Monica Lewinsky - I'm sorry, "Danni Lowinsky" - is so silly and incredible you'd think it was a kid series. Only, Miss L. trots around in tops exposing more than your average cleavage and mini-skirts you'll see in Times Square. She looks like a bimbo and you fall over the first time you see her. And yet Miss Lowinsky is a decent, honorable, dignified young lady of around 30 who used to be a hairdresser but got to be a lawyer thanks to evening classes. Wow! In the series there's another character who wants to become a doctor of medicine and all he needs to do is to take one written exam. His friends help him by asking him questions he may be asked. It's like a teenager being helped along by his mates. If he answers at least half of the questions right he'll become a genuine MD! Meanwhile Ms (or, Miss) Lewinsky - or, Lowinsky - rides along on her bicycle in her revealing mini-skirt. Nobody on the sidewalk falls over seeing her passing by, but then she usually rides her bike in the studio in front of a screen. Let me not say that the actress, Nathalie Meskens, is not attractive. Thank goodness she is! But even so she looks vulgar, being voluptuous and acting like a fifteen- year-old. Unable to get a proper office she sets up shop in the hallway of what is supposed to be a mall. It's a tiny hall with only half a dozen store fronts. There she sits at a table and receives her "clients": a woman who worked as a housemaid for a family but got laid off when they decided they couldn't afford her anymore. She was illegal, but Monica - I mean, Danni - wins the case nevertheless. A company wants to make a parking lot out of a piece of land where amateur soccer players used to play. The bums go and see Miss Lowinsky and she sees to it they can stay. You just sit and stare: it is all so unbelievable. The second season starts off with Danni's friend - the cafeteria waitress who never takes money from no one - nine months pregnant (or so it seems). Thirteen episodes - 13 weeks - later she's still up and about, giving birth only at the end of the last episode. Danni falls for a nice guy. In the penultimate episode he gets jealous of another guy - a genuine lawyer - gets stoned and punches him in the face. She's so mad about this she marries the lawyer. Apart from all this crap - based on a German series, if not copied from it - the language spoken is absolutely disgusting. Hopefully this will never be translated into English, but if it is, I wonder what kind of English it will be. If you like a relatively attractive voluptuous woman of around 30 darting around in a top with her big hooters bulging out and in an impossibly short mini-skirt, spreading her legs time and again but seeming as innocent as an 8-year-old, then I suggest you do not watch this. Watch soft porn instead. This series is so awful, so badly acted and so incredible in every way that it shouldn't be mentioned here. Why am I writing this anyway? I saw only a few episodes. Maybe the others were better. Yeah, and maybe pigs can fly.
Reviews
2 Reviews
Harper's Island
(2009)
Harper's Island
16 April 2013
Warning: Spoilers
It does. So please read this, lest you waste your time watching this crap.
Harper's Island is so bad you just keep watching in utter fascination. How much worse will the next episode be than the one before? Which characters' heads will be on the block this time? Why do all these people get killed anyway, and why can't they stop this sociopath when he comes at them with only a (big) knife while they're all wielding shotguns? Why do they shoot at him without taking proper aim? And why don't they shoot him when he's only a few feet away from them? And worst of all: where's the FBI? Two police officers come to investigate and are promptly shot. Won't it be noticed in their Seattle police station that they're absent the next day? But why do they show up only after at least a dozen people on the island have been killed? Surely two murders should have sent investigators over to have a look.
The cast is okay, and would have been perfect in a Scream! clone. I love the Scream! movies, because they're funny (inbetween the gore - unlike the Scary Movie crap). Apart from Christopher Gorham I liked every actor. Elaine Cassidy is a very nice young lady, and Katie Cassidy is absolutely gorgeous - at least with make-up. The other actresses are excellent, and so are the actors. Problem is, each time one of them gets butchered you'll think, Oh, no, not him/her! But in a moment you'll just shrug and say, Oh, well. Apart from the Cassidys' characters and the kid and her mother you don't feel the slightest empathy with these people. I'm not a bad person. I wouldn't even swat a fly (only mosquitoes). But these are all cardboard characters running around like chickens waiting to be slaughtered. Oh, well. The story goes on and on, more and more people get killed. Then, suddenly, in the eighth or ninth of the thirteen episodes the (main) killer shows up. So what if his name was mentioned from Episode One? You don't introduce a new character near the end of your story, least of all your killer.
As for suspense, I didn't feel any. There was a killer on the loose, and he had an accomplice. It was so plain that it couldn't have been Jimmy, as he was the #1 suspect, and Abby's sweetheart. Certainly not the token Brit either, or one of the girls (even though the brat was rather creepy). None of the young male guests either. Even Sully, despicable in the beginning, turned out to be a nice guy once under pressure. It couldn't but have been Henry, whom I had disliked from the very beginning. How can a silly git like him - poor for starters - win the heart of such a sweet rich girl like Trish?
I have yet to watch the ultimate episode. When I do, I'm sure I'll feel as frustrated as I was after watching Alcatraz or The Event, two series that were discontinued after just one season. I have one comfort: at the end of Harper's Island there will hardly be anyone left, so there can't be a second series. Thank goodness for that!
(Unless they start over like An American Horror Story. Hey, there's a great series to watch!)
Harper's Island is so bad you just keep watching in utter fascination. How much worse will the next episode be than the one before? Which characters' heads will be on the block this time? Why do all these people get killed anyway, and why can't they stop this sociopath when he comes at them with only a (big) knife while they're all wielding shotguns? Why do they shoot at him without taking proper aim? And why don't they shoot him when he's only a few feet away from them? And worst of all: where's the FBI? Two police officers come to investigate and are promptly shot. Won't it be noticed in their Seattle police station that they're absent the next day? But why do they show up only after at least a dozen people on the island have been killed? Surely two murders should have sent investigators over to have a look.
The cast is okay, and would have been perfect in a Scream! clone. I love the Scream! movies, because they're funny (inbetween the gore - unlike the Scary Movie crap). Apart from Christopher Gorham I liked every actor. Elaine Cassidy is a very nice young lady, and Katie Cassidy is absolutely gorgeous - at least with make-up. The other actresses are excellent, and so are the actors. Problem is, each time one of them gets butchered you'll think, Oh, no, not him/her! But in a moment you'll just shrug and say, Oh, well. Apart from the Cassidys' characters and the kid and her mother you don't feel the slightest empathy with these people. I'm not a bad person. I wouldn't even swat a fly (only mosquitoes). But these are all cardboard characters running around like chickens waiting to be slaughtered. Oh, well. The story goes on and on, more and more people get killed. Then, suddenly, in the eighth or ninth of the thirteen episodes the (main) killer shows up. So what if his name was mentioned from Episode One? You don't introduce a new character near the end of your story, least of all your killer.
As for suspense, I didn't feel any. There was a killer on the loose, and he had an accomplice. It was so plain that it couldn't have been Jimmy, as he was the #1 suspect, and Abby's sweetheart. Certainly not the token Brit either, or one of the girls (even though the brat was rather creepy). None of the young male guests either. Even Sully, despicable in the beginning, turned out to be a nice guy once under pressure. It couldn't but have been Henry, whom I had disliked from the very beginning. How can a silly git like him - poor for starters - win the heart of such a sweet rich girl like Trish?
I have yet to watch the ultimate episode. When I do, I'm sure I'll feel as frustrated as I was after watching Alcatraz or The Event, two series that were discontinued after just one season. I have one comfort: at the end of Harper's Island there will hardly be anyone left, so there can't be a second series. Thank goodness for that!
(Unless they start over like An American Horror Story. Hey, there's a great series to watch!)
Tell Your Friends