dannybeans Reviews

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

I understood what the director was trying to do...

[4/10 · 7 April 2018]

I imagine it went something like this:

There is a huge board where all the crew members are allowed to throw ideas out. They're all given a fair shout and placed on the board. Rhian Johnson gets his duck whistle out and plays a cheesy tune to a chicken - that's just had it's throat slit - running madly about the board. When the chicken dies and where it stops is the next idea to happen in the script.

That's the only explanation I have for this abortion.

I'll never watch another Star Wars movie again because of this. Why bother saying what's wrong with it. If you can't work that out watching it, well...

Only the Dead (2015)

Okay, if not great documentary.

[6/10 · 8 April 2016]

It's a little disingenuous to claim that 'Al-Zarqawi' is a star in this documentary as if the creator was his 'go to guy'. I got no particular feeling of this at all, despite claims made during the documentary. I won't go into why, it would ruin the story. Despite these claims, it is a pretty good documentary and worth a watch for the sheer nakedness of the war displayed in all it's horror. Why we have censorship in countries is beyond me. War is war and should never be taken lightly. The age of some of these soldiers is unbelievable and the things and decisions they are exposed to on a daily basis is horrendous that it's really no surprise when they come back and develop PTSD.

Kung Fu Hustle (2004)

Poor Kung Fu film.

[5/10 · 24 October 2015]

I just don't understand the fuss. I grew up on martial arts films. So i know a good one when i see one. I don't know, maybe i was spoilt as a kid by having the benefit of the three dragons making movies to a niche market in an era when word of mouth and not social media drove cinematic entertainment. I had to turn this off after 20 minutes. It doesn't compare with anything from the 70's up to todays films like IP man. The humour's(if you can call it that with a serious face) derived from racist stereotypes If you love Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, the three dragons or any half decent Chinese kung fu movies going back to late 70's give this a miss. Even the 'out there' Chinese vampire movies are better than this nonsense. Its poor. I'm putting Operation condor or project a on, i need therapy after subjecting myself to that :(

The Woman (I) (2011)

Oh my, what a load of rubbish.

[1/10 · 18 October 2015]

Either i'm missing something here or the reviews here are more than a little odd. This films dreadful. I wanted to slap the daughter around myself half way through the acting was so one dimensional. That's something for me when i cant usually spot bad acting. The pacing of the films muddled and is so full of plot holes you'd be mistaken you were watching a bad 70's soap opera. Its bad, very bad and if you don't believe me watch it. You to, will be scratching your head at anything over 5 for a review. The characters are very flawed and don't seem to really know who they are. Ironically, except the teacher who's done over before shes had a chance to and the feral one. At one stage i'm wondering why after the protagonist loses it why on earth someone wouldn't call the Police, not just once, but several times. Its comically bad. The end? Haha, i save reviews for films that have left me angry that someones had the audacity to release. Watch it.

Aliens on the Moon: The Truth Exposed (2014 TV Movie)

Had more fun trimming my toe nails

[1/10 · 11 September 2015]

I generally don't watch documentaries of this ilk because i find the conclusions laughably weak and something an 11 year old would come up with. This line sums up everything thats wrong with this:'we ask some of the brightest minds we could find to some up the evidence and whilst they cant be sure of what it is, its very compelling'. So, you cant work out whats happening in your fuzzy pictures. That must mean Aliens have travelled light years to build mines, nuclear reactors, chimneys and buildings on the moon. Nasa is aware of these spacecraft/buildings and airbrush them out of NASA pictures except the ones the show uses. I got at least half way the arguments were so bloody ridiculous i was dumb founded and had to watch out of morbid curiosity. This must be a mockumentory. Nobody is this daft, surely? How Buzz Adlrin managed to keep his cool during interview is the real conspiracy here. Fairplay.

Movie 43 (2013)

Is it possible to make a movie that bad?

[1/10 · 25 July 2013]

I see an awful lot of negative reviews, so i had to find out. Had it not been for the star studded line up would usually have given it a wide berth. This and had it not been for finding out one of my all time favourite films 'Freddie got fingered' had only received 4-5 stars by IMDb reviewers. The previous film mentioned is an acquired taste granted but, i'm British. I grew up on some of the most bizarre comedy you could imagine. Anyone who's seen 'Benny Hill', 'Monty Python', 'The Kenny Everett show' and other shows that in them days were breaking new ground for comedy but, still bizarre in their own right will understand. So armed with my self- belief that 'Brits know best', i gave this a go. It is pretty pathetic and the writers need to buy a dictionary and find the definition of 'comedy'. I just don't get it!!! The idea of this is that someone suggested they/we make an outrageous comedy with a star studded line up. Great idea in principal if you have a simple-even if unbelievable-story line with a nice pace to back it up with things that could be defined as funny. I find the vulgar elements in shows like Little Britain and South Park hilarious. South Park is my favourite show on TV. Its vulgar, crass, racist, anti-semitic, etc, but, there is always a point to the satire. I truly am struggling to find something to praise this with. This film has picked all those vulgar things that make kids giggle at the back of the class-which is hilarious given the market it is aimed at-and come up with this disjointed unfunny mess. Granted there a few moments that raised a grin but, its not enough to budge over 1 star for this. Really, really poor effort and a poor reflection on the Ego's of the people who scripted this. The sketch with the guy whose girl wants to 'poop' on him sums this up for me in one word-four letters begins with an s-perfectly.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

We accept the love we deserve

[9/10 · 17 March 2013]

This is my first review and its brief. I do not understand the need for lengthy reviews. After watching this four times in six days i felt compelled to give my own ten pence worth. I've never seen a film like this where i have loved all the characters. The cast are brilliant and story moves along at a nice pace. The soundtrack is amazing. I love movies and its very rare that one comes along like this that works on so many levels. I am not usually one for this sort of genre and came close to taking this back before actually watching it. I am so glad i did not. Its going to be a very long time before something tops this. This is a feel good movie with some disturbing undertones. If you love movies and want something that moves you emotionally then this is for you.