KidMacabre Reviews

Hacks (2021– )

I feel bad that I don't like this show.

[4/10 · 23 June 2021]

Rave reviews, a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, so many friends telling me I had to watch it. And... I guess I'm just not the right demographic for 'Hacks.'

It's a drama/comedy about an intergenerational relationship between two women in show business. At first they don't get along - the older comedian is cantankerous, the young writer is disaffected. Both use dark humor as a defense mechanism against a sexist, ageist industry that doesn't take them seriously. Their shared struggle forms the foundation of a creative partnership that revitalizes their careers and leads to some drama and shenanigans, and I am so goshdarn bored with all of it.

The story beats are too predictable for this to be an engaging drama. There's nothing here you haven't already seen in other coming-of-age mentor-protege stories, and there's no demonstrated attempt to go deeper. Where some people saw earned moments of heavy realness, I just saw facile dreariness. As a comedy, the show falls totally flat. I get that it's really hard to write good jokes (the early episodes talk about this), but damn, this was so unfunny. So trite and condescending. It just reeked of LA-based, career-minded TV writers who know the Half-Hour Sitcom Banter Playbook forwards and backwards. If this were a 90-minute feature film, it would be at least inoffensive and forgettable. Stretched out over 5 hours, it's dull and grating. Way too much formula and too little inspiration. Nothing surprised me, nothing made me laugh.

'Hacks' contains ideas that might have been compelling in the hands of more adventurous, bloody-minded writers. For me, it's safe, fluffy, formulaic TV, and I don't need it. But if you connect with it and think it's super smart and vital and of-the-moment, cool, more power to you. I wish I was having fun with you.

Obligatory Jean Smart Praise: She's better than the material she's given. I have no notes for Jean Smart. Give her an Emmy. Whatever.

Mank (2020)

David Fincher and The Gospel of The Hack

[3/10 · 19 April 2021]

'Mank' is a dull, uninspiring movie that says "William Randolph Hearst was wrong" on paper, yet validates his cynical 'organ grinder monkey' parable in practice. A bloated, self-important, inoffensive product brought to you by the same Hollywood corporate class Herman Mankiewicz hated. It's as phony as computer-generated scratches on digital black and white photography.

Director David Fincher says he has "complicated" feelings about Hollywood, but judging by this movie, his approach to the industry is not really that complicated. He wants to play with big, shiny toys while making stuff that's smarter and riskier than your average superhero flick, but he has no real problem with the industry status quo. Sure, he's aware of how condescending and two-faced people in the industry can be, how unethical and corrupt the business is, how rotten the politics are. Here, let him show you how aware he is in this multi-million dollar Netflix-produced movie starring A-list actors. Make no mistake: Fincher is a ride-or-die Hollywood director. Like most pop stylists who came up in the 90's, irony and contempt is simply part of his love language. That's probably why the 'heartfelt' moments in this movie - Sara's scenes with Mank, the conclusion of Rita's storyline - come off as disingenuous and flat.

I would say Fincher doesn't have the guts to be Mankiewicz, but I'm not so sure Mank had much courage anyway. He wasn't a real socialist, and his decision to blacklist himself reads more like a petty middle finger than a redemptive act of selflessness. That's to say nothing of his misogynistic revenge on Marion Davies - a betrayal this movie claims she was okay with. (Sidenote: All the women in this movie are underwritten and have an inexplicably high tolerance for Mank's B. S.)

No, the person whose guts I measure Fincher's against is the person 'Mank' wants you to think about the least. It's telling how the story of a sad, bored Hollywood insider appeals to Fincher, but he can't get near the story of Orson Welles, an earnest outsider artist who outclassed (and was subsequently buried by) Hollywood. That's because Fincher is not an outsider, he's not a 'punk auteur,' nor is he an 'anarchist' as some film bros like to describe him. When Levi's, Nike, Coca-Cola, and Chanel trust you with tens of millions of dollars, when Netflix gives you an exclusive four-year deal, how much of a threat to the system can you be?

Watching 'Mank,' two things have never been more clear:

1) Hollywood still has not forgiven Orson Welles, and 2) Fincher is quite comfortable being the organ grinder's smug, self-effacing, jaded monkey.

At what point does a cranky, bitter takedown of Hollywood hypocrisy become a cowardice compensator?

Suspiria (I) (2018)

Living With Dangerous People

[8/10 · 16 January 2019]

Disclaimer: Similar to another user review, I have to confess that I am EXACTLY the audience for this movie. I love Tilda Swinton, genre films, dance, anti-fascism, and Gothic horror. So take what I say with a grain of salt, I suppose.

"We need guilt, Doctor, and shame."

The scariest thing in the world (to me) is a person with no sense of shame. It's remarkably easy for some people to decide, 'I'm not responsible, I don't care if I hurt people or if people are hurt in my name, as long as I'm comfortable. As long as I don't see it. As long as I can justify in my head why those people deserved it. As long as I get to sit here, sip my tea, and not think about the bodies.'

Such is the poison that consumes the Helena Markos Dance Academy, where the matrons who run the school prey upon their students. They put on a protective, motherly front to manipulate and destroy the young women who come through their doors. The youth believe the celebrated academy will help perfect their dancing capabilities. This lie masks a secret, nefarious plot - one the coven will gladly kill to protect.

Luca Guadagnino's Suspiria has a lot on its mind - the German Autumn, modern dance, motherhood, witchcraft, psychotherapy - but everything comes back to a struggle with shame, especially as it applies to those with power. The witches at the academy were victims of the Third Reich, and have since devolved into their own form of fascistic groupthink. Fear of discovery drives the coven to commit atrocities. We are shown in grueling, bone-crunching detail the cruelty they are willing to inflict on dissenters, and then we see how shockingly happy and contented they are with what they've done. Evil is banal, and it does not occur to (most of) the matrons that they should feel even the slightest semblance of guilt.

The only other authority figure in the film is Dr. Klemperer (played by the endearing "Lutz Ebersdorf"), a psychologist who survived the Holocaust. While his intentions are more noble than those of the witches, he still fails to take action when it counts and pathetically denies the blood on his hands. The message may not be subtle, but that doesn't make it any less palpable: We are all culpable when we allow unjust regimes to flourish. Shame can help save humanity.

Guadagnino is more concerned with character psychology than Dario Argento was in his 1977 original. Every character actively pursues an agenda, and their individual journeys interlock in interesting ways. It's difficult to say there is only one main protagonist; we closely follow the progress of so many people. Guadagnino also shows way more compassion for his characters than Argento did. The sisterhood that develops between Susie (Dakota Johnson) and Sara (Mia Goth) is genuinely touching. So is the intense, symbiotic bond between Susie and her instructor, Madam Blanc (the incomparable Tilda Swinton). And of course, there's Klemperer on a mission to find and rescue his missing patient, a dancer tormented by the academy (Chloe Grace Moretz). Because there is sincere, deeply felt love for each of these characters, the terror visited upon them is all the more distressing.

Many of the film's stylistic choices can be quite jarring, particularly in the VFX and editing departments. It's also 2.5 hours long and slow paced in sections. It's not for everyone, but then again, neither is the 1977 original. Guadagnino pays tribute to the free, punk rock spirit of Argento in his own unique way. Thom Yorke's music is also very surprising; singing on a horror movie soundtrack is a bold move. Yet nothing here feels out of place. The world of this film follows a well-defined, if unorthodox and challenging, aesthetic logic - in that regard, it matches the success of the original, which critics described as "A movie that makes sense only to the eye."

The new Suspiria makes sense on a deeper level. For all its intellectual obsessions, the movie is first and foremost an emotional experience. We watch, helpless, as characters we care for are neglected, lied to, and murdered by their elders. With age and trauma, the adults have lost touch with their humanity, and now they commit selfish crimes whilst hiding behind a wall.

People who say this movie "doesn't know what it wants to be" couldn't be more wrong.

Foodfight! (2012)

It's not just a bad movie

[1/10 · 11 December 2013]

Foodfight! is a cynical, cheap, patronizing, lifeless, lazy, unfunny, tasteless, shoddy, disrespectful, offensive-to-anyone-with-a-brain piece of unmitigated garbage, sure, but it's much more than that.

Because it is meant to be entertainment aimed at children, and because its message amounts to nothing more than "BUY OUR BRANDS, OUR BRANDS LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE OUR BRANDS, EAT OUR FOOD, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT..." Foodfight! is not just a bad movie.

Foodfight! is PURE EVIL.

So far, the movie has only made $73,000 on a (shocking) $65 million budget. I guess there is some justice in the world.

Ten years ago, when Threshold Entertainment's hard drives were stolen, writer/director/producer Lawrence Kasanoff called it an act of "industrial espionage." I salute the brave souls who actively hindered the production of this film. You fought for the brain cells of children everywhere. I think watching even fifteen minutes of this movie has made me stupider.

Don't just skip this movie. Burn it, then bury it in a desolate field somewhere. It deserves to die the worthless drop of despicable piddle it is.

Also, ƒ*¢% Larry Kasanoff.