2009
Ahh where do I begin? I had been following this movie for probably over a year, and since I first saw the hilarious looking trailer, I had put it at the top of my list with movies to see, along with Bad Biology. And I remember that the DVD was supposed to be released last year, and I was disappointed to find that they delayed the release, but I am happy because I got to experience Black Devil Doll on the big screen, in a theater, the way it should be seen. And it was more than worth the wait. Trust me. This movie is like no other film you have seen in your life, trust me. And you will never see a film like this again. And that is more than a good thing. This film is definitely not for the easily offended, not for the faint of heart, not for those who are easily grossed out, and you get the idea. Full of nudity, violence, gore, and more awesomeness, this must be the most fun I have had in a theater since I saw Poultrygeist. There are scenes that will make you scream OH MY GOD, scenes that will make you laugh your butt off, and scenes that are just plain wrong. It all adds up to one hilarious fun time. I must also add that the score from Giallos Flame is excellent, 70's style music. From the credits, I knew I was in the presence of greatness. The black devil doll is one of the most entertaining characters in film history, and will be sure to make you laugh. Whether you like the movie or not, you will be entertained. Just know what you are in for. It is sick, twisted, funny, gross, and so wrong, but oh, so right. I really wish there were more movies like this. It screams sequel!
Space Zombie Bingo!!!
(1993 Video)
My IQ lowered a few points while watching, but I laughed my butt off!!!
16 December 2008
So, I bought the Toxie's Top 10 set, awesome set by the way, and in it was this movie. The cover is extremely misleading, showing a bunch of babes. However, this movie really has no babes, although it does have a woman named Barbie Que. That is one of the many gags in the hilarious, stupid, weird film. This movie has the worst special effects ever, however, that makes the movie all more hilarious. It doesn't take itself anywhere near seriously, it is a spoof with bad acting, terrible special effects, loaded with stock footage, and a newscaster who announces some hilarious stories. Looks like the crew must of had fun making the film as well. It doesn't make much sense, it was made for 0 budget, and it will make you feel more dumb, but there is no doubt you will laugh. See this if you want to see a GOOD, stupid spoof of sci fi movies from the 50's. And what a great title!
Zombie Bloodbath 3: Zombie Armageddon
(2000 Video)
Better than the previous entries, but still bad
25 November 2008
In the final of Todd Sheet's unfortunate Zombie Bloodbath Trilogy, this time the zombie outbreak hits a school. A bunch of dumb kids are in detention when it happens, and they have to fight. This one is a bit more original than the other two, and has a little more of original and better gore effects. But the acting is still bad, and you still see some of the actors who died in the original Zombie Bloodbath. Nice to see Todd Sheets is improving a little, though. Basically, if you survived the other two films, you can survive this. This one is just a little but more fun, but still awful. And chances are, if you liked the first 2, you will really enjoy this one. Watch at your own risk.
Classic 80's Cheese
25 November 2008
Boobs, nerds, possessed babes, a bowling alley, and a creature that is awakened from a bowling trophy...this screams Classic 80's Sleaze to me! This movie follows some girls trying to get into a sorority, and to get into the sorority, they must steal a bowling trophy. But they accidentally awaken an imp...a creature that grants wishes, but also likes to see people suffer. And he may want to possess you also. This is a fun one, and stars Linnea Quigley and Brinke Stevens. You can really go wrong with Linnea Quigley. The movie is very funny, includes an extremely entertaining spanking scene, and as mentioned above, it include Linnea Quigley. Watch now!
Sleepaway Camp
(1983)
The greatest twist of all time
25 November 2008
This movie starts off like a normal 80's cheese movie. Cheesy acting, in a cheesy opening scene. Guys in short shorts. A cop with a mustache made of clay. Cheesy kills. But the last frame of this movie, you will never, ever forget. The thing that makes Sleepaway Camp an outstanding slasher film, is it's original kills, including a blood curdling scene with a curling iron, and it's ending. I do not want to give away the ending. They don't make endings like that anymore. Up until the end, the whole movie is mediocre, but even if you think the movie sucks, watch all the way until the end. It comes out of nowhere. It will shock you. Trust me. Definitely watch this one, it is cheesy and funny at times, with the greatest ending in cinematic history, next to Nekromantik's ending.
Ghoulies IV
(1994 Video)
Attention K-Mart Shoppers...This movie is great!
22 November 2008
Okay, so Ghoulies 4 is kind of bad. And it doesn't really even have the ghoulies in it. And the acting is bad. The storyline is stupid. But I forget to mention how funny this film is. It is so campy, and so ridiculous it is too fun not to enjoy. There are only 2 ghoulies in the movie, and they don't really seem to be in relation with the Ghoulies in the other film. But they are pretty funny. And funny thing, that Jonathon Graves returns for this one. If you saw the first, he was a character in that. In my opinion, this is better than the first. There are some classic scenes and some classic lines, one which is in a grocery store. "Attention K-Mart Shoppers!" Watch this if you enjoy bad movies. It's so bad it is good. And did I mention Barbara Alyn Woods is hot?
Thirsty
(2009)
Got to get my slushy, get my slushy, get my slushy!
13 October 2008
I saw this short film at Rock and Shock this year and I loved it. It is over the top, hilarious, well acted, and original. The only problems were some of the effects weren't finished, the CG effects, but it is not a bad thing, and still being worked on. It follows a man who goes to a gas station. He is on a long drive, and talking about urine powered cars? So he wants to buy a slushy but is forced out of the store. He then craves a slushy, but it ends in disastrous results. This is a really entertaining and funny work of art, and actress Tiffany Shepis is excellent in her role, only she doesn't get naked. Aw man! If you ever get the chance to see it, see it. The theme song to the film is extremely catchy, and will stick in your head long after viewing.
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
(2007)
So much fun!
8 October 2008
This is one of the most fun horror movies I have seen all year. It is pretty original (although, in one scene a bit similar to Jason Goes to Hell), has good acting, nice gore/slime, and Robert Englund! What more would a fan want? The comedy is funny, and Jack is a character you want to root for in the end. The only flaw really, is that it does take a long time to get into the action. But up until then, it is still extremely entertaining, and pretty funny. It i a great homage to b-rated monster films from the 50's, and is a must for any horror fan. The cinemagoraphy is creative in parts, and the effects are really good. Watch this now!
Pure Blood
(2001)
Pretty decent, actually
20 September 2008
This is a South African film that was picked up by Troma for distribution. It is an extremely strange take on vampires, and pretty interesting as well. Has some blood, but not much, it doesn't need it. It has more brains than the average low budget film, in my opinion. The acting is fairly decent, with some pretty decent effects as well. It is like no other vampire film, totally unique and done pretty well, especially for a Troma pick up. The DVD quality could be better, at some points it is tough to hear what they are saying. The cinematography for this film is really good as well, there is some really good camera work here. Overall, I would recommend this, it is like no other film.
The Dentist 2
(1998)
Open Wide...again!
18 September 2008
As a kid, I loved the cover to this movie. It darn near freaked me out. When I was finally old enough to rent this movie, I did. It is not near as good as the first, but it is still really good. It has some real dental torture scenes in it, one better than in the first when they play "Truth or Tooth." Most of the original cast returns including Corbin Bernsen, as Dr. Feinstone. The movie follows as the doctor moves to a different town, under a new identity to start over. But his past finds him, and in the end, the result is the same, or at least similar. The theme music is the same as well, and I love it! The opening scene is really cool, and has the same feel as the first movie. The sad thing is, the woman on the cover only is really in one scene, and just for a second. I think those braces would be cool if they were in longer. The ending is a bit cheesy, but that is okay, the whole movie is kind of cheesy. Check it out if you liked the first!
The Dentist
(1996)
Open WIDE!
18 September 2008
I love this movie. As a kid, this was one of the first movies I saw that made me flinch. Sure, it is mild now, but back in the day, it was awesome. Dentists are one thing so many people fear, so why not do a movie about a killer dentist? It's cheesy, it's fun, sometimes it's scary, but it is awesome. And I have always had a love for medical horror. And Corbin Bernsen plays Dr. Feinstone perfectly, no one could have done it better. And for a low budget horror film, the effects and such are quite good. And I also love the theme music, it goes well with the film. Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) is also in this one playing a nosy cop, and does a fine job. There is a fair amount of blood, and some really cool torture/death scenes. Check this one out!
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
(2001)
The Power of Christ Impales You!
18 September 2008
This movie is awesome. Done with an extreme low budget, to look like it is from the 70's, it is the most entertaining and funny kung fu/vampire/horror/comedy/musical about Jesus ever made! The plot follows as lesbian vampires are sprouting up all over town, the priests call upon Jesus to help. These vampires can also walk in Daylight. Jesus comes to town and kicks some vampire butt! But the vampires are sometimes too much for him, so Jesus asks for help from wrester Santos. They all team up and make one of the most entertaining and fun films ever. The coolest thing is, it looks like this movie was made in the 70's, with some bad voice dubbing, and some horrible looking effects (that are also funny). There is even a cameo by God, and Virgin Mary! This movie isn't too offensive, not nearly as you think it'd be. Definitely the best religious film ever. See it now!
Coons! Night of the Bandits of the Night
(2005 Video)
We will NOT be beaten by RACCOONS!
10 September 2008
This was some funny stuff. I watched it last night, and it is a hilarious horror spoof. It follows a group of dumb kids as they want to party, but rabid raccoons are killing them off! The raccoons look fake, although they are real, frozen raccoons I think I heard, but you can tell that they are not living. There is also a completely random music number, which is really, really funny. The special effects aren't great, but it adds to the humor, and the acting is awful, but again, it adds to the humor. A lot of college students dress up as old men by putting on Halloween wigs and bad mustaches. This movie is not for everyone, but if you want a so-bad-it's-good movie, this is a pretty good one. One of Troma's best newer releases!
Suspiria
(1977)
Ssssssussspiria!
9 September 2008
This is one of my favorite horror films of all time. Actually, one of my favorite movies of all time. It is an Italian movie, directed by Dario Argento. It basically follows a woman who goes to ballet school, but there is something wrong, and students begin dying, and strange things begin happening. She must then try to figure out what is happening, and I don't want to totally give away what it is. The most amazing thing about this movie is the imagery, and the lighting. The movie has one of the best uses of colors in the history of film. It is a beautiful film to look at, although at the same time, it can be a vicious film. The plot and writing can be a bit weak at time, but the amazing colors, and amazing sets make up for it. It has some of the coolest murder sequences, and was way ahead of it's time. They don't make movies like this anymore, it is a true masterpiece. And let's not forget the incredible score, the music in the film is haunting, and magnificent. I highly recommend this movie to anyone, it is a favorite of mine.
One of the greatest films ever...
8 September 2008
Troma is back! It's been a while since Troma's last Tromasterpiece...Citizen Toxie was made back in 2000, and that was a long time ago. Since then, he co-directed Tales From the Crapper and Parts of the Family, which I enjoyed. But it is Lloyd's movies like this that we love most. It's gory. It's gross. It's hilarious. It's even a musical! The songs are catchy and terrific...Fast Food Love being easily the best, followed by Generous General. You get to even hear Lloyd sing! He isn't as bad as you'd think, either. I went to the New York City Premiere. It was the best theater experience...ever. And, Lloyd Kaufman was there, and he is a hell of a nice guy. People clapped all throughout the movie, and it deserved it. Troma really hit the nail on the head, with good acting, good music, good special effects, an awesome opening scene, some awesome blood, and a toilet cam of Joe Fleishaker's buttocks. But let's not go there. But the penis monster makes an appearance as well! Let's not go there either... I could spend all day saying how much I love this movie, but I won't. Just see it. You won't be disappointed.
Foreign Exchange
(2008)
Ugh.
8 September 2008
I like sex-comedies. I do. If right, they can be really funny. American Pie is the example most people will give, and it is one of the best of it's kind. Even early sex comedies from Lloyd Kaufman, like the First Turn On! or Waitress. But this time, it's just getting annoying. Annoying characters, unoriginal storyline, unfunny jokes (although one your mom joke was hilarious), and so many more flaws. The story follows a geek who isn't getting any, and he is in love with a more popular girl, who he is friends with. Sound familiar? So, the geek's friends tell him he needs to have sex and blah blah...what do good friends do? They pressure their friend into having sex, and movies like this is probably why teens feel they need to have sex. Movies like this portray that this kid is a geek, until he has sex. And you may say, hey, in American Pie, they pressure the geek to have sex too! But that had a much better story, and actual funny jokes, and we can get on that subject another time. So in this movie, everyone gets foreign exchange students. The geek's student tries to screw up his life. In the end, you don't even like ANY of the characters, they are all really, just annoying. Just, I recommend avoiding this film. It is another teen sex comedy wanna be that steals it's ideas from every comedy ever.
Postal
(2007)
Outrageous!
8 September 2008
Sure, everyone seems to hate Uwe Boll. To be honest, I never hated the guy. I enjoyed House of the Dead, even if I admit it sucks. I didn't like In the Name of the King, Bloodrayne, or Alone in the Dark. But I always gave the guy a chance. Uwe has gotten so much crap for everyone. This movie is just the big "F" you to everyone...the reviewers who hate him, the government, the Jews, terrorists, etc. Nothing is out of range for this film, it makes fun of everything from September 11th to modern toys. It is a very funny film, and obviously do not watch if you are easily offended. There are some really funny scenes, and a disturbing look at Dave Foley naked...but let's not go there. There is over the top violence, and I mean wayyy over the top (although I wanted more blood in this movie, but that is okay), there are insane clan members, and big breasted women! A must see for anyone who is a fan of shows like South Park, but if you are easily offended, you will want to hate Uwe Boll even more. I hope he does more films like this, I loved it.
Bratz
(2007)
Good Lord!
1 September 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Alrighty. Here goes. I promised this girl I would watch this movie. I mean, I have seen Ax Em, and Meet the Spartans, how bad could it be? Well, my answer: Pretty darn bad. Soo...these four girls are best friends, and always have annoying smiles on their faces and are way too upbeat. Really annoying stuff. And when they get to high school, they find other friends, and kind of all split up. OMG! (Oh, and "OMG" is an actual line in the movie too). I guess you can't have more than a four friends in school, according to this movie. Oh yeah, and there is this class president bimbo who wants to keep all the girls separated by groups or something. Well, the years pass, and by senior year, the girls suddenly think...why aren't we friends again? Soo...they dump(!) their new friends, and all get back together! WOW! And when one girl doesn't have new clothes for a party, the other magically gets a gift certificate to the mall! And that party is throne by the evil bimbo! WOW! I wish I could pull an FYE gift card out of my butt! And why would you want to go to a party that exploits your friends? And the girls call themselves "Bratz" which kind of just sounds like they are insulting themselves. And all the girls are skinny and perfect looking, because the good girls in the movies always have to look perfect! I just can't think about this movie without hurling. Stay away. And John Voight, I lost my respect.
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