Albosaloser Reviews

6-Headed Shark Attack (2018 TV Movie)

Watch if you have trouble falling asleep

[2/10 · 23 January 2023]

What is supposed to be a marriage boot camp on a remote island turns into the ultimate test for survival when a 6-headed shark starts attacking the beach. Trapped with minimal weapons they try to fight of the shark, but quickly discover that no one is safe in the water, or on land.

Yes that is the synopsis and lure to pay actual money to watch this garbage, however the summary is the most interesting thing about this movie (though calling it a movie is an insult to real movies). I have found it helpful in those times when you wake up at night and have trouble falling back asleep, as it is so bad that it's painful to watch and you close your eyes to lessen the cringefactor.

Good luck if you can make it through.

Invasion (2021–2024)

Apple fail

[3/10 · 15 February 2022]

Apple seem to excel in taking promising sci-fi movies and turning them into confusing borefests..this is both confusing and slow and yet another reason to not take up an Apple TV subscription.

Mother/Android (2021)

The new 24 yr old Bruce willis

[3/10 · 7 January 2022]

Yet another dull movie by this actress, I don't understand her acting choices but this is yet another notch on her stinker belt. Don't waste your time.

Waiting for the Barbarians (2019)

Drivel

[3/10 · 6 June 2021]

This is both dull and uninspired, the script is poor and it would be great to smash the magistrates head in. Nothing to recommend, don't waste your time.

The Virtuoso (2021)

Terrible

[3/10 · 15 May 2021]

Hopkins is going all Nicholas cage on us...stop making these stinkers. 1 hr 50 mins of your life you can't take back, but you will want it back..pass on this boredom peeps.

Hunter Killer (2018)

A good movie why so long

[8/10 · 5 April 2021]

There seems to be some mandate in Hollywood to make the movie at least two and something hours... three is better.. this is a good movie however why do I have to sit there so long to watch it,

The Witches (2020)

Pretentious rubbish

[2/10 · 25 March 2021]

How does this drivel count for entertainment, the decline of Hollywood could be more apparent with this example

In the Shadow of the Moon (2019)

Good, way too long

[5/10 · 1 January 2021]

Why does every producer/director make their movies go on forever, please stop. Good movie, but drags on and on and on....

Tenet (2020)

Ok

[6/10 · 13 December 2020]

Why stop at 2 hours 30, go for 6 hours and thoroughly bore us..loud, messy, pretentious and indulgent

War of the Worlds: Episode #1.4 (2019) Season 1, Episode 4

Boring and slow

[3/10 · 12 July 2020]

Could have been so much better, a slow and dull period piece drama that leaves the audience wishing all the main characters would die and be eaten by the aliens so at least there would be some action..don't waste you time.

California (1977)

Average

[3/10 · 4 July 2020]

Explains why they stopped making spaghetti westerns..average, Humourless and ultimately boring

Iron Brothers (2018)

Low budget

[3/10 · 4 July 2020]

Low budget, sound quality is poor, acting is amateur...not really worth your time

Primal (2019)

Made for 2am tv

[2/10 · 9 November 2019]

2 actors way past their prime, a bad guy who is ridiculously hard to kill, this is one to fall asleep too at best. The first 15 mins has nice scenery and drone footage, however, from there, its a cheap affair, filmed in the one warehouse to save money.

Wunderland (2018)

As bad as it gets

[1/10 · 27 May 2019]

To say this movie has gone beyond a joke is an insult to all jokes. Terrible acting, effects and props. Berenger should hang his head in shame..retire gracefully you old fool. As to the rest of the cast, I understand acting must be a part time job for you, however, don't consider moving into mainstream acting...you can save yourself the shame of rejection Anyways, be warned this is an absolute stinker with nothing positive, save when it is finished, as you know the torture is finally over.....

Wynonna Earp (2016–2021)

Wrecked by Waverley Earp

[2/10 · 23 December 2018]

Characters are poorly scripted and Waverley Earp makes the show cringeworthy.

The Rain (2018–2020)

Good concept, poor delivery

[4/10 · 5 May 2018]

This was an interesting concept and could've been so much bette, except for the children who have numerous mental deficiencies and general poor scripting and acting

Mother! (2017)

Stoopid

[2/10 · 30 March 2018]

A stupid movie, suitable for you oscar weirdos that may appreciate the art in having a dump on the ground, then debating whether having the dump is merely an expression of art, or some selfish expression of our desire to inflict waste product to the foolish masses who pay for the privilege.... Ponder this as you endure 2 hours of your life you'll never get back

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

Rubbish

[3/10 · 23 January 2018]

A movie that lacks a meaningful score and loses itself in its pretentiousness. Movies should be made to entertain, not by for a globe or some other Hollywood bauble that we are supposed to live in awe of at yet another meaningless ceremony. Stop delivering this drivel and make real movies.

The Tall Man (2012)

Rubbish

[1/10 · 6 October 2012]

I often rate a movie but seldom review.

This movie is drivel, from poor acting, inept direction and terrible script, I find it difficult to express one redeeming quality about this movie.

The guideline of this site states we need to provide 10 lines of commentary per review.

This film is about a legend that has been started by the town folk of Cold Rock. Since the children in the town have been going missing, people have said it's an entity known as 'The Tall Man' who has been taking them. Julia Denning ('Jessica Biel' ) is the local nurse whose husband died years earlier. She is soon personally involved as her child is taken. She tries to track down where the child is taken, but finds that there's more to what's happening than she knew. The towns-folk start to turn on her and the truth comes out.

Don't waste your time viewers, find something meaningful to do with your time rather than attempt to validate this dreadful attempt at cinema, You have been warned.