kayhansen1 Reviews

Northern Exposure (1990–1995)

Better than ever

[10/10 · 15 February 2024]

Northern Exposure is on Amazon.

I loved it back in the early 1990s pre-Columbine, pre-911 day. I loved the magical realism. So I decided to watch it.

Wow. We've changed. It's precious (we are cynical); it's hopeful (we are contemplating the apocalypse); it's a little bit sexually wicked, like 80s Prince or Madonna (we are ... pissed off).

+++

It's what we desire.

What Northern Exposure lays out is our longing for community ... and love ... where everyone belongs no matter their idiosyncrasies. And where the mundane coexists with the unexplainable ... and where all can be forgiven.

And nature's seasons are true and reliable.

It's better than I remember.

The Consultant (2023)

Good if you don't need to know the 'why' of it

[7/10 · 21 January 2024]

In 2011 I watched every episode of "The Booth at the End."

Each episode dealt with a different person in need of a favor. The person in need of the favor would enter a diner, go to the last booth and sit down across from "The Man." The Man would agree to grant the favor for a price ... such as, the favor-asker would have to set off a bomb.

After the task was completed, the favor would be granted through some supernatural method.

As the mystery deepened of who or what The Man was, I grew more and more invested. It was absolutely riveting, first class film/video making.

And then, as I realized I'd gotten to the final episode ... and then the final minutes of the final episode ... I started to get worried. 'They're going to reveal The Man's nature ... right?!?'

They did not.

I took to the internet looking for answers and eventually came across an interview with the creator of The Booth at the End. He reveled it was never so much about resolving the mystery as it was about writing the situations. I don't think they ever intended to tell us who The Man was. I don't think they even knew themselves. And then it was cancelled so it didn't matter if they did or didn't.

The whole thing was a fun exercise for the creator/writer.

I got the same feeling from the Consultant. I decided to watch it because I love Christopher Waltz. (Do I though? Or am I just bewitched by the charming sociopath he always plays to perfection? Whatever. He's good at it).

Anyway ... like The Booth, The Consultant raises many enigmatic questions.

And, ultimately, doesn't answer most of those questions!

So watch it if you don't mind a fun ride that has no destination.

Seven stars because it was a fun ride.

Our Neighbors Shadow (2022)

It's all about the film score

[3/10 · 21 January 2024]

A movie about nothing that makes you think it's about something by adding suspenseful music. Take away the music and you're pretty much just people watching while waiting at an intersection for the light to change. I found myself feeling anxiety and dread. Then I stopped, looked at what was actually happening on screen and asked myself, 'Why? Nothing is happening.'

Acting is competent but ... one character, in particular, is so over the top as to be cartoonish. Not sure if they're written that way or if it's just ham-handed acting. Either way, it's jarring because it doesn't fit the tone set by other characters/actors.

Don't Worry Darling (I) (2022)

Uncanny Valley Girl

[9/10 · 5 January 2024]

Ten minutes in you'll be experiencing 'uncanny valley.' But you won't be sure why. Just. Something. About. It.

Then you'll be asking yourself, 'Does the producer of this movie even understand mid-twentieth century America?' It'll seem ham handed. Mixed anachronisms. (At least to those of us who lived in mid twentieth-century America).

Just hang in there. It'll all be revealed. Eventually.

And, it's a visually appealing ride.

Also ... a really good, if puzzling, soundtrack.

* The Right Time' - Ray Charles * 'Bang Bang' - Dizzy Gillespie * 'Where or When' - Benny Goodman Trio * 'Comin' Home Baby' - Mel Tormé * 'Oogum Boogum Song' - Brenton Wood * 'Tears on My Pillow' - Little Anthony & The Imperials * 'Twilight Time' - The Platters * 'Sh-Boom' - The Chords * 'Need Your Love So Bad' - Little Willie John * 'Sleep Walk' - Santo & Johnny * 'You Belong To Me' - Helen Foster and the Rovers * 'Someone To Watch Over Me' - Ella Fitzgerald * 'With You All the Time' - Florence Pugh and Harry Styles

Pretty good movie.

Escape 2120 (2020)

It's not Utopia, it's the woods.

[2/10 · 15 September 2023]

The future is ... the woods. And in these woods are a few tan, dome-shaped, canvas tents. And inside these tents are a few wooden tables and chairs. The only thing to eat is apples and tomatoes. And everyone dresses the same.

Oh. And there's only one black person in the future.

There's a guy who looks like Rodney Dangerfield and laughs like Sideshow Bob strutting around harassing people - especially Dave - for some reason that never really makes sense.

Dave is the sullen, prickly, unlikable main protagonist.

This sparsely populated future of all (but one) white people is, inexplicably, preoccupied with the legend of the "Devils Child."

And it looks like Dave is the Devil's Child. But it's all a misunderstanding. And I can't tell you the meaning (much less the menace) of the legend, or how the legend (one of the more boring and pointless legends you'll ever hear) got started.

Anyway ... there's this legend and, because Dave steals some era-appropriate clothing from a wooden box inside one of the canvas tents, they decide he's the Devil's Child. Which is a weird touchstone because they don't have currency in this communist "utopia" and everyone wears the exact same Joanne Fabric jacquard camouflage outfit so ... why would anyone even know or care about the clothes? They act like he's committed the worst sin imaginable to modern human.

Dave is not a time traveler, per se. He arrived to this "utopia" (movie synopsis description, not mine) by curling up in a cave and inducing a state of suspended animation. So it's not like he did something to alter the timeline, thus creating the legend that he would then double back and inadvertently became the star of.

I just don't know. I mean ... I REALLY don't know because, suddenly, the "rules" seem to change. He goes from a guy who napped his way 700 years into the future (a one-way trip) to a guy who is able to jump around into different timelines and (I guess) dimensions.

The device he uses to accomplish this feat looks like the guts of a 1960s transistor radio. Somehow the D batteries used to power this contraption haven't decomposed in the intervening seven centuries.

WT actual F? Just when I think I kinda understand the stupid premise, some script writer's drunk brother enters the room and says, 'hold my beer.'

Whenever I start watching an obviously low budget, indie film, I prepare myself mentally for weird premises, subpar acting, plot holes, homemade props, jarring soundtracks and jerky editing. By lowering my expectations, I'm often rewarded with a quirky and memorable little gem.

But this one? I don't get it. Even allowing for the obligatory, sci-fi suspension-of-disbelief, nothing is even remotely plausible. Nor does it add up to anything logical.

I award it all of the 'Ed Wood' stars available.

After Midnight (2019)

Pays off

[10/10 · 3 September 2023]

I can't tell you too much about this movie or I'll spoil it for you.

There are a couple of concurrent story lines that unfold in one big, old, run down farm house. One story line involves an abandoned lover and the other involves a night creature of some sort. Or so it seems. You're never quite sure whether one has something to do with the other, whether one is a metaphor for the other, whether it's all just a booze and grief fueled delusion.

Good acting. Enjoyable soundtrack. Not cliche dialogue. Interesting characters. Beguiling mystery.

That's all I'm gonna say. As another reviewer said, "Just try it. Trust me on this one."

The Humanity Bureau (2017)

Makings of a cult (not quite) classic

[5/10 · 25 February 2023]

I love Nick Cage - a solid, seasoned, proven, actor - which is why it's disconcerting to see him in, what feels like, the directorial debut of no-budget indie filmmaker. Don't get me wrong. I love those kind of films. They're usually quirky and weird, if a bit pretentious; the heroes and villains delightfully cartoonish; the storylines unpredictable; the dialogue, like the landscape, stark and un-nuanced. You never get lost in the story, so much as stay fascinated with it, in a 'what the ...' sort of way.

They're an adventure! And they have to do so very much with so very little.

But it feels beneath Cage at this point in his career.

Then again, maybe that's his point. Like Bruce Springsteen showing up unannounced at Asbury Park's Stone Pony on a Friday night (a world-weary performer returning to his roots where it's raw and it's real), Nick Cage is trying for some of that "Raising Arizona," early-career magic. Except the kid is from a dystopian future-Nevada, not 1980s Phoenix.

+++

Having given Cage and the movie the benefit of the doubt, I'm now of a mind to point out what makes this an awful film.

No chemistry, whatsoever, between ... anyone. Not between Cage and and the female protagonist. Not between the female protagonist and her 11-year old son (who is annoying, by the way). Not between Cage and his nemesis and former colleague. And there's quite a bit of 'telling, not showing' (think of Quint, the grizzled shark hunter from Jaws, in every third scene).

Anyhoo ...

I didn't know what rating to give it. It's an awful film but awful like "Plan Nine from Outer Space" or "Reefer Madness" ... so awful it's interesting. And it has Nick Cage!

So I went right down the middle. Gave it a five.

Into the Night (II) (2020–2021)

Ridiculous, Ridicule, Ridicolo, Sakhif, Nelepyy

[4/10 · 16 February 2023]

Could someone please throw together an end-of-the-world group of would-be survivors about whom I don't secretly hope succumb to ... the thing? Whatever it is?

Here's the plot: an airplane full of multinational, mostly self involved a-holes face the end of the world together in the most undignified, self serving and cantankerous way possible.

If the only humans survivors on planet earth are those able to stay ahead of sunrise by flying west ... forever ... does it really matter if I (one of a, presumably, handful of survivors on planet earth) cheated/lied/scammed/underachieved in that previous life? The one that no longer exists?

Snap out of it! Stop wasting time and brain cells attacking each other and come up with a workable plan!

Ghislaine Maxwell: Filthy Rich (2022)

Only a monster would wear stilettos on the beach

[3/10 · 9 December 2022]

I'm not saying she didn't do the things she's accused (and was ultimately found guilty) of doing, but these testimonials from prior associates and "survivors" don't really tell that story.

They selectively tell the story of a person who, like frankly a lot of people in the 90s/80s/70s, was riding the 'Super Freak' train.

There's the adult store clerk "survivor" who Maxwell hit on/pursued/made uncomfortable with salacious advances; the adult massage therapist who, because she was abused as a child, found herself unable to say 'no' to Maxwell's sexual advances; a group of adults to whom Maxwell proposed a party game where blindfolded male guests were to fondle the breasts of female guests.

Discomfiting, inappropriate, kinky, yes ... but criminal?

Again. Not saying she didn't do those other things. After all, she was found guilty in 2021 of child sex trafficking.

I just found this documentary to be pretty thin.

I quit watching after the photographer's testimonial. He tells the story of a photo shoot Maxwell arranged to promote her ocean conservancy efforts. The shoot takes place on the beach and Maxwell shows up wearing her 'save-the-ocean' tee shirt and ... gasp ... stiletto heels!

The photographer bows his head pensively and sighs.

'If only he'd recognized the signs,' his sad, faraway gaze seems to say.

Dream Home Makeover (2020– )

Where have I seen this room before?

[5/10 · 26 October 2022]

Oh. Now I remember. I saw this room in the previous episode.

Each episode vamps on the very same design aesthetic: white on white with a dash of grey to add a bit of coziness.

It's not that any given makeover is bad. Taken individually, the rooms are ... nice. It's just that they're all variations on the very same look.

Also ... It's not that I begrudge the nice McGees their perfectly curated family life or the upper middle class suburban bubble the show lives in. It's just that it's about as interesting as a Hallmark greeting card.

In conclusion ... I don't dislike the makeovers and I don't dislike the McGees. I just don't feel excited or inspired by any of it.

End of the Road (II) (2022)

A cathartic movie ...

[9/10 · 14 September 2022]

... in which all the white people are malevolent savages and, at the end of the day (or road), get what they deserve.

Along the way it's a fast paced action adventure with four sympathetic characters - Brenda, Reggie, Kelly and Cam - a whole bunch of unsympathetic characters and a few nice songs including "Where Do We Go From Here" by Alicia Keys, "Pain in My Heart" by Otis Redding and "Good Day" by Nappy Roots.

Queen Latifah is on point as a widowed mother of two trying to keep her family together and on the right path as they make their way from California to Texas to start a new life. But there are so many malevolent savages on the path!

Beau Bridges character almost surprises by not playing to type. But then, well ... you'll see.

Father of Flies (2021)

Like a weird dream

[8/10 · 11 September 2022]

I'm a bit confused by the overall low rating.

"Father of Flies" is creepy and unusual. Let's call it horror-noir with its monochrome tones and Hitchcockian camera angles. It also keeps you off balance because it seems to take place in an indeterminate 20th-century decade ... until you notice the smart phones. So that's discomfiting.

It has a sort of Jim Jarmusch meets M. Night Shyamalan vibe.

It's thick with menace and the acting is more than competent. (Kudos to young actor, Keaton Tetlo).

I liked it (translation: was creeped out) enough to give it eight stars.

Don't expect the usual jump scares and gore and you won't be disappointed. It's more about the vibe.

You'll feel dread.

12 Feet Deep (2017)

Pro tip: keep your finger on forward arrow

[1/10 · 2 September 2022]

Sisters get trapped under a swimming-pool cover seconds before the dude in charge of the pool leaves for an extended holiday weekend. Oh no! Nobody will be back for four days! They'll never survive that long!

Now that you know the entire movie takes place inside this cold, dark, blue, confined space you're gonna want to scroll ahead ... maybe stopping every couple dozen frames to check on their progress.

Looks like the usual fare: desperate escape attempts, emotional confessionals and an impending health episode for the diabetic sister who is separated from her life-saving diabetes medicine.

Scroll, scroll, scroll ....

Wait ... what's this? Someone shows up who can set them free. Oh dear. It's the parolee locker-room attendant who was recently fired for rifling through swimmer's belongings.

Never mind, she has her own issues and instead of saving the sisters, decides to steal their stuff.

Scroll, scroll, scroll ....

Now the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant is lying on top of the pool cover describing her demons to the trapped sisters beneath her. There seems to be some begging, bargaining and internal conflict going on.

Scroll, scroll, scroll ....

The sister who hasn't suffered a health episode seems to have punched her way through the pool cover and is now sitting on the cement next to pool with unconscious sister's head in lap.

As conscious sister begs unconscious (maybe dead) sister to wake up, the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant reappears with gun. She's gotten herself into a real pickle. She's gonna have to shoot them to cover her crime of 1. Not rendering assistance and, 2. Stealing their stuff.

After all that physical and emotional effort to get out from under the pool cover, they're going to die anyway. Bummer.

But wait! The just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant has a moral pang and drops her gun. The conscious sister has a sympathy pang and tells the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant to "go." They exchange knowing glances and the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant runs.

Skip to next scene and the first new location since the opening scene. We're now outside the building.

Cue sirens.

Diabetic sister is now on a gurney. Her eyes flutter open. Sisterly hug filled with new understanding of and appreciation for each other ensues.

The end.

And that's how you watch a totally predictable, poorly acted, claustrophobic 90-minute movie in just under ten minutes.

The Charnel House (2016)

What are the rules?

[5/10 · 2 July 2022]

It's competent acting and filming which is why you continue watching.

Ultimately, though, you realize the premise makes no sense. A doppelgänger suspended in time, that never grows up? But what, then, with its phantasmal, ghostly nature? What exactly is it? Weird, scary double or ghost?

What. Are. The. Rules? You ask and never get an answer.

Also, you roll your eyes when you realize the stupid high tech voice activated lifestyle system is nothing but a delivery device for the doppelgänger/ghost ... but you're never sure why.

Dumb.

The Ravine (2021)

If you like exposition ...

[1/10 · 10 May 2022]

... boy, are you in for a treat! The story is told in a series of stilted, unnatural monologues. It plays more like one of those made-for-TV, crime reenactment shows.

If you like learning midway in that you've rented a faith-based movie ... you'll be as happy as a born-again Christian at a church-basement potluck.

Added bonus: stock-music soundtrack that doesn't quite match the various years the story references. Really groovy.

I paid seven dollars to rent this movie based solely on the IMBD reviews. My guess is the reviews were generated at the church basement potluck right after the coffee cake was served.

I think this is where I'm supposed to forgive everyone involved in this pretentious, badly acted and annoyingly pontifical movie.

I do not forgive. I mean ... seven dollars is seven dollars.

Impromptu (1991)

Over promised/under delivered

[6/10 · 27 April 2022]

The whole story revolves around the beguiling novelist, George Sand (Judy Davis) and the emotional fallout from her past and future romantic conquests. Past conquests being composer/pianist Franz Listz (Julian Sand), novelist Félicien Mallefille (Georges Corraface) and poet Alfred de Musset (Mandy Partinkin). Future conquests being one, composer/pianist Frederic Chopin (Hugh Grant).

Sand is presented as a femme fatale. Problem is ... she just isn't. The movie doesn't capture her supposed charms. I'm not sure I liked her, much less fell victim to her charms.

As for Chopin: Vanilla. Non descript. Absolutely no insight into his genius or motivations. He's the protagonist's love interest but he plays as a minor character. I'm not sure I liked him, much less felt convinced of his genius.

The movie starts as a romantic farce and seems to be going for a 'Start-the-Revolution-Without-Me' vibe (1970. Gene Wilder. Amazing. Rent it!) in which Duchess d'Antan (Emma Thompson) is presented as a dotty, but likable, fan girl. She seems important to this romantic farce but then - when the movie turns from romantic farce to just movie-of-the-week - she kinda just disappears.

Countess Marie d' Agoul (Bernadette Peters) is the unhappy, perpetually pregnant lover of Franz Liszt but no explanation is ever offered as to why they'd be together. She's tired, bored and without any stated talent or attraction. If not for Bernadette Peter's natural charisma, I wouldn't have bought this relationship at all. (Fun fact: when I Googled Agoul, I learned she had, in fact, been an author and historian. That was not communicated).

Like day-old soda, Impromptu promised a good time but, ultimately, fell flat.

Imaginary Friend (2012 TV Movie)

Good for drinking games

[2/10 · 22 April 2022]

This movie annoyed me from beginning to end (how did I make it to the end? Good question. Now THERE'S a mystery).

Every relationship, every character, every conversation, every conflict, every scenario defied believability. It was clear from the get-go they were going to spring some sort of Hitchcockian fake out on us. I suppose that's why I stuck it out. I was curious to see if they could, some how, pull off a Hitchcock-meets-Shyamalan switcheroo in the end.

They could not.

Absolute garbage.

Ten minutes in I'm like, 'ask her one more time if she's taken her pills and I swear to whosoever, I'll punch the screen ... or take a drink.'

I'm no pharmacist but, are antipsychotics supposed to be eaten like PEZ candy? Cause that's how these idiots took them.

The brilliance of Shyamalan's "Sixth Sense" is that, when (after learning Bruce Willis was a dead person) we went back and reviewed all the previous interactions with him, we could see he wasn't really there. The viewers own expectations filled in the blanks. Beautifully executed psychological trick. In this movie, you find yourself coaching from the sidelines, 'If, later, you want me to believe she was only pretending to be a ghost, then don't put her in impossible supernatural situations now. It won't add up.'

Also. The characters were one dimensional and cliche. Misogynistic men and hysterical or devious women. I suppose in that way it was a bit Hitchcockian.

To the two actors who played "Mad Men" minor characters (Greg Harris and Mel, the smarmy soap opera dude who wanted to have a threesom with Don and Megan Draper) ... sorry things haven't gone so well for your careers.

Knowing (2009)

Good to watch if you don't try to make sense

[6/10 · 18 April 2022]

I didn't NOT like it. In fact, I was all in.

But so many unanswered questions.

Such as ...

1. Why the prophesies? Why not jus snatch 'the chosen' on the designated date and avoid all that inexplicable mystery and intrigue? (Except for the fact that it's a movie that depends on mystery and intrigue ... even if it doesn't add up).

2. Why was everyone wearing black in the subway scene? If it was an aesthetic decisions, it was, nonetheless, obvious and, therefore, disquieting.

3. Back to the prophesies: why did it matter whether Nick Cage witnessed them? In the end it seems to have mattered not at all.

4. Why were the 'men in black' all men anyway?

5. The black stones. It's inferred that they have something to do with communication but, since their function isn't explained ... or even addressed ... they come off as silly McGuffins.

6. Why was Nick Cage's character so written into the prophesy? He was presented as integral but ended up being - if you think about it - non essential.

7. Not to put too fine a point on it but ... why, exactly, the prophetic number riddles when the 'not chosen' couldn't affect the outcome anyway?

I dunno. It was an engaging ride (Nick Cage was fine) but, ultimately full of loose ends.

A Haunting on Brockway Street (2019)

They need CPS, not a ghost hunter

[3/10 · 1 April 2022]

The home owner tells the ghost "researcher" that during renovation ten years prior, they'd come across what seemed to be human remains. 'Is that important?' She wonders. When asked if they'd notified anyone of their find she said no, they'd just reburied the remains and then stayed clear of the area.

Then she shows the researcher a crawl space they'd discovered while trying to do some plumbing. The home owner says she'd sent her adolescent kids into the crawl space where they'd discovered a man and woman's shoe. That seemed a bit freaky, so the homeowners sealed up the way into the crawl space and told the kids to stay out.

So this is where I pretty much gave up on the show. When the researcher went into crawl space to check it out, we discover that it's littered with vintage broken glass, tin cans and other nasty, rusty, sharp things. Excuse me! But who sends their kids into a dank, dark, dirty hole filled with nasty, rusty, sharp things ... and, frankly, God knows what else.

'Have fun, kids. Mind that you don't get tetanus.'

I hope the ghost gets 'em.

House of 9 (2005)

Mean Gilligan's Island

[3/10 · 6 March 2022]

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

A tale of a fateful trip

That started in a hotel wing boarded up with bricks

The priest was a mighty righteous man,

The cop was brave and sure

Nine detainees woke up that day

With their heads all in a whirl

Their captor talked and told them that

Just one of them would live

And to that one, a bag of cash

He promised he would give

(He promised he would give)

The people lost their s**t real quick, committing felonies ...

With Jay the cop

The Dennis-Hopper priest

The cross dresser ... and his wife,

The angry black man

And the rest ...

Here in "The House of Nine."

+++

Since covid revealed that we're all one mask-mandate away from turning on each other like Walmart bargain hunters on Black Friday, I've learned not to say, 'people would never actually behave that way.'

Still ... I don't think these people (who, after all, had food, shelter, bathroom facilities, wine and CDs) waited ten hours before they started offing each other.

We're supposed to believe that extreme conditions pushed them to the brink and caused them to act out in ways they wouldn't normally. Sure, the stress of waking up in a strange place and realizing there's no way out would be tough. But as I mentioned, their basic needs were taken care of. And there was no external threat. No monster. No storm. No war. No demon.

To make matters worse for the viewer, the characters are cartoonishly one dimensional. Rather than write nuanced personalities and backstories for each of them, the director relies on music-video montages to get us to connect with them emotionally. Maybe so we'll care about who survives? (Spoiler: it's the one you half-heartedly wanted it to be, despite thinking they'd been eliminated).

In any case, doesn't really work.

We're never really shown how much times passes for the 'castaways' but it feels like no more than a couple of days. That's how long it takes for randomly selected, normal people to kill each other.

Good to know.

The Glenn Miller Story (1954)

This is one of those movies ...

[10/10 · 20 February 2022]

...that belong in a time capsule.

It beautifully captures the mood and the music particular to that moment in time.

The movie left a lasting impression when I first saw it as a kid in the 1960s. In a way, I felt like I was watching my own parent's story. It helped inform my impression of the WWII generation.

I wondered how it would hold up all these decades later and through my adult lens.

Brought me to tears.

It gave me a chance to really appreciate the immense talent of Jimmy Stewart as well as that of Glenn Miller. The music, for which it won an Oscar, is genius. Performing and playing themselves: Louis Armstrong, Gene Krupa, Frances Langford, Ben Pollack, The Modernaires ... and a bunch of others.

As Purple Rain describes the 1980's zeitgeist, the Glenn Miller Story describes the 1940's zeitgeist in the way any really good movie does ... through a soft-filter lens and a great soundtrack.

The Thing Inside Us (2021)

Nice ... try?

[3/10 · 14 February 2022]

The only actor with a picture next to their bio is "Mr Cates," a minor character. It's almost as though they didn't use real actors. In fact, it kinda feels like a homemade video skit.

At first, I forgave it's obvious no-budget predicament as well as some glaring plot holes. It was a half decent set up for a little indie project and I was rooting for it!

But audience goodwill couldn't save it.

Pretty bad ... even with the above mentioned filters.

Needle in a Timestack (2021)

Better than it's IMBD rating

[10/10 · 13 February 2022]

Well, I thought it was beautiful.

It's romantic ... but not a romcom. It's time travel ... but not a sci-fi action/adventure movie.

Its about timeless love, fate, choices and unintended consequences. It's kinda subtle and poignant. And you may cry.

Perfect for Valentine's weekend.

Kiss Me, Stupid (1964)

Oh, 1960s ....

[5/10 · 10 February 2022]

What happens when you throw together an alcoholic sexual predator, a pathologically jealous husband, his moronic sidekick and two objectified dames (one "good" and one "bad" but both equally beaten down and lacking in self worth)?

Why, you get the romcom of the 1964 season!

I give it five stars because I remember thinking it funny when I saw it back in the 60s or 70s. But now I'm seeing it through 20's eyes and it makes me cringe. Still ... I don't want to completely dis it. It's of a certain time, place and zeitgeist. I'm just sayin' ... if you wonder why Boomers are the way we are, go back and look at our movies.

The Alpines (2021)

What the actual ...

[1/10 · 18 January 2022]

-Bad acting

-Implausible story

-Boring secrets (around which the whole suspense revolved)

-Unlikable (really, really unlikable) characters

-An epilogue that sounded like the prologue to a trashy sex novel

-And to top it all off, an 'it-was-all-just-a-dream' ending.

Oh. One more thing. Had nothing to do with alpines.