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Reviews
Twister (1996)
Horrible
The only thing separating the quality of the dialogue from this absolute piece of garbage and Adam Sandler's "Going Overboard" is that Adam Sandler isn't in Twister. How, as a reasonably respected actor do you let some nerd with a "take-1" chalkboard tell you to speak this drivel into a microphone? Whoever the dude was who said this deserves a 10 or 11 and whined "why do the critics hate every movie I love?" deserves to have 10 or 11 UFC lightweights break each of his limbs. Anybody who laughs at this poorly written, 21st century "safe, accessible" sitcom dialogue is a complete RUBE whose opinions on film are worthless. I would watch this again only if the alternative was a guillotine death. Please go to the local university and audit a film class, you complete geese.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Worst Movie I've Ever Seen
I "get" and enjoy offbeat humor, Wes Anderson's stuff, etc. How anyone could make a case for this movie being an example of that is far beyond my comprehension. I found this movie to be the worst I've ever seen, higher, actually, than Gigli, and I "get" the jokes, but I just thought they were terrible. I have a great sense of humor, and while I wasn't a "nerd" in high school, I can appreciate most humor. This wasn't funny. This was pointless. This was the cinematic equivalent of excrement. There is not a chance in hell that I will ever watch this again, in fact, I hope to never speak of it again. I just feel that as a public servant, I need to tell you how absolutely horrendous Napoleon Dynamite is.