randomfx01 Reviews

The Northman (2022)

Visually stunning

[6/10 · 16 April 2022]

Lacking substance.

To do this movie justice I thought I would visit it on the big screen.

Where was our hero's journey?

From crying, effeminate boy, rowing into a storm...

...To fully fledged Úlfhéðnar attacking fortified ramparts?

Where did he go? How did he join one of the most famous and feared Viking brotherhood, and yet leave them on a whim?

Can you appear suddenly on a boat at sea and go unnoticed? Thrall.

It is a Hollywood mash-up from several Saga's whilst representing none.

It is pretty and it is not woke, or at least the MeSsAgE is low-key.

Bjork and Kidman are excellent. For the little you see of them.

Decent, but not the masterpiece all the critics will tell you it is. It has the bones of a tale, skipping quickly to the end in a long drawn out anti-climax.

Mayday (2021)

Watchable

[5/10 · 4 October 2021]

I assume this is some feminist reimagining on the Sirens. With a touch of female coming of age, lesbian fantasy. Mostly will they won't they..and they don't. Part white man bad. Some random dance in a field. War is bad. Some good points. I thought some of the acting and artistry were brilliant. It was tantalising, but failed to linger on the senses.

Nobody (I) (2021)

What James Bond should of been

[10/10 · 4 October 2021]

Best balls-out action movie I have seen in years. It has everything one could wish for. A touch of tragedy and dry humour. Strong, sensible females. Solid coloured roles and Doc kickin' ass. What more do you need?

Stillwater (2021)

The best of Matt Damon

[10/10 · 29 September 2021]

I'm not sure what I expected from this movie and as such had no expectations. It really resonated with me on many levels. Working away, hard drinking, rough gritty existence. The sacrifice of family life, for 14 hour days, 7 day weeks and months at a time. The escape through drugs, partying and drinking when on leave, also to the detriment of any kind of meaningful relationships when ashore. The chance to do it better next time. The measure of a man is not through his faff-ups, but his willingness not to repeat the same mistakes. If you are expecting a fast-paced action movie, I dare say you may be disappointed. This is slow, yet enthralling. Occasional wokeness threatens, but is swiftly dismissed. The LGBT+ daughter is an ungrateful millennial , while not being very likable. Is an apt metaphor for the youth of today. Maya, the little French half-caste is adorable on the other hand and is an absolute delight. Whom melts the heart of our stilted anti-hero and eventually leads our American lost in France to love. The whole movie is a great microcosm for the working class dad, trying to adapt to todays Social Justice Warriors and modern woke ideals. Assuming you and yours tell the truth...

Theresa & Allison (2019)

Terrible, just terrible

[1/10 · 23 January 2020]

You know it's going to be terrible as the insipid first act enfolds.

I don't know where all the high reviews have come from. Oh, wait, maybe I'm not woke enough to appreciate another woeful remake.

Not even worth watching.

Avoid

We Die Young (2019)

Not really watchable

[4/10 · 12 April 2019]

This is not an engaging movie at all. It shows some promise at the start and teases, yet never delivers. JCVD is under utilized and does nothing of note. The shaky cam is well noted and just underlines the cheapness of the whole project. It would of been an easy 5* if JCVD just burst out from his passive shell just once.

Cardboard Gangsters (2017)

4.5-5.0 at best

[4/10 · 3 November 2017]

It's watchable, don't get me wrong and you could likely waste an hour and a half and not be overly disappointed, but this is no 6.5+ Gangster flick. A shade above a load-a sh*te. Tired subject and mostly *yawn* acting. IMDb rating system is bordering on the ridiculous these days. It used to be an honest reflection on the film's worth. Now it's just a hooky scam only reflected by those involved in the film and trying to drum-up business and viewers based on dishonest reviews.