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1990: I guerrieri del Bronx (1982)
Guerriero! Vieni a giocare!
Low budget Italian knock-off of Warriors/Escape from New York. I can see how some may enjoy how silly it is but it's also pretty lame and boring compared to other such films. I can also see why I've never heard of the series before now. The fight sound effects are amazing!!!
Titane (2021)
Slick, Brutal, Silly, Disappointing
Having watched the trailer I had high hopes for this film, my own fault I know, and the second act did not disappoint. Dripping with dark style, music, sex, murder and music Titane got off to an amazing start. Sadly that was it for me. The rest of the film sees the lead character who starts off as a no nonsense serial killer become fragile and afraid as she takes the identity of a missing boy to hide out from the police in his father's home who appears ridiculously oblivious to the fact that she is clearly not his son. The farther also happens to be the chief of a fire station, and taking steroids to keep up with the younger firefighters, and our lead is put to work there in, no questions asked. None of these things are really explored in any kind of competent detail or used well in the plot other than one firefighter having some suspicions, and so he is killed...by the farther, and the man's estranged wife and mother to missing boy. She being far more clever and finding out almost straight away of the lead's deceit even though that amounts to nothing either. The overriding plot is basically the lead becomes pregnant after having sex with a car and the rest of the film is about her hiding her pregnancy and her identity from her foster home until she can't no longer at the climax when she is giving birth and parts of her body tear to reveal some chrome under her skin, her blood and breast milk are oil and the baby she delivers has the same plate in its head as her and a chrome spine that is exposed and then the lead dies. Fin. If she'd given birth to a tiny car I would have given this another couple of stars because that would've made more sense and provided a bit more of a shock in a supposed body horror film. Everything that started off good about the film gets stripped away leaving a barely interesting husk. There could have been some many ways to explore her murderous nature, her strange pregnancy, her madness or what was happening with the farther. But there's little to nothing there. I'm guessing art house viewers will find something more and no doubt I'm missing some of the symbolism or whatever but this was a terrible letdown as far I'm concerned.
The Puppet Masters (1994)
Decidedly Average Rehash
I've just watched the movie again and I remembered it being better than it actually is like many of the movies I watched when I was younger.
This is a very average alien invasion film. It's pretty much the exact same story as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which is a far superior film(s), with slightly different aliens doing the invading.
The acting is also very wooden and sometimes hilariously bad. I think the actors knew this was destined to be a half-baked turkey and didn't bother turning it in. For most of the movie they all speak in a hushed monotone voice for some god awful reason. I could maybe understand if it was just those being controlled by the alien but it's not. Apart from a bit of yelling I could barely hear the dialogue.
The aliens themselves look kinda cool but they're hardly threatening on their own and when they do manage to move about by themselves it offers some more unintentionally hilarious moments.
There's far too many plot holes and inconsistencies and the overall story is a pretty muddled affair. People seem to like the book it's based on that I haven't read but I'm guessing maybe it manages a far better job than this movie.
If you've got nothing else to watch and want to watch a different version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers the go ahead and give it a go. But if you want a better experience just watch the originals. Both better films than this ripoff.
Close (2019)
Bland and Nonsensical
This exact story has been done to death over the years with varying twists that warrant another go. However this attempt adds literally nothing. There's very little in the way of character building other than the leads being your typical washed-out vet-for-hire and her spoilt know-nothing companion. A right odd couple one might say. They're about as two-dimensional as the sheet of paper the script was written on. At one point Rapace's character's husband turns up and is killed immediately and I couldn't care less. It really adds nothing to the paper-thin story. With okayish acting and silly fight sequences this is a real mess. Netflix is really just throwing money into the wind at the moment but at least it's keeping actors and crews busy, even if more than half of what the turn out is complete garbage like this stinker.
Krampus (2015)
Horror comedy?
I can count the number of successful horror comedies on one hand. This is most definitely not one of them.
After viewing the trailer I had reasonably high hopes for this film. The cast seemed competent and well put together and the look and tone really appealed to me.
Unfortunately, it suffers from the same issues that many horror comedies do in that it doesn't really know what it wants to be more and in doing so it is neither a good horror or comedy.
The horror elements certainly outweigh the comedy (in speaking with a friend who also saw the film I had to point out that it was supposed to be a comedy and the cast had several comedian actors and he was still adamant it was just a horror) and I would have preferred it to have been a straight up horror.
I really don't see how anybody can describe this as a throw-back to 80's movies as it's very much a lazy and uninspired modern piece of film. The only reason I will remember it is because it was such a wasted opportunity and that is very much indicative of our current times.
Haters Back Off! (2016)
Haters Back Off!
This show is brilliantly oddball. It perfectly captures the other side of the character of Miranda who up until now has been restricted to Youtube videos, a book and stage shows.
Miranda is an amalgamation of the cringe-inducing and seemingly lacking in self-awareness internet 'stars' who post videos that go viral for all the wrong reasons plus many over the top exaggerations from the deviously warped minds of the characters creators.
This series has gone as far as to actually humanise a character who at times has seemed far from human. There's now more of a meaning and purpose behind the character and it has only helped further flesh out a wonderfully zany and interesting person.
This isn't the all out wacky and surreal show I thought it was going to be. It has a lot more depth and emotion than that. It actually raises some very interesting points about mental illness and obsession. Is Miranda really as unaware as she seems of the world around her or is she suffering from some form of obsessive- compulsive disorder or even possibly autism?
I think it is fair to say that the show creators were fully aware that many would not 'get' the joke. After all, the character Miranda is well known for rebutting the hate sent her way on Youtube. Yes, she is monstrously annoying and seemingly has no self-awareness. But that's what's so fun and interesting about these characters. It's not like this hasn't been done before. And I'm sure as with those other characters that lack their own self-awareness they will come under fire from those who seemingly do not get the joke. Of course, there will be those who do and still find it not to their taste as after all, comedy is very subjective and if you know nothing of the character previously or even have no knowledge of Youtube you're probably going to have a hard time relating to Miranda.
Balada triste de trompeta (2010)
It's a film about clowns.
Having watched the trailer and read a few reviews I was looking forward to watching this film. I was impressed with the first section of the film and thought I knew where it was going. Sadly the film lost its way for me quickly after the first act and the plot pretty much disappeared.
In no way did I like any of the lead characters and felt no compassion to their plights. The background characters were just as flat as the leads. A few slapstick moments kinda made me think this film could have been a whole lot darker had we actually seen more comedy mixed with horror. The story as it is has more in common with King Kong or The The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and although I understood the backdrop of the civil war at the beginning I have no idea if the rest of the film was supposed to be a clever analogy; nor did I really care.
I found it apt that the two main characters go into a haunted house at a fairground as this pretty much summarised the film for me. A scary and interesting looking building at the entrance (with a brief bit of history)then through the door. A few shocks and grotesque moments with no narrative to back them up later and your exiting through a bland swing door. And as with exiting any fairground haunted houses I'm always left feeling I could have spent my time and money better elsewhere.
This story had potential, but it would seem that they decided to jump off that particular path and delve into exploring madness, but for some reason not as far as they should have. A well shot film with moments that could have made a great film but sadly floundered and lurched its way to a silly climax.
Crystal Voyager (1973)
surf and turf
Do not expect to much from this film. It's pretty much a no brain surf movie (lots of big splashy waves and dudes with blond hair and orange skin talking about how at one they feel with the ocean). But if you enjoy that kind of film then this one is not bad. There are a lot better but I like this one because it has a Pink Floyd track at the end of the film (well actually it takes up 23mins 31sec of the film) it is a track off the album Meddle called Echoes, very tripped out music which mixes beautifully with the visuals of the ocean.