artnude Reviews

Alien: Covenant (2017)

The long game

[8/10 · 13 September 2017]

I watched this and much like Prometheus, I didn't get it. I watched it again. Then I watched it with the directors commentary which led me back to Prometheus and now I am watching it yet again. What director Ridley Scott is doing here is playing the long game. He is not going for a blockbuster Hollywood hit. He is doing what movies and tales before movies were always meant to do. He is telling an epic story about creation and destruction as old as stories themselves. I believe I have it figured out but I must say I respect this director for going so deep and committing to such a long term project and delivering in all phases a story that touches on so many things so many can relate to. He is the story teller others will tell stories about. Thank you for your gifts to us mere mortals ;o)

Hotel Inferno (2013)

You shouldn't watch this

[1/10 · 29 June 2014]

Everything about this is bad. The acting, the lighting, the sound, the camera "work", the "special" effects, the props, the costumes, the dialog, the script and the entire basic idea for this "project". Another reviewer mentioned the soundtrack and while that didn't stand out for me as being as horribly bad as the rest of it, never once did I think "hey, pretty cool soundtrack".......... The only people who should ever see this are those who participated in making it and they should be made to watch it over and over again for the rest of their lives. This item has no redeeming qualities unless you are a fan of very bad attempts to make something worth watching. I am running out of ways to describe this without using the words "film" or "cinema" or "movie" because it is none of those things. If some 4th grade kids made it I would give them an A for effort. If 5th grade kids made it I would flunk them. There is absolutely no reason why anybody should watch this. There are far more entertaining "bad productions" to watch. I sat through this so you don't have to. Believe me now or you will regret wasting your time and you will say "Yep, that guy on IMDb was right. I really wish I would have listened to him".

The Treatment (2014)

Horribly dark and incredibly well done

[7/10 · 16 June 2014]

One of the best and most intense movies I have seen in a long time.

Martyrs (2008) comes to mind but this is much less gory and more psychological but probably as many twists and turns. Funny Games (1997) and its excellent remake also come to mind. The story develops gracefully, which is an odd word to use for a movie like this but I think the writing, the acting and the pace developed a flow that kept me along for the ride the entire time. It kept me guessing and thinking and I love movies that can do that for me. It is very disturbing subject matter so be warned. Not everyone will like this or even be able to watch it. It is not "literally" graphic but it is very emotionally graphic. I would like to only recommend this movie to those who enjoy dark films but this is such a well made movie I feel it deserves a larger audience. Just great cinema if you can challenge yourself to get past the subject matter. Strap in and go along for the ride. For me, it was one of those movies that I literally said "WOW" when the credits rolled.

The Young and Prodigious T.S. Spivet (2013)

Very good but not Jeunet et Caro good

[6/10 · 31 May 2014]

Very good movie but it misses the magic we have come to know. It could have been better with the addition of Caro in my opinion. Two brilliant minds can create more than one brilliant mind. I, and I think the entire world is very sorry they no longer make films together. I am very thankful for the films they gave us. It would be very difficult for either of them to top what they were able to create together. What an amazing body of work they were able to create in such a short time.

I still hold out hope they will kiss and make up and give us many years of incredible cinema ;o) Good movie but no "magic". Please kiss and make up and blow our collective minds again.

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

A very difficult watch, but worth it.

[7/10 · 16 November 2013]

The first act of this film is a very hard watch. I am a hardened horror fan and for the first time since I was a little kid, I actually put my hands in front of my face, not wanting to see any more. Jemma Dallender, in what must be a break out role, was incredible. I was with her the entire time and she blew me away. Acting, cinematography, editing, soundtrack were all spot on. I really did not expect much from this title but I was pleasantly and disturbingly surprised. As a fan of the original I expected this to be a cheap knockoff for the sole purpose of exploiting the name. It is not. Great acting especially from Jemma and great production values. I look forward to seeing her in more roles in the future. As the credits rolled I literally said "Wow". I highly recommend this to horror fans, especially revenge horror fans. Every body else will probably be traumatized for life

Devoured (2012)

Great Giallo

[7/10 · 26 September 2013]

I consider this film a Giallo which generally means a thriller and specifically an Italian thriller but has come to mean any thriller with high production values where the perp is hidden. I.E. Hitchcock or Dario Argento. This is not a "horror" movie. It is a great character study with beautiful cinematography, a nice story line that gets you invested in the characters and a wonderful atmosphere. I am generally a horror fan but I like Giallos and enjoyed this very much. I would say if you enjoyed movies like Suspiria or Rear Window, you will probably enjoy this. I do not compare this movie to those, but it may give you an idea of the type of movie it is. I was very impressed by the overall quality. That's pretty much why I am writing this review. I watch a lot of movies and a lot are sub par. This movie deserves more attention. No, I am not in any way related to anything to do with the production of this movie. I am just a fan of quality movies and a critic of horrible movies. Call me silly but I think that is what the reviews on IMDb are supposed to be about.

Hugo (2011)

Absolutely brilliant ode to film

[10/10 · 23 February 2012]

Perhaps the best Martin Scorsese film ever. That is saying a lot. One can't help wondering if he may have been a bit influenced by Jeunet et Caro's "City of lost Children". A beautiful, magical tribute to the heights that film can achieve. A celebration of creativity and the minds that dare to go there, sometimes to their own detriment. Watching this allowed my imagination to see a young Scorsese completely engulfed in a magical world that would become his future. The young male lead had eyes that pierced and Chloe Grace Moretz was amazing as usual. This is a very beautiful film for people who love film. Cinema Paradiso for 2011. I laughed, I cried, I loved.

The Bunny Game (2011)

Terribly boring

[1/10 · 11 February 2012]

This "movie" is just bad and boring. There is no story. There are no characters to root for or empathize with. The only torture in this movie is the audience having to sit through it. I am a big horror fan, the more twisted the better for me but this thing was just a waste of time. If you like movies with long shots of people staring out into space or a woman constantly screaming while alone, You may like this movie. But I honestly doubt it. Any positive review HAD to come from people involved in the project because no other person who actually watched it could rate it highly. I fell asleep twice while watching it. If you are a horror/gore fan, do not watch this movie. You will be beyond disappointed. The opening scene was the only semi interesting one and even that one didn't pay off. This is a bad movie. You do not want to watch it. It does not have anything you are looking for. It is a lame and stale vanity project by inept amateurs. What a waste of my time.

Someone's Knocking at the Door (2009)

Terrible

[2/10 · 14 June 2010]

Do not listen to the rave reviews like I did. You will be disappointed. I am a horror comedy fan and this falls flat on both counts. The acting isn't terrible, the production values aren't terrible but the entire execution is. The "story" is all over the place and gets boring very fast. It has a great start but then falls into a stupor that it never recovers from. The plot is weak, the characters cliché and the "twist" is laughable. I have watched plenty of less than stellar B movies and can forgive most anything if it keeps me interested. The only thing this movie kept me interested in was finding the fast forward button. If you are a horror fan you will hate it.

Zombi: La creazione (2007 Video)

Craptastic

[1/10 · 12 December 2008]

Wow, I don't know who the fanboy was that wrote the review that made me want to watch this but I feel I must warn everybody else what a stinking pile of poo this "movie" is. Let me start by saying I Love zombie movies. I also love the Alien series of movies. If you take the plot and characters and dialog of the Alien series, get a bunch of bad "actors" to recite the lines, replace aliens with zombies and great special effects with really crappy ones, that pretty much sums up this effort. I'm not saying they stole ideas from the Alien series, They literally stole entire scenes and dialog and just did it really crappy. There was not even an attempt to disguise the blatant thievery. Oh, they did replace the aliens with zombies. Did I mention that????????? Total crap, total waste of time and the worst effects I have seen since the 60's. If you love zombie movies, stay away from this one.

Chemical Wedding (2008)

Interesting but not quite there

[6/10 · 28 September 2008]

The premise was interesting though a bit convoluted.

The acting and directing were acceptable.

The one thing that ruined this film for me was the sound editing. Perhaps it was the copy I watched.

Perhaps it is really the way it was edited.

Dialog so low you cannot hear followed by a crappy musical score that blared every time it came in. If you are a fan of the music guy, and I am not, it may work for you. To me, the balance between music and dialog was totally amateur at best and ruined what could have been a very interesting movie.

The Bride of Frank (1996 Video)

Wow, this was really very bad

[1/10 · 13 April 2008]

I actually watched this all the way through and I am really surprised I made it. Many times I wanted to turn it off but kept watching out of curiosity to see if it could possibly get any worse. Do not watch this for the "gore" as there is little and it's very poorly done. Do not watch it for the "plot", there is none. Whatever you do, do not watch it for the "acting" as that is far too generous a word to use for what these people were doing. This is apparently a vanity project for someone who wanted to dress up and play actor/director. There are absolutely no redeeming qualities. Do yourself a favor, Just don't watch it.

Children of Wax (2007)

Absolutely Awful

[1/10 · 22 May 2007]

First I have to say that I really love Udo Kier and have always had respect for Armand Assante but nothing could save this train wreck of a movie. Udo does not even appear till much later in the movie and the acting from Everyone is just terrible. The script is all over the place, the dialog is wooden, the "action" is laughable and the plot could be summed up on a dirty cocktail napkin. I really wanted to find something redeeming in this movie but found myself holding my hands over my eyes, shaking my head and repeating over and over to myself, "Oh Udo.....why???....Why?????..". If you are a fan of Udo or Armand, please don't watch this movie. It will only make you sad for them.

Tideland (2005)

Wow

[9/10 · 1 January 2007]

This is my first comment on a movie after years of visiting this site. And it's not much of a comment because this movie left me speechless. Profoundly moving, beautiful and tragic. Lot's of people simply won't "get" this film. For those who do, You have already been through the rabbit hole. Stunning work. Very highly recommended for thinking viewers. Amazing acting, superb cinematography and a story that is as beautiful as it is heart rending. Innocence and tragedy combined in a way that only life could throw at you and seen through the mind that must cope.

Jodelle Ferland Shines in this amazing work of art. Thank you Mr. Gilliam.