lilpest9 Reviews

The Fall Guy (2024)

Garbage

[1/10 · 23 May 2024]

I've never seen a Gosling picture before because he looks like "he prefers men". And he was in that evil picture The Nice Guys, what a scumbag. Hate the other lead, too, she's also terrible evil smoker trash. This picture is boring as all hell. I think its being marketed as a "romantic comedy" and, y'know, I was laughing because it looked bad and was shot amateurishly and its trying to sell flaming Gosling as an action star which is the real joke. I don't think I saw any intentional funny bits in it, just like "wow, haha, this is terrible".

There's a few good bits when the leads aren't involved like the Asian chick driving the garbage truck, that's pretty fun. I missed the last like 20 minutes to go see Tarot instead. Now that was a picture, a real spookum. Watch that instead of this trash

And why was this shot for a 13? Walked into the theater sure it's an R but somehow it isn't.

Paper Girls (2022)

Based on evil comic, don't watch

[1/10 · 16 May 2024]

I haven't and won't watch this. The comic its based on has one of the preteen leads smoking. Having not watched it I don't know if they included it in this. But being based on rancid garbage this is certainly worthless trash. No one should watch this trash and it shouldn't exist

And looking at the trailer it says "Based on the graphic novel". Like I get there's no accepted definition of "graphic novel" but to me a 30 issue ongoing series isn't it. Something like The Killing Joke is a graphic novel. A full story published in a single volume. You can't just say "graphic novel" to try and elevate it, this is a comic book.

Believe (2014)

Great

[5/10 · 4 May 2024]

This show slaps. The lead is very cute, she looks like Marta Timofeeva. She's great even though her name is very silly. Show's got a nice structure of overarching plot and episodic "oh I gotta help somebody because I'm a telepath and all". And there's an interesting dichotomy of how the psychics are presented as a purely biological phenomenon and the deific reverence with which everyone who meets her regards Bo. It goes just shy of everyone saying she is god.

Feels like a PG Elfen Lied but the telekinetics aren't all cute girls. They should be.

Would gave 9 but like 5 episodes in realized Skouras is played by that fellow who was in Twin Peaks. Twins Peak is garbage so hating him distracted on from pretty fun show.

Abigail (2024)

Nice spoopy qt

[1/10 · 21 April 2024]

Giving a 1 because she does go en pointe and there is smoking. I hate pointe dancing and smoking is bad.

This is sort of picture gets ruined by promotional material. We don't get to go on the journey with the characters of figuring out that it is her doing it because the promotional material told us it is, it isn't even a spoiler for me to say it.

The Quebecois muscleman looks like Elon Musk and I thought he sounded like East Euro trash but maybe I just don't know what Quebecois sound like.

The effects are nice and grungy but the ending sucks. Maybe a sole survivor horror picture sells better but this should NOT be a picture with any survivors.

Baby Cat (2023)

Have you been sleeping with the let's be clear woman dressed as a cat?

[8/10 · 8 October 2023]

Looks like typical shlocky soft-porn. Which it is a little but not much, both leads don't even get their tits out. A genuine romance, just a good clean classic romance story with a bit of social commentary. Should we treat the homeless as less than human like Lori is treated without even a name simply "the cat"?

The greenscreening is real bad but oddly works. Turns what would be static standing around talking bits into mindbending comedy, funny. And the stock footage is disorienting.

Would've been nice if Dana got her tits out too, you got a lesbian romance story you expect two sets of tits out.

Blue Beetle (2023)

Alright superhero picture

[3/10 · 26 August 2023]

I'll be outright and say was going give it a 5 or 6 but 1) nobody said "I love the Powerglove, it's so bad" and 2) there was smooching so it had to have points docked.

Is a pretty good picture though. Feels a lot like the recent Saint Seiya picture with the suits and the helichopter and the climax and the chick side character parental figure lady villain. Not saying this aped the Saint Seiya picture cause they was prolly in development same time but its a trend. Not too bad a trend, suits look cool and we love a lady villain.

Superheroes who whine all "noooooo, I can't kill people" are booooring and need to stop, we hate it. But we love to see acknowledging the original Blue Beetle even though this is a modern Blue Beetle picture. Blue Beetle and Booster Gold picture soon maybe?

Sausage Party (2016)

Oddly not bad

[7/10 · 11 August 2023]

Didn't see this picture cause it looked like trash. Saw it late at night on TV shocked it was pretty good. Is like Toy Story if toys feared being played with. Basically a religious allegory about how like religion is created to keep thinking creatures from thinking about how horrific life is and it gets weird over time because adherents and even leadership lose sight of this purpose.

And it avoids the ending needing to answer "what will happen now that people know food is "alive?"" by having the characters realize they're cartoons and kill themselves/come into the real world. Which fits into a different meta-narrative. After the movie was finished being made the characters did come into our world in the sense of people seeing the movie.

God Bless America (2011)

Evil garbage "movie"

[1/10 · 28 June 2023]

This "movie" is nothing but advertisement for smoking. The leads smoke constantly including the young teen girl lead. A "movie" like this is made for no reason except promoting smoking and promoting children smoking. Evil garbage "movie". It is horrible anyone could think to make something like this and they would be allowed to and sad that anyone would ever watch this evil trash. There are too many "movies" made that are exactly like this one, nothing but advertisements for smoking and it needs to be stopped. This filth should not be allowed in a civilized society.

Something needs to be done about the sort of people who would make or watch this evil trash.

Petite Maman (2021)

Trash

[1/10 · 22 June 2023]

This picture was made just to advertise smoking and promote smoking around children. A bunch of people got together and wanted to hurt a little girl so they made this filth so they could hurt a little girl and say its "art". No, child abuse is not art and that's all this "movie" is is child abuse. There is nothing else going on in this "movie" except smoking around a very young girl. People who would watch and worse enjoy this sort of "movie" hate and want to hurt children

Trash "movie" glorifying smoking and hurting children and they hurt a little girl making it. The "people" who made this should've been prosecuted for it. A horrible "movie" like this is a stain on our society.

Xanadu Hellfire (2022)

FUN

[8/10 · 17 June 2023]

Nice fun little picture. Very cheap and kind of sloppy in parts but that's what you get with little indie pictures. The lead(the girl not the lady) is clearly in cheer or dance(its dance, I checked) which is great. We love seeing dancer girls in cheap indie pictures. The comic book props look good, at least the exteriors, it certainly duplicates that era of Marvel.

Scenes without one the leads(Xanadu or Ruby) not so is good. Is nice Xanadu always has belly show in her costuming. But Ruby never shows her belly even though she's a dancer and always shows belly. We need more trashy indie movies with little dancer girls barefoot(actually Ruby is barefoot in a scene but that's a continuity error, she's wearing socks in the previous shot) and showing belly.

But there is this weird scene where the lead has a dollar in her hand for the swear jar like she's gonna say a cuss, puts it in but doesn't say a cuss.

Oh, yeah and the girl playing Becky is real cute too.

Knights of the Zodiac (2023)

Nice picture, will read a Saint Seiya now

[9/10 · 13 May 2023]

I know Saint Seiya is supposed to be a whole classic but I never got around to reading or watching any of it. This picture is pretty nice introduction to Saint Seiya. The fights had the cool slowmo/speedup style, real neat. I liked how Marin never unmasked which like usually in a picture like this they'd want to show their pretty leads faces. Her whole design is real great, the other costuming eh.

Is goods having villains who aren't just like "I'm the bad guy because I'm EeEvil" but have something going on like a differing interpretation of a coming cosmic event.

This trend of "purple hair=magically evil" is nice and it should stay around forever.

Alice (2022)

Neat idea

[4/10 · 5 April 2023]

Really slow and dull though. So many shots that just drag on which makes it feel overly long barely a half hour in. You always love to see a fabricated reality story even if its dull and bad like this. Thing though is its always presented as a given that the characters would want to leave the fabricated reality. So like they never explore the real idea that should permeate these sorts of stories: is the "created world" really less real than the "real world" outside?

The music, like in too many pictures, is to much and too loud. Calm down on it sheesh.

There was opportunity for the lead to do a shower scene but they didn't go for it which is a huge disappointment. I don't think she's done a nude scene before, this was great opportunity for really tasteful full frontal nudity.

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Great picture

[9/10 · 31 March 2023]

One of the best pictures I've ever seen. Should wrote this review ages ago but whenever see it get blown away and forget. Only complaint is the lead wears so lot high heels.

The compositions, the shots, the transitions, everything is so spot on perfect. The effects are sometimes pretty hokey, sometimes less and simpler effects is better. But, y'know, you're not doing anything if you don't try.

Really is the best type of story with supernatural elements in that there is no confirmation there was anything supernatural. Everything Christine attributes to the curse including her death could have been entirely natural and the result of her going insane paranoid.

But best part is she doesn't grow or learn from the curse, she NEVER once takes responsibility, even in the seance she tries to deflect, until she thinks she's "fixed" it herself. Beautiful.

Law & Order: Almost Famous (2023) Season 22, Episode 12

Pretty okay

[8/10 · 27 January 2023]

Only nu-Law & Order I've seen. Was going to complain that the charge for the co-conspirators in the B&E should've been felony murder and not manslaughter. But looking it up the New York felony murder rule apparently follows the "agency theory"(the death must be caused by a participant in the underlying felony) and not the "proximate cause theory"(a death foreseeably caused by the underlying felony can be charged as murder).

When they were talking to the super I figured the dead guy was boning his daughter and he got jealous or whatever so that was pretty good fakeout. The chase scene was pretty good even if it didn't go anywhere. Nice enough episode, Is still prefer the classics.

M3GAN (2022)

Robocutie

[8/10 · 8 January 2023]

First off though this dog bite scene is absolute movie nonsense. That dog would've been decapitated with the head sent upstate for rabies tests. Only in movieland will police just say "eh, dogs bite".

Anyway lead girls real cutes, good picture. Is kind of weird the people who built the robit seem not to know what she can do physically and internet connection wise, and like it says she can withstand anything life throws at her but a glass to the head causes severe damage. And you'd expect them to implement some form of the 3 Laws even if not naming them. You could do the same story with them then at the end Gemma's like "How could you M3GAN, you're supposed to abide the 3 Laws, a Robot may not harm a human being" and she could say "I decided to abide the 0th Law, those I killed were a danger to society" or "I never harmed a person"(mirroring that guy who killed a bunch of commies, implying the people she killed were undeserving of human dignity) There's totally room for a sequel, she could come back like Ultron. Instead of having a duplicate ready she could've uploaded herself to the internet and manipulated a sweaty nerd into building her a new body. That's the market for her anyway.

Edit after second viewing: noticed the pricepoint for a M3GAN is crazy low. I can get a 115/126cm "doll" right now for $1200. This movie says you can get the same doll fully functional, ambulatory, conversational and super strong and with(I assume) a guarantee from the company against her wearing out for only $10k. Great deal. And depending on how fast she can run carrying someone piggyback(a skill woefully not displayed in this film) you could replace your car with a M3GAN, she's multi-functional.

Now and Then (1995)

Garbage

[1/10 · 1 December 2022]

This is horribly evil. From the very first scene which is nothing but a woman smoking this picture is nothing but an advertisement for smoking that promotes children smoking. These evil scum forced several VERY young girls to smoke in this picture to promote how good smoking is for children. Something should've been done about those "people" who hurt these girls this way. It is horrible a movie like this exists. This is a sort of "movie" that should not exist. "Movies" like this are funded directly by the advertising arms of smoking companies(and its VERY clear which company was behind this one) and should always have been completely illegal to make. DO NOT watch this "movie", it is bad, it is evil. And some of the reviews here say they've let children watch this. Its bad enough an advertisement like this exists and children were abused making it but letting children watch it is horrible. They SEVERELY abused these young girls. It is a stain on our society that any of the evil child abusing trash who made this are walking free.

Cherrypicker (2020)

Pretty nice picture

[6/10 · 27 September 2022]

Explores childish potential for extreme violence. The four leads are actual sisters and very cute and quite spoopy. Takes place at a nice lake so there's plenty of fun swimming fun. Including the other girl, Mattia, who in the male lead's words has become "jailbait". Its not great, some scenes drag or don't go anywhere. Needed more scenes with the little girl leads, maybe something to differentiate any of them besides "she's the younger one". The effects look fine for what there is of them.

I docked it points because there is a long shot on a pack of cigarettes clearly inserted just to promote smoking. Didn't give it a 1 because they aren't shown to be used.

Se7en (1995)

Overhyped trash

[1/10 · 8 September 2022]

Watched this because it was suggested in a review of a much better picture. This movie sucks. The actors in it are all trash and always make bad movies. The plot is stupid, there is no hook and nothing going on, looks ugly, the sound and music is terrible. Boring as all hell, nearly fell asleep. I couldn't name a single character, they were all dull as hell. Typical Hollywood dreck, kind of trash idiots slobber over because "big name super good trashy Hollywood actor" is in it. No, a garbage movie isn't good because they paid out for "stars", its still bad.

Stupid title too.

AaaaaaaaHHH they upped the minimum character count and I can never write this much.

Would You Rather (2012)

Pretty good death game

[9/10 · 8 September 2022]

This picture has Crabman and Sasha so its pretty alright. She is physically incapable of emoting so they gave her a psycho chick character but I thinks she's doing an accent and it doesn't work. A weird thing is the first game doesn't matter. Everybody or at least most players are guaranteed to get it.

Anyway the main chick is great, her devolution from needing convincing to eat the steak to what she does by the end is beautiful. And that gut punch ending, woo. It was a bit too vague what was wrong with her brother, it seems to imply cancer. The whole picture looks really cheap and grungy, but fun.

Twin Peaks (1990–1991)

What even?

[1/10 · 20 August 2022]

No idea how this has nearly a 9(NINE) here. I watched the first episode because it had been hyped a ton. Heard it was a mystery story with supernatural elements. But it isn't at all. Its a really terrible boring drama with way too many character who blend together and are all both uninteresting and unlikable. There is also TONS of smoking, there's even a plot point where a guy knows his chick is cheating because the wrong brand of cigarettes is in her ashtray. There is NOTHING here to bring anyone back for a second episode of this let alone 40 or however many there are.

Most of the characters have nothing to do with the mystery and are apparently just there to be boring and terrible. And there are no supernatural elements. Maybe there would be 20 episodes in but I sure didn't stick around.

Garbage that never should've happened and should be long forgotten.

When the Mist Clears (2022)

Too erotic

[8/10 · 28 July 2022]

Beautiful picture with nice idyllic Italian scenery. The sex scenes were a bit much but I guess that's my fault for not checking that it was "erotic". Dreamlike.

Wet Behind the Ears (2013)

Great

[9/10 · 21 July 2022]

Nice little picture. The posters are kinda misleading, looks like it'll be some sort DDlg kinda picture.

Sloan Copeland is one the best directors running and. The lead in this picture is great. I acytually waited too long to write this so I don't remember it good. There's a pyramid scheme scene which is pre'y good.

Room (I) (2015)

Pretty okay

[1/10 · 20 July 2022]

I'd considered Jacob Tremblay to just be Erica's brother. But he's pretty good on his own too. Pretty good kidnapping picture. Most unrealistc things of it is she trying to escape.

Gets a 1/10 for being overly long dull A24 trash.

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)

Straight garbage

[1/10 · 19 July 2022]

Such a bad movie I find it hard to believe anyone has ever actually watched it through. Having a nasogastric tube inserted is more entertaining than this trash.

The Leftovers (2014–2017)

Terrible

[1/10 · 9 July 2022]

Smoking advertising trash. Nothing of substance or value anywhere in this garbage. It is disgusting to that something like this that exists to promote child abuse exists.