Ricardo_Aparicio Reviews

Whatever Works (2009)

Blind Loyalty to Woody Provides 7.4 Score

[3/10 · 21 November 2009]

(Spoilers may be revealed) I am convinced, having watched Whatever Works just a couple of hours ago, that the 7.4 score this movie earned came from the die-hard Woody fans who believe he is biologically incapable of creating a bad movie.

And I considered myself one of those fans until today. I didn't like Anything Else very much, but I suppose if pushed for a rating I would give it a five or a six. This movie wasn't half as good as Anything Else.

What's wrong? - There isn't anything organic about the plot. Things just happen without the motivations of the characters moving things along. It's like an American Pie movie in that way.

• The dialog is too often simply soapbox stuff for Woody Allen to air out his issues with anything associated with red state America. As a proud red state American, I don't mind criticisms of our culture (I've got a few myself) as long as they are fair and accurate. Woody's diatribes are neither accurate nor fair, and it seems apparent that in his late 70's he has entered into that state of self-parody that many famous people do in their old age.

• Woody is repeating his old themes. Fourth wall appeals, the small-town naive girl goes to the city and outgrows her mentor, bitter old intellectual - we've seen this stuff before.

To discuss my issues with this movie in greater detail I would have to watch the movie again; as a longtime Woody Allen fan, I regret to say that I will never again subject myself to Whatever Works. I never imagined Woody could sink so low.

Because I Said So (2007)

If Gitmo Detainees Have Been Forced To Watch This, Shut The Base Down Now

[1/10 · 3 February 2007]

What makes a truly awful movie awful? 1) Does it fail to meet the standards of the genre? Well, by definition a romantic comedy should feature romance and comedy; This movie was spectacularly unfunny. CHECK! 2) Does it resort to cliché? The cinematic cliché of the '90's was the "conversation while urinating"; in this decade, we have the "dog humping something". In my theater, people actually laughed at this, which explains in part how the average rating on this site is over five. Anyway, BISS had a horny dog scene, so CHECK! 3) Does it pander to and insult the audience? Absolutely. From the juvenile dialog to the eccentric secondary characters to the ridiculous musical numbers to the total absence of sophistication, a huge red CHECK! My advice: if you genuinely found this garbage entertaining, go directly to Netflix or your nearest video store and rent Annie Hall, The Baxter, or When Harry Met Sally. Watch how a romantic comedy is supposed to be done and you'll see just how asinine Because I Said So is.

V for Vendetta (2005)

F For Subtlety

[6/10 · 7 October 2006]

This film looks wonderful and yet gracelessly misses its mark - think of a springboard diver executing a two-and-a-half reverse tuck only to clip his head on the board while falling. (Did I really just make a DIVING reference?) Yes, I understand that this movie used a graphic novel as a source material; this is why most comic book movies have less entertainment value than Laffy Taffy wrapper jokes.

The visuals and performances were top-notch, but the message delivered inside of the story was pure rubbish. It was the "slippery slope" rhetorical device typically used so nauseatingly by social conservatives (The whole world's gone to hell since (pick one) long hair on boys/the slam dunk/the birth control pill/rock and roll) - only this time, the slippery slope falls to the far right: If you're against gay marriage, it leads to the internment of gays. Opposition to radical Islam leads to the criminalization of the practice of Islam. Opposition to illegal immigrants leads to the deportation of all immigrants. There was also fodder for conspiracy buffs: the government knows and sees every last thing. And the government is waaaaaaaaay bad. I mean seriously - like, EVIL. There was even a Rush Limbaugh sighting, complete with prescription drug addiction!

It's obvious that this movie is anti-conservative, which I don't mind at all. We need honest disagreement (which we do have in this country) as long as we are willing to work together (which we have not had in this country since the 1810's). However, I really hate to see sophomoric distortions like these presented as some sort of provocative satire. It's not. It's got all the thoughtful gravitas of "Rock Against Bush".

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

MY Star Wars Movie

[9/10 · 29 July 2006]

I couldn't have been more thrilled; Just eight years old back in 1983, I was going to see a Star Wars movie at the theater! The best day of my life was about to happen. To that time, my only Star Wars experience had been a few HBO showings of Star Wars. I hadn't even seen The Empire Strikes Back yet.

And boy, did that day deliver for my less critical eyes. Jabba. Big Rebel spaceships. The Emporer. A green-bladed lightsaber!! Wow! Since that magical day, I must have watched this movie hundreds of times. I can't even form an accurate estimate at this point. With those multiple viewings, I have of course observed that this movie - the REAL Episode III - does have its flaws.

Of course in the context of a Star Wars movie, those "flaws" are more like "quirks".

Millions had had their magical day in 1977 and 1980. In May of 1983, I had mine. And this was my Star Wars movie.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Episode I: The Bizarro Star Wars

[5/10 · 24 August 2003]

On Seinfeld, Jerry asked Elaine if she was familiar with Bizarro Superman. She wasn't. Jerry went on to explain that Bizarro Superman was from the Bizarro world, a planet where everything is backwards compared to our world. Down is up, left is right, hello is goodbye...or bad bye, whatever. Bizarro Superman was, as you may guess, the opposite of Superman.

Welcome to Bizarro Star Wars.

Like the good space battles from ANH and ROTJ? Watch the Bizarro space battles in TPM, where no viewer has any idea at all about what's going on and victory is gained through sheer dumb luck.

Like good dialogue in the style of ANH and ESB? Well, in Bizarro dialogue, you get treated to nuggets such as "That's gotta hurt."

Like unique characters like the droids and Chewbacca? Bizarro oddball Jar Jar Binks will make you rue the day you wished for variety in the characters you watch.

I hate that this movie has the Star Wars name attached to it. Attack of the Clones was wonderful fun, but look what it followed. Independence Day is pretty good compared with The Phantom Garbage.

Most sadly of all, I'm such a Star Warshipper that TPM is in my collection anyway. May the Force be with Episode III.

Explanation of rating: Star Wars movies get an automatic five stars from me; if episodes 4-6 didn't exist, this movie gets 2 stars.

Crimson Tide (1995)

Good, but...

[24 August 2003]

Enjoyable, good tension, good dilemma, good cast. But:

You have a movie like this where either Washington's or Hackman's character side could be right about their course of action. The aim of the movie, ostensibly, is to present both sides and let the viewer figure out which is the correct course.

But you can't possibly side with Hackman, can you?

After all, his character goes nuts when everything starts happening. His character is possibly racist. And his character is prepared to launch nukes. Washington's character is, quite nobly, none of those things.

Ho hum. Hollywood audience manipulation at its finest.

Would it kill these writers and producers to present a dilemma movie in an intelligent fashion for once? I'd like to struggle with "who's right and who's wrong?" just once in my moviegoing life.

Adaptation. (2002)

It's about me

[10/10 · 3 August 2003]

(POTENTIAL SPOILERS) Maybe some of you felt the same way when you saw it too. There is a lot of Charlie in me, and something was said in the movie that was a nearly verbatim echo of a poem I wrote six years ago. The part where Donald feels Susan is dishonest because of her scenario answer is beautiful. I feel the same way. People invariably pick the noblest sounding answers to questions like that. This is not to say I liked it just because I could see myself in it. This movie was very funny, highly original, and profound without trying to be. I loved it. This is the best movie I've seen since I saw 'The Purple Rose of Cairo' for the first time. Adaptaion never stands still. Whether you're gathering insights on the characters, seeing the creative process at work, or in the middle of a chase scene, there just isn't time to stop and smell the orchids. I'm glad I saw this on DVD instead of at the theater - I would have hated to miss anything. I can't imagine anyone liking this movie more than me, nor can I imagine anyone not liking this movie. It's a ten.

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

A film about redemption

[10/10 · 3 August 2003]

This is a precious film, not incorrectly called a comedy. Certainly it's not a comedy that sets up punchlines; rather, it's amusing, sometimes uncomfortably so, to see people trip over their own feet, as Woody Allen's characters so often do. Others I know hate the high-brow conversations that Woody's characters have; "No one talks like that!" they sharply inform me. Maybe not. But those high-brow conversations are always masks for insecurity. In the end, these same characters spouting off about Mahler, Kirkegaard, Karl Marx, and architecture are the very ones cheating on their spouses, abusing drugs, and lying to everyone they care about. In Hannah and Her Sisters, Woody Allen explores this dichotomy and discovers something surprising: these people are redeemable. Dianne Wiest (sorry, I'm bad with character names) kicks her habit and finds her niche; Michael Caine realizes he did something wrong, puts a stop to it, and his family remains whole. Woody Allen learns to stop endlessly searching for meaning and just enjoy life. Redemption is one of life's greatest joys, and this film celebrates that fact.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Don't need to see it again

[2 August 2003]

The good: A visually gorgeous film. Eye candy in the best sense of the term. Good performances, even by the usually unlikable John Leguizamo. The movie was fun, funny, and fairly compelling. But...

The bad: I still, to this day, can't understand how Satine fell in love McGregor's character (can't remember his name). It just seemed like, "Oh, I hate you, can't stand you, despise you...(pause) Ok, now I love you." Also, I didn't care for the use of anachronism in this movie, nor did I care for it in Romeo and Juliet.

It's a good film to watch once, but that horribly overrated soundtrack and unlikely love of Kidman and McGregor will preclude me from ever watching it again.

Braveheart (1995)

Why is this movie so revered?

[2 August 2003]

Although this is an enjoyable movie, I have to take issue with everyone who feels that this is one of the short list, all time greats. This movie forces the viewer to root for the Scots. There is no reason for a decent person to take any other side. To me, a great film presents an accurate account (or, as accurate as possible account) of both sides motivations in a conflict. I suppose ONLY the British soldiers committed atrocities. I suppose ONLY the British soldiers had no descent, civil, sympathetic human beings in their ranks. I suppose, by watching this movie, that the British are a bunch of evil, ruthless b*****ds and that the Scots are 100% good and right. Like I said, a decent, enjoyable movie. Not a great one.