electronicsspa Reviews

Oculus (2013)

Plodding, boring, and about as scary as Tupperware.

[2/10 · 22 June 2014]

Let's say Insidious and Sinister bumped uglies, then nine months later this film was born. Only it was born with its umbilical cord wrapped around its neck, and its brain was deprived of oxygen for a good ten minutes, but somehow the doctor and nursing staff revived it.

You have the wandering spirits with shiny eyes, the jump scares, the lack of any real character development or plot, the unstoppable object of doom that can control everybody who comes within pissing distance of it... And so on.

Karen Gillan gives a terrific performance, dropping her Scottish lilt for a damn good American accent, but she's only a spark from a lighter that ran out of fuel a long time ago. This movie isn't understated, it's pointless. It's a slasher film without a slasher. Above all, it's a waste of ninety minutes I could have spent staring at the wall.

In summation: This movie's so bad it needs its own drinking game. Every time a female gets choked out, take a drink. Every time the little boy sheds crocodile tears, take two drinks. Every time Katee Sackhoff's false teeth almost fall out, take three drinks. Every time you're bored... never mind, you'd never put your drink down.

Killing Season (2013)

It is what it is.

[5/10 · 9 August 2013]

I don't go into a Travolta movie for the depth. Same with De Niro (at least not nowadays). In an age where Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are allowed to play themselves in every movie they make, I tend to cut actors who try some slack. Johnnie Boy tried, and he failed. His accent is insulting, but at least he tried.

I gave this a five because, despite the fact that Travolta phoned in his accent, the movie entertained me. I didn't want my money back, nor did I scream to the heavens about how I needed my wasted time back. The film held my interest and provided an escape. That's all I wanted.

Five outta ten.

The ABCs of Death (2012)

Amateur Offerings from Professionals.

[2/10 · 17 May 2013]

I "liked" two out of twenty-six segments. Each director went for the absurd approach, I suppose because they felt they couldn't do anything truly disturbing with 5k and six minutes. Instead of digging deep to produce segments that dissect death and the many tragedies that lead up to it, most went for comedy over drama. The two segments I "liked" were D is for Dogfight and X is for XXL. I only say I "liked" them because they actually unsettled me, and that's what horror is supposed to do. I truly couldn't believe these were professionals at the helms of these movies. I've seen better amateur shorts on Youtube, and most of those were terrifying in under three minutes with nonexistent budgets. Highly disappointed.

The Collection (II) (2012)

Completely and entirely forgettable.

[2/10 · 5 April 2013]

Only one thing about this movie stands out. A guy with a broken forearm (so badly broken in fact that it's dangling in an L shape from his arm) gets in the fight with the collector at the end and wins by throwing him down a laundry chute... with both hands. Now, I fully understand you don't watch a horror movie for believability, but that's rather pushing it, don't you think? The movie was a tired rehashing of every piece of torture porn before it. Nothing new here. They even managed to make Arkin boring, and I really liked his character in the first film.

All the cool scenes were in the trailer, so just watch that instead. I gave it two stars because the movie was well shot.

Katt Williams: Kattpacalypse (2012 TV Special)

Witness the seeds of insanity.

[2/10 · 8 November 2012]

I cannot imagine I've ever seen a train wreck as tragically bad as Kattpacalypse, either literally or figuratively. Katt Williams was once a comedic god who used scathingly funny observations to make society and politics understandable to ones that may not get the jokes dropped by Jon Stewart or Lewis Black. He was an every-man's comic, loved by intelligent people and the uninformed alike. But this... my, how the mighty have fallen. It would be easy to say that Katt just lost his way, that he forgot how to entertain, how to tell a joke, but to see the Whitney Houston-type sweat pouring off him, to hear him ramble and rave like a madman (yes the term is cliché, but here, it's apt) is upsetting. I did laugh, but I could count those moments when I did on one hand. His views are confusing and stretched, the act full of end of the world scenarios and eschewed viewpoints such as, but not limited to: Homosexuality is all right, as long as you're a woman; NASA is leading a secret mission to a "Super-Earth" where there will be no black people because white people are going to sneak away on rocket ships; Atheists are "retarded" and 2012 will be the year all this goes down. Not to mention, his vulgar, curse laden delivery (I actually enjoy blue humor more than any other brand) intertwined with religious rhetoric and propaganda. If he truly is a Christian I cannot believe how a sane person can be that abrasive and filthy of mouth while believing God won't have a problem with it. Katt goes on to speak poorly of Conrad Murray, while in Katt's last show, Katt confessed he'd like to see Michael Jackson "dealt with" because he believed the performer a pedophile. These are just a few of Katt's many double statements and lunatic ravings. One of our greatest comedic minds is suffering, whether it be drug or stress induced, I don't know, but you can just look at Katt, how he's aged in the face, and see something has gone horribly wrong in only three short years. Add in all the news of Katt walking out of shows and his impromptu stripteases followed by push-up sessions, and it makes you wonder how much longer Katt Williams will be among the living. I feel like I just watched a cry for help, not a comedy show.