Change Your Image
radioactive_ape2001
Reviews
Evil Dead (2013)
Another bad review!
Oh wow! I've never in my life been so unimpressed with a film after expectations. To get one thing straight, I was totally against the remake of THE Evil Dead from day one but come February this year a friend sent me a link to a teaser trailer...then a real trailer and I started thinking "wait a minute...this actually looks like it...might...possibly...be...good?!?!" Then I saw another trailer and started getting really excited. They looked like they'd genuinely made the film with a real love, understanding and loyalty to the original and suddenly I found myself genuinely looking forward to it. It was my birthday and dragged a few friends along with me to see it.
CONTAINS SPOILERS
Right from the off, I knew something was wrong. We seemed to be given some sort of exposition that while quite intriguing in a "I want to be a Sam Raimi film" sort of a way, didn't really add anything to the original plot. Then we meet the five teenagers after a most likely expensive helicopter tracking shot through the trees which gets away from the frightening, claustrophobic introduction of the original and instantly distances you from the actors. All five come across as annoying, stereotypical and one dimensional. None of them are drawn in interesting ways or with any degree of depth. One even moans that she "looks like road kill" when clearly she's dolled up and looks pretty stunning (especially for a drug addict as she's meant to be). We're also introduced to a sixth member of the party...a dog! His only function is to find the trapdoor to the cellar where the book of the dead and other such artefacts are. One can't help but wish they'd have left the dog at home, not found the trapdoor and the film have just been a drama about the lead girl getting over her drug addiction with her friends crumbling around her and struggling to help her whilst bickering with each other.
One of the characters decides it is a good idea to read aloud from the book despite the warnings IN THE ACTUAL BOOK telling him not to do it. I'm not kidding, they literally do say not to read any of it aloud!!! Then we proceed to the tree rape made so famous by the original, and here marred and ruined by bad CGI effects that wouldn't look out of place in an anime series. From this point onwards we're "treated" to various scenes that seem to plod along at an alarmingly boring pace which just keeps you thinking, "hmmm...why didn't they just do what they did in the original?" Everything seems to have been...not so much tamed down as simply watered down. It's as if they decided they wanted to make a really gruesome film and then at last minute just thought, actually let's not bother. It is similar to the Nightmare on Elm St remake in terms of the theory of 30 years after the original with so many more resources and a higher budget at the film-makers disposal, why do they just resort to Freddy simply 'stabbing' his victims? Where's the originality? Where's the THOUGHT? It isn't until one of the characters cuts her arm off due to it being infected (obviously a nod to ED2) that I thought to myself, "at last, something ballsy!" but then we get back down to the pathetic trickle trickle trickle of the dull and lifeless excuse of a plot.
The film's main issues are that there isn't really a start, middle and end. It just seems to be a bunch of stuff that happens at various intervals without picking up any momentum. Also, as much as it tries to offend or disgust with all of it's tongue slicing, arm tearing and nail gun firing, it just isn't effective. It isn't until the last 15 minutes when we're treated to a good old bit of chainsaw wielding carnage that anything remotely viscerally exciting happens, and even that is overshadowed by the fact that the character using the chainsaw seems to be far from concerned about the injury they've just sustained, by all accounts shouldn't be alive, shouldn't be able to talk and should be covered in blisters from an earlier encounter with a boiling hot shower. Also we never fully understand who or what it is that she is attacking the chainsaw with and by this point...who really cares?
I have honestly NEVER been so disappointed with a film in my life. This is not a harsh exaggeration. This is a genuine feeling of hatred for a film I believe to be worse than the Nightmare on Elm St and The Fog remakes combined!
Oh, and it's THE Evil Dead, not Evil Dead. The film-makers couldn't even get that right...and Ash's cameo after the credits honestly isn't worth sticking round for!
The Demons of Ludlow (1983)
Erm...am I going to Hell because I like this?
My uncle used to have this copied on a tape with Fear No Evil and I often used to treat myself to a scary double bill back when I was a young 'un (around 12 years old I think I first saw this). I recently managed to pick it up on DVD on the Mill Creek 50 Chilling Classics collection, and while the transfer leaves a lot to be desired it does appear to be uncut and is certainly longer than the versions i'd previously watched. I think there's a very good chance that i'm the only person on this planet that thinks of this film as a minor masterpiece. There are some genuinely frightening scenes in the film (the bizarre multi-coloured hand that kills the teens, that evil laughter, the group of demons that kill Emily, the intrusion of the old woman in her bed) and the gore is certainly no worse than countless slasher films from the same era. The obscurity of this film means that very few people will ever get to see it and judge it fairly. It obviously cannot be compared to classics such as The Exorcist, TCM, Suspiria and The Evil Dead but as far as obscure minor horror pieces go, you could do a lot worse. The idea in itself is a fairly original one, of a bunch of warlocks coming back to life to destroy a town and reclaim Ludlow's severed hands while taking refuge in a giant white piano and coming out every now and again to murder the grandchildren of the people who killed them! I don't think some people (or all the reviewers here) actually comprehend how low budget this film was and when you consider how ambitious it is, you can't help but respect the makers of the film. Acting-wise there is nobody particular of note with barely any of the cast members starring in anything else! They do their jobs admirably and while there's no Oscar winner material from anyone, no-one falters. Just give the film a chance and maybe you'll enjoy the film as much as I do. In fact...i'm gonna watch it again right now!...
La bestia in calore (1977)
Fantastic docu-drama
Many revisionist historians have discussed the Nazi era, with fake claims of weasel pointing and duck larceny... at last! a film that manages total historical accuracy. On first viewing i mistook this fine film for the works of Goddard and Fellini, but on closer inspection realized it is far better. An allegorical tale about mad German women and hairy men who enjoy eating pubic hair. This is a lot of fun, especially for people in the baking or hunting industries. My uncle Phil claims he was the beast in the film, but he also eats live dogs so his opinions are not always valid, Bad films come and go, this one lasts forever, like most Andy Warhol films. Maybe i'm sarcastic or maybe i'm genuine. Watch this film and find out for sure because you will never see another film like it. If you have, phone up the guy who made it and swear very loudly.