meaninglessbark Reviews

Hidden Kisses (2016 TV Movie)

After School Special in France

[5/10 · 1 November 2018]

Baisers cachés is essentially an "after school special" level film. The story is basic: Two teenage boys coming to terms with their sexuality and how their families and classmates handle it.

This would be a good film for teen viewers but most adults who are familiar with queer cinema will probably find it to be overly familiar and not particularly enraging.

Feral (2016– )

Unusually Good

[8/10 · 28 October 2018]

Feral is one of those gays-of-our-lives shows and movies, the sort of TV shows and films that have no real story but just focus on the day-to-day lives of various characters. But unlike many in that genre Feral is well crafted with characters you can actually identify with or feel for.

The characters in Feral seem genuine and they're fairly far from most the gay cultural cliches seen in queer films. The cast is good and though the acting at some points sort of feels amateurish it always feels authentic, sometimes to the point of feeling like a documentary.

The series looks great, nicely shot in a manner that can make drab, run down houses and overcast days in a dreary city look poetic. It's also a great sounding show with interesting music used well.

Looking (2016 TV Movie)

Surprisingly Forgettable

[6/10 · 24 October 2018]

I was watching Looking and aspects of the story and scenes seemed familiar and I eventually realized I'd already seen the movie a year before but had completely forgotten about it. I might have been tired when I first watched it or maybe under the influence of a martini. But having now seen the film twice I think the reason I couldn't recall it is the film is surprisingly forgettable.

Technically Looking should be great. It's a good looking film, it's mostly well acted, and there are multiple stories to explore. Plus it was directed and co-written by Andrew Haigh who made Weekend, one of the best films about queer male relationships I've ever seen and one of my favorite films.

But despite all those things going for it Looking is flat and listless. Almost all the characters are forgettable, the conversations aren't that interesting, and much of the drama feels like "OK, we need to have some drama here."

It's not a bad choice if you want something queer to watch, it's just a film that probably could have been a whole lot better.

Bromance (2016)

OK But Nothing Special

[6/10 · 24 October 2018]

Bromance is a fairly typical queer coming of age film with nothing really interesting about it other than Daniel (played by Javier De Pietro) is nice to look at.

For what was probably a low budget Bromance is a well crafted and acted film and better than a lot of similar dramas with bigger budgets. But even so, it's essentially a shrug inducing film especially if you've seen a lot of young-guy-struggling-with-identity movies.

The film is set in 1996, something we learn from video tapes Daniel is making of his friends. Why it's 1996 or why the video is initially an element of the film (which is later essentially forgotten) aren't explained. Neither detail add anything to the movie.

Bromance is an OK choice if you're looking for something watchable with some nice looking guys in it.

Do It Like An Hombre (2017)

OK Mindles Viewing

[5/10 · 24 October 2018]

Hazlo Como Hombre is like a long episode of a TV drama-comedy. The jokes are pretty much standard sitcom material, the drama feels like drama for drama's sake.

The film might feel dated to some in that it mainly deals with a straight friend having a major problem dealing with one of his friends being gay. But sitcom cartoonishness aside the story line isn't really out of date yet.

Hazlo Como Hombre isn't a great or clever film, but it's fairly good as mindless viewing of something light and queer.

Do You Take This Man (2016)

A Pointless Film Full of Cliches

[3/10 · 24 October 2018]

About 20 minutes into Do You Take This Man I was thinking it'd be an OK film for mindless viewing. But as it progressed it became a real chore sitting through it.

There's nothing interesting about the story and actually there's really not much of a story. The attempts at making the film seem complex and dramatic feel like an amateur's idea of what makes for a good plot.

Except for one of the main guys being highly irritating the rest of the characters are so forgettable as to be difficult to even notice. The irritating main charactrer is passive aggressively needy, subtly working to be the center of attention and ready to fly off the handle if things don't go his way. Even his love for his soon-to-be husband feels self centered.

The film looks OK though the house it's shot in has a lot to do with that. The music, though spare, is incredibly manipulative. It felt like the music was nudging me and whispering "This is sad...This is warm and meaningful...

If you want something queer to watch and you like TV drama you might enjoy this. Anyone else really shouldn't bother.

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Akron (2015)

Drama For Drama's Sake + Gay Guys

[5/10 · 27 October 2017]

If you like made for Hallmark and Lifetime type dramas Akron would be a good pick. If you like more meaningful and well crafted films, skip it.

The actors are all pretty good though the moms skew towards TV melodrama characters. The rest of the film's construction is really pedestrian.

Even thought the film is bland and the story amateurish it was nice to see a film with gay characters that wasn't about them being gay and especially nice to see a non-caucasian gay male character (though he is, of course, very attractive).

Buddymoon (2016)

Amusing But Not Funny

[5/10 · 25 October 2017]

The premise had potential, the acting is fine, it looks good, but Buddymoon isn't funny and really isn't all that interesting. If you have a good friend you like to joke with a 2 hour car ride through the country will be more enjoyable and funny.

The most interesting part of Buddymoon is the character Flula, a German man who has a humorous, bright personality. But a lot of his lines an malapropisms seem forced which makes the character feel artificial.

If you're sick on the couch and just want to watch something pleasant and not challenging Buddymoon isn't a bad choice. (I kept watching the film mainly because the two main leads were good looking.)

Those People (2015)

Much Better Than Expected

[8/10 · 23 October 2017]

I'd initially avoided Those People due to some well written IMDb reviews from users who essentially hated the film or at best found it lacking. But I eventually decide to give the film a shot and was quite surprised.

The story is mainly about one character, art school student Charlie, finally choosing to get out of the shadow and influence of his best friend, rich kid Sebastian, a guy he loves dearly but who is an adult spoiled brat. (In case you missed it: Hint hint, nudge nudge...Brideshead, yeah?)

Other People has an intimate, almost claustrophobic look to it, most scenes happen at night and often in small, dark toned interiors. The film is set in the fall and winter, a great time to watch it.

Henry Gamble's Birthday Party (2015)

Well Crafted Mild Drama

[9/10 · 22 October 2017]

The drama in Henry Gamble's Birthday Party is mostly low key and lurks under the surface of the carefully honed smiling faces of a family and group of friends all tied to a conservative megachurch.

The Wise Kids, a previous film by the same director, looked at the lives of a trio of friends associated with a small conservative church. Henry Gamble addresses similar issues but with the glossy smoothness of the mega church devotees.

This film will probably be most interesting to people who grew up on the church. You'll recognize the pleasant platitudes, the various types of characters, the awkwardness of dealing with situations people would rather not address, the underlying tensions of feelings that can't be expressed.

The film is incredibly well acted and a looks good. The family's house, the perfection of the pool, and the whiteness of most of the characters are all important elements of the film.

The only flaw was a bit of melodrama near the end which seemed more like a we-have-to-put-something-major-here decision. But even with that bump Henry Gamble's Birthday Party is masterful examination of an aspect of American culture.

Esteros (2016)

Quietly and Plainly Realistic

[8/10 · 22 October 2017]

Esteros isn't a flashy film nor is it particularly artfully constructed. The plainness of the film makes it almost feel like a documentary or that you're voyeuristiclly watching things happen. The story feels really believable.

Esteros's lack of typical queer cinema clichés is really nice. It's a pleasant film that is worth watching if you appreciate understated films.

The 10 Year Plan (2014)

Cringe.

[1/10 · 22 October 2017]

If you want something utterly mindless, full of gay stereotypes, and that's only funny because it's labeled a comedy then the 10 Year Plan is a good choice.

To be fair, the film is no worse than most TV sitcoms. But as far as gay comedy goes even a few episodes of Will & Grace are much better. (The two main characters in 10 Year Plan are essentially Jack and Will.)

That said, the one character (can't recall the name, don't care) who keeps chasing off boyfriends because he's so needy and pathetic is well portrayed in that. Just like his dates I wanted to leave the room whenever he was on screen.

Departure (III) (2015)

Sad and Beautiful World

[9/10 · 22 October 2017]

Departure is a masterful examination of four people whose individual worlds are in disarray. Young men haphazardly figuring out their place in the world, a middle aged having to address the truth about their marriage.It's definitely not a feel good film nor is it as heavily focused on the queer relationship as the trailer suggests.

Departure is one of the better looking films I've seen in a while. Almost every scene could make an intriguing photograph. The film is realistically atmospheric. It's also one of the rare films where long shots of the characters just staring and thinking actually conveys meaning.

The beauty of the film and the portrayal by the actors makes Departure worth watching.

Helicopter Mom (2014)

Forgettable With A Touch Of Offensive

[3/10 · 8 March 2017]

Helicopter Mom

The most annoying aspect of Helicopter Mom is that a decent story idea was squandered on a dull, slightly offensive movie.

The wasted idea was showing a 17 year old guy trying to figure out his sexuality in a realistic and open way. In coming-of-age films the questioning kid is usually portrayed as secretive or troubled. It's rare to see a character be matter of fact and not bothered about his same sex attraction.

But other than that unusual bit, Helicopter Mom is largely forgettable. It's not unwatchable, it's just difficult to recall afterwards. 

The main story is about a mother incredibly wrapped up in her son's life. Her focus on her son is played as humorous but there's nothing funny about it, the woman just comes across as obnoxious. 

The production is plain, very made-for-TV. The acting is adequate. 

The most memorable part of Helicopter Mom is a minor plot point featuring two young gay guys who are portrayed in such a cliché manner their presence is actually offensive.  

The cartoon gay stereotypes seem weirdly out of place in a film that has the rare portrayal of a teen figuring out his sexuality in a realistic manner. But just one small scene with a bitchy, screaming queen gay character makes the one good aspect of Helicopter Mom, the realistic main teen character, seem like a complete accident.

G.B.F. (2013)

Fairly Dumb and Almost Unwatchable

[5/10 · 8 June 2016]

G.B.F. isn't bad, it just isn't good. It's a fluffy, mindless watch that isn't nearly as clever as it wants to be. An OK choice to watch should you just need to stare at a screen for a bit and don't want to think. But if you can't find the film you won't miss anything by missing it. The under appreciated film Date and Switch is a much better queer high school comedy. Other better choices would be Were the World Mine and Almost Normal.

G.B.F. feels incredibly dated, like it's at least 10 years too late. In a modern high school that isn't disconnected from the rest of the world no one seems to know any gay people and the concept of the gay best friend is new and novel.

The two gay characters are closeted and apparently fearful of coming out though you can tell they're TV/movie gay (which means cute, fit, flamboyant, and prone to be dramatic) from about two blocks away. The extra gay of the two knows about hook up apps and has Internet access but apparently has never seen Broke Back Mountain and is freaked out by the sex scene in the movie.

A major plot element of G.B.F. are the high schools three coolest girls, a trio of frienemies who everyone admires. But the characters aren't clever or interesting and their type has been done much better many times before.

The film looks good and it's well acted, with the lead character being the exception mainly due to being poorly cast. The characters is supposed to be nerdy and somewhat reclusive but he's an attractive ripped guy who just slouches and wears sloppy clothes until he gets an inevitable makeover.

Tiger Orange (2014)

Worth Watching But Runs A Bit Long

[6/10 · 20 May 2016]

Tiger Orange is a generally quiet, small town queer drama, much like the film Pit Stop. The film looks good and is adequately acted.

The story feels believable even with a sort of gimmick of two gay brothers, one an I'll-do-what-I-want rebel and the other a do-what-needs-done good son.

The character of the good son nails the small town gay man who is single and avoids drawing attention to himself. The rebel son is something of a shallow character and though he definitely seems realistic there's little to like about him, the only reason to even care about the character is he's important to the good son.

Tiger Orange's greatest shortcoming is it runs a bit long. two thirds into the film I was losing interest and when the film ended I realized I'd only half paid attention to the final scenes. Still, I'd rather have quite believably than melodrama that feels tacked on for the sake of spicing things up.

It's worth watching if you're a fan of queer film and it's definitely than a lot of queer film options.

Bookends (2008)

Another Hour + At The Indie Improv

[3/10 · 17 May 2016]

Bookends isn't terrible, it's just not interesting. It's also not really a queer film other than one of the main characters is gay. So if you're looking for queer indie films Bookends sort of qualifies, but no more so than any film with one or two gay characters in it.

Bookends feels like one of those films that was largely improvised but if that's the case it's not a detriment. Most of the character interactions are very believable and some of it nails that deep understanding that good friends who have known each for years have of each other. But other than generally realistic dialog and acting there's nothing notable about Bookends.

The "plot" is the same as numerous films about a group of friends gathering together. They drink and talk and drink and talk. Some pot comes out and is passed around. There are also some flashbacks to other times this group was together drinking and talking.

Then, some Chinese food is ordered and things...Pretty much keep going as they had been.

NOTE TO HOPEFUL INDIE FILM MAKERS: You and your friends probably are really interesting...To you and your friends. But it's highly unlikely you're so interesting that you'd be a good basis for a movie...Unless only you and your friends are going to watch that movie. If you do insist on making a film about a group of friends getting together and talking you should watch Bookends (or the nearly identical and just slightly better film Turtle Hill, Brooklyn) and then make a film that is completely different.

Turtle Hill, Brooklyn (2013)

Like a Slice of Not Too Interesting Real Life

[4/10 · 15 May 2016]

Turtle Hill is well crafted, well acted, and looks good. If you're looking for a realistic (sort of) yet not particularly interesting queer film it's a good choice. It's also a good choice if you want the feeling of dropping in on a group of believable friends for an afternoon. But if you're looking for something memorable, skip it.

The main problem with Turtle Hill is that when it comes to telling a story it's too much like real life. There really isn't a plot other that it's some guy's birthday (I just finished watching it and can't recall any character's name), people drop in, drink, talk, drink, talk. Some very mild relationship drama also happens. The movie ends.

Turtle Hill does break with reality by having the typical movie/TV set up of generally good looking people (though all of them more realistically good looking than TV actors) of apparently independent means living in a very cool NYC (Brooklyn) apartment.

The film makers deserve credit for having a few middle aged gay male characters among the party guests, avoiding gratuitous nudity, making the apartment and party look cool but not glamorously so, and picking some interesting yet pretty much unknown music for the soundtrack (and apparently loading most of the tracks up on the Internet's most popular video site for your listening pleasure).

Turtle Hill is a good effort and unlike many pointless queer films I actually wish I liked this one better.

Eat with Me (2014)

Pleasant But Dull and Predictable

[4/10 · 25 April 2016]

Here's a review for those of you wondering if you should take the time to watch this film...

Eat With Me is a fine choice if you want to watch something pleasant and mild that lacks any real drama or anything that might cause you to think. It's a good looking film that's generally well acted, but it's so barely there that it's rather forgettable and if you're intolerant of clichés you'd probably best avoid the film.

There's a gay son who can't commit to love and whose career is failing, a middle aged mother who is finding herself for the first time, a wacky next door neighbor who spouts off free spirit follow- your-bliss blah blah blah, and another gay guy who definitely seems too nice to want to be with the self involved main character.

Other than the mother, who is the strongest and most interesting character, most of Eat With Me is unbelievable or pointless. Even the required gay film boy on boy action is the usual frantic "WE MUST MAKE LOVE NOW!" thrashing about. (No naked, just pretty upper bodies.)

There is a nice (though a little silly) cameo from George Takei who more or less magically shows up and makes some sage comments about same sex love to the mother.

Boys (2014 TV Movie)

Nice, But Not A Must See

[7/10 · 23 July 2015]

Boys is a well crafted, good looking film (full of good looking boys...Surprise!) that takes a realistic look at first love.

But though Boys is completely pleasant to watch it's not memorable. Once the film was over I had a very difficult time remembering much about it other than the look of the film and that the music was nice (though also not memorable). The film is not a MUST SEE. If you can't locate it you're really not missing anything.

One of the nicest things about Boys is it doesn't feel exploitative of the young men in the film. Yes, there are a lot of shots of good looking boys (Surprise!) racing and swimming, but unlike some queer coming of age films Boys never makes you feel like a dirty old voyeur lurking in the bushes. Boys is also nudity and sex free which makes it a great option for situations where nakedness might not be best to have on the screen.

(Boys is another queer film that once again made me wonder: If this film had been made with unattractive or even plainly realistic boys in the lead would it still have the same impact on people?)

About Alex (2014)

Nice Looking Unimaginative Drama/Audition

[5/10 · 23 July 2015]

The worst thing about About Alex is that it's not interesting. The film is pretty much like any other drama dealing with this sort of mid- young life crisis scenario.

The film looks great and is fairly well acted. The script is unimaginative and cringe inducing, but it's now worse that what one encounters on TV dramas when Things Get Serious. If you're looking for a mindless drama full of good looking people, sets, and locations About Alex would be an OK choice.

The characters are all clichés and particularly seem to be the sort of people a young writer trying to be serious comes up with. The characters are mostly horrible people, the sort you enjoy seeing die in a slasher film. (Spoiler alert: That sadly doesn't happen.)

The most interesting character is Alex, the guy whose attempted suicide is the catalyst for the story (though "story" is a bit of a stretch). Watching Alex's self centered, shallow friends complain and posture made me wonder if he'd had better friends would Alex have ever been in a suicidal state.

UnHung Hero (2013)

Not Enough To Bother With

[2/10 · 2 May 2015]

Unhung Hero might have a slight appeal to anyone who has an interest in penis size and who has never read sex advice columns or has any sense of science.

The film is essential just a self fascinated tale of "Look at me!" that never gets beyond the filmmaker's supposed issues with his supposedly small penis.

Much of the film, which is supposedly a documentary, seems fake and staged. And most of the film seems pointless and/or obvious ("Let's talk to porn stars about penis size!")

Though Unhung Hero is a film about the penis you essentially never see any penises. The film, like many documentaries on "taboo subjects," approaches its topic with the same coy but chaste tone you find on a broadcast TV documentary about a controversial subject.

A far far better film about a guy dealing with his size issues is the 2005 BBC documentary My Penis and I by (and about) Lawrence Barraclough which can be watched in full online. (CAUTION: It contains penis.)

Geography Club (2013)

Great For Younger Viewers

[7/10 · 5 November 2014]

There's not much wrong with Geography Club other than it's not that interesting for adults. As a teen movie it's better than most and that makes it worth a 7 rating.

Geography club looks and develops like a made-for-TV movie with aspects of after school specials. The acting is adequate, a couple of the younger actors show promise of being good.

The plot for the most part feels realistic in that it meanders, is somewhat unfocused, and nothing comes to a definite conclusion. The characters are mostly one dimensional with the exception of a kid who's bullied at school and apparently abused at home...His character has more going on than is ever addressed.

There are glaringly unrealistic elements which makes Geography Club seem more like a typical high school movie such as the main character gets on the football team with no prior experience or interest in the game.

Geography Cub is ideal for young teens. There's no soft porn sex or gratuitous nudity nor is there any hit-you-over-the-head tragedy. The film is occasionally genuinely funny and there's enough diversity in the characters that most young viewers could either identify with them or find them familiar. (Although as is typical of almost every queer film made the lead and his boyfriend are good looking white guys with great bodies.)

Drinking Buddies (2013)

Pleasant And Forgettable, Goes Well With Beer

[7/10 · 4 October 2014]

Drinking Buddies is a well crafted pleasant film that looks at a platonic friendship between a man and woman who work together at a microbrewery. It's well acted, flows nicely, is very believable, and is so ordinary and every day that it will most likely be forgotten shortly after viewing.

Drinking Buddies is one of those indie films that seem to be made by people who find their own little worlds and circle of friends incredibly fascinating and as such worthy of sharing with the world.

There is nothing wrong with being enthralled with your life and friends, it's the ideal way to live. But just because you're happy and amused with your little world doesn't mean it's interesting to the world at large.

Drinking Buddies is decent enough, and unlike similar my-life-is-fascinating indie films it's not full of cringe inducing dialog or idealized non-ideal characters.

But almost anybody who'd want to watch Drinking Buddies has probably lived or is living a life like the one portrayed in Drinking Buddies. A sort of unstructured semi-slacker lifestyle; days spent fully employed in a just-left-of-mainstream job, off time spent hanging out with friends and drinking beer and having conversations and doing things that seem very meaningful when buzzed or drunk.

If that describes you and if during one of those half drunken conversations you've ever said "We should just, like, get some cameras and film our lives and make a movie of it!" you'll be happy to know that you needn't bother because the people who made Drinking Buddies already did it for you.

So rather than make a movie about your good but un-extraordinary life go buy a couple dozen craft brews, watch Drinking Buddies with your drinking buddies, then dream up some other creative endeavor. Maybe a food truck that sells pizza nachos or ice cream infused with booze.

A Birder's Guide to Everything (2013)

Not Worth Watching Unless You Need A Film To Sleep To

[1/10 · 29 September 2014]

There is nothing about A Birder's Blah Blah Blah worth spending any of your time on.

A Birder's Blah Blah Blah is an indie coming of age cliché-fest, from it's overly wordy (and inaccurate) title to the forgettable indie pop snippets used here and there because that is what you do when you make this sort of film.

If A Birder's Blah Blah Blah had been a Made-For-Nickelodeon film it might have rated 3 stars for not being a cartoon made with humans (mostly...it does dip into human cartoon territory). But as a stand alone film it just raises the question "Why would anyone bother making this?" A Birder's Blah Blah Blah looks good and despite the characters being complete clichés the main actors are good (James Le Gros as the main character's dad particularly stood out).

The minor character are either so cardboard like they're barely noticeable or they're cartoon buffoons. The fault here seems to lie with the director as there is a consistency to the forgettable or annoying characters.

Watching A Birder's Blah Blah Blah is a chore as it's very boring and it brings to mind coming-of-age films which are infinitely better (Stand By Me, which also deals with a group of outsider friends on a quest to find something unusual) or were at least a little interesting because they weren't so predictable (such as the Kings of Summer).

If you watch a lot of movies you have seen everything in A Birder's Guide To Blah Blah before and could probably successfully predict each plot "twist" and soul baring conversation.

If you don't watch a lot of movies and you want to see something that is easy to watch while lying on the couch on pain meds recovering from injury or surgery then A Birder's Blah Blah Blah would be a nice choice as it'd be easy to fall asleep to and not confusing to wake up to.

If you're a birder looking for a film about your interest, look elsewhere. You will be disappointed...Unless you're on a couch on pain meds recovering from injury or surgery.