Joel_S Reviews

CHIPS (2017)

Original Fans will Hate it, New Kids will wonder where Channing Tatum is

[2/10 · 25 March 2017]

It's clear to everyone that the creators of this stupid movie were ripping off the concept of 21 Jumpstreet, i.e. do a raunchy parody movie of a more serious cop movie from 20+ years ago. This idea of doing parody gross out movies targeting 14 year old boys from an original source material that was far more serious (Starsky and Hutch, 21 Jumpstreet, CHiPs) has been in vogue the past 10-15 years.

21 Jumpstreet although pretty mental in it's own right and to a lesser extent Starsky and Hutch from 2004 had something that CHiPs does not, likable lead actors. Sure Michael Pena is highly likable, but sorry Dax Shepard is not. Dax Shepard is a weasel. Starsky and Hutch had Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson at their prime and in top form in 2004, they were very likable back then. 21 Jumpstreet had the hunky and likable Channing Tatum paired with the very likable Jonah Hill. CHiPs is a really gross and stupid movie that tries hard to be hip and cool but fails miserably. In an alternate universe Wilmer Valderrama made a more serious CHiPs movie playing Ponch in 2007. Remember when that project was supposed to be a go? Forget this trash and either stick with the original series, wait for a real comedy, or another sequel to 21 Jumpstreet.

Ferris Bueller (1990–1991)

I don't even Remember this show in 1990!!!

[10 December 2016]

Hey I was a kid in 1990 and I don't ever remember this TV series. I remember watching Quantum Leap all the time, plus Home Improvement, Married With Children, and some 80s shows like Cheers and Cosby Show were still on.

My god this looks so cheesy and horrible, even for 1990, and I was a young teenager at the time!! From the clips I've seen, they missed the point of the movie, which was really Cameron's story and how Ferris was trying to help his friend Cameron out of his despair. This TV show seems to be all about a fake super cool kid who dresses like 1984 Miami Vice in 1990, so of course it was going to fail.

Now I do remember Parker Lewis Can't Lose, it was OK and not nearly as cheesy looking as this....still missed the point of the Ferris movie by John Hughes.

CHiPs (1977–1983)

Ponch and Jon, the corniest Cool guys there ever were...

[17 June 2007]

Officers Francis "Ponch" Ponchorello and Jon Baker were the CORNIEST cool guys in the history of Hollywood TV. Make no mistake, these dudes were cool. Two young and reasonably handsome guys, athletic and fit looking while living that romantic fast life in Southern California. They were the man on bikes, high pursuit cops who enforced the law. Off duty their weekends could be spent jet skiing, sailing or sky diving, when the rest of us are off at the movies or perhaps hanging out at the mall. They also had the badge and gun, the uniforms, and of course the bikes that they would race at 90 mph on the highways while chasing bad guys, they were cool dudes. Then of course they romanced plenty of disco era honeys. But Ponch and Jon were not cool cool, they were just too over the top corny and Ponch was way too hammy. Then there was that silly freeze frame smile they all did at the end of the show. If you are over considerably over 40 today you probably think CHiPs is ridiculous because you were likely a teenager or young adult back then and you yourself were just too hip and cool back in the day to have appreciated CHiPs. And if you are 25 and under today then you are likely on the other side of being too cool for CHiPs because you may think the show is just flat out stupid. The series would likely look way too old for much of the early 20s and teenager crowd. The show had silliness, but not Dukes of Hazzard or Knight Rider silliness, Ponch and Jon were still grounded in something very close to our real world. If you are a middle-late Gen Xer born in the 70s and had a childhood in the 80s, then CHiPs was part of your syndicated TV diet. You know you watched.

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

Great movie, doesn't get enough praise

[10/10 · 13 January 2005]

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey is a great fantasy movie that is usually simply forgotten about. I don't know why. People generally remember the first movie and the sequel actually is better. I've always wondered if the changing times had something to do with the box office failure of Bogus Journey. These guys were cool in 1988 and 1989 but in 1991 they sorta seemed like they should be on the shelf collecting dust next to Miami Vice. Bill and Ted's "excellent", "party on dude!" and other 80s behavior really lost it's edge and luster a mere 2-3 years later in 1991. I mean you could still do a lot of 80ish stuff in the early 1990s, but the 80s decade was kinda going out of style and there was a limit to how much you could get away with. Bill and Ted's style was simply over the top extreme 80s and that was just too much for the changing times to carry. Unfortunate timing probably hurt this movie's mass market appeal, and it demonstrates how the fickle American pop culture can easily forget a couple of characters that were the epitome of hip and cool just a few years before.

Happy Days (1974–1984)

The Fonz wasn't cool, he was a Loser

[8 August 2004]

I used to love Happy Days when was a kid growing up in the 1980s, but when I look back on this show I realize some painful facts about my childhood heroes. Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli was NOT some cool guy that you would want to emulate. Fonzie was a straight up loser. Let us look at things:

1. Fonzie was AT LEAST 20 years old (if not older) when the show began, and anyone who is 20 or over that hangs around high school kids is a LOSER. Plain and simple.

2. Fonzie wasn't even cool enough to hang around the real cool and popular kids in a high school, so instead he hangs around the social rejects like Richie, Potise, and Ralph. Richie and Potsie accept the Fonz into their life, because to them he's super cool because of all the sex he gets. Basically the Fonz is one of those 20 something guys that hung around you and your friends when you were 15 or 16. At first you are really excited because you think this cool guy that has a mustache, is old enough to drive, buy liquor and cigarettes and watch adult movies is hanging you and your goofball friends. You all think, "damn I can't believe he's hanging around us!". Then it sinks in, "Oh my God, this 20 something year old dude with a mustache is hanging around US."

3. Fonzie mainly dated high school girls. Like the balding 20 something Wooderson from Dazed and Confused, "that's what I like about high school girls, I get older but they stay the same age". Yuck, the Fonz is a perv.

4. Fonzie lives in an attic above the Cunningham's garage.

5. The Fonz never finished high school and can't read or write.

Happy Days was a show that had a main star who was a LOSER, no matter how many girls he was having.

The Karate Kid Part III (1989)

The Karate Man Part III

[29 July 2004]

Spoiler Alert This film is about a 35 year old karate boy and his wise old martial arts instructor. Ralph Macchio plays the title role, and seems to have gained about 45 pounds since the second film. Daniel LaRusso and Mr. Miyagi come back from Okinawa (the story of Part II) and continue to dress and think like it's 1984, even though the rest of the world knows it's 1989. The brutal karate teacher from the earlier films, John Kreese, has been run out of business thanks to the bad PR that resulted in his defeat at the hands of Daniel and Mr. Miyagi. Kreese closes down his Cobra Kai dojo. This film is from 1989, and the 45 year old Kreese decides to call the karate deal quits, but his billionaire 25 year old Vietnam war buddy talks him out of it. Kreese's 25 year old war buddy from the 60s is named Terry Silver, and he has a pony tail just like Steven Segal. Terry Silver also knows karate, just like Steven Segal. Terry Silver is also a pompous, full of himself a-hole, just like Steven Segal. Terry Silver is also younger then The Karate Man, Daniel LaRusso. Terry Silver helps Kreese get revenge on Daniel and Mr. Miyagi, using some outdated racist lingo like "slope" in reference to Miyagi. Hmmm, maybe Terry Silver was around for the 60s?

Steven Segal, errr, I mean Terry Silver sets up a new Cobra Kai dojo and enlists the aid of a bad boy karate teenage punk named Mike Barnes. Mike Barnes is a teenager with a ruthless style of fighting, and he is determined to defeat the Karate Man. Terry Silver promises Mike Barnes a hefty sum of money if he is able to beat the Karate Man in the karate tournament. Terry Silver lures the Karate Man to the dark side of the force, against Miyagi's noble Jedi ways. The Karate Man trains under Silver and starts to become evil like Mike Barnes. In a subplot, Mr. Miyagi and Daniel open up a Bonsai tree store, and they are repeatedly attacked by Mike Barnes, who wants the Karate Man to defend his championship. Daniel briefly gets a high school aged girlfriend, but then she dumps him when she finds out he is 35 and she never shows up for the second half of the movie. But after the Karate Man beats up an 18 year old kid at a dance club, he runs home to Mr. Miyagi feeling bad for what he has done. Daniel repents and Miyagi forgives him, Daniel then goes back to the Cobra Kai dojo to tell Terry Silver that he can no longer train under him. Terry Silver says, "you owe me more then that Danny boy". Mike Barnes and John Kreese show up and start beating up on the Karate Man, the Karate Man makes a run for the door after a few beatings. Mike Barnes is hot in pursuit of him outside. But then out of nowhere, as usual, comes Mr. Miyagi to save the day. Miyagi throws Mike Barnes back into the Cobra Kai dojo and knocks out the teenager after another punch. Miyagi then takes on Terry Silver and John Kreese after they make a few more bigoted comments against Asians. Miyagi easily defeats the both of them, and finally agrees to retrain the Karate Man. Terry Silver tells Miyagi that Cobra Kai dojos will open up everywhere and he won't even be a memory. Daniel yells back, "Yes he will! You won't!"

Mr. Miyagi then tells Daniel "come, now we do kata!", and they do the kata on the beach, on the top of a mountain, and in Miyagi's backyard. After a few days of this kata training with Mr. Miyagi, the Karate Man enters the All-Valley Under 18 karate tournament for boys. The Karate Man does not have to fight the other young boys this time around, as their is a new rule saying he only needs to fight once, lucky for him. The punk teenager Mike Barnes makes it to the championship round and starts to once again beat up on the Karate Man. The Karate Man is out of his league with Mike Barnes, despite defeating Johnny Lawrence in the first film, and defeating Chosen in a fight to the death in the second movie. The Karate Man seems to have forgotten everything he learned. After getting severely beat up by the teenager Mike Barnes, the Karate Man tells Miyagi to throw in the towel. Mr. Miyagi comes to the Karate Man and tells him not to give up but to use the secret kata that he taught him. The man-boy gets up off the mat and proceeds to do the super secret Miyagi kata from Okinawa. Mike Barnes is stunned when he sees the kata, and actually waits for the Karate Man to finish his entire form before he attacks. When Mike Barnes finally lunges, the Karate Man in a single move flips him over and punches him to get the winning point. Mr. Miyagi and the 35 year old boy celebrate with a hug. THE END.

Saved by the Bell (1989–1992)

Early 90's cheese

[6 September 2003]

"Saved by the Bell" chronicles the wacky adventures of a group of high school students in fictional Bayside High. Although set in the early 1990's, the fashions, music, and general feel of this series often seems like it comes straight from 1983 or 1984, rather then 1992 and 1993.

The show is complete cheese. It's fake and unbelievably retarded. Nothing about this show could happen in real life, and the characters are all teenage cliches. Zack is the cool popular guy, Kelly the cool popular cheerleader, Lisa is the cool mall princess, Slater is the cool jock, and Jessie is the cool smart kid. Then there's the confusing character of Screech, the obligatory loser kid who for some mysterious reason gets to hang around all the beautiful and popular kids. Anyway, this show is is just moronic Saturday morning crap. It was badly written and badly acted, yet it has millions of devoted fans. Go figure.

Knight Rider (1982–1986)

Sci-Fi Channel's biggest Campfest

[19 August 2003]

David Hasselhoff plays an idiot crime fighter (with his shirt always open and chest hair bare for all to see no less) named Michael Knight that drives around in a talking super car called KITT. I wish Hasselhoff and the producers were a bit more serious though, they could have had a serious Michael Knight who was actually serious about fighting crime, but instead they just pander to all the homers and yahoos out there that like cool cars and cheap explosions. It worked in the 80s and the same concept of beautiful women and cool cars was used again recently for the movie "The Fast and the Furious". KITT is a super car that can do virtually anything, drive at limitless speeds, bulletproof, jump over anything and of course it has artificial intelligence. William Daniels does a pretty good job of providing the voice of the always wisecracking car KITT, otherwise there's not much else to say about Knight Rider. It's basically just a show about a cool car and that just about sums it up. The writing and stories are generally sub-par and the acting is community college theater level terrible. But hey it has cool looking black Trans Am car.