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Reviews
MXP: Most Xtreme Primate (2003)
There's no way a chimp could do that
At the outset, I must warn everyone that I am an avid snowboarder and I have worked with many primates. One thing I can say for sure is that this plot is simply unbelievable.
I have seen the previous two installments of MVP, but this one by far is off the deep end. First, a chimp playing hockey. Yeah, I can see that. Then, a chimp skateboarding. A little less believable, but possible. But a chimp snowboarding? I think we're bordering on ridiculous now.
I've worked with chimps, and certainly, they're intelligent enough to communicate in sign language, and convey their feelings. But snowboarding? What's next in MVP IV, a chimp that can cure cancer? I mean, come on. Let's not forget, that this animal will OFTEN throw its feces at anyone within 50 feet. Sure, I understand that they're trainable, and come off well on the big screen. But snowboarding? Why not have a lawyer show with MVP giving birth to a donkey? At least science makes that a possibility. This just isn't worth it, folks. Unless you'd like to build a stable in your backyard for your unicorns or ride a giraffe to work backwards, then don't watch this movie. It's pure fantasy. I mean, a chimp that snowboards? C'mon.
MVP: Most Vertical Primate (2001)
Like Old Yeller, but with a skateboard, a monkey, and a homeless boy
I hate skateboarding, I don't care much for chimps, and I'm a 68 year old retired veteran. If my pansy grandson didn't whine like a dog that lost its leg when it got hit by a jeep, and then the dog had to crawl its way back to the house, I wouldn't have watched this movie. I'm glad I did. This chimp knows what 98% of Americans don't: he's gonna die. Once a person comes to grip with their own mortality, they'll ride a skateboard on a big ramp, or close their eyes and shoot until they stop hearing screams. This movie made me smile, it made me think, but most importantly it made me think I was smiling.
If all my men were like MVP, we would've walked out of Hanoi with a few more ears. But they weren't. They wanted out. Did they think I wanted to stay there?! Everyday I think back to what I could've done. Everyday I'm one step closer to dying. I'm glad I saw this movie before I did.
MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000)
Chimp + Hockey = Makes you think!
Let me start out by saying I am not a big sports fan, I do not like chimps, and I'm an accountant. I am normally not into comedies. I like practical and sober commentaries on the status of social consciousness. But I tell you, when I saw MVP, I did see a tint of social commentary, however, what sold me was the heart. The heart of a young chimp trying to make his way in an unforgiving human environment, reminds me of my struggles during my first tax season. This movie will make you laugh, it will make you cry, and it will even make you think, but most importantly, it will make you laugh while you think of crying.
The most astounding part of this movie is the potential of non-taxable income on the part of MVP. Here's a chimp who has the ability to play in the NHL, thus the ability to generate a lucrative income. I've done my research, and I've found no section of the Internal Revenue Code that applies to chimpanzees, or any other animal for that matter. Meaning, MVP could reap the multi-million dollar contracts we hear so much about, and to the dismay of the IRS, not report a dime! If this chimp is smart, which I dare say he is, he should invest this income into non-taxable municipal bonds. Yeah, that'll really get those fat cats in Washington mad.