I'm going to try to write 600 words about how bad this remake is, so bear with me... .... It's really bad. It's so badly acted, which granted the original wasn't terribly good either acting wise, so it's almost like the wanted to stick to the original movie copying the stunted dialogue and wooden motions. Maybe? Idk. We watched this purely for the amusement but it was so bad but trying hard that it wasn't even funny. The Brent character did the only decent job of these characters... who is he? Give him the only redemption in this waste of time. Even the fine bodies of these people didn't help. I need four more cookies and another milk. Snooze.
Reviews
23 Reviews
The Good Mother
(I) (2023)
Dull, dark and dumb
23 January 2024
So Hillary Swank? Ok. Might be something to watch. On tv. At home. Thinking it would be decent, I hit the button. I have a cold, btw, so it's just a time killer. I should have napped instead. I might have been napping for the first half of this movie. Wouldn't have made a difference. Everything is dark. I'm getting tired of these dark movies. Y'all too cheap for lights? Or don't want to have to set up a scene beyond 30 feet? Idk. It's making me strain my eyes to see nothing is there. And I sure hope people aren't this dumb in real life or the future is bleak. This story could have been interesting, but nothing about this film was really & next time I'll just pass Hillary. Pick better material.
Mob Land
(2023)
Gritty stench
7 October 2023
I'm amazed that anyone sees any value in this film. It looks like it was shot in the dark with a dirty lens & not in any artistic way. The dialogue is awful. Nobody has seemed to have had a bath in weeks. I get the dirty white boy down south wife beating wearing stereotype, but it's way overdone & this lead character & his angst is even more contrived. Once again they take a "movie star" name and slap it on a b film with little to no value visually or story wise. Just stupid really. Not a redeeming character to be found. I'm left wondering about some of these reviews and what other movies people have watched that make this seem anything worthwhile.
No One Will Save You
(2023)
How bad can it be?
23 September 2023
This is so bad that no one could save it. Not the insipid lead character, not the dialogue (bahahaha), not the cinematography, and no one would want to even try. I should never speak to my friends again who decided we should waste our lives viewing this tripe. The one redeeming factor?? Despite saying this was filmed in Nola, the street scenes in "town" were filmed in Old Towne Slidell, Louisiana, which is a suburb north of Lake Ponchatrain. The acting? Well, I've seen high school plays with better. The story? Stolen in bits and pieces from a dozen other films. Utterly stupid. The plot? Well, kinda cleared up one mystery but who even cares? Don't waste your time.
Mafia Mamma
(2023)
Relax, it's quite amusing
25 July 2023
This mob movie spoof is adorable. Granted, it's no award winning film but it is entertaining. Since when has that become a sin?
Grab you snack and enjoy the scenery. The characters are decently developed, stereotypical as they are, but isn't that the point? Toni Colette is animated and funny. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about making her a female idiot but this isn't serious commentary & she makes up for that with her home job somewhat.
If you can appreciate a movie as just entertainment and you have a nice chunk of cake to go with it, then it's a pleasant way to spend a little time. Not everything needs to be Oscar material to be satisfying.
Grab you snack and enjoy the scenery. The characters are decently developed, stereotypical as they are, but isn't that the point? Toni Colette is animated and funny. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about making her a female idiot but this isn't serious commentary & she makes up for that with her home job somewhat.
If you can appreciate a movie as just entertainment and you have a nice chunk of cake to go with it, then it's a pleasant way to spend a little time. Not everything needs to be Oscar material to be satisfying.
Licorice Pizza
(2021)
Ugh
18 April 2022
A new take on teenage angst? A vehicle for Cooper to go crazy? What is this tripe? I'm flabbergasted that this received any accolades beyond maybe a nod to the era portrayed accurately. I hated these people. Most were pathetic. Others didn't even matter. It's a dull movie about a dull time in a dull manner. Yuck.
The Wolf of Snow Hollow
(2020)
Almost great!
30 April 2021
Given the sad assortment of films in 2020, I have to give this one two thumbs up. It was almost really good. I found it kind of hilarious at times, plus it made me jump at the bottle throwing scene. There's a bit of Tarantino happening- so it was almost great. Dialogue could use a sharper sword in places, and ditch the cliche "about to retire" foolishness. But the acting, even the overacting of the lead, was above decent & it was quite entertaining and enjoyable. A big who dat to the lead/director/writer. Did the 504 proud!
The Next Three Days
(2010)
Entertaining but so implausible
29 January 2021
Do the people who make movies do their homework?? It's so irritating to watch what should be an entertaining movie when it is irritatingly obvious that the writers have no experience in incarceration. How does this guy visit on the daily?? Do they think you can just show up whenever you want and see someone in prison? Have they ever visited someone who is incarcerated? Have they read anything about it? Then, when is the last time you were stopped in a roadblock because the police were looking for someone? This wasn't Manson they were looking for, and even if it was, there's no way law enforcement moves this quickly. Perhaps it was a fantasy? Decent acting. Nice plot attempt.
The Assignment
(I) (2016)
What a let down!
17 January 2021
This movie had a good & refreshing premise. It seemed to have a decent cast also. However, the acting was outright awful. Weaver stunk to high heaven. She's never been a favorite & I've always found her overrated, but my gods talk about a wooden performance. This movie was tripe. Really stunk and I'm sorry I wasted my time & they wasted what could have been an interesting story with the potential to give insight into the transgender community. Definitely missed the mark.
Apostle
(2018)
Beautifully filmed- absolutely ridiculous
25 October 2020
A film that masquerades as art, which by some of the alleged highbrow reviews here fooled a few, with an insipid storyline.
It starts out ok, if you think anyone who cares about rescuing their loved one would send an addicted drifter with filthy fingernails on the mission. I couldn't get past his inability to wash his hand if embarking on such a journey.
The violence throughout was graphically disgusting I guess for shock value? Hmmm unnecessary. And questions still linger like wtf was that creature & why? No real history given. Granted, it could have been an interesting concept if some of the blanks were filled in.
In the end, it was barely watchable with your typical horror concept of no one ever dying despite experiencing 42 lethal actions, and a lack of closure in many ways. This film reminds me of a beautiful woman who is dumb as a rock. All looks no substance.
Seven
(I) (2019)
I almost liked it
20 October 2020
Warning: Spoilers
So this movie drew me in with a decent plot- then I started watching it. Well, the acting is really pretty bad, as in B movie worse than made for tv US movie bad, except for the old woman & hers is over the top but she's crazy so that's excusable. The Detective guy? Well he drinks. I have no clue why this has any pertinence to the story at all and maybe in this country you can just drink on the job not even being sly about it? The women look way to much the same that I was confused like which one was she? And when one pretends to be mute wtf is that about? Was this a hint? Because I'm thinking I never saw her before. Well here I am just praying this film will end soon and put me out of my misery and then the plot gets confusing & I'm suddenly invested & it was actually a truly decent story that I hope someone with some talent remakes and hires some people who can act. If you're bored I recommend. Lol
Roma
(2018)
Wishing for more
23 January 2019
This movie started off with about ten full minutes of slooooowww credits. It was foreshadowing. Ok, great sounds & textures blah blah blah, what we actually have here is another one of those highbrow "art" films that doesn't inspire or entertaine, but people will oooohhh and ahhhh over it because they think they're not getting something that isn't there. I tried three times to get through it. All it succeeded in doing was make me sleepy & want to clean my house simultaneously which is not a good mix- just like this movie.
Black Panther
(2018)
Only gets a 2 for Angela Bassett
4 January 2019
Wow- so I finally am attempting to watch this because it is nominated for awards. I at least expected to be entertained, but not halfway through I'm bored to death. The acting, except for the fabulous Ms Bassett, is pretty lame. Just because you do a big film with a mostly black cast, doesn't just give it an automatic herald. I'm very disappointed and expected a whole lot more. Snooze.
Les Misérables
(2012)
Les Snooze
4 January 2013
A cold and rainy night seemed to be the perfect time to go see this movie. I have to say, my expectations were high. Although I never did quite understand the hype for the play, it was my hope that with such strong stars there would be a gem of a film here.
Boy, was I disappointed. I certainly don't understand the people who cried during this movie. Who in the world cared about any of these characters and why?? I could not for the life of me find one ounce of compassion for anyone in the film. It did not draw me in nor did it move me in any way except for out the door quickly back into the cold.
Anne Hathaway did prove to be able to belt out a decent tune, and bravo to her for being seen gritty and ragged- she perhaps should receive a nod from the academy. Hugh Jackman proves again to be more than just an action figure. I did like seeing him in such a role. But for all their decent acting I could not have cared any less what happened to them or anyone else in this movie. A waste of time.
Boy, was I disappointed. I certainly don't understand the people who cried during this movie. Who in the world cared about any of these characters and why?? I could not for the life of me find one ounce of compassion for anyone in the film. It did not draw me in nor did it move me in any way except for out the door quickly back into the cold.
Anne Hathaway did prove to be able to belt out a decent tune, and bravo to her for being seen gritty and ragged- she perhaps should receive a nod from the academy. Hugh Jackman proves again to be more than just an action figure. I did like seeing him in such a role. But for all their decent acting I could not have cared any less what happened to them or anyone else in this movie. A waste of time.
Only New Orleans Saves It
24 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Just watched BLPOCNO for the second time since the release, and the only redeemable reason I can possibly think of is to see New Orleans in her gritty splendor.
Why would anyone rate this movie beyond a two or three? Are we so desperate for decent films that the wooden acting (or non-acting given his behavior while in the city) of Nick Cage is acceptable as a lead?? This guy is so dull we believe he is high on drugs. His deliverance so dead-pan that he obviously decided to get into character by doing the drugs he was portrayed as doing in character.
And what a waste of supporting characters?? Eva whats her name isn't even attractive for most of the film and she can normally look pretty even if she doesn't have more than one expression. Other character actors who can be pretty good aren't given much screen time and Val Kilmer, who I have always thought was terribly overrated, gets underplayed.
Maybe the director was partying too much with Cage. Maybe the town turned them Bad. Maybe it is good that this is a "last call" from a city that has no such thing.
Don't waste your time unless you really miss New Orleans and you like to hate Nicholas Cage.
Why would anyone rate this movie beyond a two or three? Are we so desperate for decent films that the wooden acting (or non-acting given his behavior while in the city) of Nick Cage is acceptable as a lead?? This guy is so dull we believe he is high on drugs. His deliverance so dead-pan that he obviously decided to get into character by doing the drugs he was portrayed as doing in character.
And what a waste of supporting characters?? Eva whats her name isn't even attractive for most of the film and she can normally look pretty even if she doesn't have more than one expression. Other character actors who can be pretty good aren't given much screen time and Val Kilmer, who I have always thought was terribly overrated, gets underplayed.
Maybe the director was partying too much with Cage. Maybe the town turned them Bad. Maybe it is good that this is a "last call" from a city that has no such thing.
Don't waste your time unless you really miss New Orleans and you like to hate Nicholas Cage.
Straw Dogs
(2011)
Redneck redo with one redeeming factor
1 May 2012
Warning: Spoilers
There is a synopsis that I will not bore you with as you can read it on the IMDb page. This is just another city boy versus good ole boys type of movie where the city slicker finds out that he can be a homicidal maniac too. Meanwhile, his wife Amy, an obviously mentally unstable individual, flirts between wanting to encourage her old flame and wanting to leave to go back to the safety of the city. Early on in the movie I thought perhaps she was even plotting to have him killed by the locals and go back to her hunky former flame.
I say the lead female, Amy, is portrayed as a whack job because she taunts her old flame, strips at the window, jogs by the men working while wearing no bra and skimpy clothes, yet expects some kind of respect from these local boys hired to work on a roof. Now in no way am I saying that when she tells Charlie, her ex played by Alexander Skarsgard, that she does not want to have sex that she is being a willing participant. This is clearly a rape at this point. However, the way that her character has switched from heated longing while gazing upon him, and who wouldn't since looking at Skarsgard is the only redeeming factor of this movie, to total disinterest is totally unbelievable. Had she maybe been enticed, then changed her mind after thinking about her husband or something it may have been believable but as it was portrayed it just came out as plane stupid. Then this other guy appears and it seems to me that Skarsgard is not too pleased about this so why he would allow it I don't know and the movie doesn't tell us or set up any kind of revenge deal that would give me a clue.
This movie is the worst of typical southern stereotyping, along with some abuse of the mentally disabled, fake looking dead deer, characters we don't care enough about to hate or like and if it were not for getting to see sexy Skarsgard sans shirt, well, it would have no reason to exist. Please find him better movies so I don't have to sit through this again. I know it was a remake but one that shouldn't have been remade.
I say the lead female, Amy, is portrayed as a whack job because she taunts her old flame, strips at the window, jogs by the men working while wearing no bra and skimpy clothes, yet expects some kind of respect from these local boys hired to work on a roof. Now in no way am I saying that when she tells Charlie, her ex played by Alexander Skarsgard, that she does not want to have sex that she is being a willing participant. This is clearly a rape at this point. However, the way that her character has switched from heated longing while gazing upon him, and who wouldn't since looking at Skarsgard is the only redeeming factor of this movie, to total disinterest is totally unbelievable. Had she maybe been enticed, then changed her mind after thinking about her husband or something it may have been believable but as it was portrayed it just came out as plane stupid. Then this other guy appears and it seems to me that Skarsgard is not too pleased about this so why he would allow it I don't know and the movie doesn't tell us or set up any kind of revenge deal that would give me a clue.
This movie is the worst of typical southern stereotyping, along with some abuse of the mentally disabled, fake looking dead deer, characters we don't care enough about to hate or like and if it were not for getting to see sexy Skarsgard sans shirt, well, it would have no reason to exist. Please find him better movies so I don't have to sit through this again. I know it was a remake but one that shouldn't have been remade.
3000 Miles to Graceland
(2001)
Idiotic plot basis ruins not very good film-
2 March 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Just finished watching this movie and after 10 years it has only gotten harder to view. There are some nice actors that have since gone on to bigger things, and some old actors that we haven't heard much from lately, so I thought it was worth a repeat view.
I was a bit off the mark. There are some decent scenes, and it was nice to see familiar faces portraying somewhat interesting characters, but the premise of the film is so lacking credibility that I felt irritated throughout.
First of all, if you are going to rob a casino full of Elvis impersonators while being dressed like Elvis why don't you use this to help escape or blend in?? Then, how do you spray every camera except the one that shows you taking the money? Why would you then have to go through the entire casino floor to get to the roof? This would perhaps be the most ridiculous- but it is topped by the struggle which makes up the entire rest of the movie- the money is taken from HARD COUNT.
Now anyone who knows anything about casinos knows that they take in a lot of cash money. This money has to be counted (these are the people in the room where the gang-o-thieves grab the cash). This is not money from the bank but money going to the bank and therefore this money is in no way marked and there is absolutely NO REASON for it to be marked. So going to find someone to launder this cash is completely idiotic. Therefore the rest of this movie is idiotic and makes no sense whatsoever.
Really people, I know this isn't supposed to be real life but base a movie on some sort of reality. Or else call it science fiction or fantasy or something. This was so far fetched that I couldn't objectively watch the rest. Too bad? Or maybe just as well.
I was a bit off the mark. There are some decent scenes, and it was nice to see familiar faces portraying somewhat interesting characters, but the premise of the film is so lacking credibility that I felt irritated throughout.
First of all, if you are going to rob a casino full of Elvis impersonators while being dressed like Elvis why don't you use this to help escape or blend in?? Then, how do you spray every camera except the one that shows you taking the money? Why would you then have to go through the entire casino floor to get to the roof? This would perhaps be the most ridiculous- but it is topped by the struggle which makes up the entire rest of the movie- the money is taken from HARD COUNT.
Now anyone who knows anything about casinos knows that they take in a lot of cash money. This money has to be counted (these are the people in the room where the gang-o-thieves grab the cash). This is not money from the bank but money going to the bank and therefore this money is in no way marked and there is absolutely NO REASON for it to be marked. So going to find someone to launder this cash is completely idiotic. Therefore the rest of this movie is idiotic and makes no sense whatsoever.
Really people, I know this isn't supposed to be real life but base a movie on some sort of reality. Or else call it science fiction or fantasy or something. This was so far fetched that I couldn't objectively watch the rest. Too bad? Or maybe just as well.
The Tree of Life
(2011)
Someone is eating mushrooms again...
21 February 2012
Warning: Spoilers
OK, if you want to see some really cool Nat Geo scenes then go to the IMAX because that is what a VERY LARGE section of this movie is.
Maybe there is a story here, and while not every movie needs to be a narrative with a cliché' beginning and end, there is not any type of flow or connection to the cool looking but non-effective placement of the nature/nice acid trip scenes. It is, as others have said, a pseudo- intellectual wannna be kind of blow hard movie that people will talk about and act like they understand yet say things like they have to watch it over again to "really get it." We are beaten over the head with "these people had a kid and he dies and they are sad and have regrets." We get that. Repeatedly.
Well not only do I not get it, I don't want to get it. I am so glad I did not make a special trip to the theater but still want my five dollar movie rental fee back from whoever is responsible for this.
The dinosaur apparitions make this film outright laughable. Yes, it is awesome looking at times, but somebody ate the mushrooms and not the kind you buy legally. A good movie writer got together with someone on an acid trip and they got to film some really cool things then met up with an architect who likes Sean Penn and another nifty fifties interior decorator and a nature lover and made a movie. A stinky movie that looks really good.
Maybe there is a story here, and while not every movie needs to be a narrative with a cliché' beginning and end, there is not any type of flow or connection to the cool looking but non-effective placement of the nature/nice acid trip scenes. It is, as others have said, a pseudo- intellectual wannna be kind of blow hard movie that people will talk about and act like they understand yet say things like they have to watch it over again to "really get it." We are beaten over the head with "these people had a kid and he dies and they are sad and have regrets." We get that. Repeatedly.
Well not only do I not get it, I don't want to get it. I am so glad I did not make a special trip to the theater but still want my five dollar movie rental fee back from whoever is responsible for this.
The dinosaur apparitions make this film outright laughable. Yes, it is awesome looking at times, but somebody ate the mushrooms and not the kind you buy legally. A good movie writer got together with someone on an acid trip and they got to film some really cool things then met up with an architect who likes Sean Penn and another nifty fifties interior decorator and a nature lover and made a movie. A stinky movie that looks really good.
Once More with Feeling
(2009 Video)
Do it once more with some feeling!
8 August 2011
OK, this movie has the potential of a decent flick but the pace drags and the characters are pretty dull. If you want a synopsis then go to the first page and read it there. It is worth watching to see how much weight a once fine Linda Fiorentino has gained. I didn't even recognize her the first two times she appears on screen. Drea De Matteo's character complains about her weight when she looks great- she needed to send Linda's character to the plastic surgeon.
I want to watch films that entertain me or intrigue me or in some way make me think. Even the corny parts weren't corny enough to be funny. Yeah, there is some decent but boring singing in this movie, but it seemed like someone put valium in the water of the whole cast and crew. It did help my ambien to kick in. Don't waste your time unless you need to get to sleep, and want to see how Linda gained like 50 lbs.
I want to watch films that entertain me or intrigue me or in some way make me think. Even the corny parts weren't corny enough to be funny. Yeah, there is some decent but boring singing in this movie, but it seemed like someone put valium in the water of the whole cast and crew. It did help my ambien to kick in. Don't waste your time unless you need to get to sleep, and want to see how Linda gained like 50 lbs.
Inception
(2010)
Exceptional? Not-
27 June 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Big hype movie with big money stars - OK, you already have your audience coming in the doors of the theaters and will probably make budget the first weekend. So how do you get them to keep coming back, rent this and buy it even? How about you make it soooo complicated that a post graduate English major cannot even decipher the scrambled plot line on first review? Yep!
This film is FILLED with awesome special effects, yes most certainly. However, are there not some people who actually care about following a plot? I asked three people under 25 who saw this movie if they liked it and they all said "yes!!" However, when I asked them to explain it to me they ALL said that they really didn't understand it but it looked sooo cool. Well, is that what a movie is now? "I don't understand what it was about but it was really cool how those buildings bent and ..."
Go see the Grand Canyon. Visit Old Faithful. Get off the couch if you want to "see" something spectacular. I get it - yeah, cool special effects. But someone explain to me how you do not wake up in a dream within a dream if you get startled in your first dream. While I may be one of the very few, I expect my movie to make some sort of logical, even if very extremely far fetched, sense. Inception? Not exceptional-
This film is FILLED with awesome special effects, yes most certainly. However, are there not some people who actually care about following a plot? I asked three people under 25 who saw this movie if they liked it and they all said "yes!!" However, when I asked them to explain it to me they ALL said that they really didn't understand it but it looked sooo cool. Well, is that what a movie is now? "I don't understand what it was about but it was really cool how those buildings bent and ..."
Go see the Grand Canyon. Visit Old Faithful. Get off the couch if you want to "see" something spectacular. I get it - yeah, cool special effects. But someone explain to me how you do not wake up in a dream within a dream if you get startled in your first dream. While I may be one of the very few, I expect my movie to make some sort of logical, even if very extremely far fetched, sense. Inception? Not exceptional-
Hot Coffee
(2011)
Hot Topic - good film
27 June 2011
This is the "other side" of the McDonalds coffee tale, along with a lot more interesting information on tort reform, the buying of judicial elections, and the signing away of our legal rights without our knowledge. While some may call it slanted to one side, the issues have been fully explored from the opposing view in the media, so I found this perspective very interesting.
Please don't limit yourself to just the coffee issue- this is not what the movie is about. There is a good bit of information packed into a rather short period of time, and while it might be a bit slow paced, it is better viewed completely. If you are interested in how big corporations skew our system in the United States, you will enjoy this film.
Please don't limit yourself to just the coffee issue- this is not what the movie is about. There is a good bit of information packed into a rather short period of time, and while it might be a bit slow paced, it is better viewed completely. If you are interested in how big corporations skew our system in the United States, you will enjoy this film.
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