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Reviews
DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)
And this is supposed to be Dead or Alive?
I had a few expectations as of how this movie would be when I went to watch it. And believe me, it lived up (or should i say down) to my expectations. The film was just about as crappy i thought it would be.
Let's start off with commenting the story. From my point of view, it sucked. OK, I know Dead or Alive was never the games with the best story, but nevertheless. The team behind DOA: Dead or Alive put little or no effort in making the story close to anything in the DOA games. And what's with the female focus here? Like the three females that the movie focuses on and around are the main characters of the games. Well trust me, they aren't, there's a ton of other characters worth mentioning. With this kind of story, all this movie is worth to be called is a chick flick with fighting, and a very bad one at that.
The characters were not similar to their video game original at all. If you take one peak at Leon, or Bayman, and say that they (beneath the badly made cosplay outfits) look anything like the original, you better go wash your eyes or get glasses. And it's not only those two, it goes for them all. I mean seriously, a Ryu Hayabusa without his mask? And even so, if we look away from the fact that he didn't have one, he still sucked as he looked nothing like the original.
The acting was horrible. I must admit it had it's moments now and then. So it wasn't just crap. But close to. Very close. I didn't really feel that any of the actors put an effort into acting serious. Not once. It was more like they put an effort into making this a bad spoof off the games, giving other people a laugh about DOA.
So DOA: Dead or Alive is, in short, the worst movie I have seen in God knows how many years. I can't believe how dreadful it was. Why did I watch it all then, you might ask? Well, a very bad movie can still be entertaining, the same way a good movie can be boring. If you don't believe me, watch it. 2/10.
When Do We Eat? (2005)
When does this end?
In my life, i have seen a lot of bad movies, and out of those, about three handfuls of movies i never managed to finish. And "When Do We Eat?" is one of the movies i never was arsed to finish.
To be straight out honest, this movie is crap. I watched as much of this movie as I could (which was about two thirds of the movie), and during that dreadful hour, I laughed once. For a movie that is supposed to have "about a joke every minute, and sometimes too many jokes for one to swallow", that's not a really good thing. The jokes aren't really good, makes very little sense, and is about as funny to me as it would be pulling my toe nails out.
The plot, which I must say didn't seem so bad, actually turned in to a big pile of junk without sense after a while. The whole "crazy family holiday gone wrong thing" is, fair enough, overused, but the dinner part is new. Unfortunately, it isn't presented in a way which I enjoyed. It's messy, it's crappy, and it's boring. From the moment the dad in this movie found out he was drugged and until I turned it off, i was bored. I thought that was gonna be the funnier part of the movie, but it wasn't. I really can't come close to explain how bored I was. Go watch it yourself if you do not believe me.
Romeo Must Die (2000)
A great movie!
This is how an action movie should be. I had no expectations whatsoever when I first sat down to watch it. After i was finished, i was satisfied. Extremely satisfied. I'd watch it again and again. It's cool to see how Jet Li and his martial arts adds up to the ghetto style of DMX and Anthony Anderson. I also found the story cool; a little twist on the original Romeo And Juliet story. And not bad, like the Romeo and Juliet remake from 2000. Also, Aalyiah plays great, despite being her first movie. When i saw she was playing, it even made me wanna watch the movie even more, since i was exited to see someone like her play movies.
Cradle 2 the Grave (2003)
Another exxelent Jet Li Movie
This was one of the better movies i have seen for a long time. I really am a fan of both DMX and Jet Li, and seeing them in a movie again is really kewl. Romeo must die was exxelent, and so is Cradle 2 the grave. People call it a "waste of jet Li's martial arts talents", although it is not. It is a movie that really made me laugh too sometimes. The director really knows his stuff i must say, otherwise he wouldn't have directed 2 earlier movies, which both were really good. In simple words, see this movie!