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ClfGlltt
Reviews
Lucker (1986)
No entertainment value whatsoever
I don't normally leave comments about films (usually just read them) but after watching this pile of dog dung, I felt compelled to warn people to keep away. A lot of films I watch are no budget z grades, I watch a few block busters now and again to regain some sanity. I love the b movie thing but this IS the worse film I can remember, EVER. This even beats the awful "Necro files" and "Goblet of gore". Yes there was gore but the gratuitous corpse "thing" come off it how long did that go on for. Yes I should have turned it off, don't know why I didn't it certainly wasn't because of any entertainment value. Film quality rubbish of a poor VHS source, acting.....what acting, story then....what story, no burn any evidence of this now and teach the children never to embark on this kind of thing ever again.
Twilight (2008)
Waste of time! Utter CHEESE!!!!!
Boring, Slow & Cheesy...... This movie had woman written all over it. It was slow moving, not scary, not mysterious and most definitely not sexy. Surely vampires should be all of those things. This book is disrespectful toward all literary traditions created by classical Gothic and horror writers.
Vampires burn in the sunlight, don't they? Or are all of the movies and books I've read wrong?. Obviously Miss Meyer disagrees with those books and thinks that vampires 'sparkle' in the sunlight. I mean wtf.
The book and movie were clearly written for young girls (fan girls), that like things such as Camp Rock and the Jonas Brothers. The over romanticising of every little detail is sickening. What has happened to real horror stories and classic movies such as Terence Fisher's Dracula (starring Christopher Lee)?
Twilight could have been an amazing and successful production, if it had a good director and a good cast. The book had an OK storyline -apart from the sparkling in the sun. The vampires have no weakness, every good hero has a weakness- but this was clearly only made for the fan girls.
It doesn't deserve the one star that i gave it, but there is no option to give it 0 unfortunately.
This movie is a disgrace, an utter waste of time and an insult to all the vampires out there ;)
The Octagon (1980)
Wake me up for the ending!!!
Had fairly high hopes for this film (think Lone Wolfe McQuade wasn't too bad)but this really tries to be too clever. If I'm missing some thing here, who is Chuck in this film? he doesn't have a job, no kids to get kidnapped(to give him motivation) and who is the player Lee Van Cleef supposed to be with all his detailed baddy information. Ok Chuck always does a plastic performance, so why not more action to spare us this bad acting(a few convincing facual expressions wouldn't go a miss). As a spoiler, if you could spoil this film anymore, all it is is Chuck's brother decides to start ninja training for terrorists and because no-one believes in ninjas anymore thinks he can get away with it. Chuck however does believe and goes to sort him out. Thats it, pure and simple, all done in a "round the world" way to get to the end of the street!
Alien Agenda: Endangered Species (1998)
Avoid,avoid, avoid, can't say it clearer!!
Looking at the cover makes you think "hey, I could do a better professional job than this on my computer with no software to help me" But as I am a big fan of trashy movies (my wife will back that up) this did not put me off buying it(it only cost me a pound anyway). From the start to finish, although I did turn it off 3/4 of the way,it is totally amatueristic. Acting terrible, effects from the 1940's, so boring you just loose the plot, did I mention bad acting or did it have such a low budget that half the actors didn't get paid,thus were totally unmotivated. Debbie Rochon is very nice indeed but I think if she stripped off all the way through this film,it still would not have saved it,sexist pig you might say, but go ahead watch this movie then you will know what I'm talking about.
Under Lock and Key (1995)
Exploitation? Prison? Starts out to be...
Started out to seem like one of those exploitation fliks lots of naked ladies, dodgy doctors, even dodgier prison warders, yes this is what happens in the first half hour or so, but actually it turns out to have a fairly good ,if not basic, story line. No surprises,obvious out-come, but ok acting bearing in mind it must have been made for about £250. Goes on to have a moral deciding theme, do you go by the rules or do you break them? Give this film a go, if you are male you will probably love it, if you are female....I'm not so sure.