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Okay people, Boston Legal Quotes!
Memorable Quotes from
"Boston Legal" (2004)
Brad Chase: I outrank you.
Alan Shore: And I'm such a slut for authority.
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Alan Shore: Hate to extort and run.
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Denny Crane: [repeated throughout series] Denny Crane...
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Alan Shore: [addressing a Canadian court] Mindful that shock and awe are expected whenever Yankees arrive, we shall leave you with two small but lasting words.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane, eh.
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Alan Shore: [referring to a book about parasites found on salmon] This book, "A Stain Upon The Sea" it's all about these sea lice.
Denny Crane: Interesting.
Alan Shore: They call them cling ons.
Denny Crane: Did you say Klingons?
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Alan Shore: You have a job to do, and so do I. Yours is to sell socks and suspenders. Mine is to cross examine people like you and crush them.
[indicates to Denny Crane]
Alan Shore: This man here would fire me if I didn't.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
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Denny Crane: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter lets him in. Sees a guy in a suit making closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
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Donny Crane: He's mocking me... Dad, he's mocking me!
Denny Crane: You're a Crane. Get used to it.
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Denny Crane: [while shaking hands] Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
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Shirley Schmidt: He is ultimately a benign man who we all happen to care about, including you. I think what you really mean to do is voice your concern unofficially.
Lori Colson: I'm making an official complaint. If there's forms to be filled out please have them sent to my office.
[Lori walks away]
Shirley Schmidt: You little bitch.
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Alan Shore: Shirley? What about senior partners? There would be nothing wrong with me, lusting, say, after... you? Would there?
Shirley Schmidt: Go subscribe to National Geographic. Make a list of the places you'll never get to visit. Add to that list, Schmidt.
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Alan Shore: You know I'm not about to go to Texas and not ride the mechanical bull, Chelina. That would be like going to Los Angeles and not sleeping with Paris Hilton.
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Denny Crane: You left me, Shirley. Women don't leave Denny Crane. And for a secretary!
Shirley Schmidt: It was the Secretary of Defense.
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Alan Shore: Objection, your Honor. You can't preface your second point with "first of all."
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Denny Crane: [several lawyers from the firm are squeezing past a throng of reporters] Denny Crane, Trix are for Kids... Denny Crane, coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs.
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Denny Crane: Massachusetts is a blue state. God has no place here.
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Denny Crane: [walking in on Alan Shore and Shirley Schmidt in the men's room] If she tries to pee standing up, come get me.
[after closing the door to the stall]
Denny Crane: Lock and load!
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Sally Heep: Is that fair?
Alan Shore: I don't understand the question.
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Brian Stevens: Motion for continuance is denied.
Denny Crane: You know what I'm going to do, Brian, just to show you there are no hard feelings? I'm going to sleep with your wife.
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Alan Shore: [overhearing two co-workers having an argument] You two have had sex!
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Al Sharpton: [bursts into the courtroom] Sorry I'm late, Judge, I'll make this quick. . .
Alan Shore: [buts in] And subtle!
Judge Harry Hingham: [to Sharpton] Who the Hell are you?
Al Sharpton: [Continues without pause] . . .The image of Santa Claus has been crafted for hundreds, and hundreds, and hundreds of years. We're supposed to be in a different day. Give the world a black Santa Claus, let the people have an African-American come down the chimney bearing joy and good will!
Alan Shore: [whispers to Sharpton] Gay, not black.
Al Sharpton: The prejudice against gay people must stop. We all say we're for gay rights. We all say we accept homosexuality. But give a gay man a hug, sit in his lap?
Judge Harry Hingham: [Interrupts] Who is this man?
Al Sharpton: [Continues without stopping] Let the bells of tolerance ring out this Christmas. Let people open their minds as they open their presents underneath the tree. We need your mind, judge, today. Let the gay man be my brother, be your brother, be the school teacher, be the construction worker. Give the world a gay Santa Claus, God Almighty, God Almighty, God Almighty! Leave out the cookies and milk this Christmas Eve for a holly, jolly homosexual, God Almighty!
Alan Shore: And cut!
[Applause ensues]
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Judge Harry Hingham: A ho-mo-sexual? That's where we're at now? Santa Clauses being played by ho-mo-sexuals?
Alan Shore: [mockingly] I believe "homosexual" is one word, judge. But to avoid confusion, let's say "gay".
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Alan Shore: Sally.
[Sally turns to look at Shore]
Alan Shore: Could I trouble you to do a quick background check? I realize we haven't spoken much since we stopped having sex, and frankly I'm dismayed by that. But, what I need to know is everything you can find out about my new client... .
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Gil Furnald: I just like wearing women's clothes sometimes. It's not a sexual turn-on, it just feels right sometimes.
Denny Crane: So, basically you're a sicko.
Gil Furnald: I'm not sick.
Denny Crane: Lighten up, man. So what, you got caught in a skirt? That what you're saying?
Gil Furnald: My employer found out, and, yes, I got fired. They asked me a lot of questions, like whether I'm gay.
Denny Crane: Well are you? Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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Judge Harry Hingham: Alright already, I've heard enough. I'm going to rule on this.
Alan Shore: You can't rule yet!
Judge Harry Hingham: Why not?
Alan Shore: I don't know.
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Alan Shore: What's your specialty?
Dr. Allen Konigsberg: Couples' counseling. I first saw the client and his wife together. Since the divorce I've been working with him alone.
Alan Shore: So they came to you to improve their relationship, and now one wants to kill the other. Not your best work, was it, doctor?
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Denny Crane: Did something happen? Was I in the room when it happened?
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[Denny, Tara, and Lori in Denny's office as Denny loads a rifle, preparing to save Alan from a gunman holding him hostage just outside of Denny's office door]
Denny Crane: It's okay; I'm an ex-Marine. I was a trained sniper. Or was I a pilot? I can't remember. Anyway, I'm more of a skeet shooter now, so when I say 'pull,' you're going to open that door.
Tara Wilson: You're insane!
Denny Crane: Pull!
[Tara opens the door; Denny fires]
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Denny Crane: It's a good feeling, you know, to shoot a bad guy. Something you Democrats would never understand. Americans... we're homesteaders, we want a safe home, keep the money we make, and shoot bad guys.
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Alan Shore: All together now.
all: LESBIAN!
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[both with a cigar in an ear]
Denny Crane: We look good together.
Alan Shore: Yes, we do.
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Denny Crane: You're one of those environmental lawyers?
Peter Barrett: Is there something wrong with that?
Denny Crane: They're evildoers. Yesterday it's a tree, today it's a salmon, tomorrow it's, "Let's not dig up Alaska for oil because it's too pretty." Let me tell you something, I came out here to enjoy nature, don't talk to me about the environment.
Alan Shore: All reality, none of it scripted.
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Judge Sean O'Byrne: I find it insulting to be lectured by an American about the environment.
Denny Crane: Watch it, judge, we're a superpower. Don't make us add you to the axis.
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Catherine Piper: I've been Schmidt-canned!
Reviews
Fake (1996)
A warm hearted shonan-ai anime that did not quite live up to the manga.
This is a truly sweet shonan-ai anime. In New York City, Dee Laytner is a tough cop that does not have a problem expressing his feelings. His partner, Randy (Ryo) MacClean, is an introverted guy who is confused about Dee's feelings towards him, as well as his own feelings towards Dee. When these two decide to go on vacation together in the English countryside, Dee thinks its a great time to put the moves on his pouty partner. But their quite weekend together is interrupted by a serial killer out to get anyone who is Japanese. Most unfortunate for Ryo, who's mother just happened to be Japanese. Will Dee be able to save his partner and "get to the next level" with him as well? Throw in a pick-pocket named Carol and Ryo's ward Bikky (who is homophobic)and you get laughs, action, and romance. WHY I LIKED IT: The Japanese voice acting is great (ecspecially tomokazu seki as Dee) and the US dub isn't too bad either. The story is sweet and fun, and the romance is the same. This is rated 13 & up so there is just kissing. WHY I DID NOT LIKE IT: The manga is available by Tokyopop in the US. The manga goes deeper into the emotional relationship of Ryo and Dee. It also explains where Bikky and Carol came from. The manga is 16 & up and there is more language. The last volume (7 in all) is rated 18 & up for two sex scenes. If your into shonan-ai, check this anime out, but try to pick up the manga too, its well worth it!