hellsing218 Reviews

The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024)

It's Okay

[6/10 · 17 May 2024]

Yeah, this is nothing very special. There were only like 3 kills and 1 wasn't even on screen so there was nothing memorable in that department. The acting was decent enough, but aside from the two leads and occasionally the killers there wasn't anyone on long enough to really judge them. (Had also been hoping that Richard Brake would play a larger role but it was a non-speaking cameo.) The cinematography was well done and music was a good match for the atmosphere.

As for the plot, it's pretty barebones as this is meant to be a reintroduction of the killers for unfamiliar audiences. Why they are doing this is left simply as "Because you were here" (which is a callback to the original movies), though some religious undertones suggests it may be related to maybe fornication? The movie ends on a literal "To Be Continued" so I'd assume the sequel would pick up immediately after the events in this film. I have to hope they put a bit more effort and labor into the sequel because this was lacking.

Overall, it's decent enough and I am curious enough to go see the sequel which I assume will get greenlit based off this movie's small budget which it will definitely get back. So go see it if you like slashers.

Blades (1989)

Easily One of the Best Jaws Knockoffs

[7/10 · 7 February 2024]

Of the numerous films that tried to cash-in on the success of Jaws, this easily up in the top 5. It doesn't pretend to be anything other than what it is, a shameless knockoff of Jaws. Yet it goes beyond that and actually does a near shot-for-shot remake approach. Take Jaws and change the setting to a golf course and this is what you get. Brody, Quint, and Hooper, the quickly paced music, checking to see if they really got the monster, even the chase scene from the end perfectly recreates the end of Jaws but in a van.

Granted that while most of the knockoffs take themselves seriously, the filmmakers knew that this couldn't be taken seriously at all and simply had fun with it. It got a few chuckles out of me so I'd say give it a watch if you can.

Smile (II) (2009)

Interesting Premise, but not much else

[4/10 · 3 February 2024]

I'll start off by saying that this is far from being the worst movie I've ever seen. Yeah it's an interesting concept, though one done a million times already, but that's all I can really say. The actors aren't very good, as their dialogue feels so forced and they are fairly wooden. The plot is a bit confusing too as it's about a killer camera, but then they suddenly set it in mountains that are supposedly haunted but the haunted part never comes up really. Why does a ghost run a camera shop? You want to stop the camera from ever killing again and instead of destroying it you try to use up all the film? There's just too many spots this falls apart at. There are one or two nice gore effects, but nothing to really justify watching the film overall.

Dark Amazon (2014)

It's Alright

[6/10 · 21 December 2023]

Yeah, this film certainly doesn't try and reinvent the wheel, but it's far from the worst found footage movie out there. The cinematography is decent and looks like a movie instead of "shot-on-$hi!eo" like so many other films looking to make a quick buck. There's gore but nothing approaching most Amazonian-Cannibal films like Green Inferno.

Yeah, there's certainly a lack of creativity for the monster since they use the sound the predator makes to indicate he's there and what we see of the design is at the very least better than SyFy channel movie CGI. The narrative kind of falls apart at the end with a stupid reveal that could've been left out without impacting the movie's plot.

My biggest complaint is the almost "conspiracy "-esque message thrown in the end about cancer and big pharna which I found to be in poor taste.

Bottom line, it's worth a watch if you're bored but you likely won't watch it again.

Haunted Trail (2021)

Weak Premise for a Generic Slasher

[2/10 · 6 December 2023]

Yeah, I'll preface by saying I'm white so as some other reviewers have said I might not get it but here goes. This is an incredibly boring movie that brings nothing new to the genre and doesn't provide much in the way of entertainment. Many of the characters seem like stereotypes you could find in any 70's slasher, stoners included. The kills themselves are fairly unspectacular and forgettable. My biggest problem is the entire reason why.

A murder spree because you got pulled out of a football game? Are you being serious? There are ridiculous reasons for slashers but that's just weak.

I'll conclude by saying this is far from being the worst slasher out there and shows a decent grasp of filmmaking. That doesn't make this good however and unless you are simply throwing on a film for background noise or to say that you've seen it, it's just not worth watching.

Idyll (2015)

Pretty Bland

[2/10 · 21 November 2023]

While Slovenia isn't exactly known for slasher movies, this was a decent attempt. However, it really doesn't have many good qualities to it. All the characters are honestly pretty unlikeable and come across either as annoying or jerks so when something happens to them you don't personally feel anything. The setup is fairly weak with the hillbillies just showing up in the middle of nowhere for no reason so there isn't any buildup of tension. In the blink of an eye we go to a dark dungeon somewhere that's kind of disorienting.

There is some decent gore effects that had me surprised at just how good they were. The plot kind of falls apart here, as the hillbillies are... draining the blood out of people to make alcohol? Follow this up with some typical running through the woods from the killer and mix it with a mean-spirited ending and there just isn't enough value in the film to watch. As I said earlier, a valiant effort but one that doesn't go anywhere.

The Devil's Stomping Ground (2022)

A Mediocre FF Horror Film

[2/10 · 28 September 2023]

While I can appreciate that this was done with a low budget and not trained actors, the end result doesn't make it worthwhile. Some of the actors did a very good job, but others have very stiff line deliveries that takes you out of the movie. I also have to question the choice in some of the actors as they look older than most college students. I'd honestly characterize this as more of a drama about making a film than a horror film, since the horror elements don't even pop up until the last 15 minutes, and doesn't even give a worthwhile payoff with everyone casually getting stabbed or their throat slit while a man pretends to beat someone on the ground with the fakest slaps I've ever seen. This certainly had potential, but it just didn't come together.

The Outwaters (2022)

Good Cosmic Horror, Ignore the Hate

[9/10 · 3 September 2023]

I'll be the odd man out here. This is certainly going to be polarizing and will be a hate it/love it movie with few straddling the line. Yes, there is pretty much nothing here that is I'll be explained, and much of it takes place in low light with little visible. That's beside the point though. We can clearly tell that there is something absolutely horrific going on, and the fact that it's visible on the camera dismisses the idea that this could all be some kind of hallucination or drug trip.

No, these people are ensnared by some kind of lovecraftian cosmic horror. Though not much of it is seen, we catch glimpses of it in the dark and what could be perceived as its offspring or minions at various points. Just like good cosmic horror should, we never encounter the entire entity or granted a rational explanation for why it is here or what it wants or why it does what it does. Simply put, it doesn't need to, or rather it can't be explained. As something beyond perception and understanding it can be inferred that its reasons are its own and they are inconceivable by mortal minds.

Point is, there isn't an explanation because there can't be any without destroying the sense of cosmic horror conveyed here. The blood, gore, viscera, pools of blood, gut-wrenching sound effects, and jumps through time and space tell you everything you need to know. If this still sounds like something you'd enjoy, give it a watch.

Also, if you don't like the film, just say so, don't go making reviews calling the director a hack who shouldn't make films because you just look stupid doing so.

What the Waters Left Behind (2017)

How to go from Interesting to Mediocre

[5/10 · 2 September 2023]

I'll just open by saying, I don't care if this is a knock off of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, because it's a formula that works. But that's not what this movie should've been. It starts off decently enough and leads you into thinking this will be some kind of ritualistic or supernatural horror movie in the ruins of a town abandoned by flooding. There's some spectacular cinematography which does continue throughout, but the whole movie starts to fall apart when the directors throw in a random lesbian kiss scene.

If there was a point to this I have no idea what it was because it comes out of nowhere and cues the start of some random music that made ne legitimately think this was turning into a porno. The scene passes and I think okay that's weird but whatever. Then we reach the scenes where the victims are abducted by the bad guys, and for some reason the screen freeze frames different segments of this in red. We get to the factory and there is decent gore and torture though we still don't understand why this is happening.

Here, out of freakin' left field, it just becomes a nearly scene for scene remake of Texas Chainsaw, with the humans into meat pies, and even the dinner scene. There's a nonsensical twist thrown in and the justification for all of this is made clear: they didn't get any aid after their home was destroyed in the flooding. At this point I checked out because with that kind of reasoning and the sudden change in the plot I didn't care.

Bottom line, there's some decent acting, cinematography, and well done gore effects, but with some wonky editing and it's indecisiveness about what it wants to be, it's obvious the waters didn't leave behind anything worthwhile.

The Black Demon (2023)

A "Middle of the Road" Shark Movie

[5/10 · 26 August 2023]

Yeah, it's hard to deny there is a lot of things wrong with this film. For a shark film, the shark doesn't appear a whole lot, and only kills like 4 people. The CGI shark is okay, while it's not Meg levels of good, it certainly beats up most of the schlock put out by SyFy or anything the Asylum. The same goes for a lot of the other special effects.

There are plot points that don't really figure into the plot much, like the shark causing hallucinations or the thugs chasing the family in the early part of the film.

The supernatural elements trying to tie into native Mexican culture does set it apart from many of the others out there which I have to respect. There is a kind of white-man savior thing going on, but to its credit the film points out that they are the ones who caused all the problems in the first place . There is a strong environmental message here which, again, sets it apart, though the editing in of pictures of industry and environmental degradation kind of take away from the overall tone.

Yet it's still able to stand on its one feet, albeit wobbly ones, with some decent acting from the entire cast and a few decent kills from the shark. It certainly won't wow you, but it's an alright time killer. I'd say it at least once and judge for yourself.

Cryptid (2022)

Decent Film

[5/10 · 23 August 2023]

Yeah this is certainly not going to be nominated for any awards, but it's decent enough. The creature design I have to admit I like, and from what I could tell the film wasn't overly reliant on CGI effects like everything that the Syfy channel or Asylum puts out now which was a bit refreshing.

That said it certainly has some drawbacks, mostly the pacing which as other reviewers pointed out drags considerably for a lot of the run time with most of the good stuff left for the last half hour. While the monster design is good, there are a few shots where it looks pretty goofy, though not terrible. The lackluster final fight with the creature does bring it down a few points too.

In all though, it's a decent enough movie to hold some of your interest and is worth checking out, if only once.

Specter (I) (2012)

A Case of Style Over Substance

[7/10 · 2 August 2023]

While the film is incredibly flawed and, aside from a bare bones story, incomprehensible to say the least, it overcomes this thanks to its cinematography. Though we never really understand what's going on, there is a mix of different themes to give a vague idea that the natural disasters plaguing mankind are the result of some otherworldly force, again though not one explained. It's rather hard to convey anything about this film other than it's found footage, is very muted in tone, and is very creepy. Many people will probably throw in the towel before the halfway point, but if you want something genuinely creepy this is one worth sticking through all the way to the end.

The Lake (I) (2022)

The Monster is it's Only Saving Grace

[4/10 · 7 July 2023]

I was pretty hyped up for the film after I saw the trailer, unfortunately there wasn't a whole lot to back up my optimism. A lot of the dialogue is clunky and doesn't make sense, and it's pretty obvious whoever translated this put it through a machine without paying attention to the results. Some of the name changes were also very questionable like giving the characters American sounding names which honestly took me out of it. The plot is rushed but the movie itself is filled with plenty of filler scenes where the monster is just standing there. To its credit, that monster looks awesome and were well above many low-budget American monster movies so well done in that regard. Other than that, there's nothing to really keep holding your interest.

Blood Bite (2020)

Deep Blue Sea Made with the Change in your Pocket

[2/10 · 24 June 2023]

There really isn't much else I have to say about this film that other reviews haven't. There's so much poorly done CGI here it would make The Asylum films blush with embarrassment. What little plot there is is in many cases just shot for shot a remake of Deep Blue Sea. From scientists working on sharks in a lab in the middle of the ocean to sharks becoming incredibly intelligent and turning on the humans it's all basically there. The only difference is we are never really given a reason to care about the characters here as they are all flat as paper and built entirely on reused tropes like evil scientists disregarding safety for profit, etc.

If you really need to see it, go with a subtitled version as the English dub is atrocious with poorly synched dialogue and voices that don't seem to fit the people they are coming out of.

The Boogeyman (I) (2023)

Scary? Not Really. Creepy? Definitely.

[8/10 · 5 June 2023]

Yeah this is far from a remarkable film and will likely not make it onto a whole lot of favorite lists, but it does the job fairly well. The acting is decent and effects are good. Monster design can be very creepy, especially when utilized properly with the lighting.

Parts of the story seem overemphasized for the little impact they have on the story, and there are plenty of horror cliches indulged here that could be done without. Body count was also fairly low, which doesn't make it a bad movie but I prefer it with a few more than this had.

Overall, it doesn't do anything that hasn't been already done, but it's creepy and enjoyable and well worth a watch if you get the chance.

Hellions (2015)

Beautiful Cinematography, Not Much Else...

[3/10 · 30 May 2023]

While the film starts off simply enough and straightforward, it quickly devolves into a more surreal mess that for the life of me I couldn't understand. Who were the kids? What were they? Were they there? Who was talking to Dora? Why were there exploding pumpkins? Did any of this actually happen ?

If these sound like questions you might want answers to in a film, you won't find them here. If you're into abstract art house films open to interpretation then this is right up your alley. All of that aside, I just praise the beautiful cinematography. The tones and colors or lack there of creates an incredibly foreboding atmosphere that kept the tension going, even as the plot was derailing. I guess you could consider this a film like the kind Lucio Fulci used to create where its style over substance.

Territorial Behavior (2015)

Good for What it Was

[7/10 · 23 May 2023]

This was certainly no Blair Witch Project, but for what I am assuming was a small budget, I'd did pretty well. It's kind of refreshing to not see a character who knows everything they claim to to survive in the wild, but someone who eventually admits he has no idea what he's doing. The monster is barebones, never actually seeing it beyond some blurred pictures and some LED red lights being flashed in the dark. I give them credit for not simply putting in a crappy CGI effect, even if this isn't much better. The acting was okay, but the characters emotions seemed to do 360's in an instant. Bottom line, it's fine to kill time but nothing to write home about.

Deep Fear (2022)

If You Like Horror, It's Worth a Watch

[7/10 · 16 May 2023]

This is your run of the mill horror movie about people poking around in places they really shouldn't be going in. That said, it does have some things working for it:

• Decent cinematography - There are some well shot scenes in the catacombs and sewers that give a very claustrophobic vibe and dark foreboding atmosphere
• Good Gore - There isn't much in the way of this for the first half of the movie, but when it shows up there is plenty of it and done in a way that is believable
• Competent Acting - All of the actors knew what they were doing and conveyed the correct kind of emotions when they needed to

On the other hand, it has some stuff that undercuts it:

• Awkward Music - There are a few times throughout the film where inappropriate music suddenly comes in that really takes you out of the movie and scratch your head wondering what kind of effect they were going for here
• Weak CGI - for the most part the things using it are kept hidden or use POV which negates this, but for example a scene of someone getting blown up uses some clearly CGI'd effects. Not close to the worst I've seen, but far from the best
• Lack of Explanation - I suppose this is more of a personal opinion, but there is never a reason why or how the bad guy survived in a place like this which can be a bit irritating
• Lack of Subtitles - This applies only to the (not-French) dialogue which is never given a translation but only comes up in the very end of the movie. It isn't needed, but it can be irritating to try and figure out what the person is saying when it might illuminate their backstory somewhat
• Generic Ending - I won't go into too much detail, but yeah, this goes the route of so many other horror films, and doesn't even explain how it happened which seems like a cop-out.

Overall though, definitely worth a watch for any horror movie fan.

The Alpines (2021)

Not the Worst, But Far From the Best

[3/10 · 26 April 2023]

I went into this because it was tagged as horror on the streaming service I use, but it's honestly not. Thriller? Maybe initially, but it wastes too much time on monotonous conversation and loses that quality. Mystery? I suppose in some way it could be but based on the description and trailer they never try to sell it as such. When it comes down to it, this is a dark drama and not much else.

The acting is alright, but nothing Oscar worthy. They try to build suspense but the film wastes too much time and there isn't even any kills until at least an hour into it, out of a 92 minute film. The ending kind of works at first with everything coming to a head and the killer giving up the charade and offing himself. If it had stopped there I could've let this pass with a 4 or maybe 5, but it doesn't. It pulls the whole "this actually didn't happen and was just someone's imagination" plot twist. Very few movies can pull off that twist, and this movie sure isn't one that does.

All in all it comes across as largely boring and by the end a waste of your time. Again it is far from terrible, but it's pretty far down on the list of good or decent films.

Bite (I) (2015)

The Closest I've Ever Come to Puking from a Movie

[7/10 · 15 April 2023]

I've seen Cannibal Holocaust, and I can honestly say no movie has come as close to making me want to empty my stomach as much as this. Gore and effects are top-notch, with enough goo and ooze to fill an Olympic size swimming pool. So kudos to the makeup and effects artists. Honestly the story was run-of-the-mill and no exceptional performances here. Nothing awful but nothing above average.

A hospital visit could've likely stopped any of this from happening, so I'm not sure why she didn't go to one at any point after she started oozing pus like a faucet. Perhaps ignorance for the sake of the story?

Lake Alice (2017)

Yeah, This Wasn't Well Thought Out

[2/10 · 8 April 2023]

I will say at first I was interested to see where this was going when it first started, but the film quickly slides into a boring routine of family holidays. My first major issue was the editing. Some times the screen would fade to black out of nowhere and immediately come back and the way it was done just kept pulling me out and wondering why did the director use these poorly timed transitions? After a good 2/3 of the movie is over we finally start getting into some horror territory, but that too quickly becomes monotonous. The kills were very generic and didn't feature much in the way to effects at all. Finally we get to the reveal and it just falls apart. The reasoning for the events happening are so stupid that I had to ask myself why would they go there? And the last "twist" (?) at the end comes out of nowhere and adds nothing but confusion about why anyone did anything.

Bottom line is while this is far from the worst slasher I've seen, it's nowhere near good enough for me to recommend it to anyone else.

The Hoarder (2015)

Subverted My Expectations

[6/10 · 28 March 2023]

I will admit, I went into this film expecting something like Storage 24. Yet, to my surprise, this actually turned out to be a fairly interesting movie. There wasn't much in the way of kill scenes, and far less blood than I was expecting (though the makeup is pretty good), yet I still found myself interested. The twist about the manager being the killer actually took me by surprise as I was certain they had already killed him off, while the "monster" was someone just looking for help (I think?) The major letdown for me honestly was the lack of context. We're never really given a reason why the guy is doing what he's doing. How did he start this? Where did he learn to do this stuff? Unfortunately, those never get answered and we're left with a confusing and somewhat bittersweet ending with the protagonist seemingly doomed (albeit from her own stupidity).

Bottom line is that it's actually worth a watch, though I doubt you'll really have the urge to see it again.

The Bucks County Massacre (2010)

When Music Ruins Your Movie

[5/10 · 16 March 2023]

This was obviously made with a shoestring budget but honestly the makers did pretty well with what they had. The gore effects were pretty good, but there just wasn't enough of them to make the film stand out among other found footage films. The creature we don't really see all that much and we knowing nothing about it or why it is doing what it's doing. That said, the thing that brings the movie down the most is the stupid choice to put in music where it isn't appropriate. I understand they were trying to create a dramatic atmosphere, but it comes out of nowhere and totally ruins the found footage aesthetic. It wouldn't have made this the Blair Witch Project but it really would've helped.

The Pool (2014)

It's Fine, Just Fine

[5/10 · 15 March 2023]

Having watched this the word Fine is about the only thing that I can choose to describe it. There is nothing exceedingly bad about this movie, with fairly competent actors, nice scenery, and some moody shots thrown in. Yet at the same time, none of it is remarkable. No actor really stands out from the rest, there isn't any memorable gore effects, and the unexplained plot all drain what creativity is in this film until it reaches an equilibrium. If you watch it, you won't be wasting your time as it is a decent way to kill about 80 minutes. It is however something you may walk away from unsatisfied and eventually forget it exists.

She Walks the Woods (2019)

Not as Bad as the Other Reviews Suggest

[8/10 · 25 February 2023]

I'll admit that while I enjoyed this film, it's far from perfect. There's some obvious padding thrown into the movie, such as a prolonged shot of someone cutting branches off of a tree. There really isn't much exposition as to the origins or reasons of the "She". I realise that's not something integral to the plot but it could have offered a little more closure.

Also I was disappointed with it taking half the run time to get a glimpse of the being. My biggest complaint was the rather low body count, but that's more a personal preference rather than a deficit in the movie.

On the plus side, the gore effects were halfway decent. When we first glimpsed the beast it was honestly fairly creepy with its shuffling gait, and when we actually get to see the whole thing, it's pretty original and unique compared to a lot of similar movies.

Bottom line, if you enjoy found footage horror, this should satisfy your craving.