joseph-masalsky Reviews

Mystery Road: Origin (2022– )

Great addition to the franchise

[9/10 · 7 March 2024]

I was reluctant to watch this prequel since I didn't see how it could hold up to the greatness of AAron Pederson's Jay Swan character. Well I was blown away with how great Mark Smith does stepping into those large shoes. The plot is good too. Others here have complained about the slow pacing but it's actually something I appreciated and it maintains the feel of the previous series. The locale, as always, becomes a character as much as any of the humans wandering through it. The filming is picturesque and well edited. Absolutely beautiful. Hopefully this will launch further Jay Swan storylines.

Stay Close (2021)

Cartoonish Coben

[5/10 · 1 September 2023]

Coben limited series are usually a good watch thanks to the many twists and turns and high production values. Usually though, at some point, there begins to be one too many coincidences, red herrings, or improbable twists. This time it reaches that point super early. Also it has a number of elements that have been used in other, better, Coben series. Ex -strippers trying to live under new identities, creepy couple kidnapping women and torturing them for information. Seen it before. Also the characters all have a cartoonish quality thst I think must be the blame of the director. It does get better in the last 3 episodes if you can plug through. But you can Skip this one unless you are trying to see them all.

Hold Tight (2022)

Fairly weak Corben offering

[5/10 · 9 August 2023]

I was interested in this one because it featured some of the characters from The Woods, including the excellent Grzegorz Damiecki as Pawel. However, the characters are disappointingly shoehorned in here without much to do with the main plot lines. As for those plot lines, this one rehashes a lot of elements from Safe: dead kid, missing kid, spyware on cellphones, drugs, parents covering for their kids, etc. This one is less interesting and gets a little silly with an unsatisfying final chapter, unbelievable bad guys, martial arts, and some kind of weird "girl with a beard" bullying that I'm still not fully understanding. It's watchable enough to get through the six episodes. Certainly I recommend scrapping the terrible dubbing in favor of the original Polish with subtitles. I can't believe people even attempt the dubbed versions of Netflix shows.

Texas Cotton (2018)

Nothing to See Here

[3/10 · 28 May 2020]

I'm usually a fan of neo westerns and I was further drawn to watching this because I was curious to see George Hardy in a straight dramatic role. Although I think Hardy did alright with what he was given ultimately there is very little worth watching here. I won't give any spoilers, and you won't need them because you will most likely figure out the "mystery" here pretty much from the first scene. With no intrigue left you will find yourself simply marveling at the poor writing, improbably scenarios, mostly bad acting and strange explosions. I did learn that apparently in Texas anyone can just walk into a courtroom after the defense rests and just start calling witnesses. Juliette Danielle from the Room is in here ever so briefly but there really is no reason to watch this one. Very disappointing.

The Evil (1978)

Forgettable evil house

[3/10 · 13 May 2020]

Richard Cremna's acting style often consists of looking around like he has no idea how he got here and looking at people like he has no idea what they are talking about. It's not completely inappropriate here as some marginal actors fight their way through some mind numbing dialogue. Crenshaw is a doctor that buys a 200 room mansion for... some purpose that I already forgot. He brings along a handful of volunteers that I guess are supposed to somehow whip the place into shape. Only, look out, a portal to hell and now they are all trapped in the house being slapped around, cut, electrocuted, being attacked be the family dog and insulted by King Tut from Batman. Maybe a friendly ghost can help. Nothing is scary, a few of the effects are passable and overall it's pretty boring.

The Final Terror (1983)

Good enough slasher

[6/10 · 12 May 2020]

You can do a lot worse than this early 80s slasher flick. You get a reasonably creepy stalker and a cast full of recognizable actors from the period including Joey Pants, Niedermeyer, the mermaid from Splash and Adrian Zmed. Come on, nobody can resist a good Zmed. Performances range from good to over the top bad (check out Rachel Ward getting all agro). Sure, the abrupt ending is pretty anticlimactic but it's a reasonably fun ride to get there.

City on a Hill: The Night Flynn Sent the Cops on the Ice (2019) Season 1, Episode 1

Shows some promise but the pilot is a mix of good and bad

[6/10 · 15 July 2019]

There is certainly a lot to get excited about here, a gritty crime drama with an early '90s Boston backdrop featuring a strong cast. The writing in this first episode tempered my excitement a little bit though. The dialogue is lazy and shoves exposition down your throat. Nobody in real life walks around saying "hey, remember who I am, how I got here and why I act the way I do?", especially not to people that already know all that. However, in this episode it happens a lot. I certainly would prefer to learn these details naturally over the course of the series. Hopefully after this first episode the writers have gotten that out of their system and can proceed with the storytelling, but until I see that I would give this a mild but hopeful recommendation.

The Void (I) (2016)

Amateur wanna be horror

[2/10 · 23 June 2019]

I saw this listed as one of the best horror films available on Netflix and now I'm worried about the rest of the list. The acting is completely amateur and the plot is absolute nonsense. Somehow coincidence puts all the characters exactly where they need to be although it's unclear why they are needed at all. Garbage

Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019) Season 8, Episode 6

Predictably disappointing end

[5/10 · 23 May 2019]

Well, let's face it, overall this episode is pretty terrible. Not only is it the culmination of everything that has been changing for the worst with the series over the last few seasons, but it feels like a rush job to wrap everything up. This isn't to say that there aren't some good things going on. The scene with Daenerys addressing her army is pretty visually stunning and I thought well acted be Emilia Clarke who otherwise has seemed a little out of her depth this season.

Yeah, it's a shame it had a dull thud of an ending, but honestly it was meant to happen. The show started out as one of the best things on TV and then lost it's way probably around the time Arya started doing her Face/Off routine. They kept teasing us with the incredible battle sequences but eventually there was nothing of substance to fill the gap between them.

Pet Sematary (2019)

Unnecessary and Bland

[6/10 · 14 May 2019]

I think if you are going to try to make a new film version of a Stephen King novel that has already been filmed, you better have something new to add to it. At least it should be creepier or scarier than the previous version. This is neither. There's a completely pointless change up of a key element that does nothing but making this less memorable. The cast is good but they are really giving nothing to do but plod straightforwardly though the basic plot of the book. The cemetery, the woods, the dead people, the cat... none of these are as creepy in this version. It's sad because this was probably the scariest book I ever read and I was really hoping someone could do it justice. My advice is to stick to the flawed but creepy and fun 1989 version.

The Blackwell Ghost (2017 Video)

It's best quality is how crappy it is

[3/10 · 9 April 2019]

The only thing this really has going for is how amateurish it looks. The first half or so actually feels real but also makes you wonder if a real filmmaker (as the lead is supposed to be) would include so much filler of him flying a plane etc. I did like the actor who played the homeowner, sadly not credited so I don't know his name. Overall it's pretty much a waste of time but mercifully short.

VooDoo (2017)

What was that accent supposed to be exactly?

[3/10 · 13 June 2017]

I kept seeing this film showing up in "Best Horror Movies of the Year" type lists and in comments here on IMDb. I'm not sure what film they were watching, but this one does not live up to their praise.

Samantha Stewart does not come off as a terrible actress except when she is trying to (occasionally) put on a Louisiana accent. It sounds different every time and was confusing why the filmmaker even bothered, except to maintain a connection to voodoo.

This is another "found footage" style film, which is becoming synonymous with "we couldn't afford to hire an actual camera man". Where it makes sense, this style can add a first person creep factor, but does anyone actually believe that someone running for their life from supernatural entities would take the time to keep picking up the camera and putting it down in advantageous locations to capture the action?

The special effects and bit players here appear to have been borrowed from a Halloween haunted house. If you have ever been to one, you have seen enough of these rubber dismembered body parts to spot them immediately. Once the heavy effects and action kick in, any creepiness that was built up in the first half of the film is lost and I just found myself wondering how long I would have to endure the goings on.

Haunter (2013)

Original but not scary

[6/10 · 11 December 2013]

Abigail Breslin proves that she is more than just a child star as this vehicle succeeds first and foremost based on her performance since she is basically on screen for the entire film. Stephen McHattie is sufficiently creepy as the baddie. The rest of the cast is a bit hit or miss but they are adequate for what they are asked to do.

The film starts out as sort of a spooky version of Groundhog Day meets The Others but then takes it in some interesting directions of it's own. To say too much at all about the plot would be a bit of a spoiler. The film kept my interest the whole way through, but there is one major problem: it's not scary. If you are looking for a low budget, low key haunted house film without any major scares then I would recommend it mainly for the lead performance but don't set your expectations too high.

Open Water 2: Adrift (2006)

Wow are these people stupid

[5/10 · 12 February 2012]

First day in the water and these people are already drowning, getting stabbed,sustaining head injuries and overall degenerating Lord of the Flies style. In the first movie the couple was out there for days with sharks nipping at their ankles and didn't freak out this much. There would be more tension if the time line developed more realistically. Also, quite a contrivance to get them all in the water to begin with. Still, could be worse. The actors are better than you would expect and it does keep you interested to find out how they will ultimately get out of it. I would say this is not worth the cost of a rental, but if you come across it late at night or on a Sunday afternoon, it's a reasonable enough time waster.