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Igor and the Lunatics (1985)
This movie is not worth the time spent watching it
First off, the title character is not even the main character of the movie. He is the sidekick of the cult leader. The actor who portrays Igor believed that screaming loud, laughing hysterically, and having a crooked smile while bugging out your eyes would be an excellent way to scare people. Igor also had the annoying habit of yelling (because he never actually just spoke) in a high pitched voice. He would also say idiotic one-liners. For example when the cult leader murders one of his followers with a buzz saw, Igor upon seeing this, yells out "Paul! No Paul! Why'd you do it? I could have cut her clean! So clean!" In another scene Igor tells a victim that she would have to 'get her own tools for surgery because right now, it was his time to operate.' Aside from the bad acting, the ending did not make sense because while the story builds up what little steam it has towards the climax, which is Igor getting a crossbow arrow to the head and the rest of his lunatic buddies being killed, he shows up again two more times to kill the remaining 'good guys'. The movie offers no explanation of this, only telling the viewer that Igor escaped from the mental hospital. What??? Bottom line is do not waste your time watching this movie. I wish I could get back the moments I lost watching this.
Blood Hook (1986)
This was not that good
The movie starts with the typical group of guys and gals going somewhere for a vacation. In this case it is a big fishing tournament up North. The plot builds, and eventually, the party starts losing members to murder by a really big fish hook! The actor who plays the murderer is actually quite creepy. The story goes that the murderer had a mental plate in his head which makes him go crazy when he hears the bugs in the woods chirping loudly. The murderer eventually gets caught but not before pretty much everyone is dead.
That is the movie folks. Now you do not have to waste your time watching it since I have wasted mine watching it for you.
Vampire Assassin (2005)
This is a pretty bad movie
OK, normally I am fascinated by Z movies. Some of the actors, directors, writers, etc. in those movies have a shred of talent. They want to get that talent out so unfortunately for them, they have to associate with crappy people to make their films. But some Z films do have at least one thing that may be noteworthy about them.
Not here.
As soon as I saw it I thought...'Wow, a Blade knock-off.' Believe me, if this movie could have lived up to that label that would have made it a better movie.
Instead I was subjected to some of the most horrible acting I have ever seen in my life. Master Kao was bad, so bad that I believe some of my neurons in my brain exploded trying to comprehend his acting. I am still trying to make sense of his enunciation and why he would raise his voice in speaking certain words...to add dramatic effect I'm sure...but it was for no apparent reason. Simply mind boggling.
Oh and then there is the black guy in the purple cape near the end of the movie. Purple cape guy fights the hero for about 30 seconds, but he is so bad that it actually looked like he was scared of fighting.
The main hero and the main villain did decent jobs. The main hero (Derek Washington) seemed like he actually knew martial arts.
Immortel (ad vitam) (2004)
Really weird French movie
I did not know anything about the creator of these comics before I rented this movie. I did get the impression the filmmaker was influenced by The 5th Element and The Matrix.
The actress who played the heroine did a decent job. The actor who played the hero was rather bland imo.
I liked the film overall. I thought the merging of the CGI characters with real live people was interesting. I could have done with less of the poetic mumbo-jumbo that the characters kept spitting out. This movie was trippy but if you watch it until the end you get the answers to most of your questions.
Screaming Dead (2003)
Decent for a low budget horror flick
I happened to like the script. I liked the writing and thought when Rossiter appeared and his eventual demise was an idea that worked well and one I had never seen before, even in higher budget horror films. The actors did a good job, the house it was filmed in looked genuinely spooky.
Of course sex sells and there were plenty half naked girls in the movie. There wasn't too much of it though, and there wasn't lesbian scenes or anything like that (though it was suggested by one of the main characters). So depending upon your preference that could either be good or bad.
Low budget wise I think the special effects was more computer generated in nature. Lots of computer generated ghostly images and billowing smoke kind of stuff. Rossiter had some special effects work and there was some scenes where gory effects were used. I would give them a pat on the back for the effort. It was better than some of the other low budget horror movies I've seen recently. I do have one complaint and that was the fake blood. Fake blood should look real and not fake right? Well in this movie it's clearly FAKE blood.
Overall for a low budget film the script was well done in my opinion. I liked the writing in the fact it did a good job bringing out Neal's character and his penchant for dominating women. You really want to hate the guy. I would recommend this movie to anyone who wants to see half naked girls (that's clearly why they're there) and have that half-nakedness revolve around a horror movie plot. As long as your expectations are low...you won't be disappointed.
Monster Island (2004)
A shinier, flashier piece of crap
OK so far as crap movies go, I've seen worse and more worse. This one was bad but it had some decent parts, like the guy fighting the giant praying mantis with a bulldozer...awesome. And the part where the giant Queen ant dances along to Carmen Electra's song...wow.
Carmen Electra...sigh...isn't it sad that the only reason I rented this movie was for her? Yes. I know it is. Lucky for the movie makers there's thousands of men out there like me. We love you Carmen...keep making crappy movies like this.
Oh and Nick Carter...ya. His 'cameo' consisted of maybe 5 minutes (if I stretch it) of running out from a helicopter and asking if everyone was OK? Again...wow.
Also I would like to ask the two MTV VJ's who starred in this 'What the dilly yo?"
The Legend of Diablo (2003)
Don't waste your time
So I rented this with low expectations. After watching it, even those weren't met.
The movie looked like it was shot on a camcorder in broad daylight at some friend's house. Oh, there are scene at a beach were people run in and out of a cave.
The make up looks like they poured hot wax over the actors faces.
I dunno, I feel sorry for the actors because some of them looked like they were really trying.
No creature effects though...the demon only 'possesses' people a 'la Exorcist.
Vampires vs. Zombies (2004)
The best part of this movie was writing this review
OK don't waste your time and money. No plot, acting was crappy. So were the special effects. Had a 'home video' look to it. The General made no sense, neither did anyone else.
Lesbian sex. But barely.
The asylum sub plot just made it worse. Was she dreaming all of this?
What's up with the amulets? A crushed amulet stuck back together with tape still works? Wow.
Why did Carmilla want to save her? To use as sex slave? I don't have the answers.