Ankhenaten91 Reviews

Caligula (1979)

It's not so much a film but an experience

[5/10 · 30 May 2023]

This is one of those notorious films that I grew up hearing about but never seeing fully. I've caught parts from time to time, but I've always been excited to see. Streaming is non-existent, so I bought the DVD.

The reviews are spot on, this movie is awful. There is a film here, the story of Caligula is ripe for dramatization. Unfortunately what happened here was the interference of Bob Guccione making the final product a glorified pornographic film.

What could have been a historical epic turns out to have a very loose in not completely lost narrative structure that makes the film hard to follow.

Is there artistic merit? I think there is. The production design team tries their best, but many of the sets are so obvious that you're taken out of the film. The cinematography is atrocious at times, I understand that is is the by-product of a bad edit job by Guccione himself.

Let's not forget that there are some exceptionally talented actors here: John Gielgud, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole and of course, Malcolm McDowell. It's really incredible to imagine a film like this exists, and that's what is so exciting, at least for me.

If you bought this for erotic purposes, I'll say that you're already on the internet and can find much better and more effective products elsewhere.

For someone who's interested in experiencing the film and believe me, it is an experience, then you can probably do worse. By the end of the film I was bored and just waiting for Caligula's brutal end.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

A total miss that didn't need to be

[4/10 · 5 May 2023]

One word comes to mind: contrivance.

This film is one gigantic contrivance. Plot, character, heck everything. It commits the worst sin a film like this can make, it's boring.

Remember how much fun the first Guardians movie was? Remember how sweet and lovable those characters were? Remember how fresh and silly but genuinely entertaining it was?

That's absent here. The movie is overblown, overwrought and has absolutely no clue what it wants to be.

Talking about no clue...Adam Warlock. Oh my gosh, they had absolutely no idea what to do with him. It's like they just threw him in because he's been teased in the previous movies. Now he's here and he's not exciting, enjoyable or remotely necessary to the story. Waste of everyone's time.

Over the last 9 years we've grown to love these characters. Here, they are bigger, and meaner facsimiles of themselves (to varying degrees) and most importantly I just didn't buy what they were selling.

The movie feels like a theme park attraction, but in that cheesy and stupid way you can't help to roll your eyes at. There's very little heart and almost no soul in the movie. It's just going through the motions of a Marvel movie. It's a product that is there to be consumed, but like anything that's made without care or purpose, it leaves you feeling empty inside.

Chris Pratt used to be endearing and charming. There was a comedic sensibility to his Peter Quill that was like a child playing Han Solo. That relatability is gone. There are a few lines that land, but most just feel unnecessary. He drops an f-bomb that is funny, but also felt unnecessary immediately afterward.

The only thing that worked for me was Rocket and his backstory. They took my favorite character in the Guardians and they framed the film around him, and let me say that it's the only thing that remotely works. We are told his origin while he is in a coma for the majority of the film. His story is engaging, it's a bit unsettling and the only thing that keeps this unnecessarily long film even remotely worth the investment of time.

The High Evolutionary, always an intriguing and engaging villain, falls into the Marvel trap of becoming just another bad guy who, while having a purpose for his evil, just isn't all that compelling and interesting to give us a reason to care about what he's doing. He's unsympathetic and poorly deployed. There's very little threat from him, and his motives aren't all that exciting, but I will say they do ring true from his comic counterpart. I'd have leaned into a body horror concept and made it more Dr. Moreau, but here it's a lame, loud and obnoxious version that just didn't engage me.

I saw this with a bunch of Marvel fans, everyone around me stuck around for the mid and post-credit scenes and throughout the film, I heard so many people being so frustrated and laughing at how dumb the movie was.

We've come to expect a lot from James Gunn. He's a fantastic director, and has the ability to add genuine pathos and soul to many of his characters. Here, we get something that feels half baked and overcooked at the same time. Too many characters, too many plot contrivances that happen out of absolutely nowhere and at the end of the day, it's just not worth the time, money or effort.

I wanted to leave the theater. I actually wanted it to end sooner. Gone was that feeling of being a 7 year old. The joy, the wonder the feeling of exhilaration...it's all gone.

I try not to be negative, I don't want to rant about things I hate. I want to spread joy, happiness and love. But so many times I found myself wanting to yell at the screen for insulting mine and the audience's collective intelligence and good faith that they had previously earned. When the final dance number (yes, dance number) happened I just felt embarrassed.

It left me thinking one thing: exactly who is this movie for? It's too dour and mean for kids, and not engaging or smart enough to appear to adults.

Oh, and I wanted to scream at what they did with Groot at the end too.

Royal Crackers (2023– )

Simply awful

[2/10 · 11 April 2023]

Simply awful characters that have no redeeming qualities. The show isn't funny, it's actually really cruel and mean spirited. Imagine The Righteous Gemstones, but without the nuance and quality, but animated. This show is joyless, mean and simply not entertaining in the least. The voice cast is doing a commendable job with awful scripts, but the writing is just one crass, boring and unfunny attempt at humor after another. No jokes land, the animation is ugly too. When I see that something like this is being produced, it makes me question what kind of world were living in?

Watching this show, all I can ask is why is this show on the air? Who is this for?

Beef (2023– )

Fun premise, but far too stretched out

[6/10 · 9 April 2023]

Why are so many Netflix shows like that joke "this could have been an email."

The premise is entertaining, but each and every episode delves deeper and deeper into a story that just keeps getting further and further from what the original story was, and like any series with a thin premise, it needs to keep raising the stakes to keep you engaged.

I wanted to like this more, but I just keep coming back to the realization that this could have been a limited series and been so much more effective and enjoyable. More and more characters come into play, themes come into play late in the series seemingly out of nowhere.

The performances by the leads are fine, the show is well done, it's just too much show and ultimately just doesn't feel worth my time after watching 10 episodes.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2021)

Joy on tap

[9/10 · 27 July 2022]

The world needs more of these types of films. The ones that make us smile, laugh and feel genuinely happy. Nothing negative, mean spirited or cruel. Just warm, insightful and genuinely funny filmmaking from people who made a throughly watchable and endearing film. I walked out feeling refreshed and happy.

The Black Phone (2021)

Intelligent and well written

[8/10 · 2 July 2022]

This movie is much more intelligent than I'd expected it for be. There is such heart in the relationship between the two leads and it makes what happens so much more believable and engaging. Ethan Hawke is chilling and proves why he's been working for 30+ years. Believe me when I say that the supernatural elements and suspense here are all top notch. Add to that fantastic production design, smart direction and a great soundtrack. This is a winner.

The Devil All the Time (2020)

Awful filmmaking, good cast

[3/10 · 1 July 2022]

What do you get when you take a good cast, add poor writing, awful direction and the clunkiest narrative you can possibly imagine? You get this piece of drivel.

It's inordinately long, horribly paced, Jumps around for absolutely no discernible reason and focuses on characters that have no relation to one another in the slightest.

A complete and utter waste of time, effort and money.

Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021)

A modern and engaging continuation of the original series

[9/10 · 24 July 2021]

Kevin Smith and company have done an exceptional job modernizing and humanizing the characters from the original series. Amazing voice cast, excellent writing and a score that is just brilliant make this compelling and heartfelt.

This isn't the original series from my youth and that's fine. This is more engaging and exciting than anything they ever did. The characterizations are all accurate, they are just deepened and expanded upon. It's not about toy sales, it's about telling great stories.

I'm so happy that this exists. Great work!

White Palace (1990)

An entertaining film all around

[7/10 · 23 June 2015]

For me there really is nothing better than good writing, good actors and an interesting and engaging film. This has all of that.

I won't go saying that this is a fantastic film, it's not going to be on the top 250 list with Shawshank, but what it does attempt to do it does very well, tell a compelling story about two lonely people in different stages of life from two different socioeconomic levels finding each other first for a physical relationship and over time that relationship deepens into something quite beautiful.

Spader is a white collar ad exec who seemingly has everything a 27 year old would want, except he lost his wife two years prior and is still quite depressed and mourning her loss. His friends want to see him find someone new, but it doesn't seem to work for him as he just isn't receptive to the women he is paired with.

He find Susan Sarandon in a bar, she's drinking and they start off awkwardly but there is a palatable connection that these two actors have that is unmistakable. A quite sexy (in my opinion) love scene occurs and in the next morning while Spader is trying his best to be a gentleman but still get out of her home after what he believes is a one night stand there is something there that these two wounded people connect on.

The thing that I love about this movie is it's honesty. It doesn't go where you'd expect this movie to go. It is well directed and the story is quite compelling in addressing the needs to two adults to love and be loved. It's the theme of social expectations and the burdens they cause (rightfully or not) and the impact they can have on a relationship.

It really is a shame that films like this just don't get produced any longer as it's nice to see good actors bring interesting characters to life in a very well produced slice of life film.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Sony steps in to ruin Spider-Man....again

[6/10 · 24 April 2014]

Simply stated, this movie is a bloated mess. Too many characters, too many plots and no real reason for most of it.

I really liked The Amazing Spider-Man. I thought it was a welcome departure from what had become of the Raimi franchise after Sony stepped in and sabotaged the narrative to shoehorn an underdeveloped Eddie Brock/Venom and unnecessary comedic elements.

With this version of Spider-Man we got a better Peter Parker and we actually got a true Gwen Stacy. We saw Gwen become Peter's first love and knew that her eventual demise would become the next defining moment for Peter to become the hero he's destined to be. Instead we are short changed by a flabby screenplay that attempts to spin too many plates and leaves the viewer feeling short changed.

First off, Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are great together. Good chemistry is not the issue here, bad writing is. The foreshadowing of her eventual death is so heavy handed at times that when it finally does happen it's poignancy is lost. Jamie Foxx is a good actor but he is given very little to work with in terms of depth of character so immediately he just feels one dimensional and flat. Dane Dehann shows up as Harry Osborne and is suddenly thrust into this plot that just doesn't have enough room for him to develop as he should.

Action is fine when it occurs and Garfield's wisecracks and personality are still the highlight of the movie for me. He and Stone work great and you believe in their relationship. It's the villains that have no motivation or weight. Their expository dialogue pushing the story forward but never giving a real reason to hate the web slinger.

Stone is smart, fearless and a welcome addition to what is usually a thankless role for most women in these types of movies. She doesn't have the powers of Peter Parker but her existence in the film is more than just damsel in distress.

Sony is to blame for this movie because like in SM3 they tried to fit in too many characters and didn't develop them like they need to be. Here the push for The Sinister Six and for a Venom movie are so obvious that feels like one big commercial for the next movies instead of a compelling story in this movie now. This idea of an expanded universe poisons the plot and gives us almost no emotional stakes or interest as this whole movie feels like a 2 hour trailer for another movie.

It's a shame. but this movie just simply isn't that good and that's just too bad.

Skyfall (2012)

The best Bond in 40+ years

[10/10 · 14 February 2013]

Let me say that I am am James Bond fan. I have seen all of the movies and multiple times. They have been a part of my youth from seeing For Your Eyes Only in a theater as a little boy and almost every other movie since then the same way. They hold an important place in my familial history as it's a common love of a good number of my clan who may not agree on much but sure love 007.

Skyfall is the single most entertaining Bond movie I have seen in theaters ever. I can say this because as I am 34 I wasn't alive to see the Connery movies and of course they are considered (rightfully in my opinion) to be the gold standard.

The ongoing problem I had with the franchise as a whole was that from my perspective the movies had become dull and boring. They were becoming parodies and Pierce Brosnan has just so smooth and snarky he just didn't fit the bill for what I wanted to see anymore, the issue was that I didn't know what it was I wanted until I saw Casino Royale.

What I got in CR was Daniel Craig as a (dare I say it?!) rebooted Bond. He was newly minted in his double "0" status and learning his way through things. But Craig brought a brutality and a menace to Bond, something I'd always wanted because after all he is a KILLER first. I remember hearing the groans when he was hired and how the internet blew-up with scorn and fear and I kept hearing about Layer Cake and how that one movie had gotten him the gig. So, I jumped up and rented the movie and was simply riveted by the performance he gave; cold, calculated and straight-up cool. After that I knew that I was interested to see what they did and boy I was happy with the outcome.

Skyfall sees Bond as a well footed and established agent, he isn't learning the ropes now, he's maybe now a bit long in the tooth for a field agent and coming to grips with what he and others wonder if he can do it much longer. It is this sense of humanity that I love so much about the movie. Bond is shot in the first 10-15 minutes and thought dead. He comes back to MI6 when Silva (Bardem) attacks and threatens the lives of M (Dench) and deep cover agents true identities around the world (typical Bond plot so far right?). The kicker here is that Bond is weakened and unfit for active duty but it is his resolve and intensity that is called for to save the day.

To say that Craig is my favorite modern Bond is pretty obvious, he is amazing in a modern age in a franchise that has embraced a more realistic approach (no invisible cars here). It is Javier Bardem's Silva who is the truly remarkable performance here and needs to be seen to be appreciated. My thoughts on the matter are this: Silva is Bond's Joker in that he is the perfect mirror image of him. A former agent himself and just as cold blooded he is a true menace and a match both physically and mentally for Bond. Not sense Ledger's performance in The Dark Knight have I been this entertained by a villain. It should be noted that this is the first post-Dark Knight Bond movie and I think it shows in the writing and in the execution. We like seeing our hero's struggle with their own mortality and the days of capturing spacecraft with another spacecraft to try to start WWIII are over. This is a Bond movie that knows the history of the franchise and respects it but is throughly modern in it's approach.

Some will say the movie lacks action, and while I don't feel it misses it I can see why they say it does. This isn't a ton of car chases or gadgets and crazy evil plan movie that people have become accustomed to and for that I think it's the reason so many are turned-off to it. It's more human and for the first time in any of the Bond movies makes James and M actual people. There is history here and there is a soul and that is the most compelling part of the movie.

In summation this is the first Bond movie that isn't a traditional Bond movie. This could have been a stand alone film and stood up just as well without the connotation or expectation of what a Bond movie is. Sam Mendes should be commended for strong direction and for making this better than a Bond movie 10/10.

Drive (I) (2011)

Not for everybody but I LOVED this movie

[10/10 · 1 February 2012]

I am a movie geek and I have been my whole life. This movie represents what I love in movies. Well crafted story, great writing and great direction. I rented this movie yesterday at Redbox and found it to be so well crafted that I watched it again (I don't usually do that.

I grew up in Los Angeles and when I loved about this movie is that it gives you a real sense of the city and it's dirty underbelly that is usually missed in more common films.

Ryan Gosling is so good in this movie because he isn't the prototypical bad ass that you usually would see in a movie like this and that is what I loved about it. Here is a character who is equally quiet but nice guy who obviously has a lot of history but nothing is mentioned or anything acknowledged up front.

The tone is fantastic and I love that the director avoided the classic clichés that are so rampant in movies like this by giving us what is essentially a "B" movie and fills it with great actors and allows them to do what they do best. WOW!

Albert Brooks is the Oscar snub of the year by far and I don't know how. Here is a guy who is always good at what he does and is a brilliant comedian but here he is a former small time movie producer who has deep roots in the criminal underworld and is so convincing that you have a hard time believing that this is the same guy from Lost in America or Nemo's dad. Nuance is the best tool in the performance and I can tell you that this is an understated performance that is so layered you just can't help but feel for the guy even though he is a brutal killer. He wants to be a nice guy but his actions and his business don't allow him to be.

No movie was as cool and more riveting from start to finish than this one. It is my favorite movie of 2011, case closed.

X-Men: Destiny (2011 Video Game)

Not bad for what it is.

[7/10 · 28 December 2011]

I rented this game at Red Box last night and I have now completed it in about 4 hours on regular difficulty.

First off, I am not a serious gamer. I just bought my PS3 a few days a go and this is the first game I have beaten in years.

The story allows you to choose either a man or woman character and essentially build who they are. You can choose their powers and their personal path through a series of encounters with the X-Men, Brotherhood of Evil Mutants or Gambit's rogue faction group. You fight various characters from the the Marvel Universe and the game feels very cinematic at points which it nice.

The game play is OK but is a bit monotonous after a bit but the fast paced action makes it so it isn't so bad. You tap multiple buttons and fight literally hundreds of enemies so be prepared. Throughout the game you encounter new characters and new obstacles and some are relatively easy and some are more difficult but it won't drive you nuts with difficulty. The game has role playing elements that are kinda neat and the ability to choose your characters path makes it so that you can decide where you want to go. There are a few sub-missions where you can choose to go off and fight the hordes with a good or a bad mutant and like a lot of games with computer controlled characters they don't seem to do much.

You have a ton of health and dying is actually pretty difficult during normal game play, it is fighting the bosses that you will need to figure them out after trial and error a few times. Again, it isn't so much about challenge and making you really earn it the designers really just want to have the story unfold for you. The story is pretty simple but it is done well enough and the ability to see your favorite characters come to life is fun for me.

I can't say that I would call this a must have game or anything, but I could see if someone wanted to go through the different paths but it is more a renter for me. I paid $2 spent about four total hours and now I am done.

A fun game for a bit but a renter if you ask me.

Lemmy (2010)

One great portrait of a true legend

[9/10 · 2 December 2011]

I caught this movie on VH1 Classic on 11/10 on their build-up to National Metal Day on 11/11/11.

First off, I have never been a really big Motorhead fan, I knew Ace of Spades and I knew who Lemmy was because I love hard rock and metal but somehow managed to avoid ever really hearing Motorhead. This movie was a revelation for me.

The film Lemmy shows what being a true musician really is like. the long hours on the road, the interviews and fans and shows that there is a guy who truly is living rock n roll. It is an unapologetic and unflinching view of a man who lives for playing music and who makes no excuses for his lifestyle and vices. I for one love how the filmmakers just let you see him interact with fans and to show how much they mean to him and look beyond the black clothes and raspy voice at a guy who really understands how lucky he is to be doing what he loves and what he is truly qualified to do.

The movie has great music, and some very good inter-spliced interviews with various artists from Joan Jett to James Hetfield. The film is a character study in the sense that it just let's you watch and see the life of a guy who lives a block from the Sunset Strip in an apartment that he has been in for 20+ years because he knows he couldn't find a better place for the money that he pays that is that close to The Rainbow Room.

A few scenes to look for:

The recording session with Dave Grohl is fantastic, Not only do you see Lemmy recording Run, Run Rudolph but there is a conversation about Little Richard and a story about The Darkness that is just brilliant.

The record store where Lemmy buys the Beatles box set. You see the fan that he is and the effect he has on the employees that can't wipe the grins off of their faces and the manager who gives him her mono copy that is the last one in the store. He is so gracious and respectful and it is actually kinda heart-warming.

The gig with Metallica playing Damage Case. What a great performance and so cool to see him rehearsing with guys in their mid-40's and how they look up to him is just awesome.

So to sum it all up, if you love rock and roll, if you love metal, if you love Lemmy or you don't know him try it out and I am sure you will come away with an appreciation for a true icon.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

A fun movie that holds up to re-watching

[20 October 2011]

First off, I am a 32 year old guy who never knew about these books. I didn't know anything about them but the movie had a really good cast of actors who I have always liked and I rented it at Redbox because my wife wanted to see it.

I was entertained for the first moment I watched it. Logan Lerman is a good young actor and is fine in his part as Percy the son of Poseidon. I have been a fan of Logans since I saw 3:10 to Yuma and I knew immediately that this kid had some real talent. Pierce Brosnan is has a somewhat small role as a mentor to young Percy helping him to understand his place and his powers. Percy goes to a camp for other young people like him who are half human half gods where (of course) he meets friends and they go on the quest for the stolen master lightning bolt of Zeus.

The movie is a kids movie and the violence is very tame and cartoonish but the writing here is not half bad. The acting is good and the effects are decent but a larger budget could have cleaned things up a bit more. The script has a couple of laughs and there are some cameos from well respected throughout that a movie buff like me loves.

I do recommend the film and I have to say that I would see the sequel when it is completed. One sort of funny thing for me is that this movie is on the premium cable movie channels a lot and both me and my wife always take a minute to see where in the movie is because there is a scene in a fictional Las Vegas casino that is our favorite part. A little Poker Face from lady Gaga and some really good looking cocktail waitresses makes for a fun little 5-10 minutes.

This won't change the world but is a fun movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and is well produced and enjoyable.

Bridesmaids (I) (2011)

Hell yes!

[8/10 · 16 May 2011]

You know what makes a movie like this so good? It is that the movie is funny. Not funny in a ha ha, that was good way but you look at the person next to you and you are both equally shocked at how good the movie really is. Do the actors do their job? is the script funny? is the direction good? The answer to all of these questions is yes.

We have seen over the last 10 or so years some really funny movies, and all of them feature women as secondary characters who might be a little funny but the focus is never on them for too long. Here the movie takes what could be another piece of garbage about girls doing the things they do before they get married and elevates it to a level of greatness that only the best of comedies can achieve.

Kristen Wiig wrote and stars as Annie, a down on her luck 30-something woman in Milwaukee, WI who is looking for stability after her bakery shut down. She has a job she hates working at a jewelery store selling wedding rings to people in love. She lives with the most vile brother and sister possibly ever and her best friend who she has known from childhood Lillian is getting married in Chicago to a rich guy with a great job. Lillian is still the same great friend that she has always been and no matter how much money or influence her new social circle affords her it doesn't change how she treats Annie and that is commendable and a nice change.

The movie is great, it isn't afraid to be dirty and raunchy and it loves the weird stuff that the women all do. It makes the women here equals with anything you might see in other Judd Apatow/frat pack movies and it gets the tone right. It could be done wrong on so many levels but it doesn't go for the cheap way out and it makes the movie fun and inventive and very good.

Cons: It is too damned long, I don't know why this is the case with all Apatow movies her either directs or produces but damn, cut it down please. The subplots are a bit much in a couple of places and could be tightened up but this is a minor flaw in comparison.

Go see this movie, it will make you laugh and it will do it often. Great flick!

Black Swan (2010)

Not a bad film but overrated

[6/10 · 16 May 2011]

I was excited to finally see this film, I had a mild desire to see it in theaters but never got around to it. I rented it at Redbox and am happy I finally got around to it and to see what the buzz was about.

In my years as a very big movie fan I have seen a lot of very good movies and a lot of movies while good aren't particularly moving for whatever reason. Either it is because of poor direction or a script or acting it just doesn't always come together for me. This is one of those times.

First off, let me say that this is not a bad movie, it is however not a great one either. It is however technically very sound, the cinematography is fine, the score is effective and the lighting is good. Editing is not an issue here but what is the issue for me is an overall lack of soul that I continue to find in the work of Darren Aronofsky's work. The parts are all there to be good and overall product just doesn't seem to come together for me. Maybe it's his use of the camera and it's bouncing around that is intended to make the viewer feel like they are with the characters and in my case did the exact opposite.

Natalie Portman does a fine job in this role. Her character is so stunted from her overbearing mother and her obsessive need to be a great dancer that she has no friends and no life outside of her self made shell of a life. Mila Kunis in a very interesting role plays Lilly the yang to Portman's Yin and representation of all of the repression that that overwhelmed her, a physical embodiment of all that Nina has chosen not to experience.

I found the most interesting character to be the role of the ballet director Thomas. He is self assured, cocky and a great manipulator, both professionally and personally. His role is well acted by Vincent Casell and is the most entertaining character in the film. Watching him try to pull the vigor and emotion from Portman's Nina and his attempts to seduce her are the most interesting thing in the movie.

The film ranges from melodrama to thriller and almost borders on horror in a few parts. It goes from straight forward storytelling and as the film progresses it attempts to show the loss of sanity of Nina becomes more and more surreal and the effect is uneven at best.

My thoughts have always been that Aronofsky is a sound director but never very moving. Good but not great, he doesn't elevate the material he touches but I don't feel he brings it down either. A fine movie but once the credits roll it is not haunting and not all that memorable.

Nobody's Fool (1994)

A great film that gets better with time

[8/10 · 8 April 2011]

Not many movies really have as much heart as this movie because few movies have the talent to do it effectively, this one has it all.

Paul Newman is Sully, a working class, blue collar guy who is eking out a life in an upstate New York town doing construction way past the age he should be. His life is one of limited responsibilities and he has wrapped himself in since abandoning his wife and young child decades before. His son come back into his life with Sully's two grandchildren and issues of his own, namely a failing marriage.

The movie is what I like to refer to as a "slice of life" movie. It doesn't have a lot of set pieces, no big action sequences and no guns, or CGI. It is the story of what one man's life is like when the family he tried to escape comes back into his life and gives him a reason to care about someone other than himself.

A great script and strong supporting characters are plentiful and it all adds up to a beautiful and poignant film that makes for a good time. See it!

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Quite possibly the greatest movie of all time

[10/10 · 3 March 2011]

Let me say first off that I HATED this movie the first time I walked out of it. I did however watch it again over the years and I have to think it was just my age at the time (I was 19) and now being the ripe old age of 32 I have to say I might enjoy this for repeat viewings more than anything else.

So, what makes this movie great?

First off, it has one of the single best scripts I have ever seen. It is funny, weird and incredibly quotable. The characters are well drawn and so odd that you can't help but love them. The Coen brothers have made some very good movies but nothing compares to the utter genius displayed here.

The Big Lebowski exists on the plain of earth that we just don't inhabit. In this film LA is a magical place that walks the along edge of lunacy. A bit mythological and just subversive to keep us coming back again and again for a great movie that never loses it's sparkle.

The Dude Abides...

The Wraith (1986)

One of my all time favorite movies

[7/10 · 2 March 2011]

I remember seeing this movie when I was 7 years old going to see it opening weekend at a matinée show. Westwood in LA '86 was a great time.

The movie left an indelible mark on me from the moment I walked out I was a changed man, er boy. I had just seen the coolest most bitchin' movie ever!

Charlie Sheen in his first staring role plays a new kid in a small town in the Arizona desert town that is held hostage by a group of road pirates that race people for their pink slips. This group led by Packard (Nick Cassavetes) is a motley crew if I ever saw one filled with every stereotypical character you can find. Packard and Sheen are both into the same girl (Sherrilyn Fenn) and that is where the fun starts.

The gang of thugs are being taken out one by one by a masked avenger of sorts in a supernaturally cool car that forces you to hit it and blow up while it re-appears without a scratch. Of course law enforcement is called in and it falls to Sheriff Loomis (Randy Quaid) always one step behind the action right where we need him.

Awesome driving sequences showing the same scenery over and over and a shoestring budget give this movie more character than you would normally have but everything is up on the screen to watch. The music is pretty good for 80's rock tunes and it is such a perfect little time capsule for the era in which it was produced.

If you want a fun movie to watch on a Saturday night maybe some beer and pizza a some friends to revel in the greatest time in cinema ( I am joking by the way) you can't go wrong.

It's schlocky, weird and makes little sense, the acting is pitch perfect for the material and is just a good time. Plus Sherrilyn Fenn is HOT AS HELL!

Adventureland (2009)

A great idea poorly executed

[5/10 · 24 February 2011]

First let me just say that this genre of film is one of my favorites. The coming of age film is so wrought with relatable material it is perfect to be filmed. This, however just misses the mark for me.

Jesse Eisenberg is just your regular average college age guy in mid-80's America, he likes good music, a beer and to get a little high with friends. He isn't athletic or rich but is smart and is a likable character. He gets a job in Pennsylvania over the summer to make some money and this movie follows his interaction with the people at Adventureland.

If you want an in depth review let me spare you now and say that this isn't it. What I want to focus on here is very specific.

This movie has so much potential, so much opportunity to be good, really good. The cast is pretty strong and even Kristen Stewart does fine here.

Kristen Stewart is one of those actresses you like or you just don't. I however think that she is acceptable and believable as her character who is young and dealing with what young women in that stage of life deal with.

The thing that bothers me here is that the direction is so weak, that it allows the movie to waste it's screenplay and takes what could be a fun and interesting slice of 1986 and makes it listless garbage. Like a Judd Apatow movie it is too long and needs about 20 minutes cut out to tighten it up. There is no direction in the movie, no point really to speak of and so when there is nothing to build up to you need a really strong script to keep the audience interested. This however does not happen.

I wanted to like this movie, I really really did but it just falls so flat and is so boring that at the end of the day there isn't anything there to grab on to, no emotional connection or direction. A noble effort but a failure.

Murphy's Romance (1985)

One of my all time favorite movies

[9/10 · 11 February 2011]

This is a small movie that refuses to fall into any standard Hollywood traps or sinkholes. It is the story of a single mom and her son moving to a small Arizona town and tries to make a life for them. She meets the town's most eligible bachelor who is almost twice her age and they become friends and maybe something more. The plot gets more interesting when you see her Ex-husband show up.

Sweet, endearing and funny. This is just good honest fun storytelling. Incredibly re-watchable and better each time. I cannot find a flaw in this movie because it is just a good script and good direction.

I wish movies like this were more common, just people living their lives and interacting with one another. Brilliantly understated film that is just a good movie that makes you care about well drawn characters and a simple plot.

Machete (2010)

Get ready to have some fun

[9/10 · 3 September 2010]

What can you say about a movie that is based on a fake trailer that was almost better than the movies between it? Say Hell Yes!

Machete is the most amazing, fun and entertaining movie you can watch in todays cinematic world. In a world of boring and derivative crap and stupidity comes a movie that isn't afraid to be fun again.

Remember seeing a movie when you were a kid that you weren't supposed to see? Remember who much fun it was? This is that movie!

It's not perfect, it's not going to win an Oscar it is there to make you laugh, and cheer and raise a fist in honor of stupid laws and white men who create them. This movie proves that nothing is sacred, blood and boobs and it is glorious! See this movie and you will have a good time, see this movie and you will remember fun pulpy schlock and why it is so interesting.

Oh and one more thing, stunt casting is alive and when it is done this well it is effective and when it is done with a wink it allows the audience to be in on the joke!

Ghost Rider (2007)

Why oh Why did they make this so bad?

[3/10 · 19 February 2007]

I like comic book movies, I however do not live them or know everything about them. I did read Ghost Rider as a kid/early teen and it was cool. By far one of the Best looking characters ever created, but this movie took all that was great about the comics and the character and made them just lame!

First there is Nicolas Cage, I personally wasn't thrilled with his casting but I didn't hate it. He was fine in the movie good deadpan delivery and he is a good actor. But here he is just so flat and boring to watch. Eva Mendes is drop dead, sell your should to Satan hot but her character is so poorly constructed that you just don't care about her.

The story is so redundant, Blackheart (Wes Bentley) is looking for a scroll with the names and souls of a bunch of people that will give him ultimate power to Ahem, RULE THE WORLD!!!! So he naturally needs to enlist the power some boring glorified movie extras who possess useless powers of Earth,Wind and Water OHHHHH I am so scared!

Ghost Rider kills the minions in literally a matter of seconds with no build-up or fight just a couple of hits a bad line and then poof the bad guy is vanquished. The part of the movie that is so bad is that you never care about anyone at any time throughout the movie.

The great part about other Marvel movies is that you feel for these people and want to see them succeed here you don't care because there is almost no feeling in the writing at all!

Effects are good but really not close to great, the editing is kind of sloppy and the writing is just so lame. This one wasn't quite as bad as Daredevil but it is close.

Last but not least the one thing that really doomed this production is the fact that it drowned in it's fear of being offensive, violent and have any edge at all. Something like maybe a tortured character like Blaze really is would be cool or some real fight sequences would help a lot too.

Just too many things to deal with here and no real redeeming qualities.

Hannibal Rising (2007)

Better served if it wasn't a Lecter film

[7/10 · 12 February 2007]

First off let me say I enjoyed this movie, it was well shot and well acted it had a good sense of self and was well made. The defining characteristic of this movie over the previous Lecter movies is that this one is more of a revenge flick more than anything else. While it is not a bad movie or a poorly constructed one at that it doesn't change that this movie seems to give an origin to someone that the audience has come to know as a monster, a well spoken and refined monster. Here Lecter is portrayed as being a good kid gone bad.

The story opens with young Hannibal and his younger sister in Lithuania during World War II escaping both Nazi and Russian forces from killing them. They run to a nearby lodge and are caught in the middle of fire and all of the adults are ultimately killed. A group of escaped convicts find the house and take it over and over the next few days of starvation decide to kill little Mischa Lecter. Hannibal finally escapes and is "rescued" by Russian forces where he is placed in an orphanage which just happens to be in his families castle. There he is angry and misunderstood and escapes to France to find his Uncle.

As the story progresses Hannibal forms a strong and almost incestuous relationship with his Aunt (Li Gong)and this is where the movie really gets fun, one gruesome murder after another and a french war crimes inspector on his case young Hannibal goes to medical school and seeks revenge on those men who killed and ate his young sister.

I liked the movie, it was well done, had good acting and I liked the finished product, the only issues here is that while you are watching this child become a beast bent on revenge for the last person he ever really truly loved you see the descent into madness in too trivial of terms.