aquin-dmello Reviews

Moonfall (2022)

Humanity will face the woke side of the moon.

[5/10 · 10 February 2022]

The incessant adage to leave your brain outside the theater notwithstanding the movie has a great story that could have been epic if hollywood could only control its obligatory wokevulsions. That coupled with a complete lack of the most rudimentary knowledge of how objects operate in the real world makes me think whoever made this movie cant walk erect, must be crawling on the ground trying to learn how to use sounds to communicate.

A white , a black and a female astronaut hereinafter referred to as WBF is a recurring theme in the movie. The final team that saves our planet has WBF + Fat representation. You think fat janitors cant save our planet ? Do you ? Watch your privilege menial work a day peasant.

The story itself had great potential, and the eye candy is on point. Could have been a good movie but the woke sock puppet contingent will reduce hollywood to ashes on the ruins of which, I hope , something better can be built.

Gravity (2013)

Looney toons, this time in orbit around Earth.

[1/10 · 12 February 2014]

No amount of CGI will redeem this hocus pockus of its presumption.

A bunch of clearly juvenile people in cosmonaut suits try their hand at satellite repair in orbit. One insane mission commander does a merry go round the shuttle as he plays music and sings when his delinquent engineer fiddles on with the space telescope hardware and the Arab guy is doing something similar to a yo yo act on his tether. It's like seeing children from school on a space picnic, literally. The test chimpanzee from the Chinese module viewing through his porthole must have felt like undertaking an EVA just to discipline these morons.

So when the debris starts flying, Nasa asks the commander to start reentry procedure. Yeah sure, the space shuttle is like a trike, just start the engine, climb down and park.

Btw, did you know that space stations all hang about close to each other. So its pretty simple, if you loose your space craft just hop over to the next station.

Anyway, eventually the engineer is caught in a dilemma over whether to let go of said mission commander or not. What I don't understand is what was pulling on the commander? gravity? I think not cause he floated off the other way.

When she finally does get into the ISS the engineer strips down for a much needed stretch and then gets into the Soyuz reentry capsule. She reads the Russian manual written in Russian for Russian controls labelled in Russian and maneuvers the capsule to the Chinese tiangong space station. Once there she reads the Chinese manual without success but operates the Chinese controls labelled in Chinese successfully to start an escape sequence and does a successful reentry.

In a matter of minutes the movie goes from a show of NASA astronauts to showcasing the life of space hobo's with debris thrown in for good measure.

Europa Report (2013)

What starts as the mission to find life ends as a desperate need to settle down on Europa.

[2/10 · 11 February 2014]

When humankind finally has the technology and the will to explore deep space they put together a special team of savants to go explore the natural satellite Europa.

The team consists of 4 males and 2 females which is very proportional considering it is an extraordinarily lengthy mission. No wonder the men looked suspiciously at each other.

They set out straight from planet Earth, without stopping for supplies at their bases on the Moon or Mars because there aren't any, which is apt since the exploration of space has to be a giant leap. Its like a strike team with no backup.

The astronauts are very well trained, specially for EVA's as is demonstrated when they tether themselves to each other and not the space vehicle. Thoughtful, because if you suddenly loose your grasp, you at least have company. They also know the spacecraft in and out, which apparently has Hydrazine running through it just about everywhere. The space suits are not equipped with directional thruster's either, because it makes them lighter, less bulky and quite frankly no one wants more Hydrazine hazard.

The final approach is marvelously done. You put your mother-ship into orbit around Europa and everyone jumps on board the little explorer to go a hunting life on the satellite, Which if you put a lot of thought into it is the right thing to do, more so if your communications are out.

The best place to land your space craft on an alien planet is on thin ice because that's where you can find evidence of life which by the way was a missed landing because they were aiming for the cracked ice landing site as that would have been more teeming with life. Due to this, they have to drill harder right next to their craft.

No space exploration could be complete without a walk on the planet, so one of the expeditions ignoramus has to go out there and be done with it. So this very scientific obsession with cracked open ice and luminescent lights eventually culminates their intellectual expedition with some striking consequence.

A great film that depicts the dangers of space exploration and exposes the weakest link which becomes apparent in the end. Moral of the story 'Never put ignoramuses in charge of your mission'.

RED 2 (2013)

Don't even use this as manure.

[1/10 · 30 November 2013]

With the kind of cast it has I suppose they thought that was all they needed. Do they think we pay to see the celebrities get together for a costume party, get drunk and play the goat ? I mean aren't they ashamed to come up with this crap and still deem it fit for release when they've sobered up ? If they wanted to insult the viewers with this stale byproduct of celebrity heavyheadedness they couldn't have done it better. It's one of those rare moments when I wish for the sharia code of law to be implemented just so we can whip these people in public and make an example of it. That should help to put them in place from their fame drunken delirium.

The Wolverine (2013)

The Wolverine's Mid Life Crisis.

[5/10 · 20 November 2013]

I'm not a big fan of the x-men franchise but this movie had be thinking I'm gonna like it and I did, for the first half that is. The movie takes off pretty well, attains cruising altitude and then suddenly drops like dead weight. They had everything going well for this movie until Wolverine decides to let his balls do the thinking for him. Half way through the movie they must've remembered that sex sells and so do unnecessary explosions and stunts. From what I understood, old man had alzhimers, cute babe had obsessive compulsive disorder, the cute doctor had PMS and wolverine had a mid life crisis. By the time I got to the end I was only waiting for it to be over.

Total Recall (I) (2012)

Total recall - The futility of being in the future.

[2/10 · 24 November 2012]

Welcome to the future questionnaire,

1: What do you do when your trapped inside a room with your girlfriend and death is knocking on the door? a)You look for an exit, a window perhaps. b)Barricade the door, fight back, call for help, pray. c)Make out with your girlfriend.

2: What do you do if you have weird dreams involving unknown people? a)Consult a psychiatrist b)Dismiss them for what they are, dreams c)Seek out mind altering drugs.

3: Law enforcement needs to catch a man alive, What should they use? a) A net b) Tranquiliser. c) Futuristic Christmass lights.

4: You are a secret agent and your cover is blown, where should you go? a) Hide somewhere. b) Disguise yourself. c) Go to your apartment.

5: In the future what phone would you prefer? a) A really sleek futuristic mobile. b) An old fashioned mobile. c) An painfully invasive hand implant larger than the old fashioned mobile.

6: What mode of transport would be plausible in a postapocalyptic world? a) Superior air/ water craft b) Superior rail link c) Lift system through the center of the earth.

7: You are enroute to highly secure enemy territory. What do you do? a) Secretly smuggle yourself in. b) Invest in some good disguise. c) Make a grand entry at the immigration.

8: How do you design smart robots for law enforcement ? a) Rely on the fact that electronics can do calculations faster b) Equip it with radar, wireless communication, advanced neural programming and integrated weapons systems. c) Put some cameras on the robot so that it can find its guns and then design an appendage so that it can use them.

9: Okay so the movie is just rubbish, what do you do? a) Apologise for wasting viewers time. b) Tell yourself the truth. c) Blame it all on the main characters dreams.

If you answered c to most, then you are certified to watch this movie.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012)

Hi I'm Tomothy.

[1/10 · 24 November 2012]

At last, I did finished watching this gobbledygook. Most people say this movie is for children, apparently they think all children are retards. Just because the movie is terrible to watch doesn't mean children are gonna like it. It was embarrassing watching this movie. I don't know if the actors were in on it but the director definitely had some long repressed vendetta against them and wanted to make an example out of them. How anybody with a sane mind can like this movie is beyond me, even though its just a fairy tale. Am I glad I haven't succumbed to all this new age rhetoric. The movie is really gonna confuse couples on whether they really should have children or not.

The Hunger Games (2012)

I'd rather watch my dog chasing its tail.

[1/10 · 16 October 2012]

Everything about this movie is bad and distasteful.

The lead actors are terrible and downright annoying.

The story looks like something a bunch of penguins regurgitated.

The costumes, oh my. If that is the future of fashion then mental asylums must be fashion academy's.

The premise of the movie itself is something straight out of a rats ass.

The naming convention, Katnis everdeen ? Peeta ? really ? Its like they were named in a hurry, when they were half way between this world and the womb.

The score for this manure shows that there is something very wrong with the people out there.

And whats with the title ?

Bait (III) (2012)

Whatever the sharks are taking to help their appetite, I want it.

[3/10 · 25 September 2012]

Well meaning kids with toned bods hang about in this coastal town doing whatever that is they do. The lead guy is banging the lead chick and then she ditches him for something, leaves town then gets back in town but now she's banging some Asian guy, just so.

Eventually, a few thieves, a cop, his daughter, the lead guy, the lead chick, her new boyfriend and a few of their friends end up in supposedly the only supermarket in town.

The tsunami breaks loose and fills up the supermarket. somehow, the first floor has the water level increasing, while the basement has a steady water level :-D

Never mind the water but it is inhabited by sea life and just so happens to have a congregation of sharks who invariably boycott frozen meat but otherwise have worked up a humongous appetite for the living flesh.

Our heroes try to save the day. They try switching off power to the severed cable hanging a little above the water to avoid electrocution, apparently the switch to that in under the water :-D

The Asian guy who decides to go switch it off with a pipe for breathing falls short of the switch by a few inches. Of all the options available to him he decides to choose the noblest one, die doing it :-D

They eventually bait one shark :-D shoot the second one :-D and tazer the third one :-D

When all is said and done, they'r out of the studio into the real world.

Battleship (2012)

Can the aliens get smarter than their creators ?

[2/10 · 24 September 2012]

So your brother is a hippie and totally irresponsible, what do you do? Enroll him in the military as an officer off course.

So you find this humongous alien hovercraft floating in the ocean, what do you do? Send your hippie brother with pea shooters to poke and see if anybody's home.

So you see an alien body lying thereabouts, what do you do? Play about with its beard off course.

So you are advanced aliens lost in space, what do you do? On receiving a stray transmission rush to its origin rather than its destination which is your home planet ?

So you have arrived on their planet, what next? Create an impenetrable shield locking you in with armed ships ?

So you wanna take over their planet, whats your ammo? Some cluster grenades and flying drills ?

So your on their planet, what are you hanging about in ? A few hovercrafts with glass for portholes ?

So you wanna communicate back with your home planet, what do you do? Depend on the enemy's infrastructure ?

Why do you depend on your enemy's infrastructure ? Because you decided to put all comms on one ship with no backup ?

So your plans are not going well, why don't you try another approach ? Meaningful inter galactic dialogue anyone ?

So destruction is imminent, why don't you escape ? What ? You can't fly ?

Surely you didn't forget to have a spacecraft orbiting the planet ? What the ? All of you just dug in ? No reconnaissance ? No backup plan ?

Surely, you space faring aliens can't be that dumb ?

Why do you think were we lost in space ?

Prometheus (I) (2012)

Genesis re-written by politically correct, technically wrong oligarchs.

[3/10 · 24 September 2012]

Before I begin my criticism, I'd like to point out to whomsoever decides to watch this drama; remember the first scene. It kind of hints at the entire presumption.

The movie deals with the eternal question of what we are, where we come from and where do we go from here. As expected, it is a very difficult one to answer so the movie toes the account of Genesis, which is a good start. Had they stuck with it, it would suffice. But no, they had to toss in some sitchins, some childresses and then a dash of political correctness, making what should have been an epic into nothing more than a costume party.

I don't know if it's pressure or just obstinate behavior, but the filmmakers just don't seem to want to put any intellectual property into their work.

Having said that, I wonder why they left evolution out of it all. More surprisingly, why haven't the evolutionists trashed the movie, which by all means they are the first to do on IMDb.

All in all its a cheap take on the most important question for humankind.

Hell (2011)

An epic saga of hippie endurance against mindless God fearing Christian maniacs

[2/10 · 30 May 2012]

In the future where the hippies fight to survive not only with the increasing heat but God fearing Christians with an appetite and lack of marijuana, portrayed is their journey fraught with danger towards their promised land of marijuana, homosexuals, debauchery and pleasure. The hippies just want some clean fun and probably open schools and medical facilities for the survivors but the crazy Christians just keep getting in their way, after all the Christians have never been known for education, healthcare or charity for that matter. But like history has taught us already, some hippies always survive, even in a post apocalyptic world.

God Bless America (2011)

Far left liberal hocum gone rash

[1/10 · 25 April 2012]

I wrote a review earlier explaining what the movie depicts in simple terms and they deleted my review. So if the explanation isn't worth displaying on this site you can guess what the movie depicts. Its just liberal BS, but instead of smoking pot and sleeping around this time they are wielding guns. The movie describes in very clear terms every liberals sweetest wet dream, so if you wanna know what they are like you gotta watch this movie. Oh and guess what, they don't mind carrying banners condoning all their deviant acts but get offended by reviews like these. By all means watch the movie, show it to your kids and tell them why they should be wary of these people.

The Darkest Hour (2011)

Unfortunately, the aliens didn't win.

[1/10 · 13 April 2012]

I guess they wanted us to sympathize with the aliens for a change and they succeeded. Humans as portrayed by the cast are so pathetic you'll be begging for the aliens to finish them already. And guess what just like all the extraterrestrials that came before them these are none the better. You would think they learned a thing or two about pesky humans after all their attempts at conquest, but no, they are none better than Hollywood. They just never learn. All they do is provide us with some eye candy and then get beat by some smoking hippies. Damn if they didn't have the technology to exterminate a bunch of wussies couldn't they borrow some of our own radar and homing missiles, seems to do the job here on earth. This is what happens when you hire someone from Hollywood to do the job for you. The next time, I'd suggest them to wipe out Hollywood first, then maybe they'll have a chance. Even so, come soon little aliens and save us this BS.

Super 8 (2011)

Just about alright

[6/10 · 15 January 2012]

The movie could have been much better, but a few things weigh on the end result.

The story isn't much really. Same old ship wrecked telepathic alien stuff.

The lead actors are just not convincing enough. The acting was okay, but I didn't really care about any of them.

As expected, a lot of scenes defy the laws of physics but then with the premise of this movie, is pardonable.

The alien on the other hand was pretty cool.

The animation was also pretty much up to the task.

Overall, just about another movie which will be forgotten in a hurry.

The Man from Earth (2007)

The pain from Shmuckman

[1/10 · 15 January 2012]

I am no more going to consider the ratings provided on this site.

This hocum is an insult not only to my intelligence but to all my sensory organs. Most reviewers have suggested others to go see the movie with an open mind. I would go further and advice you to open your mind, remove your brain, leave it outside the door. In fact it would be better to leave your eyes and ears behind as well. The more of you that you leave outside, the better it is going to be for your health and well-being.

The pain is so intense, it won't even knock you out completely. You'll be left in a state between life and death. The only way to escape this onslaught is to run, away.

I would stay away from people who like this kind of crap. You'r certainly not safe around such people.

Larry Crowne (2011)

A powerful tool in the war on terror

[14 December 2011]

This is what we've been waiting for since 9/11. Crazies want human rights for the terrorists and the government wants some quick intel, water boarding seems to be inhuman and hell some hardened terrorists can't be broken at all. Try locking them up in a cell with this movie playing, I assure you. They will beg for mercy, they'll give up all that they know, they will renounce their faith, heck they'll be rehabilitated from that moment onwards. This movie will terrorize the terrorists themselves, what it will do to us ordinary humans is anybody's guess.

If your an adrenaline junkie give it a go, but have your exit strategies planned. Either of the actors is a tormentor all on their own and when they come together, you'd rather choose a spinal tap over this.

Apollo 18 (2011)

Pretty alright but too slow and monotonous .

[6/10 · 13 December 2011]

Now, the concept of this movie was terrific and that is why I was waiting to watch it ever since the news got out. The movie holds your attention somehow simply because you are expecting a revelation based on the concept but otherwise it would have been boring. However, the monotony is pardonable compared to the gross technical errors which really drag this movie down.

You simply can't fly a module built by a Russian team speaking a different language with a different written script with different technology.

Moreover how do you dock it to the orbiter built by a different manufacturer ?

Why is it that the many missions flown before this one weren't infected ?

Why weren't the astronauts informed of it ?

What is their obsession with venturing into the dark with no lights ?

Why weren't they issued with lights to begin with ?

What do the aliens feed on apart from the occasional visiting astronaut?

For a movie which boasts of real footage, this one leaves a bad aftertaste.

The American (2010)

Brilliant movie, not for the unwise.

[9/10 · 24 July 2011]

They rarely produce such movies anymore and set themselves up for this high standard at the expense of commercial success.

The acting was good, the cinematography was good, the story was good, but the realism factor was absolutely brilliant. In that sense it comes very close to the bourne series. Most people who do not like this movie simply don't have an eye for detail or appreciate the amount of work that may have gone into making the movie this close to reality.

Off course there isn't hopeless romance, unbelievable bullet dodging and over the edge action sequences with the lead running a marathon. Overall a very satisfactory experience.

Ironclad (2011)

King Jhon pillages England with the sanction of the Pope who's got nothing better to do than play petty politics.

[1/10 · 24 July 2011]

Just another one of those anti-church movies which seem to be in vogue among producers.

The greedy Pope who leads the church wants to accumulate wealth, land and influence, so he turns a blind eye to the suffering of the people, sanctions King John to pillage England and excommunicates Bishops for the fun of it. Along comes our little templar, fights like a maniac, thinks he serves God, has taken vow of chastity unless its some royal slut who wants to get laid and turns the tide in whomsoever's favor.

This movie's gonna leave you dazed and confused. The characters are all robotic like a video game, everything moves into place just for the sake of it. The only saving grace is Vladimir Kulich, I was rooting for his character. The only spoiler is the movie itself.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

A good demonstration on how to destroy a movie.

[1/10 · 15 July 2011]

What an Awful display of commercialized cinema, playing to the tunes of all the wrong stereotypes. A horrible waste of time, effort and money, specially since a lot of effort must have gone into the graphics only to produce this distasteful parody of sorts. This is what you get when you make a movie without passion or substance. Anyway, I intended to ask this question since the first part. What is the point of having a chick running around in these types of movies? Really, is it necessary to have some chick in skimpy clothes romancing around with metal crashing on metal in the background ? Unless off-course you wanted to woo schoolgirls in to watch the movie. My serious advise is, if you have to finish with watching the 3rd installment, rent it. That way you can fast forward through all those disgusting chick flick scenes and watch what you paid for.

Paul (2011)

Cheap and Downright Obscene

[1/10 · 12 June 2011]

No sooner did they watch the movie than the darwinian monkeys must have made haste to fill up IMDb with good reviews. I was one of the many that got fooled by the rating it displayed here. The movie is nothing but useless banter about evolution.

Apart from the anti Christian tirade, the graphics are horrible, the story is absolutely non existent, the acting is awful and the movie relies on some very cheap obscene remarks which your supposed to consider as humor.

It has nothing to do with science fiction or make you think otherwise.

Please don't waste your money and time trying to watch this self loathing bunch of you know what. And if your one of those who download movies, please don't waste precious bandwidth downloading this. But for monkeys, make haste if you already haven't.

The Rite (2011)

If you'r anti-catholic, don't watch it.

[10/10 · 14 April 2011]

There are many movies these days that earn their bucks by demeaning the catholic church and the Vatican. Many of them even pretend to be supporting the catholic cause. I went to watch this movie with a lot of apprehension, not sure what to expect. Guess what, it was a pleasant surprise. An honest portrayal of priests and nuns and the challenges they face, not only from certain people but evil forces as well. The skepticism they have to deal with and their own spiritual development.

I live and work in a Muslim sultanate and I tell you the theaters were packed. By the end of the movie there was this visible silence. Make no mistake about the popularity or the impact of the movie.

As for the negative feedback, I'm sure they didn't even watch the movie. They just wanted to do their bit by voting against it.

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

I'd recommend it as a sedative

[1/10 · 5 March 2011]

It took me at least 5 tries to finish the movie. I don't know what, but this movie gets me to sleep in an instant. It is that boring. Where can I begin, lets start with Hitler himself. He's portrayed more as a mental patient than as a dictator, and whats with the cut scenes ? It was like watching some old fashioned drama. This topic of holocaust has been beaten to death by most directors and this one tries to bring it back to life again. Move on guys, I mean there are many more dictators you can choose from, if thats all you can do. I for one will watch the movie again as an aid instead of sedatives. Its funny actually, I'm required to write ten lines for this movie :-D So I'm actually wondering about the reviews. How does it manage with such high scores? Do they have bots programmed to do this kinda thing. Cause I can't think of anybody with taste giving it full. Probably somewhere in the middle would still be okay. Or maybe its an online movement to support this sad excuse of meeting iron with iron.

127 Hours (2010)

Waste of time.

[1/10 · 4 March 2011]

The single point is simply because its based on a true story and for the courage of the man who endured it. The movie portrays the character in a very bad light, from being stupid to arrogant to crazy. 1) He is never in pain. From the fall to the rescue, there's no display of pain at all, just self loathing. 2) The character is extremely arrogant. Humoring his situation and not once feeling the need to cry out to a higher power which in most cases I'm sure most people would do. Maybe he wanted to be politically correct. 3) He has episodes of sexual arousal, I kid you not. He even plays a video and tries to masturbate. 4) Very poor stoy telling. In fact there is no story. Everything tries to stand on the one fact that he is stuck at the canyon. So the reason for all the high points ? Maybe these are all Danny Boyle fans, who won't let him down, no matter what.