kendokuju90 Reviews

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

Really Disappointed

[2/10 · 20 March 2013]

For a video review by ThatPunkJoCassidy, featuring Mrs. Cassidy, try the link here! (SPOILERS WITHIN)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GCiDiritfk

So there is a certain way to go about adaptations (And it seems I keep coming back to this new category of films)... You either make it your own, ex. 'The Lord of the Rings', or you do EVERYTHING by the book ex. Majority of 'Scott Pilgrim vs the World'. This Silent Hill re-imagining falls in-between these two and then falls apart in the end. It had a really good start! Parallels to Silent Hill 3, a lot of homages to costume and character identities were covered. But then one after another, things didn't make sense, excitement was lost, and then the show was take over by the nurses and Pyramid Head... There were some good ideas, but it was a strong beginning followed by a really, really, weak end... Don't bother with this one. Go play Silent Hill 3.

Beauty and the Beast (2010)

You NEED to see this!!

[3/10 · 13 February 2013]

For a comedic video review of this movie by ThatPunkJoCassidy, 'Beauty and the Beast: A Dark Tale' (C)2010, try the video link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TmcD9E0KAU

Oh this movie guys... If you haven't looked at the spoiler reviews here, then just know this: This is a Syfy twist on an already Disney popularized story, taking a dark turn... And failing. Awesomely. Really! I would even suggest watching the movie before my own video review, it's that enjoyably bad! The setting is bland, but the sets are well designed and attracts the eye. The acting sucks, but you will love Helen the witch's scene chewing and the Beast's awkward yet likable prosthetic garbled talk. I really don't hate this one, and gave it a three on the terms of being a bad put together film, yet is a MUST SEE!! Watch as David Lister and crew try so hard to tell the 'REAL' story of the Beauty and the Beast fable with mini-skirts, trolls, and CG castles! Get ready to break out the LARP costumes and cherry syrup blood!

Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

Little bit of everything lame

[4/10 · 15 January 2013]

For a video review of 'Snow White and the Huntsman' by ThatPunkJoCassidy, try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDGQ_O_xizE

You've probably seen this movie before and just didn't know it. If you've seen 'The Lord of the Rings' movies, 'Game of Thrones', the 'Twilight' movies, even a little 'Princess Mononoke', thrown in with shaky cam, Thor, and sun flares from Michael Bay wanna-be films and you've pretty much got this film. There's honestly not much to talk about this movie, besides how much it copy and pastes from other films. I guess you can point out how ridiculous an idea it is to take what was a short, simple fairytale, already been done better by Disney, and throw in a ridiculous 'prophecy', a amp it up to 'some' level, and try to make some epic tale... When it's not. OK, you have Kristen Stewart as Snow White, enough said, and Charlize Theron as the Evil Queen. Theron is actually pretty entertaining to watch since she chews scenery like Kobayashi at a hot dog eating competition. And Thor? Well he's there... Looking at his worse not doing anything. And then Ian McShane and Nick Frost as dwarfs!? Wait what!? Why can't we get more of that! Anyways... The movie is pretty boring, full of holes, but over-all harmless and forgettable. Nothing epic to see here...

Frankenweenie (2012)

Oh my gosh, is this dull

[3/10 · 15 January 2013]

For a video review of 'Frankenweenie'(C)2012, try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj6iWsFu3AU

Ah yes, the Clay-Mation remake of a much better, charming, early work of Tim Burton... That should have stayed that way. For those of you who love and enjoy the original 1984 film, this is not that film. This is a cash-in, plain and simple. If Burton was really trying with this one, either he's really gone mad or it's a lie since Disney fingerprints are all over it. OK, so the premise: Boy loves dog, boy loses dog, boy revives dog... and then an hour of drag, drag, drag. How could you make a story so freaking boring! Victor is boring, his parents are boring, the classmates are boring, and what the @#%$ is with the cat-poop omen!? Why am I watching this!?! Oh, and not to mention every single reference to Ed Wood, and monster movies, and horror literature. It brow-beats you over the head again and again, like it's trying to remind you that Tim Burton likes Ed Wood, monster movies, and horror literature: NO KIDDING!? Also, the animation in the classic Burton style is... unnecessary. A ploy to bring in the 'Nightmare Before Christmas' in hopes that a glimpse of something nostalgic comes back to life. Honestly, 'Paranorman' looks like art compared to this movie. In fact, go watch that movie. It doesn't treat you like an idiot and actually has a target audience.

The Last Airbender (2010)

Try a -1 on for size...

[1/10 · 15 January 2013]

For an hour long video review of 'The Last Airbender' by ThatPunkJoCassidy and Mrs. Cassidy try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5JuAubBri0

Seriously? You want the short version: Go watch the animated series. Where as the television show has enough episodes and build to keep you entertained, this 'thing' not worthy enough to be a movie is a slow, boring, and nonsensical pile. I mean, in terms of good, bad movies (you know the ones you can enjoy by making fun them like the 'Twilight' series) it's not even worth it! Yes, the 'Twilight' series is better than Shyamalan's 'Last Whatever'! The shame is, this was a movie premise with potential. It had a script, setting, costumes, and more already laid out as an amazing blueprint from 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'. What more can you say about this thing? The cast is unlikeable, the script is horrid, and the action/'bending' (act of controlling the elements) is to the point of ridiculousness. This isn't even a good movie alone and if you think so then your standards are not high enough! I'm glad that we wont be seeing any wishful sequels from this movie and in twenty or so years, we might see the job done by a better movie team... sans the Shyamalan.

Total Recall (1990)

Yes, yes, yes!

[9/10 · 14 January 2013]

For a video review of 'Total Recall (C)1990' by ThatPunkJoCassidy try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVOXPbsL20I

Oh yes! I may be a generation too young to have much of a strong opinion about this flick, but man, after all these years it was still so good! Honestly I would enjoy watching this compared to it's horrible re-make, but then again, I would rather suck on a rusty nail then watch that mess. The original 'Total Recall' is fun, interesting, and it really does throw a science-fiction idea of memories vs real experience into the mix. Mars is strange and exotic, and the practical effects add so much weight to viewing, I mean, tell me you didn't cringe when Arnold had to take that tracking device out of his nose-hole! Arnold is awesome, Ironside is awesome, and the rest of the colorful cast are great. So my word to describe this sci-fi action movie is: Entertaining!

Brave (2012)

A new legend

[8/10 · 14 January 2013]

To watch a video review of 'Brave' by ThatPunkJoCassidy, try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6EQJeZYJI

A story that again, seems to work for some and not for others. For me, I can imagine the legend the story plays out in the annals of folklore. It does work in that childhood folk-tale with a moral at the end. I liked that aspect a lot, and not to mention the computer animated detail and atmosphere is fantastic. I can reason why it's not a part of the Pixar best. The drama isn't new and the beginning is slow. I would have loved to see a story that dares to 'go there' like bringing in gender identity or role reversal. But if we can show our support for more movies like this, or even the voices who want better, than I am sure we can get more and probably better work.

The Grey (2011)

How can you like this?!

[1/10 · 14 January 2013]

For a video review of 'The Grey' by ThatPunkJoCassidy try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW2RXK87gbs

Alright... Why? How could anyone like this? It's just another 'Liam Nielson is awesome'flick and it really grinds me that people think there is anything deep about it. I went into watching this hoping it was a psychological/survival thriller, but no, it's a boys club vs. wolves... CG wolves, I may add. Sadly the 'Twilight' wolves looked better. And the worst part, the spoiler? The final fight is cut. Just before we see Liam cut up the Alpha, it's just the end. A rip-off from the ambiguous end of 'Inception' but done horrible. All we can say is that we missed a great fight but got the already assumed knowledge that everyone died. Whoop-De-Doo.

Rock of Ages (2012)

Made for some, not for others...

[8/10 · 14 January 2013]

For a video review of 'Rock of Ages' by ThatPunkJoCassidy try the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOfFX3yewCo

Really, it's a half-n-half movie. Half will love it, half will hate it. It's not perfect but it's not trying to be, I think. It's a big, dumb, loud musical so expectations can be anywhere. Maybe it should be more than dumb, maybe some people should settle for the fun, they all are reasonable. It's a take it how you will flick. Of course, it doesn't hold the energy and the presence the stage performance and that's where it lacks some sense and fun. So, for those who like the setting, musicals, and 80's rock, give it a try. If you know you aren't going to have fun with it, it's not a time changer.

Eragon (2006)

Lemons into lemonade

[3/10 · 14 January 2013]

For a video review of 'Eragon' by ThatPunkJoCassidy, try the link below http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NkAz2l3DX0

OK, OK, we all know this is bad. Bad to the point of being funny, and then just sad... Mad for book lovers. However, watching this again I realize that it's a perfect model for how NOT to make a fantasy movie. Step-by-step, you can point out what's wrong with this piece of fiction and learn from it. Like the main being a Mary-Sue, and the typical races or substitute races, Jeremy Irons as the wise mentor, and the most evil villains since villainy. So yeah, you can play the drinking game or take the time to reflect on your own fiction and say, "I can do better than this!"

Prometheus (I) (2012)

What a load of...

[1/10 · 14 January 2013]

For a full, 7-part, video review of 'Prometheus' by ThatPunkJoCassidy, click here:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE28002E6B7D8BB50

Now, for those of you who prefer to read, I'll leave it at this... This movie sucks at being what it wants to be. Suspense is lacking to non-existent, the sci-fi aesthetic has been done better in the 'Mass Effect' series, but it seems like everyone is copying that space-travel design. The characters aren't likable to the point of irritation and eagerness to let them die. Our lead, despite her acting talent in other work, is teeth-grinding annoying and an insult to scientists. The antagonists are obvious and the shocker isn't that shocking. Bottom-line: It FAILS compared to so many better sci-fi movies that push the limits of our science and morals. In fact, this movie admonishes all common sense in the end. Don't waste your time with this movie. You are better than this, and you can do so much better than this in the realm of sci-fi.