I bought this movie, just this morning, from a Blockbuster DVD sale rack for only $5, thinking all the way home that I had most likely wasted my money...I was totally incorrect. This is, without a doubt, one of the most hilarious movies I have seen in a long long time. Just the first 10 minutes (seeing Fran Drescher, James Caan, Chris Kattan and Rebecca Gayheart all slaughtered by an evil Santa Claus) is 100% bloody priceless and makes the movie worth $5 all on its own. The rest of the movie is nearly as funny as the opening sequence. Any movie that presents it cast credits list as a Naughty or Nice list is just....classic. All in all, if you see it for a low price like I did, give it a shot. It's not going to win an Oscar, or educate the youth of the nation, but it will keep the laughs coming whilst sitting around with a group of friends with some pizza or popcorn. Trust me folks, this one is a diamond in the rough.
Reviews
5 Reviews
Loser Love
(1999)
Rollin' Kilo G
15 June 2005
The only good thing ( and I do mean ONLY good thing) about this utter waste of celluloid is the fact that Rachel Robinson, who plays the lead's best friend, Kilo, in the movie is really hot. I know that's pretty sad when the best thing about a movie is nothing more than the attractiveness of the supporting actress, but watch it and agree with me that nothing else in this movie mattered. I'm serious here people, this is one of those movies that you can watch and while your watching it, if you concentrate hard enough, you can actually FEEL your IQ points dropping with each passing minute, your brain cells being sucked away from you like Pepsi through a straw. Everyone who watched this "film", if one can so call it that, is now dumber for having seen it. It is really a shame that Rachel was never in anything else, because she was the only one ( and I do mean ONLY one) in the movie who could act worth a sh*t. Also, she managed to somehow appear cute as a button and sexy as hell at the same time, especially in the end when she was wearing that black dress..... Dear God she was hot then. Anyway, before I have to go take a cold shower, I will continue. I give this a 7/10, but those points are for Rachel, not for the movie. I rate the movie as a big fat 1 out of 10. Would vote it negative if possible.
Hell Asylum
(2002 Video)
Better Than I Expected...
9 July 2004
Warning: Spoilers
I remember the night I found this movie like it was last night. I got off work, it was like midnight, I was bored as all get out and I was wandering around in the video store near my apartment, hoping to come across something worth renting. After failing miserably on the rental front, I decided my last hope was to sift through the used videos for sale rack and see if I could find something there to pass the night. And that is when I found this flick. The cool cover is what caught my eye (The screaming zombie and the haunted house and crackling lightning in the background), and when I picked it up and saw that it was made by Full Moon, I was instantly intrigued as Full Moon has been one of my favorite companies since the Puppet Master movies (love that stuff). So, being that it was tagged $5.99, I decided to give it a shot and in all honesty, I was not disappointed. It wasn't an Oscar winning classic, but it was better than I thought it was gonna be. The acting was pretty crappy, but with the exception of Rainbow and that nappy black actress, the remaining 3 girls were sexy as hell (Tanya Dempsey looked especially yummy in this one, even after her cute-as-a-button- look in Shrieker.) There was a lot of gore in this film, but it was pretty fake looking.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS- When the ghosts are ripping peoples intestines out and eating them, you can easily see that the so called "innards" are really just extra long spaghetti covered in red sauce. The whole reality TV deal of it was kinda cool, but just didn't feel right. I would have liked the movie better if they had just dropped the reality crap and just had the models get stranded in that house cause their bus broke down or something. Yes, I know, there are those that will say "that has been done SO many times, and this was something different", but for me it was just annoying. I was also kinda mad when Tanya Dempsey's character died. I have had a serious crush on that little muffin ever since I saw Shrieker, and I really wanted her to be the one to make it out, but oh well, one can't everything I suppose.
All in all, if you can get past the cheesy special effects, the bad acting, and a reality TV plot that never really works right, this is not at all a bad way to kill 85 minutes. And for everyone who is wondering why this movie is\was called Prison of the Dead 2, its because that was the name of the movie during its production phases. It was originally intended to be a sequel of sorts to Prison of the Dead, but eventually became its own movie. I'm glad they changed the name, because I would have never bought anything that said Prison of the Dead 2 on it. I saw Prison of the Dead and it SUCKED. If your a fan of Full Moon, if you think Tanya Dempsey is just the cutest thing ever, or if your like me and fall into both of those categories, then give this one a shot, I wasn't let down, and I'm sure you won't be either. Overall, I'd give it a 7/10
POSSIBLE SPOILERS- When the ghosts are ripping peoples intestines out and eating them, you can easily see that the so called "innards" are really just extra long spaghetti covered in red sauce. The whole reality TV deal of it was kinda cool, but just didn't feel right. I would have liked the movie better if they had just dropped the reality crap and just had the models get stranded in that house cause their bus broke down or something. Yes, I know, there are those that will say "that has been done SO many times, and this was something different", but for me it was just annoying. I was also kinda mad when Tanya Dempsey's character died. I have had a serious crush on that little muffin ever since I saw Shrieker, and I really wanted her to be the one to make it out, but oh well, one can't everything I suppose.
All in all, if you can get past the cheesy special effects, the bad acting, and a reality TV plot that never really works right, this is not at all a bad way to kill 85 minutes. And for everyone who is wondering why this movie is\was called Prison of the Dead 2, its because that was the name of the movie during its production phases. It was originally intended to be a sequel of sorts to Prison of the Dead, but eventually became its own movie. I'm glad they changed the name, because I would have never bought anything that said Prison of the Dead 2 on it. I saw Prison of the Dead and it SUCKED. If your a fan of Full Moon, if you think Tanya Dempsey is just the cutest thing ever, or if your like me and fall into both of those categories, then give this one a shot, I wasn't let down, and I'm sure you won't be either. Overall, I'd give it a 7/10
Scarecrow
(2002 Video)
A diamond in the rough
3 July 2004
Warning: Spoilers
I must have walked past this movie at my local Blockbuster video store about 100 times, and each time I would pick it up, and each time I would put it down and leave, always thinking that it would probably suck, as did most low budget horror movies that I had rented on a whim in the past. But then one night, I walked into the video store and on the used videos for sale cart sat a copy of this flick for $4.99. So I figured, "what the hell, even if it sucks, I haven't lost much". I came home watched it and I am now writing this review to tell everyone reading this review that I didn't lose much....in fact, I didn't lose anything at all. Now I know the stereotype- Most horror movies with cool looking box covers like this one usually suck harder than a hoover on NOS, but such was not the case with this one. I was very very surprised and pleased with this film. Sure, it had its weak moments (The ear of corn in the ear kill was a bad, not funny idea), but some of the kills were pretty cool.
SPOILERS AHEAD. The movie centers around a nerd like kid named Lester. Everyone at school torments him, his mother doesn't know he's alive pretty much because shes too busy getting drunk and screwing anything on 2 legs and he might as well be invisible to the entire female population. But there is one girl, Judy (played by the VERY lovely and VERY well proportioned Tiffany Shepis, who also, believe it or not, played the twisted monster Alexa in the movie Death Factory. Even if you haven't seen Death Factory, shes on the the box cover in her makeup, so look at her in that picture and then look at her in this movie and behold the wonders of special effects makeup) Anyway, she stands up for him a couple times when bullies are tormenting him and he starts to crush on her. So when he sees her kiss on the guys that torments him on a daily basis, he gets seriously PO'ED and runs home, where he finds his mom getting funky with some redneck fool.
He gets into a fight with the redneck, who chases Lester into a cornfield and chokes him to death, all the while yelling "look what you made me do!" A year or so later, Lester returns as the scarecrow with a cool accent and proceeds to hunt down those that downed him as a human. His first kill is my favorite of all of them not because its the coolest one of the movie, that was easily the death of the cruel teacher, but because of what it consists of. The first person he kills is the redneck that killed him- He jumps down in front of the redneck, slices his head off and then sarcastically says "awwwww, look what you made me do!" That was come classic funny stuff. As for the movie itself, its poorly written, thats true. The actors are all unknowns except for Tiffany, and shes unknown to anyone who hasn't seen Death Factory. But all in all, despite its flaws of a bad script, bad acting (with the exceptions of Todd Rex and Tiffany), it has some cool effects, some killer one-liners (all from the scarecrow) and its a decent way to kill 90 minutes. So watch this one, skip the second one cause its total crap (review coming soon for that one) and then watch the third one cause the third one was ice cool and razor sharp. This movie is a diamond in the rough, a needle in a massive haystack of really crappy horror movies. So if you see this one for sale cheap, I would suggest any horror fan at least give it a shot, I did and I'm glad I did. My only regret is that I hadn't walked past it as many times as I did before I decided to give it a chance. Overall- I give it a 6/10
SPOILERS AHEAD. The movie centers around a nerd like kid named Lester. Everyone at school torments him, his mother doesn't know he's alive pretty much because shes too busy getting drunk and screwing anything on 2 legs and he might as well be invisible to the entire female population. But there is one girl, Judy (played by the VERY lovely and VERY well proportioned Tiffany Shepis, who also, believe it or not, played the twisted monster Alexa in the movie Death Factory. Even if you haven't seen Death Factory, shes on the the box cover in her makeup, so look at her in that picture and then look at her in this movie and behold the wonders of special effects makeup) Anyway, she stands up for him a couple times when bullies are tormenting him and he starts to crush on her. So when he sees her kiss on the guys that torments him on a daily basis, he gets seriously PO'ED and runs home, where he finds his mom getting funky with some redneck fool.
He gets into a fight with the redneck, who chases Lester into a cornfield and chokes him to death, all the while yelling "look what you made me do!" A year or so later, Lester returns as the scarecrow with a cool accent and proceeds to hunt down those that downed him as a human. His first kill is my favorite of all of them not because its the coolest one of the movie, that was easily the death of the cruel teacher, but because of what it consists of. The first person he kills is the redneck that killed him- He jumps down in front of the redneck, slices his head off and then sarcastically says "awwwww, look what you made me do!" That was come classic funny stuff. As for the movie itself, its poorly written, thats true. The actors are all unknowns except for Tiffany, and shes unknown to anyone who hasn't seen Death Factory. But all in all, despite its flaws of a bad script, bad acting (with the exceptions of Todd Rex and Tiffany), it has some cool effects, some killer one-liners (all from the scarecrow) and its a decent way to kill 90 minutes. So watch this one, skip the second one cause its total crap (review coming soon for that one) and then watch the third one cause the third one was ice cool and razor sharp. This movie is a diamond in the rough, a needle in a massive haystack of really crappy horror movies. So if you see this one for sale cheap, I would suggest any horror fan at least give it a shot, I did and I'm glad I did. My only regret is that I hadn't walked past it as many times as I did before I decided to give it a chance. Overall- I give it a 6/10
Cellar Dweller
(1987)
Good, but not groundbreaking
27 June 2004
Warning: Spoilers
I remember watching this movie on TV when I was like.... 8 years old and thinking it was really cool. Naturally being that it was regular TV, all the gore and nudity was cut out, so when I came across it in a blockbuster used videos for sale basket for $5.99, I snatched it up. That was almost 3 years ago and I still watch it on a regular basis. For the time it was made in, the effect were pretty decently done. The monster was kinda cheesy, I have even heard some people call it "cute" but his methods sure as hell weren't cute and thats what made the movie better. The appearance of Jeffery-Herbert West-Combs was a treat for me when I got the video home, because as a child, I always somehow managed to miss the beginning of the film. When I watched it from the start and saw him in in, I already had a smile on my face going into the movie. It doesn't have a deep, life enriching story, its not gonna educate the youth of America, but its a cool flick and I think most horror movie buffs will side with me on that. As I said, the effects are pretty decent- that decapitation was one for the record books.
This movie only had one thing that I really find to be a downer in horror films and that was off-screen kills. I hate it when horror movies cheap out like that, its like they are cheating the viewer. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the point of watching 9 out of every 7 horror movies is to watch people die in unique and gory ways? So when it happens off screen, the point is disabled.
SPOILERS AHEAD: There are only 2 off-screen kills in this movie. The one in the end, the death of Lisa, I might be able to attribute to them running low on the budget being that it was near the end of the movie. However, Amanda's off-screen death is the monsters first kill and if Lisa's death was off screen because of lack of funds, what was the reason for Amanda being killed off screen? Yes, I know, there was blood splashing on the walls, but that only gets you so far. There are people who are gonna read this and say "those 2 kills were off screen because you can't show people being ripped into pieces on screen" And as it happens, both Amanda and Lisa were ripped apart, and if I may go so far as to mention, the only nudity in the film, aside from the girl in the very start of the movie, is Lisa walking around in her room after getting out of the shower and finding her towel missing. She thinks the young guy (I don't remember his name off hand)took it and so she walks out into her room totally naked. It only shows her from the waist up, but her death is in that scene, which means the monster caught her, ripped her apart and ate her while she was naked. This could be another reason for the off-screen kill for that character. Some people would probably object enough to a woman being torn into pieces and eaten, and being that she was naked would have only made it worse. I don't know. But if thats the reason for the off screen kill, then again, why was Amanda's death off screen? Couldn't have been the budget, she was the monsters first victim and it couldn't have been the nudity, as in Lisa's case, because Amanda wasn't naked at the time of her death. As for it being because you can't show people being torn apart on screen, I'd say, why the hell not? The guys that made this movie should watch The Dead Alive sometime! I know, I know, Dead Alive was made in 1994 and all the gore happens to be in the Unrated version. OK, so why didn't they make an unrated version of this movie? If John Carpenter can show a guy getting vertically split in half (watch John Carpenters Vampire, you'll understand) then why the hell did what WOULD have and COULD have been this movies best 2 kill scenes get cut or not filmed at all? Anyway, if your looking for a culture enriching film, don't bother. But if you wanna sit down with a pizza and six pack of beer and watch a cool, but majorly under-rated 80's horror flick, then give this one a rent of you can find it, or pull it off of a cheap site like Half.Com for 2 or 3 bucks and give it a go. Overall, I'd give a 7 out of 10.
This movie only had one thing that I really find to be a downer in horror films and that was off-screen kills. I hate it when horror movies cheap out like that, its like they are cheating the viewer. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the point of watching 9 out of every 7 horror movies is to watch people die in unique and gory ways? So when it happens off screen, the point is disabled.
SPOILERS AHEAD: There are only 2 off-screen kills in this movie. The one in the end, the death of Lisa, I might be able to attribute to them running low on the budget being that it was near the end of the movie. However, Amanda's off-screen death is the monsters first kill and if Lisa's death was off screen because of lack of funds, what was the reason for Amanda being killed off screen? Yes, I know, there was blood splashing on the walls, but that only gets you so far. There are people who are gonna read this and say "those 2 kills were off screen because you can't show people being ripped into pieces on screen" And as it happens, both Amanda and Lisa were ripped apart, and if I may go so far as to mention, the only nudity in the film, aside from the girl in the very start of the movie, is Lisa walking around in her room after getting out of the shower and finding her towel missing. She thinks the young guy (I don't remember his name off hand)took it and so she walks out into her room totally naked. It only shows her from the waist up, but her death is in that scene, which means the monster caught her, ripped her apart and ate her while she was naked. This could be another reason for the off-screen kill for that character. Some people would probably object enough to a woman being torn into pieces and eaten, and being that she was naked would have only made it worse. I don't know. But if thats the reason for the off screen kill, then again, why was Amanda's death off screen? Couldn't have been the budget, she was the monsters first victim and it couldn't have been the nudity, as in Lisa's case, because Amanda wasn't naked at the time of her death. As for it being because you can't show people being torn apart on screen, I'd say, why the hell not? The guys that made this movie should watch The Dead Alive sometime! I know, I know, Dead Alive was made in 1994 and all the gore happens to be in the Unrated version. OK, so why didn't they make an unrated version of this movie? If John Carpenter can show a guy getting vertically split in half (watch John Carpenters Vampire, you'll understand) then why the hell did what WOULD have and COULD have been this movies best 2 kill scenes get cut or not filmed at all? Anyway, if your looking for a culture enriching film, don't bother. But if you wanna sit down with a pizza and six pack of beer and watch a cool, but majorly under-rated 80's horror flick, then give this one a rent of you can find it, or pull it off of a cheap site like Half.Com for 2 or 3 bucks and give it a go. Overall, I'd give a 7 out of 10.
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