Cheesedemon28 Reviews

Closer (I) (2004)

Closer To Perfection Each Time I See It

[10/10 · 8 December 2004]

[WARNING: This review contains some language and a whole lot of senseless

blathering about how fantastic Mike Nichols is]

All right, Nichols, you win.

I've been looking, I guess, for a favorite director for some time now. It was jumbled between Polanski, Fuller, Allen, and even Takashi Miike for awhile, but they all wane (slightly, mind you, but still wane) in awe at Mike Nichols.

I was wondering how this movie, being a relationship movie, would stack up

with audiences, to quote the film, to "that witch we do not speak of."* To be honest, it was about as divided, but I think it's a clear sign that since most of the people who came out of Closer who either liked it or hated it spoke with such vocabulary and a surprising, staunch lack of grammar. True quote: "Fantastic

movie... must... defenestrate... DVD collection." People literally are entranced by this piece of pure, unmitigated CINEMA, damn it!

The story is sparse. It is more about the feelings of the characters than the actual plot, but here's my take: couples cheating on one another. That's pretty much all you need to know plotwise. The plot does not fail in any way. In fact, the

minimalism is key to the reflection in the mirrors that are the script and acting. WHOOOOLY HECK. The dialogue as stilted as hell, and guess what? It works,

like a charm. It feels very much like the play it was scripted on, and that just gets me thinking: relationships really are like a play going on before you, and that's why people say things as trite as "do you think I'm ugly?" or "please, don't leave me." In any other movie (like the one by the asterisk at the end), this dialogue would have faltered, but the pure frankness of the events that unfold and the way that they are portrayed is genius. Julia Roberts, who I really don't like, gives her best performance, bar none, and she's incredibly convincing. In one

particular scene, she and Clive Owen are both as frank, biting, and funny as the movie they star in. Jude Law's truly shone this year in his pictures, and he

shines the brightest here (yep, even better than in Huckabees, and he was

pretty damn good in that one). Natalie Portman, though not nude, is probably

the best of the foursome. Admittedly, she has the best lines of dialogue, but only she could make them as funny and as tragic as they are.

The best thing about Closer? No matter how straightforward it is with breakups and infidelity, it never loses its sense of surreality, which is tough to pull off if your name doesn't start with an "R" and end with an "oman Polanski." The way

the film is shot is perfect: any scene that involves infidelity or a question of infidelity, the camera angles become obscure (not too obscure) so that the

unfortunate events playing out on screen become that much more effective.

So in all, how is it? Three words: "Life On Screen" or "Pure F'n Cinema."

Yep, it's that good. :)

*The movie referred to was indeed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And

unless you don't have a funny bone and are not in relationship, Closer dunks

Eternal Sunshine's head in the toilet bowl 98 times, one for each minute of film.

YES: IT'S THAT GOOD. :D

Andromedia (1998)

Quite Lame

[28 November 2004]

I've read a bit and found out about how Takashi Miike goes about making films. First off, it's almost never his idea for the film. A screenwriter or producer will contact him and then the ball will start rolling.

Here's the deal with Andromedia (the American title): Takashi Miike's prior film was The Bird People of China, which showed that he could actually direct an

audience friendly, traditional, and dare I say mainstream film. Miike was not terribly interested when someone contacted him about Andromedia. However,

he found an element of satire in the idea of the film, and I don't blame him. The plot of this picture is that a girl, Mai, dies, and her father, using the unexplained "magic" of computers, uploads her memories into an A.I system (cutely named

Ai). Oh, and there are two bad Japanese pop groups thrown into the system.

What emerges is Miike's stab at satire, at best. At worst, it's a sappy teen drama with poorly developed characters and an undefined plot. At the end of the film, you really do not realize what the villains in the film were up to. Ever. There is no motivation given for any of the villains. In fact, there is a double-betrayal towards the end of the movie that makes absolutely no sense at all.

So I chose to view the film as a satire, realizing that I had totally wasted my money expecting the usual from Takashi Miike (violence, sex, human emotions,

and dark, dark humor). Turns out I was not even granted good satire. The few

moments of hilarity come whenever boy-band Da Pump is on screen, especially

during their hilariously bad musical number, featuring pyrotechnics and bad

dance steps. Other than that, the film actually seems to take itself seriously. Which is really depressing considering how bad it is.

So, if you're looking for an interesting teen drama, don't bother. If you're looking for a satire, don't bother. And if you're looking for Takashi Miike, I don't know where the hell he went either.

4/10

Diva (1981)

Huh?

[7 November 2004]

Sorry, did I fall asleep? *yawn* Oh, right, Diva, I remember this movie. That's the plot less movie about the opera singer and the mailman, right? God what a shitty piece of poo. Yeah, I remember it didn't have much of a plot and the characters were mostly lame. Forgot what happened at the end. Something about bootlegging? Hmm. Pretty forgetful, I'd say.

Diva

Overall: D-

Acting: D It's bad.

Writing: F Wow it's very bad.

Direction: C- Could have been worse, but still sucks the big ass.

Style: F BOOOOOORING.

Music: B Not too bad, actually, could have been worse.

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Great Flick

[2 October 2004]

Man, what a fantastic movie.

First off, a zombie or horror movie that starts with a half an hour of character development needs due praise just for that. What follows is one of the most insane zombie fests I've ever seen.

The film starts off like a kind of dark romantic comedy, following the life of Shaun and Ed, his slacker friend. Shaun breaks up with his girlfriend Liz, and begins to drink his sorrows away at the pub. Then the zombies enter. In one particularly great scene, Shaun walks from his house to a convenience store and doesn't even notice that there are zombies all around him... because England is like that ALL THE TIME!

The writing in the movie is impeccable, definitely not what you would expect from typical zombie fare. Simon Pegg gives a terrific performance as Shaun, and the entire supporting cast is great. The film skirts on being hilarious and frightening, but for the most part it's just funny. Also, the violence (which is mostly impaling) is pretty non-graphic, which I think suits the film fine.

Horror nuts will love the countless referrences to other movies ("We're coming to get you, Barbara!"), but pretty much everyone will enjoy Shaun of the Dead.

The Final Cut:

Direction: B

The direction of the film isn't perfect, but it works just fine. I found the constant cutting to be pretty obnoxious, but you have to love the use of tracking shots.

Writing: A+

Probably the best script I've seen all year.

Acting: A-

Almost everyone is just fine.

Style: A

Completely original, totally off the wall.

Music: B

Nothing really special (but the scene with the LP's! CLASSIC!)

Overall: A-

You will probably like this film tons.

Ichi the Killer (2001)

As a Miike Film, It's a Bit Overrated

[7/10 · 18 September 2004]

I'll admit that I walked into Ichi the Killer with high expectations. I had heard nothing but praise for the movie from day one, and in fact, though I hadn't seen it, it's what turned me on to Takashi Miike in the first place. Before Ichi, I had seen Gozu, Happiness of the Katakuris, all three Dead or Alives and Visitor Q. Ichi is a bit of a letdown.

First off, if you've heard about the intense amount of gore and violence in the movie, you've heard right. The violence is almost nonstop, and the scenes of

torture and rape are really hard to stomach. I personally am OK with violence for the most part, but Ichi just pushes the limit for me.

I guess every great director has one movie that I find to be totally overrated... Fellini had La Dolce Vita, Scorsese has Raging Bull, heck even Kurosawa had

the way-overrated Rashomon, and I guess Miike's got Ichi the Killer.

The plot rolls in very, very, verrrrrrrry slowly, letting the action take the driver's seat for most of the movie. However, once the plot does enter, it's pretty

interesting. Ichi is a very well developed character, as is Kakihara. I also can't say that I didn't enjoy the fight scenes, but I would have enjoyed them more if I didn't have to keep from puking.

The score is probably the only score I've heard with a drum solo (besides Taxi Driver, I guess), and it's not bad at all. It's nothing like Koji Endo's stuff (he's the guy that usually collaborates with Miike), but it's kind of exhilarating. And just like all of Miike's movies, you are bound to find something that you will feel bad laughing about.

The Final Cut:

Direction: B

Not in any way up to Miike's usual technique. The sped-up sequences felt out of place.

Script: B

It's alright, but Sakichi Sato has again, done better...

Style: B

It's like Miike with more violence than one can usually handle. Add or subtract from the score depending on how you feel about that.

Acting: A-

Everyone's just fine, but the guy that plays Ichi is absolutely perfect. He's so innocent... and then he slices a pimp in half. BAHAHA!!!

Music: A-

Not what I expected, but it works.

Overall: B

Overrated, but still a ton of fun, definitely the most violent movie I've ever seen.

Gozu (2003)

Insane, Funny, Horrific, and Awesome

[10/10 · 16 September 2004]

This is perhaps the first movie I've ever seen that's had me consistently laughing out loud and then nearly creeping me out to the point of p**sing my pants. Don't get me wrong... this movie won't have you shrieking because of frights... but it will quietly nestle itself in the back of your brain and set shop in your nightmares. Did I mention it's also hilarious?

Where to start... Gozu starts somewhat normal (compared to the rest of the movie): Ozaki, a member of the Azumawari Yakuza clan, is starting to go crazy, even paranoid. So it's up to his successor and admirer, Minami, to get rid of him. Now just when you think the movie's going to be a heartbreaker about duty and brotherhood, the s**t hits the fan. Ozaki dies before he's supposed to. His corpse disappears. The dead seem to walk in more than one incident.

Breastmilk is being sold to everyone. Cow demons are handing out pornography in the middle of the night. WHAT THE HELL DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!?

I'm not totally sure. Without spoiling anything, the themes tend to lean towards rebirth, motherhood, and homosexuality, all at once. I've seen the movie three times now, and each time I've got something different out of it. That, my friends, is mastery. I'm not quite sure if Gozu is one for the ages, but even in a year with such movies as Fahrenheit 9/11, Garden State, Ju-on, The Corporation, and

Coffee and Cigarettes, this has to be my favorite so far.

The Final Cut:

Direction: A

Well, gosh, it's Takashi Miike. Do you expect any less?

Style: A+++

Once again, Miike delivers head-on with the style. This movie is so fudged-up, you will probably go somewhat crazy.

Acting: A-

Hideki Sone, who plays Minami, is absolutely fantastic in this movie, as is Sho Aikawa, who has a supporting role in Ozaki. Just plain brilliance.

Script: B

A little janky at some parts, but it compliments Miike's insane outlook quite nicely.

Music: A

Koji Endo's creepy cello / nails on chalkboard score scared the crap out of me, while the bizarre ending song broke my heart in a way like no other.

Overall: A

Don't miss this! You probably aren't going to get another chance to see Gozu on the big screen for a LONG time.

Best quote: "You weener looks just like Frankenstein's!"

Battle Royale II (2003)

Not as Fun as the First One

[2 September 2004]

I dunno. You could tell the film was going downhill when the teacher character comes out. He's WAY too serious, so serious it looks silly. Definitely not up to Takeshi Kitano's in the original. The violence is understated, the story is overdone, I didn't really like any of the characters this time around, but most importantly, it feels like an American action film. This blows considerable chunks. When they storm the beach during one scene, it feels literally like some dumbfuck Normandy movie that we have in America. It's just no fun.

I feel really bad for the guys who are telling Tarantino not to remake this film because it has too good a plot. Because the plot blows. I also can't see why they get p***ed about it because they basically had Kenta Fukusaku go through and direct the movie when Kinji died, right? And it's just as sacrilegious in my opinion... Kenta just isn't as good as Kinji. Tarantino would probably make a respectful closing to the BR saga. And... Uma Thurman would walk around barefoot. No biggie there.

Direction: C- Script: C Style: C (totally absent) Acting: B- Music: B

Overall: C

Just doesn't stand up to the first one in any way.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002 Video Game)

Style, Wit, Charm, and Open-Endedness... One Of The Best

[23 July 2004]

Vice City is truly an incredible game on all accounts... just for the soundtrack this is an instant masterpiece. Having Megadeth and Blondie in the same game would normally make one's speakers explode, but it just works here. Many people who played GTA III had a very zenlike experience when they would gun someone down, get in their car, and suddenly, this beautiful opera starts playing. VC's zenlike music experience is a bit less dramatic, but I don't care what anyone says: blasting away those two-timing French guys who want Cortez's microchips wouldn't be as memorable if I didn't get into a boat to hear Judas Priest screaming, "You Got Another Thing Coming." I absolutely love the soundtrack of this game.

But enough about that... Vice City may attract certain people to it because of the adult themes, but it's not what keeps them there. VC has some of the best gameplay on recent consoles. The main factor in that is that the game has a little bit of something for everyone... don't want to blaze through the missions? That's fine... go around town, go on rampages, buy some ammo... it's all at your fingertips. I do urge people to go on the missions, though, because if there's one thing that VC's got, it's charm, and that charm comes out big time in the story. The voice acting is top notch... where else are you gonna find Ray Liotta and Ms.Cleo conferring about beating up some Cubans? The story, unfortunately, is more like a DePalma movie than a Scorsese, but it works. You feel sleazy the whole time, and Iove it.

Lets not mince words, though, this game is pretty violent. Not because of the amount of gore, but because everything is pretty realistic. This isn't for kids; I wouldn't recommend parents letting their kids play this unless they're very mature. My mom was fine with it, but I know not many will be. The most gruesome act I can think of is shooting a helicopter down so that it crushes a few people, then stealing the ambulance, running over the paramedics with it. Pretty sick stuff, to say the least.

But no matter... go get this game. Quickly. You won't regret it if your name doesn't begin with a Joe and end with a Lieberman.

Graphics: Nothing spectacular. B-. Gameplay: The best on a PS2. A+. Style: Can't deny this game's charm and wit. A. Music: Slayer and Oliver Cheatham in the same game. 'Nuff said. A+. Ingenuity: This game revitalized the crime-game genre. A

Overall: A... can't recommend this one enough.

The King of Comedy (1982)

Scorsese's Black Sheep... Fantastic

[11 July 2004]

The King of Comedy is clearly one of Scorsese's best movies. I mean... just look at it. Great plot, DeNiro's unique approach to comedy, near perfect casting, and fall-down funny humor... the film's great. The thing is, since it doesn't deal with gangsters or the mafia, people look it over. That's a real shame, considering that even though it's the least Scorsese-like Scorsese movie, it's one of his best.

Scorsese's directing style is still apparent, and it indeed feels like one of his films. But since it's a comedy... dealing with comedians... it's a different sort of plot for him.

In any case, check it out. Anyone who's a fan of Scorsese or Robert DeNiro will just love this. Sandra Bernhard's also pretty damn hilarious. Go see it.

Overall Score: A- Direction: B+ Style: B+ Acting: A Script: A+ Music: B+

Best line: "You wanna be waitin' here 'till next Shavuos?!"

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

The Worst Video Game-to-Film Adaptation... THAT'S Saying Something!

[8 July 2004]

Oh man... where to begin... I might as well get the good things out of the way first. So here are the pros: Steve Buscemi's voice and good CGI. That's it. Now for the cons. The first and most easily distinguishable problem with the movie is that IT ISN'T FINAL FANTASY! It seriously shares nothing with any game in the series. Even the character that should have been named "Cid" is named "Sid."

There are no references to moogles, chocobos, anything. It seems the film

makers just took the futuristic stuff they saw in FF7 and 8 and made it into a totally different movie. At least the Super Mario Bros. movie had the courtesy to have something that actually makes it feel like the material it's based on.

The CGI is great, but there's a problem: it looks almost exactly like real life. Wouldn't it have made sense just to do live-action then? Hyper-realistic movies like these are going to bring a well-deserved end to CGI. I hope.

Anywho, the voice acting isn't terrible, but it isn't great either. There's nothing special here, so if you have never heard the words "Final" or "Fantasy" together in a sentence, you might get something out of this. However, diehards or even series casuals will balk at how little this film resembles to the games.

Final Grade: D+

The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)

"..and all that jazz..." jazz being a demon ripping your uvula out

[8 June 2004]

This might be the single best contemporary musical ever made. No one has ever decided to make an ultraviolent, sarcastically feel-good. And no one should have done it besides Takahashi Miike. I'm beginning to think Miike can do anything.

The story is pretty linear and similar to a movie that inspired Miike before I saw it. But the execution is deathly perfect: patrons at the hotel the Katakuris run stab themselves in the head, then they break out in song, and all hell breaks loose. This is one of the best musicals ever to come out of Japan and one of the best musicals in the past 5 years.

Chapeau, Tak! You're a genius.

The Happiness of the Katakuris The Final Cut: A

Direction: A (very well done) Script: C (but that's the point) Style: A Acting: A (perfectly naive) Music: A frickin' +++

If you want a good laugh, this is for you. I nearly died laughing.

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)

Amazing Flick, One of My Favorites

[7 June 2004]

Yes, Ghost Dog is an unbilled remake of Le Samourai. Sort of. The plot and style is very different, clearly, and Jarmusch's simple and apathetic direction is still very aparrent. Hell, like Fistfull of Dollars to Yojimbo, this is a different movie. This is not a remake like Dirty Dancing: Havana nights. Ghost Dog stands on its own, quite easily.

Forrest Whitaker and Issach De Bankole give great, stirring performances. The music is moody and great(RZA became a musical influence of mine this way). The cinematography by Robby Mueller is simple and still stylish. I can't find much flaw here... except maybe the script isn't perfect the whole way through. Still, it's a strange story played out perfectly. This film could have totally failed as art, but it's really awesome. My favorite Jim Jarmusch movie!

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai Final Cut: A

----------- Direction: A- Script: B Style: A+ Acting: A Music: A+

Highly recommended! Go see it.

Monster (2003)

"They Gotta Tell You Something..."

[5 June 2004]

I just want to start off by saying that it's a shame that people focus solely on Charlize Theron's performance in this movie. Not that it's a poor performance, no, quite the contrary. But she alone does not carry this film. Great acting, a touching story, wonderful cinematography, and superb direction (especially for a first movie!), make this one of the best movies of last year.

Yes, it's hard to feel sympathy for Wuornos after the fourth or fifth john she kills, and about 3/4 through the movie the "I did it all for you" excuse seems a little half-assed. But writer/director Patty Jenkins isn't looking for sympathy for Aileen "Lee' Wuornos. This is one of those movies that isn't one way or another. Like most great films, it just is.

Theron's performance is good, definitely Oscar-caliber, whatever that means,

but still WAY overhyped. She's still a young actress who isn't at her best yet, but she's definitely showing signs of great skill. Christina Ricci also does a fine job.

I totally did not expect the romantic plot involved in Monster. I expected a pretty much straight-up biopic, but I got a somewhat tender homosexual romance that, very tragically, goes awry. It's a very sad movie. If you're looking for an upper, stick to Amelie or some feel-good title along those lines. This is very depressing.

Also, don't take your kids to see this. The cursing is through the roof, but there's a very violent rape scene as well as some very violent killings. Most of it is deserving of an R, but the rape scene in particular borders on an X.

Patty Jenkins is one of the two big new directors of last year, the other being Sofia Coppola. I hope to see more movies from them in the upcoming years.

Monster

Final Cut: A-

Direction: A- Script: B Style: B+ Acting: B+ Music: C+

Fun Fact: Bruce Dern plays a Vietnam war veteran, which is, ironically, similar to the role he played in the totally sappy war movie "Coming Home."

Final Fantasy IX (2000 Video Game)

My Favorite Final Fantasy For a Number of Reasons

[5 June 2004]

I love this game. Every second of it is filled with character, great gameplay, and graphics. Call me a traditionalist, but I think this was the last great Final Fantasy before Square went off the deep end (X, X-2). Three fourths of the cast is lovable, and that's good considering the dismal showings of boy-band rejects in the previous two installments. Quina, Zidane, Vivi, and Freya are my favorite characters, all with their own personalities and traits. That brings up another point that has been lacking in recent FF's. In this game, all the characters have their own traits, which is am perfect return to the roots of FF3. In 7 and 8, you could have pretty much the same three characters the whole game as long as you built them up the right way. But in 9, every character can (and in some cases, must) be raised in their own unique way and can be switched around to make a versatile party. Most people will go with a party of Zidane, Vivi, Steiner, and Dagger the whole way through, but it's definitely a fun challenge to throw in a complex character like Quina or Amarant into the mix. FFIX also boasts the biggest, most involving sidequests in the series. From the first world in the game on, you can collect little items that have no use, but instead, have tons of references to past FF's. I can't tell you how much fun I had collecting items like the Mini-Cid, the Rat Tail, or even little model airships. It's like Tarantino or Godard found their way into Final Fantasy! Most of all, this has the best chocobo sidequest of any FF so far. It's involving, deep, and very complex Everything else you come to expect from FF is here... great music, graphics, story, and challenge. What can you lose?

Er... I have to adjust my scale for a second.

Final Fantasy IX Final Cut: A+

Story/Characters: A+ Music: A- Graphics: A- Gameplay: A Sidequests: A+

It's near perfection... pick it up!

Breathless (1960)

Revolutionalized Cinema, Yet Still a Whole Lot of Fun

[4 June 2004]

There are a ton of movies that people say have changed cinema for the better... about 50% of those films are boring. I was told that Coming Home was a revolution in film. I was bored by the sappy overacting and lame plot. More recently, we have Eternal Sunshine, which is apparently very innovative, yet totally sappy, crappy, and obnoxious. Breathless, however, is both extremely avant-garde (even today), yet still very entertaining. Godard shows that we can really move forward while keeping sight of what we've done in the past. Remember, movies are here to entertain. The characters are lovable, Jean Seberg is HOT HOT HOT!!!!!, and the story is well done. I loved it quite a bit. The only gripe I had was that the editing was a little choppy. Other than that, It's near perfect.

Final Cut: A-

Direction: B Style: A+ Script: A- Acting: A- Music: A Hats off!

Fun fact: Godard couldn't afford a dolly, so he pushed the cinematographer around in a wheelchair instead.

Grave of the Fireflies (1988)

Taking animation seriously!

[2 June 2004]

This is a superbly animated and emotional movie. Like anything out of Studio Ghibli, this is well animated and drawn. That's no surprise. But the emotional depth in this movie is astounding for an anime. Most people cry at the end of this- I came close. It's very sad and deeply moving, one of the best war movies ever. I reccomend it for any fan of things depressing and/or animated. Just don't watch it dubbed.

Overall: A

Direction/Animation: A- Script: B+ Style: A Characters/Voice Acting: B+ (japanese) D+ (english) Music: B

Glory (1989)

Strikingly Mediocre

[1 June 2004]

Well, this is one of those movies like Titanic that is really well

made, but sappy and oscar-driven. Sure, it's a well made film, no

doubt. But the stupid and overly sappy music, the textbook

dialogue, the highschool play delivery from every character that

isn't black (minus Morgan Freeman), this is just an average dud. If

you find this emotional or moving, I feel really sorry for you.

C-

Direction: 8 Writing: 4 Style: 0 Acting: 5 Music: 0

Outline: Overly sappy civil war movie.

Coffee and Cigarettes (2003)

a grab bag of humor

[31 May 2004]

C&C is not perfect. Not at all. Some of the bits, like Reneé, Cousins, and No Problem, are kind of pointless and unfunny. However, the good outweighs the

bad here. Pretty much every skit is hilarious. Almost everyone in the audience, me included, laughed our asses off at Cousins? and Delirium. I don't know how anyone can find this pretentious... sure, the three middle bits I mentioned earlier are duds... but even those help make the funny ones seem really funny. My

favorite three are Delirium, Cousins?, and Champagne, which brings a nice,

poetic end to the skits. Cousins? might be one of the best-written shorts I've ever seen. If you've got patience, this is for you. Even if you don't, take a sh*t or get some popcorn in the middle. This is probably one of the better movies I've seen this year.

Coffee and Cigarettes VERDICT: A-

Best line: GZA to Bill Murray: "Groundhog Day, Ghostbustin' Mutha-f**ka, Bill Murray his-self!" Hilarious.

Tokyo Story (1953)

"Isn't Life Depressing?"

[10/10 · 8 May 2004]

Two women are sitting on tatami mats. They are smiling and talking. One of

them says, "Isn't life depressing?" Wow... that pretty much says it.

Tokyo Story is defenitely one of the finest movies ever made. Easy. I don't care what anyone says: slow or not, this is one of Ozu's finest films. Very few movies have made my cry, but I did indeed weep at this movie. All of the acting

performances are very believeable, especially Hara's. The interesting knee- level tatami cinematography suits the film perfectly. Even the music is

impeccable.

What really gets me with Tokyo Story is how stunningly realistic it is. From the dialogue to the story, everything feels like real life. No matter what language you speak, what culture or country you hail from, this element is universal.

It's pretty much perfect... every character is fleshed out, there are no plot holes left open... I can't find anything to complain about it! 50 years after its release and it's still very contemporary... damn.

I give it **** out of ****.

Chicago (2002)

a travesty to musicals

[7 May 2004]

I consider myself to be an avid fan of musicals. Sure, I like a good ultraviolent escapade like Kill Bill just as much as the next man, but generally I sit down with West Side Story when I'm in a good mood. That being said, I wasn't expecting much. There hasn't been a good musical made in at least ten years. I set my expectations low, and still, it was worse than I expected.

What the does anyone see in this movie? How can you compare this to a masterpiece like West Side Story, or even Little Shop of Horrors? How is this in any way superior to Polanski's masterwork, The Pianist? How is it that the academy gives more of a s*** about a crappy musical than a well-made Holocaust film?!

WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT!?

The songs are sacreligious. The acting is just plain lazy. If anything, this film deserved something like costume design. Actually the costumes are very nicely designed. But the rest: crap!

Don't bother if you like serious musicals and hate cheeky crap like Chicago.

2/10

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Impossibly Crappy- Few Redeeming Qualities

[1/10 · 28 April 2004]

I struggled for a long time to like this movie. I just felt horrible; everyone was enjoying the "best film of the last ten years" and I just felt like I was watching cinematic vomit. I felt out of the loop, but, I suppose that's just going to have to be alright, because I refuse to like this piece of bile.

First off, the plot revolves around a pretty lame plot device, namely a memory erasing company. Some people really do forget other human beings, even those they've been romantically involved with, so why rely on this lame device? Charlie Kaufman's funny dialogue and interesting plots have gone out the window, making way for some incredibly bad lines, like, "Do you think I'm ugly?" I just hate listening to the characters talk; they are some of the most repulsive, unlikeable characters committed to the screen. Kate Winslet's character in particular I wanted to smack. I mean, how is it possible I can stand a four hour movie starring a rapacious gangster (Once Upon a Time in America) and can't not walk out on this under-two hour claptrap starring decent humans? I wouldn't want to spend ten minutes with these bastards, let alone 100 minutes.

Kirsten Dunst starts dancing in her underwear. Whoop-de-doo. Mark Ruffalo makes a mistake. Elijah Wood looks like a chihuahua. Jim Carrey looks ill. Kate Winslet spaces out and annoys the hell out of me. No actor in the movie has a breakout performance, not even Jim Carrey, who's just as annoying as he is in his comedic films. Even the score by the otherwise talented Jon Brion sucks! It's like everything that touches this movie instantly turns to sh*t.

The direction, courtesy of mediocre music video director Michel Gondry, is not even worth mentioning. It's ridiculous. All of it is done very ambitiously, but most of the time it just feels stupid and over-the-top.

In all, I found a predictable, bland, overrated, steaming piece of tripe. Please, never speak of it again in my presence.

Overall

.5/10

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Mr. Tarantino, your achilles' heel is showing...

[23 April 2004]

Before I start my actual review of Kill Bill Vol.1, I have to tell you a little bit about my history with Tarantino.

The first one I saw was Reservoir Dogs. A lot of people say it's packed with references to other movies, but I can only think of two or three off the top of my head. Reservoir Dogs is also my favorite Tarantino movie. Pulp Fiction is obviously packed with loads of film references. That worked though, and I liked it. Jackie Brown came next, which was mostly just a tribute to blaxploitation movies. I liked that too, but less than the others.

But now, with the first installment of Kill Bill, Tarantino's weakness is starting to show: he can't write anything original. I mean, some people take influence from other scenes in films; for instance, the famous mirror scene in Welles' Lady From Shanghai was first seen in Chaplin's The Circus. Obviously, they are not the same scene, although they both take place in a hall of mirrors area. Kill Bill shamelessly lifts other scenes from movies. The most obvious and blatant "reference" is seen when the Bride gets in to the "Pussy Wagon" and starts saying, "Wiggle your big toe." Where did that come from? Why, John Ford's On the Wings of Eagles, of course. Then there's the butchered Morricone spaghetti-western music, a line lifted directly from a Leone movie("...he should have killed ten."), and many other scenes and things lifted from different grindhouse/Japanese action movies. I'm just sick of it. I want to see Tarantino writing his OWN material and stop "paying homage" to other movies.

Ahh, but there are other flaws in the film. A very boring and linear plot doesn't help. Uma Thurman's not a great actress, and many of the characters are very boring. Bill is the only character I really want to see more of in Part 2, considering his mystery. And that he's played by David Carradine.

On the other hand, the action scenes are splendid! They're quite well choreographed, and very exciting. The battle with the Crazy 88s stands out. I was also pleased by the anime sequence(although honk-tastic).

Well, I hope Pt.2 is better... because I was dissapointed.

4/10

Blackmail Is My Life (1968)

a great drama with a definite sense of humor

[10/10 · 20 April 2004]

I was skeptical about Blackmail is my Life before I saw it. I saw Battle Royale and didn't like it too much. I mean, some of it I'm sure was unintentionally funny. Blackmail is a much different movie. It starts off great, alerting you to its very intentional sense of humor. The movie unfolds with a plot similar to Goodfellas, with great acting performances and quirky music. Some of it is actually quite haunting. The dialogue is almost Pulp Fiction calibur, it's believable and witty. I was impressed, and I recommend it to any fan of 60's movies or Japanese crime flicks in general. 9.5/10

Memento (2000)

a very gimmicky movie

[6/10 · 4 April 2004]

What can I say? Memento is just a huge gimmick. I was bored, and kept

wondering what would happen at the end(beginning?). I was let down

completely. The story would not have been any better forwards. Why bother?

The acting is decent, the cinematography is alright, but the rest is just bad. I felt gypped after seeing this movie. I want two hours back.

Overall, if you liked something like Irreversible, I'd check this out, but other than that, this whole backwards-film thing is very stupid and should cease to be

made.

2/10

City Lights (1931)

one of the best films ever made

[2 April 2004]

City Lights is so spectacularly great, that you just have to see it. It's a perfect blend of comedy and drama, the score is wonderful, and Chaplin's direction is spot-on perfect. All the acting performances are great. This movie is seventy-three years old, and I laughed

until I cried at least three times. The story between the Tramp and

the blind woman is touching, and far from maudlin. And the

ending... man, the ending. I won't even tell you about it.

Go see this frickin' film!

10/10