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Halloween Ends (2022)
Lethal Halloween Ends!!!!
Meet Michael "Murtaugh" Myers; a 65 year old, veteran serial killer, 2 days away from retirement. He's getting too old for this s***, but he's got one last job to do and may just have what it takes. That is, until they assign him a new partner; a suicidal, cocky, young kid with nothing to lose and everything to prove. Corey "Riggs" Cunningham was a smart, ambitious up and comer until tragedy robbed him of his future and sent him down a dark path. We don't know if Corey's going to kill himself, the bad guys, or everyone around him. The only thing we know for sure is that he'll definitely get the girl! Together these two will blown the town of Haddonfield wide open, if they don't kill each other first. Does Michael have one last terror spree in him, or is it time to pass the knife to the kid with the smooth moves and the crazy look in his eyes? This Halloween, these two lethal weapons will see this through to the End.
** Also Jamie Lee Curtis has some gardening and produce suggestions that are worth listening to. **
Night Hunter (2018)
*** Spoilers ***Absolutely terrible
Just a total and complete mess throughout. I love suspense movies and horror movies, and my tolerance is pretty high as it has to be to enjoy those genres. So if I am saying this movie is terrible, trust me. The "twist" is obvious from the start, and I don't just mean to the audience, the freakin' killer is pretty much telling the main characters at the very beginning. You can tell Brendan Fletcher is trying to be. Edward Norton in Primal Fear but he fails miserably. It doesn't matter though because we have the most incompetent police force ever. The killer is able to wire bombs to cars right outside the police station, break into everyone's house and kidnap their kids and apparently their procedure in the event of a bomb threat is for everyone to run outside screaming and allow serial killers to just walk right out. The killer escapes from custody twice in a matter of days, they cave to every demand he makes even though he never cooperates in any way, shape or form. The ending is the most laughable part of the entire film as they finally locate them (there's 2 killers) and despite being 2 serial killers who have confessed to about a dozen unsolved murders, they send 2 police officers total on their manhunt, both of whom go on to get ambushed, beaten up and shot with their own guns before somehow bumbling to victory because the killers are total morons. Don't waste your time. This was a top notch cast that was squandered on this film.
Star Trek: The Savage Curtain (1969)
Kirk and Abraham Lincoln fight Gengis Khan and Klingon Jesus
I know that title pretty much tells you all you need to know, but really it makes sense because two rocks force them into this death match as a way of figuring out which one is better; good or evil? Not sure why a fist fight is the way to decide this, since one of the participants on the "good" side is an avowed Vulcan pacifist who refuses to lift a finger on anyone, even imaginary people in a contest. Not sure why that is since the original series spends about 30 minutes tops on the Vulcan homeworld and during that time their high council lets Spock beat Kirk to death. Anyway, back to this episode, the Vulcan pacifist thinks diplomacy is their best bet and goes to talk this thing through with the galaxy's four evillest people. They stop laughing just long enough to kill him. Lincoln launches a rescue mission that goes about as well as his last trip to the theater, so Kirk and Spock decide the heck with it, lets do what we always do and launch into a brawl in the middle of the set. Spock pinches somebody and Kirk wins another 3 on 1 fight for the millionth time in the series. Fun fact: Kahless is the first of Team Evil to flee in terror after taking one punch. I would love to watch this episode with Worf from TNG and see his reaction to this great Klingon hero running from Kirk like a coward.
They (2002)
Really interesting premise ruined by lackluster execution *Spoilers*
The actual concept for the film is very frightening and creepy, but the execution of the film is a mess.
The basic idea is that children who suffer from night terrors aren't just having bad dreams, they're being marked by aliens who come back for them 20 years later. They are treating the humans as livestock, picking the cream of the crop as children and implanting them with basically a meat thermometer. They then live out their lives unsuspectingly, just like cattle do, the whole time the aliens watching and waiting until its time to harvest them. Once they're ready the implant pops up just like a turkey thermometer and a wound appears. A tiny scab our characters pick at unsuspectingly, until they discover its an implant signaling the aliens that its time to come get their order. Even creepier is the children KNOW this is what is happening. From their dreams they know the aliens want to eat them.
but then instead of building upon that premise into a great film, we get a standard horror cliché with lights turning off, doors opening by themselves and phones, elevators, lighters, any device you need to work in an emergency suddenly won't work at all.
Several scenes of barely seeing something out of the corner of your eye, and by the end of the film you'll wish it stayed there because when the aliens are finally revealed its with some of the worst CGI imaginable. Its almost like the Producers realized in post- production the movie didn't turn out so good and cut the special effects budget.
All in all the movie really could have been better but somewhere in the midst of script rewrites it lost its way.
Robot Combat League (2013)
Such a disappointment
There are so many things right with the premise of this show, and so many things wrong with the execution that its hard to know where to begin.
First the contestants don't build their own robots. They are randomly assigned in the first episode. I say "random" and yet the military man who can't finish a sentence without mentioning that he flew attack helicopters and wears an Army t-shirt somehow got the green military robot. All of the robots are built by one guy, who also is the one that comes in and does the mid-round repairs, which doesn't make a lot of sense since he is one person and there are 2 robots in each fight. How do they decide which robot he goes in to repair? Second, the robots themselves don't appear to be all that different. They all have exposed mid-sections, herky jerky arms that don't seem to be capable of landing solid punches and hydraulic lines in the arms that come off on their own. We've already seen in 2 episodes that some of the worst damage done to these robots is done by their own operators when they swing the arms too fast.
Third, Chris Jericho is a funny, charismatic presence that is being totally wasted on this show. He is only used to explain the rules to the contestants while another guy does the actual commentating during the robot fights. Really anyone could be doing Jericho's role and it wouldn't be any different.
Fourth, the actual presentation of the show is just more of the same reality show garbage that we've all seen before. 90% of the show is interview vignettes with the "contestants" who are obviously meant to be B-list celebrities, except for the fact that they aren't celebrities at all. We have George Lucas' daughter, a 2 time Olympian from Jamaica, a guy that flew attack helicopters and a couple of unattractive girls who wear hot-pants and midriff baring tops to the robot fights.
So instead of watching robots fight, or even Chris Jericho try to make this show entertaining, we get to listen to these people that we don't care about tell us their opinion of everything happening around them. I think the whole hour long show had about 5 minutes of actual robots fighting, not counting all of the times they replay the exact same clip from a fight. I predict within a month Jericho will go back to the WWE, the contestants will go back to their boring lives and the robots will end up on the scrap heap.
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
Mulder + Scully = Why you want to watch this movie
This is certainly an enjoyable movie and one that the majority of X-Files fans will want to see. Ignore the negative reviews that are mostly coming from people that either didn't like the show or don't know the show, this was made for the X-Files fan-base and serves it well. I'll start with the few negatives, and then expound on the positive that the movie shares with the most successful aspects of the show.
First, the film doesn't contain the alien conspiracy. Just as the X-Files fan-base was split among those that wanted Mulder and Scully together (called "shippers) and those who didn't, there were those that loved the conspiracy and those that preferred the stand alone episodes. Well if you are in the latter camp you'll enjoy this, if you desperately want to hear more about the 2012 invasion, or the black oil or alien bounty hunter or toxic green blood or aliens taking over the government, you will find none of it in this film.
Second, the X-Files strong supporting cast isn't present. Throughout the 9 year run of the show the X-Files enjoyed some great characters, unfortunately, the show also racked up a high body count, and by the end of the series only Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Monica Reyes and John Doggett are still alive. I won't spoil the film by telling you if any of those three make an appearance, but obviously the killing off of Alex Krycek, Smoking Man and the Lone Gunmen leave a void that any future X-Files project will suffer from.
Third, the movie isn't particularly supernatural. Of course there are supernatural elements, but they're fairly subdued for an X-Files story. The low budget nature of this film has been widely reported, but the first couple seasons of the show had a pretty small budget as well, and they still managed to come up with some far out creatures and sci fi elements. This movie isn't going to bowl you over with a Flukeman or Victor Tooms.
Fourth, it isn't particularly fast paced or frightening. The gross out factor is there, but in a more psychological way than a "Oh my goodness, look at how gross that thing is" kind of way. The film isn't out to make you jump out of your seat in fright every 5 seconds or take you on a roller coaster of suspense like the Dark Knight box office monster.
So at this point, you are wondering why I've rated it an 8 instead of a 2, right? Ah dear reader, you are forgetting the #1 reason the X-Files endured, the main reason its first 7 seasons and first film were so popular. Thats right, Mulder and Scully. The most enduring aspect of the show was the undeniable chemistry between David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Even the bad episodes of the show were watchable just to see those two interact, and it wasn't all "will they, won't they" sexual tension. Their dialogue, their interplay, the way those two characters meshed and played off of each other was the true strength of the show. Just as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid introduced the "buddy movie" with its charming duo, Mulder and Scully work so well together, they make peanut butter and jelly look like oil and water. This movie has that in spades. The plot may not captivate you, the sparse gunfire, explosions and fight scenes may bore some, but they certainly didn't relegate their stars to secondary status behind a monster.
Mulder and/ or Scully are in 90% of the scenes in this movie, and that in and of itself is a reason to see it. Just as the "if there's an iced tea in that bag it could be love Scully" line from season 1 or the hilarious "Bad Blood" episode that shows the same events from first Mulder and then Scullys perspective proved, these two have "it" and after 9 seasons and a feature film, I'm glad to just have another 105 minutes with these two.
Halloween (2007)
There was an easier way to do this....
Why didn't Rob Zombie just take the existing footage from the first film and dub all of Donald Pleasence's use of the words "pure evil" with "white trash" then get George Lucas to digitally replace Michael Myers with Larry the Cable Guy. Man I better not even joke about that, the Wayans brothers are probably on the phone with Larry the Cable Guy's agent right now to secure him for "Scary Movie 5".
This is a movie about white trash, for white trash, complete with added gore and topless women. Not even Joe Bob Briggs commentary could save this from being the bore-fest that it was. Seriously, the only reason to explain a killers motivations is if those reasons are original or shocking. I admit to being intrigued when I learned Freddy's genesis was in the brutal gang-rape of a nun, and its thought-provoking to realize Leatherface doesn't have a malicious bone in his body, he was raised to believe humans are slaughtered for food, and doesn't have the mental capacity or emotional depth to find anything wrong with that. Those are interesting motivations to explore, but finding out Michael had a stripper mom and an alcoholic step-dad is hardly ground breaking material. Get ready guys, the long awaited motivations of the most evil killer in cinema history is that.......he had the same upbringing as Kenny from South Park.