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Ultraviolet (2006)
Worst Movie I have Ever Seen
I'm a basic theatre regular, I go a couple times a week just for the sheer fun of seeing whatever is released good or bad, whatever is playing. Over the years I've developed the ability to find a least one good thing about the majority of bad films I see just to feel like I haven't completely wasted my $10.95. I invited to see a free midnight screening of UltraViolet, which, judging from the trailer just seemed like slightly different version of Aeon Flux. I'm trying very hard to come up with one positive thing about Ultraviolet, but I can't even come close. Ultraviolet is so frustratingly awful to watch, I had to walk out an hour through the film because it was giving me a headache.
Calling it the worst film ever made is a bit of a stretch, I understand, but Ultraviolet is truly worthy of the title. Every member of the cast was terrible, the dialogue sounded like it was written by a preteen fanfiction writer and the CGI was just plain unimpressive and did not blend in well with the rest of the film.
It is very difficult to give a summary of the film's plot, because it was virtually nonexistent. I could not understand what was going on 90% of the time. Many characters, elements and backstories were introduced but never explained or explored further making them pointless to what was going on. It story basically travelled from plothole to plothole, the most annoying of which was a scene were Violent was running from the government with 6, a young weapon of sorts Violet, being the cold merciless killer that she was, decided to save for an unexplained reason. Endless numbers of guards are chasing them through a skyscraper, then outside, then suddenly they're back in the skyscraper, then they're outside again, then they're back in the building and in a subway. It was just confusing! Were they outside on ground level or inside a skyscraper? Never bothered to explain.
Another scene in which Violet was cornered in every direction, she gets a hologram phone call in which see says she would meet Nerva in 10 minutes and seconds later she is unharmed at such a meeting point, Kurt Wimmer (writer) simply forgot to finish writing a chase sequence. Were did all those guards pursuing her go? How could she possibly of escaped when she knew she was cornered? Through the first half of the film Violet referred to her kind as hemophages, and in the second half as vampires. It did show infected victims of the hemophage disease had fangs, but how were they vampires? Where did that title even come in? Not one character portrayed any of the trademark vampire characteristics. Maybe hardcore fans of the Ultraviolet comic book would understand this reference, but what of the rest of the audience? Direction was the worst of it all. Even though I said the actors were terrible, given the source material and their schmuck of a director, I doubt any of today's finest actors could have salvaged anything out of this nightmare. The camera work was particularly agonizing and dull, as it seemed every 'tense' moment the world had to freeze and the camera had to jump to everyone's eyes, guns, outfit several times before the film would get moving again. I believe it was a ploy to try and lengthen the 97min running time.
The action sequences aren't anything to behold, pretty pathetic seeing as how Ultraviolet is nothing but. Every action scene is the exactly the same as the one on 2 minutes prior (literally), turning even some of the most over the top moments into an utter bore.
Maybe by some freak chance the film redeemed itself in the last 20 minutes after I walked out, I wouldn't know. I can only beg people not to see this movie and allow it to crash and burn like only the most horrid trash deserves. One can only hope it bombs during opening weekend, cautioning Hollywood to stop making this type of garbage.
If you must see a piece of eye candy jumping around shooting armies of people and having things explode every 5 minutes, go see Aeon Flux. It may not be good, but it at least tries, which is more then I can say for Ultraviolet. 0/10
Dragon Ball Z: Doragon bôru zetto (1989)
Over criticized but still with flaws
It took my years to truly appreciate the brilliance that is Dragonball Z. I wish I had overlooked my own ego years ago so I could have loved this again and again. When I was roughly 11, and still getting into the whole 'anime' scene, Dragonball Z was one of my first series. It was the English version, and I thought it was great. But by chance, I saw an episode of the original version, and never went back to the dub. The subbed is far superior, in voice acting, dialog and music. No, I am not the kind of fan to hail 'ALL DUBS ARE GARBAGE, NEVER CHANGE ANYTHING FROM THE ORIGINAL!!!', for I have the guilty pleasure of sitting down and enjoying dubs many a time, but in this situation the dub is nothing in comparison. It does succeed in being a wildly popular children's show, because that is what it was made to be for North America, not a mirror of the original.
After constantly seeing the dub on TV, and all the hype surrounding it, I simply told myself it was garbage, people know nothing, and just stopped watching the series all together. I couldn't stand to look at what it had been reduced to and sought more 'intelligent' animes (Vampire Hunter D, Hellsing, Fushigi Yuugi, Escaflowne, Akira). There were many other fans like me at that time reviewing Dragonball Z on IMDb, and to you I say, get off your high horses. Dragonball Z is pure entertainment.
Just look at the fact that such manga creators like Eiichirô Oda (One Piece), Masashi Kishimoto (Naruto), Kouta Hirano (Hellsing), Taito Kubo (Bleach), Shin'ya Suzuki (Mr. Fullswing), Kôshi Rik(u)dô (Excel Saga), and Kentarô Yabuki (Black Cat) were all genius creators on there own, and all admitted to being influenced by Dragonball. I think it's hilarious that even the 'master creators' can take the time to appreciate Toriyama's work.
I'm sick of seeing so many stuck-up anime fans regard shows like Pokemon, Digimon, Dragonball Z, Yu-Gi-Oh, etc (despite in truth, some of those shows aren't very good no matter what version you're watching) because they don't showcase the utter brilliance and beautiful animation of the likes of lets say, Miyazaki. Miyazaki's works and Toriyama's works are completely different, plain and simple, but they're amazing in there own ways. The best thing about Dragonball Z is it's characters. Everyone of them in there own little world that sucks you in and makes you care. The universe Toriyama created alone is great and wildly original. These different races and different values are alone allow some praise to the show. The music and voice acting (props to Ryo Harikawa and Masako Nozawa) really set a good tone to whatever scene they're in, and almost makes up for the plot lag.
Almost. The biggest problem the world has with Dragonball Z is it's plot and pacing, and no. It's not plot less, and people who would go as far to say that are exaggerating. Dragonball Z has a pretty good plot, it just drags and drags and drags it as far as it can, making the series last so long, and scenes go unbearably slow. If you watch an episode, notice how many times the animators bring you shots of them staring/breathing/pointless setting/random face reactions. That is the biggest flaw of the show.
If you can overlook the lag, and the obnoxious hardcore 'I'm-too-good-for-this' otaku's, and truly appreciate this world that Akira Toriyama has created, then it's your treat. Truly one of the best Animes/Mangas ever created 8/10
Elektra (2005)
Interesting Effort, but otherwise monstrously bad film
I work in a movie theater, I don't have to pay for any of the films I see, so I take advantage of this little perk and see as many movies as possible. I hear a lot about what people like and don't like, but, when you see as many movies as I do in a week, you learn to love everything. Every terrible film I have ever seen while being employed I usually find an upside to it. I rarely ever rate anything lower than a 5. Elektra on the other hand, was my first 0/10, and boy did it ever deserve it.
Lack of story, any kind of character depth, and the cloud of dullness that surrounded the film at all times made Elektra almost impossible to be enjoyable. But, let me give you some background information on myself to see whether or not to take this review seriously.
I am a huge fan of superhero movies. I actually found The 1988 Punisher remotely entertaining despite the overall crapiness of the film. I love the fact that Hollywood is shoving out Super Hero films seeing how it is one of my favorite genres. Same thing applies to my guest to Elektra, my 9 year old brother, who loves everything super hero. Although I did not like 2003's Daredevil at all, I went to Elektra because my brother begged me to take him, and I reluctantly gave in. Yet in the end, it was my little brother's idea to walk out of the film.
(possible spoilers begin) The premise of the film is as follows: Jennifer Garner is once again reprising her role as Elektra, the love interest/femme fatal from Daredevil. I can't really tell you if Elektra even connects to the events in Daredevil, because I walked out before any explanation (if any)was given. Any hoo, being an assassin for hire, she is asked to wait in a lovely house on an isolated island before waiting for her next assignment. The dull and otherwise uninteresting Elektra had died in the past, revived now and with the power to see things before they happen making her a rather difficult foe. While waiting for her target's names, she quickly 'bonds' with her neighbors Mark Miller (Goran Visnjic) and his 13 year old daughter Abby (Kirsten Prout) who obviously has something to hide.
After finding out that Mark and Abby are her targets, she doesn't kill them and decides to protect them from the sect of deadly powerful assassins after them, 'The Hand', who are after a special 'treasure'. The Hand eventually catches up to them, (introduces Tattoo, Typhoid, Stone, and some other pointless assassin, all who have very limited screen time) and it is revealed that Abby is the treasure, because she is a very powerful warrior, along with her father Mark, whom now suddenly has feelings for Elektra. Not much of a surprise, Elektra is injured from this fight and brought back to her place of training, and after a brief sparing session with Abby (Elektra being the winner), my brother told me he could not stand the movie anymore, and asked to go home. I couldn't agree more with him, for the movie had given me a headache.
I can't really tell anyone how the 'amazing' climax of Elektra was, something I am very proud of, but I am still very surprised I managed to sit through an hour and 15 minutes of that mind-numbing crap.
To wrap things up quickly, Elektra was NOT action packed, and was mostly nothing but pointless chit-chat between 1 dimensional characters. The scene transition from reality to flash back if very sloppy and confusing, and everyone attached to this film should be ashamed. Please don't go to this film, wasting money on a ticket price would only encourage Hollywood to make more trashy films like 'Elektra'. 0/10. Go to the Incredibles, or rent Spider-Man 2 instead.
Spanglish (2004)
Great cast, terrible climax.
Adam Sandler's first serious role since Punch Drunk Love, Sandler not only delivers but nails his role. Directed and written by James L. Brooks, who works ranges from FOX's The Simpsons to 1996 Jerry Maguire, 'Spanglish' has an amazing cast and writing, though in the end, it is no enough to save this film.
(Possible Spoilers) Flor Moreno(Paz Vega)moves to America with her young daughter Christina (Shelbie Bruce)in hopes of better supporting her daughter after her husband/boyfriend left and afterwards is hired to be the Clasky's housekeeper. After having her job for a short time, Flor is asked to move in with the Clasky's into their summer beach house with her daughter. The neurotic mother Deborah Clasky (Tea Leoni) adores Christina, and begins treating her like her own child, while her only daughter Bernice (Sarah Steele)watches idly by while she is ignored. Flor, fed up of seeing her daughter taken away from her, begins to resent Deborah, while Christina falls in love with the new lifestyle. John Clasky (Adam Sandler), while dealing with his restaurant business on the rise, desperately tries to hold everything together as the 2 families are driven apart by Deborah's antics. As Deborah continues to ignore her family, John and Flor find an impossible attraction growing between them, and the more Deborah acts up, the more they find comfort with each other which leads to a poorly written climax.
Great performances from all the cast (especially from Sarah Steele and Cloris Leachman, who managed to steal every scene she was in) the abrupt and terrible ending ruined the film completely for me. I couldn't get over the terrible lesson the mother was given her daughter (ignore amazing opportunity, for it might change you), and how Brook's left such a huge plot conflict unresolved. If I were to pretend that the ending never happened, it would have been an amazing heart-wrenching film. Yes, that's how bad the ending was. By the end of the film I hated Flor for trying to mold her daughter into her, I hated Deborah, and I hated Christina for being bluntly, an idiot with no identity but her mothers. But, I especially hated Brooks for ruining such a beautiful film with his sudden ending. 5/10
The Phantom of the Opera (2004)
Favorite Film of 2004
Never have I seen such a beautiful musical or film. The movie is as captivating as it is entertaining. Although not flawless, it is well worth the ticket price.
I have had some familiarity with the Gaston Leroux novel, but not past experience with the ALW musical itself. Being a huge fan of musicals, I was skeptical in going to an early screening judging by some early reviews on IMDb. And with Joel Schumacher as the director (remember those awful Batman 3/4's? Ugh.), it only heightened my fears. But as far as I'm concern, some people don't know what they're talking about.
Beautiful sets, vocals, and presentation. Despite what most reviewers on IMDb might have you believe, Gerald Butler as the Phantom was the best in my eyes. All I've been hearing was that his lack of experience ruined the classic songs performed by Michael Crawford in the Broadway play. Especially in 'Music of the Night'. I don't understand this at all. I have heard the Crawford version of the song and I liked the Butler version more no contest. Butler's song had more emotion, Crawfords lacked range and really only had one pitch through out the song, while still a good rendition, I really preferred Butler's.
My biggest problem with the film is that sometimes the background music was so loud I couldn't hear the singers, this being a mistake on the singers or the musicians, I can not tell. The background music is too strong to the point where one could not even hear the singers at all. Other times, the singer's pitches are so high, one can't tell what they're saying. Emmy Rossum, beautiful singer though, is where this problem kept appearing.
I can only encourage people to see this film, I saw how poorly it's doing in the box office, and I just know this film deserves better. If you haven't seen it, go see it. If you know someone who hasn't seen it, tell them to see it! Support this film. 10/10
The Polar Express (2004)
Visual Masterpiece+ Forgettable Story= Christmas Mess
Just to make some things clear, I am still young and I still love Christmas and Christmas films. I hated Polar Express. I can't understand why people would call this film timeless. It's the most over used Christmas story there is, just with a prettier backdrop. Someone doesn't believe in Santa/no Christmas spirit, some miraculous Christmas miracle happens, their love for Christmas is rekindled. It's been done. There's nothing classic about it. My second last sentence basically spoiled the movie for everyone.
I know that's not the point of the movie, it's just supposed to fill us full or Christmas spirit or what not, it failed at that. I LOVE songs in animated movies, animated movies are my favorite genre. But the music absolutely made me cringe. The songs was lame, annoying, and uninteresting. That's the first time I've ever hated songs in a kids movie.
I saw it in the IMAX 3D, and it was unimpressive (popping-out-of-the-screen wise). Two times in the whole 90 minutes does something actually come out of the screen, you might as well see it in the actual theatre. I left the theatre annoyed and cheated, even though I got the movie for free! I was filled with about as much Christmas spirit as 'Surviving Christmas' (bleh), and if you're in it for the visuals, see The Incredibles. It's far more entertaining. 4/10
National Treasure (2004)
Entertaining little treasure hunt
I'm not the kind of person that enjoys a movie because it's entertaining, I usually judge by plot, characters, etc. But this was just pure entertainment.
Truth be told, the beginning is a real bore. The first 20 minutes or so just aren't all that interesting. I went to a midnight screening, I was tired and just wanted to go home, but then my little sister wanted to see the movie. The beginning really didn't help, but during the declaration heist, the film really started to pick up.
The characters themselves aren't all that interesting. Sean Bean really wasn't anything other than 'the villain'. His role is cardboard, but Bean found a way to make him tolerable. But, given the material, the actors really worked the best with what they had. The results is quite pleasant. Cage and Keitel are personal favorites of mine so I always have high expectations for their roles, they didn't disappoint. Justin Bartha is really hard to describe, his character hilarious, and he did a great job as the comic relief, but he wasn't much more than that. I guess I just expected something more from this character.
I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but through out the whole film all I could think about was Pirates of the Caribbean. I know they're both Bruckheimer films, but there was just something about Treasure that was so similar it driving me nuts.
If you just want to go to the movies for a good time, Treasure's for you. But, if you're the kind of person that rips a movie apart piece by piece, than Treasure isn't for you. 7/10
Van Helsing (2004)
Give the film a break
I've seen a lot of movies that I've loved but got terrible reviews on imdb, but Van Helsing really doesn't deserve all the hassle it's getting. It's either some people say the CGI or terrible or over done (make up your mind people). Or people compared it to the black and white classics, yes, they were very good movies, but Van Helsing is a completely different type of movie. You can tell by just looking at it, I can't understand how either can be compared. For the strangest reasons, you get people complaining about the logic in a movie about Vampires, Werewolves and a Frankenstein monster. Find the logic in that pile of nonsense.
I've waited to see this movie ever since it was in casting phase, my expectations were very high, and I wasn't let down. I loved almost every aspect of the film, apart from the ending. **Spoiler*** The faces in the sky were just way too cheesy for even me, it really would of been a better ending if that one scene were cut out. ***End Spoiler*** I love the creativity they gave to the monsters, a person shedding there skin, and the Frankenstein monster's electricity. Though sometimes, Frakenstein's character seemed a tad bit over done, as if he were performing in a shakespearian play. That was my only beef with the movie, and I would recommend it to anyone who just wants to have a good time at the movies.
If you want to see an award winner, go buy Lost in Translation. By Van Helsing's trailer, you can tell what kind of movie you're paying for.
The Man in the Moon (1991)
Mixed Feelings
The movie had some great acting and setting, I would of really liked this movie if not for the last half hour. The characters of Court and Maureen were terrible people, yet by the end of the movie we're supposed to ignore that and feel sorry for them. Court was the worst, he was really friendly to Dani and all, they kissed, and they seemed like a cute couple, yet, the moment he laid eyes on Maureen he completely ignored Dani throughout the rest of the film. I would of liked the movie a lot better if Dani never forgave Maureen, Maureen said she cared for Dani yet didn't care enough to do something so low and not even tell her. This movie has a lot of things working for it, but I hate how the characters are handled.