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axekicker78
Reviews
Allagash (2020)
Berenerr's still got it
Well writen, directed and acted. A quiet thriller and character piece. Waaay better than the crap on Netflix. If you don't have the attention spa, it's your problem.
Cats (2019)
A War Crime
In the ongoing war against human intelligence, this film qualifies as a war crime. The filmmakers and actors are war criminals. They go on trial at the Hague. And then grow old in a Jellical prison. Thankfully, they only have ONE life.
Small Crimes (2017)
What happens when you put the wrong actor with all the right ones
The movie, itself, is a fun spiral downwards, nicely paced for the most part. Trouble is, the lead is really badly cast, and doesn't deliver in this context. His Danish accent keeps slipping through, and his veteran co-stars eat his lunch in literally every scene. It's the rest of the cast that makes this film worth watching, Every character is more interesting and relatable than the main character because the guy playing him simply isn't in their league as character actor. He's just wrong for the part. I get that he was in GOT, so it made sense marketing-wise to cast him, but it does him no favors to put him up against guys like Gary Cole among others who just take this guy to the cleaners. Even the tertiary characters steal the scenes from this guy. It's crazy. And a real lesson in filmmaking. Make sure you cast the lead properly. Because if your supporting cast is amazing, they'll make your lead look worse than he actually is, and leave you with a lead nobody cares about.
Secret Obsession (2019)
Watch the trailer. It's less painful
Even without the trailer, this movie's predictability is predictable. I don't get how movies like this get made. And Netflix is full of them. Someone had to write this, And someone had to read it and think, "Wow, this is worth spending the next 6 months of my life on." I just don't get it. Who greenlights this garbage, and who buys it? The world is ending.
Midsommar (2019)
A masterpiece. Full stop
I'm hyper-conscious of movie lengths. For example, I sat through the latest Avengers which was 3 hours; I felt ever minute tick by like a long bus trip to Iowa. It was painful. This movie is almost as long, but you don't notice. I had to take a leak half-way through, but I couldn't leave my seat because I didn't want to miss one frame of this film. Ari Aster's direction is outstanding. Nothing is arbitrary. Every shot, camera position, camera movement, art direction, etc is careful, deliberate, and considered, creating a tension that builds from the beginning to its necessary, but satisfying conclusion. Aster isn't one of these pretentious, artsy filmmakers who doesn't know how to end a movie, leaving you hanging. Nothing is extraneous or self-serving. Nothing is too on-the-nose, or gratuitous either. This dude is destined to be the next great American filmmaker, no question. The first hint are the performances, which are all stellar, especially the lead. Florence Pugh is incredible. I think it's the best screen performance I've seen in the last I dunno how long. Oscar-worthy. I love that there are no "stars" in this film, yet they deliver breakout performances. It's altogether intense, funny, and insane. My only critique is the FX body props, which, at times, weren't that great, probably because of budget restraints and the fact that Sweden doesn't have the best creature shops. But that's forgivable given the overall cinematic achievement they pulled off. I have no idea how Aster is going to top this one, but I can't wait to find out.
Wrecker (2016)
Filmmakers should be sued
This is such a blatant rip-off of the 70s classic Duel, directed by none other than Steven Speilberg no less, that this cannot go unpunished. I mean, we're talking scene for scene plagiarism that's so obvious and shameless that I am inclined to contact the legal department at Universal myself. Netflix has purchased stolen property here and something should be done about it.
Trash Fire (2016)
Funny as hell, well acted and some nice darkness
I don't get why this film doesn't have a higher rating. Clearly, right from the get-go, you get that this is a dark comedy with emphasis on comedy. The dialogue is great, with one of the best one-liners I've heard in a long time. Laugh out loud funny. The poster on Netflix is misleading, so if you're expecting a horror film, this isn't it. The horror is built into the relationship between the characters who drive this film head first into a shocking conclusion. The actors are all well-known, and you're not gonna get talent like that to perform in a stinker. Trash Fire is in a similar camp as Creep 2, though this one is scripted whereas Creep 2 is pretty much improvised. And the budget on this one is about 10x that of the Creep franchise. Frankly, I think these are the kinds of films we need these days because everything else is so damn predictable and expected. Trash Fire isn't one of those. There are plenty of stupid horror movies on Netflix, but very few clever, character-driven stories with great dialogue and performances. If you're into that, watch Trash Fire and Creep 1 & 2. You won't be disappointed.
Creep 2 (2017)
A near-perfect dark comedy
Ever since Blair Witch, I've pretty much hated the whole found-footage schtick that's become such a tired cliche with low budget horror flicks these days. For me, at least, Creep 1 was the only time it was done well, coherently and consistently. I almost stopped watching when I knew it was the whole "found footage" thing, but both Duplass' and Brice's performances kept me watching. While Creep1 was more of a thriller with some good comedy, Creep 2 flips the script and gives us a great comedy with some nice thrills. The first one was a bit more scripted and restrained, while Creep 2 lets Mark Duplass go to town with his awesome improvisations to camera that are both hysterical, yet totally credible given the nutty character he plays. You really end up loving the guy because he's so wacky yet sincere at the same time. And again, they make the found-footage thing really work and make sense within the context of the story. Brice does a great job of keeping inside the world and really ups the ante with Creep 2, turning it into a kind of experimental style of filmmaking, working only off an outline and letting the actors drive the story with their improvs and surprising choices. At the same time, it's rather tight as well. There's a story arc, and character arcs and Duplass' co-star gives him a real run for his money. It all works. This is one sequel that actually outdoes the original. I can't wait for Creep 3. And I hope they still have no money. Because Duplass and Brice really demonstrate that true creativity is priceless. You just need some talent, taste, great characters, and good ideas.
Hold the Dark (2018)
Yet another stinker from Netflix
The mood looks promising. They you start watching it and it's all downhill from there. Starts with the cryptic, monotone voice over, which is now a cliche to tell you,"Ohh, this is so mysterious and spooky." Dialogue is terrible, a very bad imitation in terms of pacing of the movie Drive, which was excellent. And it just goes from bad to worse. Skarsgaard is useless. I'm still not convinced this guy belongs in anything but that silly show he was in about vampires. He's one note in everything he does. And you couldn't care less about him or anyone else in this film. And as 90% of all the other reviews state, the plot is unintelligible, slow, and pretentious. Skarsgaard goes around killing people. The end. It keeps you watching because you keep thinking, "OK, at some point, someone is going to tell me what the hell is going on in this plot. It never happens. I swear, it's like being on a bus trip to Idaho and thinking, at some point, we're going to get there so I can get off this crappy bus." But you never arrive. How does a script like this get greenlighted? Who reads something like this and says, "My God, people need to see this! Let's dedicate all this time and manpower to make this non-story?" I'm dumfounded.
Verónica (2017)
Good God, Tellulah is scarier than this movie.
IMO, Netflix is likely behind the ridiculously overstated hype for this film, sponsoring third party videos on SM like, "Movies too scary to finish on Netflix," that I and others fell for. I guess it never occurred to them that people didn't finish it because it, uh, kinda sucked - not unlike 7 out of 10 of their features these days. Which is why they removed user reviews while purchasing cheap foreign content like this turkey. The soundtrack was particularly horrifying but in the way it was intended. What ever happened to foreign films being original. This turd was a derivation of a cliche based on a ripoff of a direct-to-video B movie. Cinematography was ok. That's about it.
Harry Brown (2009)
Worth watching just for Sean Harris scene
While the film was okay and utterly predictable, what wasn't expected was the scene between Caine and Harris, where the former allows the latter to completely steal it. Very generous of Caine to allow that. It's one of the creepiest sequences I've ever seen in a film, and Harris' performance is simply spot-on.
Super 8 (2011)
Horrifying! (For all the wrong reasons.)
By now, we all know the plot; while making a super-8 zombie movie, a group of kids ("Stand By Me") inadvertently film a train wreck that releases some mysterious cargo ("Cloverfield"). As the kids get caught up in the mystery, the army (and its villainous leader) run around trying to contain both the kids and the cargo in what amounts to a clusterf*ck of exposition and deus ex machina. (That's Latin for, "Nigga, please."). How big are the plot holes? Put it this way: a 60-foot, spider-like alien could crawl through them without so much as an "excuse me."
Like the story's protagonists, I love being terrified by way of a willing suspension of disbelief. Instead, I found myself horrified by the film's utter suspension of common sense. I can't understand why Spielberg, the mastermind behind "Close Encounters" and "Jaws," EP'd this movie. Actually, I can -- when I think of Spielberg, the producer. He truly "gets" the ever-descending standards of today's movie-going public. For better or worse the man has always understood his audience. In Spielberg's day, we were better, smarter. Today, well... we have the Tea Party. Actually, we have its progeny, spending their parents' unemployment checks on movies when they should be reading their bibles and burning crosses on the White House lawn.
Is it any wonder my respect for Spielberg as a filmmaker increases tenfold when comparing his abilities to Abrams'? Spielberg could have farted a better film. And 30 years ago, he would have -- as a TV episode of The Night Gallery. Remember that show? Neither do I. But Abrams' ascendancy in the world of television explains a lot about his shortcomings as someone looking to be the next Spielberg. Maybe on some other planet.
The idea, itself, is great. But Super-8 gets derailed the moment the train careens off the tracks, releasing its cargo of cheap scares and incredulity, causing M. Night Shamalamananyan to wonder what the hell happened to his FedEx package! Even "E.T. - The Extraterrestrial" appeals to both adults and kids, dishing out thrills for the latter without insulting the intelligence of the former. Not so with Super-8.
The characters have nothing to do with the larger story. While the performances are solid - and Elle Fanning's foreshadows future Oscars - the kids play no role pivotal to the outcome of the tale. Nor do the events really change them beyond what's expected. It's as if there are two movies playing out simultaneously. And the one with the expensive monster is crap. An afterthought. Only the secondary and tertiary characters undergo any real change. But their stories are so fleeting, who cares if the love interest's Dad starts out as a bastard and ends up as a swell guy? We can't even remember his name. Ironically, the best part of the movie was watching the kids' completed zombie flick during the credit roll, which turned out to be scarier and more plausible than Abrams' big-budget train wreck. (I get the feeling Spielberg directed it). As for the larger movie, I'm not gonna run through all the plot holes, which are sufficient for an entirely separate article.
But how is it that such a large and unstoppable creature could have been contained for over 20 years -- or even 20 seconds (in a box car no less) -- only to escape when the box car gets knocked sideways alongside a small town in the middle of nowhere? Why does the military wait a week or two (allowing all the necessary characters enough time to get wise to the extraterrestrial cargo) before finally evacuating the town -- when they already know there's a giant alien on the loose in search of used appliances? Hello?? Earth calling common sense?? And just what is it about microwave ovens and old refrigerators that make for such great alien space ship launching pads? Hell, had I known back then that my old Zenith harbored highly-advanced technology, I would have sold it to a Chinese kid.
Even the era is totally arbitrary to the story, satisfying only the filmmakers' sentimental yearning for the old days when they were kids with super-8 movie cameras. I get it, but so what? This isn't relevant to me; in the late 70s, I was learning to masturbate while wearing KISS make-up. Super-8 (the format) has nothing to do with me, or the story. The movie could have been called Hi-8. Or MiniDV for all it matters. I suppose it's convenient for the story take place before most of the audience was born, so there's fewer people calling bullshit on the references. I mean, come on -- no respectable nerd would buy a Hunchback model over a Karloff Bride of Frankenstein; the stores couldn't give the Lon Chaney Quasimodo ones away.
Altogether, the era, the lapses in logic, the predictability -- all of it suited Abrams' needs rather than those of the story. And isn't that the whole problem with movies these days? Nobody wants to do the work. Not the filmmakers. Not the audience. Not the focus group moderators. We want it easy. We want CGI. F*ck stop-motion, it's too much work! Save your provocation for the art house, we'd rather not think, thank you very much. We want all the services without paying any of the taxes. In this context, Super-8 makes total sense, along with most of the "blockbusters" these days.
But why I spent over $60 to see this in the theaters when I should have known better? That remains a mystery for which I have no sufficient answer. I guess, like everyone else, I'm only human, and not that smart either. Although, looking back, I certainly understand the alien's motivation for wanting to get off this planet. When confronted by the likes of those in Middle America... well, let's just say the horror was all his.