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Dead Hot: Season of the Witch (2023)
Lacking in every sense
Why does a movie like this exist? It has no director and no writer, i.e. There literally is no script, meaning they just randomly chose what to film and then edited it together. Any other persons appearing are not even credited, they seem to be either locals or personal acquaintances of the two actresses, who literally play themselves for crying out loud.
Apart from absolutely nothing significant happening, there's neither a dramatic arch or character development. And of course there isn't - there is no script! The base message of "be yourself" is so forced in through overlay monologues that it loses all meaning. Any franchise tie-in with the sole purpose of keeping up the license has more substance and, most of all, reason to be made in the first place. It just feels like Hudgens and Magree were bored, so they made a movie, expenses paid by the producers.
This feels like some random, very subpar Youtube documentary about two teens with the paranormal as a hobby, it's full of either bland or forcefully polemic babble and all in all has nothing redeeming whatsoever.
The Lair (2022)
Much better than you expect
This movie is a little pearl. Many very lovely practical effects that are far superior than any CGI you'll see in other low-budget productions, scenes are well thought out and the digital effects, though a bit wonky at times are really well integrated. The longer I watched the more I saw that this was a total project of heart. To be honest, I even found the story quite original. It's a perfect example what happens when budget is applied sensibly because the end result is a quirky little movie that is more than watchable - it's absolutely enjoyable!
The Hungrarian-Finnish crew (which seems to be a really lucky combination and is quite the anomaly in itself) created a little miracle with their limited budget. They showed a lot of love for detail and worked beautifully together to create a really rounded end product that easily leaves 80% of movies this caliber behind.
I had a lot of fun watching it because it's no run-of-the-mill movie by any means. Go watch it to and convince yourself that when the right people work on something together they can achieve a lot. I'm watching out for any other productions of this team for sure.
Fanboy (2021)
Grotesque display of ineptitude
This movie shouldn't exist. Read to the end to understand why. I'm completely dumbfounded about the whole production. To be honest, it looks like an artificial movie to show film students what not to do. Now, I don't say or give this rating easily and it's the first time I've rated a movie with one star but bear with me.
Let me list some things that make this movie what it is:
- the dubbing is so lacking that in every single scene it sounds like the actors were spoken by somebody completely different
- all dubbing is strictly mono in the center - no pan or dynamic whatsoever
- the foley work is at most times completely off in mixing, type, dynamic and consistency, sometimes it's lacking or present where it shouldn't be
- the acting is so unnatural and unfitting that it's sometimes hard to even follow the scene structure, reactions are off and incomprehensible at times, even simple facial expressions appear forced
- the camerawork shows no concept when to have which angle or focal length and with no regard to the scene
- dialogues are often irrelevant, contain senseless cuts and pauses without reason
- scenes sometimes just fade out in the middle, parallel to the sound and music
- in one instance they used a still frame instead of video (i.e. Lousy editing)
- some scenes have an extreme frame drop to accomodate the length of a text overlay
You see, I can reward a director for showing intention and purpose although he may be an amateur with a higly restricted budget. But when I have the feeling that the work is simply lazy and sloppy without any sign or improvement in every production step, I cannot help to lose my respect for the entire project. How should anyone interpret the fact that botched scenes were just left in the final cut instead of a re-take? If you make a movie and show no effort to the medium than there's no point in making a movie in the first place. Thus, this movie shouldn't exist. Nevertheless I'm glad I sat through this disaster because I now appreciate many other movies just a bit more.
Deadly Promises (2021)
Could have been above average
Contrary to some of the opinions here, I found the acting to be really decent. The movie was interesting for about 20 minutes in, then it steadily started to crumble in terms of logic, character reactions and decisions. At some point the plot holes just became too vast to overlook. Some of them could have been avoided, others were due to the script.
I don't normally address this but here the audio mixing and editing was really off at times. The licensed music suddenly jumped way too much in volume, the score sometimes was too quiet and one actress lacked the proper set editing in re-recording and thus sounded completely detached from the scene.
All in all I see potential in Joseph Ramos and I can let this one slide as it's his first feature. For his next project I hope he reads the script more thoroughly and establishes a more independent approach to the material.
Advice for viewers: either avoid or look at the technical aspects, e.g. What could have been done better in terms of story, characters, editing and directing.
Jurassic Shark (2012)
You gotta see this!!!
Words just can't explain the pure AWESOMENESS of this movie!!! This just blew my brains out and I almost peed my pants because I laughed so hard!!! No wait, I almost blew my pants and peed my brain out!!! "I know how to keep a shark away." - "How?" - "Dynamite!!!" Acting? This movie doesn't need any acting. Logic? This movie doesn't need any logic! MOVIE? THIS MOVIE DOESN'T NEED ANY MOVIE!! BEER? THIS MOVIE NEEDS FREAKING GALLONS OF IT!!! I herewith command you to kidnap your grandmother and make her watch this movie!!! You thought Sharktopus was the utmost top-notch of modern trash? Well think again, buddy - because the Jurassic Shark will make you EAT YOUR HAMSTER!!!