seals_jay Reviews

Paradox (III) (2016)

Awful move that could've been great 30 years ago

[4/10 · 19 May 2016]

Everything that the negative reviews had to say is absolutely true: bad acting, OVER acting, hackneyed dialog, horrendous SF/X and too disjointed to be anything even remotely enjoyable. That said, if this had been made back in the 80's with better dialog and acting, it probably would be considered a cult classic by now. Unfortunately, however, it was made in this day and age and, therefore, places it at the bottom of the barrel.

There are a few continuity problems which jumped out at me, which could have been avoided with tighter writing/directing. For instance, the security guard handed over his gun to Bill just before Bill went through the time machine, but about 5 minutes later we see the security guard take out and holster a gun WHICH HE SHOULD NOT HAVE ANYMORE. This, of course, ends up putting TWO guns into play towards the end of the movie, which served as a sort of plot point in a key scene, but it STILL should NOT have been there.

I wanted to enjoy this movie. I really, really did. Alas, I could not. It wouldn't let me. It's like meeting someone who looks really sexy, but as soon as they open their mouth you find yourself wishing you could be anywhere but there. If I wasn't OCD about finishing a movie once I start it, even a bad one, I probably would've stopped about 20 minutes into this abortion of a sci-fi flick.

It could have been better. It SHOULD have been better. It was cinematic excrement.

Enlisted (2014)

Hard to watch but has potential

[6/10 · 17 February 2014]

As a current active-duty Army Soldier, I can honestly say that watching the pilot episode almost put me in a coma. My wife warned me that there would be MANY "mistakes" and that there was a contest to spot them all in the pilot show. I gave up after counting 40 of them in the first 10 minutes and just settled for trying to understand the characters themselves (it was really, really difficult, though... those discrepancies were VERY distracting!). After the pilot episode, though, it seemed like the producers started to get things at least a LITTLE closer to right, even if there were still some glaringly bad mistakes. Maybe it's because I suffer from a touch of masochism within, but I kept watching each new episode in the hope that things would improve- and they have, albeit marginally.

At this point, I've come to accept the fact that this whole series is probably just set in a completely different universe. That's the only way I can allow myself to enjoy it at all... and, surprisingly, that works for me. So far.

I agree that getting a squared-away, long-time veteran Soldier would go a long way towards making the show more appealing/accurate. I liked the fact that some of the actors went through a mini-Basic course, but I think it's the WRITERS who would benefit most from such an experience. This show has a lot of potential and could become a fantastic Go-To for military comedy, but it needs a serious overhaul in order for that to happen. Not an overhaul of the story, mind you, but an overhaul of purpose. Some characters ought to be dropped entirely and some ought to be fleshed out more. The one thing that bugs me MOST about character interactions is the total lack of discipline:

1) Every time I see the Rear D platoon in formation I simply want to scream.

2) Just about the ONLY time I see anyone going to Parade Rest is when there's a scene in the CSM's (Command Sergeant Major) office. Side note: why is that character a CSM? I could totally get it if he was a First Sergeant, but CSM? Really? I mean, REALLY? The actor who plays the role is former military, for cryin' out loud- he should've been strangling the producers from day one of filming for this kind of stuff!

3) When a CSM comes into an area of operations a Soldier should shout out "AT EASE!" and everyone within earshot should go to Parade Rest until the CSM tells them to relax or says, "As you were."

Those kinds of things are ingrained in Soldiers during Basic Combat Training. If there was some sort of backstory to explain WHY all of these boneheaded Soldiers managed to graduate from Basic, I MIGHT be able to accept their presence in the show... but right now I'm wondering why the majority of them haven't been Chaptered out of the service yet.

I WANT to enjoy the show more. I truly and honestly do. I even like some of the characters. If they'd simply fix the more glaring issues with how Soldiers behave, I'd be able to.

Suing the Devil (2011)

Good idea lacking substance

[3/10 · 2 January 2012]

This movie, as stated in another review, is based on the supposition that Satan is a singular, sentient and real entity. That, in and of itself, is a critical and crucial point. If you don't subscribe to that belief, the whole premise will seem practically pointless to you.

I won't go into the points made by others that this film is a propaganda piece that leans towards supporting Christianity. You'd have to view the film with your own eyes, experience it for yourself to make that judgment. I'll attempt to critique the film on its own merits, as a film, and not stray into the realm of ideology.

As a piece of work, I can't say that I enjoyed the production quality of the film. The cinematography is of a quality that is lower than you'd see in a present-day made-for-TV movie. Honestly, the production value was something I'd expect from the late eighties or perhaps the early nineties. Poor editing, bad scene transitions, shoddy audio, unimpressive lighting and inadequate stage direction all conspired to make the presentation of the film less than engaging. The sound track alone was a poor mix of Christian-oriented "pop" and instrumentals that sounded like they were done on a synthesizer- and the musical compositions lacked feeling, dynamism or flow, like something that had been produced by a first-year college student who took himself way too seriously as a composer. Lots of minor chords that were intended to sound "moody" and "dramatic" but ended up coming off as campy and discordant.

The acting was incredibly sub-par. I've done stage acting before and saw better work out of high school students. Everyone who had a role hammed it up when they were in front of the camera, even Mr. McDowell (who, make no mistake, is an actor that I respect and like, for the most part). It seemed like everyone started out taking their roles seriously, but somehow lost heart and just went through the motions in an effort to just be done with the job. Satan's legal team, most especially Mr. InYourFace, were over-the-top and practically comical in the delivery of their lines. McDowell, by and large, did a lot of sneering and did his best to look brooding/menacing, but I didn't really get the impression that he cared about his role or identified with it in any way. No one showed much in the motivation for their characters. And the protagonist, Luke O'Brien, couldn't seem to make up his mind- was he a lawyer or a victim? I couldn't tell and he never really seemed to, either. Part of this, I feel, was a failure of the part of the actors, BUT an actor can do only so much with what they've been given.

The writing... oh, dear God, the writing! A good, solid story idea was positively *destroyed* by some of the most hackneyed dialog I've seen in years. The only genre I know of where the dialog MIGHT be as bad is in porn. I watched the court proceedings and found myself absolutely mystified at most of the arguments put forth on both sides of the bar. It was like the writer had started out with a fairly decent direction on a single point and then, somehow, lost it entirely and never quite took the thought to its logical conclusion. The accusations fired at both the defense and the plaintiff went absolutely *nowhere* and left me scratching my head, wondering who exactly won that round, if anyone. There was no sense of cohesion anywhere and all I got out of it was a hodge-podge of disassociated claims without any substantive argument. It was, in short, an utter mess of a script.

I applaud the IDEA behind making the film. It's not a bad one, really. But it was painfully, poorly executed in almost every way. As an entertainment device to further the Christian agenda, I truly believe that this piece of work didn't rise to the occasion. It didn't even rise to the bait. The whole thing could have been done better. I could have forgiven the bad music, the poor production quality and lack-luster editing, but the dialog and its delivery (by *everyone!*) is what killed it for me in the end.

I wouldn't inflict this on good, God-loving people unless I was absolutely certain that they were mindless sheep who couldn't think for themselves. If you fit that category of sub-human, you're more than welcome to further damaging your brain cells by watching this... film.

Kaena: The Prophecy (2003)

An artful montage with a single story.

[9/10 · 28 December 2004]

Have you ever played a game on the PS2, PC or XBOX and just drooled over the cut-scenes, those small cinematic snippets shown between levels? This entire movie, scene after scene, *is just like that*. And I'll tell you why: when it was originally conceived by the director and writer, that is precisely what they had intended to do... they wanted to create a game.

Looking at the "Special Features" and the Making-Of featurette on the DVD before watching the movie, I learned quite a lot about why and how it was made. The majority of the CG artists who worked on this film were, at first, all novices, most of whom had some minor experience in doing CG game work. When they first started on "Kaena", the 3D software darling of Hollywood, Maya, hadn't even come out on the market. These CGI animators were all using, basically, a freeware 3D modeling/animation suite. They worked on a shoestring budget, I might add, which is one of the reasons why all of their animators were so inexperienced and were learning as they went along.

Their animation/CG crew began as a five-man team and eventually grew to 50 persons at any given time. At a few key points they had up to 100 people working on the entire project, but most of the time they had a fairly core group of people all working in the same office building. Looking at the scenes individually, I can definitely see where they gave certain scenes to certain teams- as a 3D artist myself, I've gotten quite adept at picking out different styles and techniques used. MOST of the biggest differences between the scenes can be found in the lighting setups, which in some spots are breath-takingly exquisite and at other times amateurish at best.

Due to the original intention for this project to be a video game rather than a feature-length film, I can totally understand why the storyline would have some plot holes here and there- I expect that those gaps would have been filled in during gameplay. So taking that into account, I can honestly say that this film has a pretty solid storyline and some fairly well fleshed-out characters, all things considered. It is also good to keep in mind that this story wasn't written by "professional" sci-fi writers- it was written, in part, by the director who hadn't done anything like this before in his life.

Looking at the entire project with the trained eye of someone who's been involved with the business for a couple years now, I think that "Kaena" is not only a superb film, but it is a testament to what is possible when enough people throw themselves into a project like this. No major studio backing, no major software endorsement, no real experience in this field whatsoever... it's amazing that it even got rendered, let alone having been edited, scored, printed and distributed worldwide.

This movie is similar to "Final Fantasy" only in the sense that it was done completely with CGI. In every other way, however, this one stands alone and it SHOULD be given the proper credit that is due.

Gargoyle (2004 Video)

Ten years too late.

[30 October 2004]

I honestly have to say that this movie blows. The special effect look almost ten years old, the script is choppy, the acting is minimalist, the cinematography is thin, the lighting is less-than-stellar, the camera angles are amateurish and the foley editing (sound effects and sound editing in general) sounds like it was done on a Mac Power PC without a decent sound board. Lots of the dialogue has a tinny, thin sound to it, like it was almost telephoned in or the person was talking into a tin can from across the room (especially Michael Pare's voice). The music score sounds like someone tried futilely to imitate the stylings of Danny Elfman and failed miserably in the attempt.

The actresses are all fairly attractive, which makes for mediocre eye candy, but that's about the only thing this movie has going for it.