swnthom Reviews

Hannah Takes the Stairs (2007)

Does Shot Without A Script Ever Work?

[4/10 · 19 September 2007]

Let's be honest. Your movie could have Tom Cruise, Greta Garbo, Robert DeNiro and many other "stars" in it. It could be a collaborative piece co-directed by Martin Scorsese, Howard Hawks, Jean-Luc Godard. Sven Nykist could be doing the camera work. You could bill it as Robert DeNiro having real on screen sex with Greta Garbo and on and on and on. However, if it doesn't have a script or has just a minimal outline, then it will never be what it could be. Shows like Reno 911 are the exception to the rule. They are both no means the norm.

"Hannah Takes The Stairs" suffers from having no script. It is its glaring weakness and what, in the end, makes it wholly unsatisfying. As a whole, the story wanders around way too much and does not give its viewer a reason to really care for any of its characters. It is the kind of film you watch once and then forget about totally. If you were to ask me, should I see "Hannah Takes The Stairs", I would say, "Definitely. Watch it once but you won't ever want to watch it again."

Hatsujô kateikyôshi: Sensei no aijiru (2003)

Ignore Other Review

[8/10 · 11 July 2007]

First off, I think the other reviewer was himself too wrapped up in the sex scenes and completely missed the charm of this film. Yes, this is a sex movie and yes the sex scenes do go on for quiet a while and yes the lead actress Emi Kuroda is nude quite a bit. For some, all that can either be a deterrent but you should neither dismiss nor approve of this film.

I can say this. The film is offbeat and has a distinct charm and sense of humor to it. In this world where Transformers is the number 1 movie in America (God help us all), The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai is a much needed change of pace.

Again, I will stress. Do not dismiss this film because of the sex and nudity in it. Watch it through and you will like it. Also, ignore the box calling it "a mixture of Godard and the South Park crew." Godard could never make a movie like this

Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet (2005 Video)

Older Seduction

[7/10 · 11 May 2006]

In spite of the 2005 date, this enter is much older. I do not know this for a fact but the fact that Tina Krause, billed in it as Mia Copia, should attest to that fact. Unlike what my moronic brother from Canada stated about this film, it has very little plot but if you are watching it for plot, then there is something wrong with you. Notable in this film is Ruby Larocca, not for her acting but because she is naked a lot in this featurette. Misty Mundae and Tiger Lilly float around with no purpose except to do Ruby Larocca. Tina Krause also adds her charms but not as much as Ruby Larocca does. All the actresses are naked in full frontal fashion and bump and grind a lot throughout the hour. Not Shakespeare but why would you expect it to be.

The Sexy Sixth Sense (2001 Video)

Not Very Good Seduction Cinema

[2/10 · 11 May 2006]

What makes a good Seduction Cinema film? I know that may sound like an oxymoron but when you search out a Jess Franco film or any other genre film you want staples of that genre to be included, correct? Well, the Sexy 6th Sense falls short. Sure, there are the Seduction Cinema staples of digital film-making, no script, and bad acting. However, the largest staple, and let's be honest the most important one, is largely missing in this barely one hour feature. Sure Ruby Larocca, Barbara Joyce, Darian Caine and two uninteresting actresses do the whole lesbian thing but it is uninspired. Rather than "acting", the lesbian scenes for more like a Marilyn Chambers compilation on Cinemax rather than a Seduction Cinema film. On top of that, the actresses only are ever topless and that is it. In all, The Sexy 6th Sense is a sex film without the most important staple of a sex film, long gratuitous, fully naked sex.

Of note on the DVD is an interview with the lovely Barbara Joyce. Ms. Joyce is topless in the interview segment conducted by Director Terry West, a good addition, but Ms. Joyce does not talk about anything particular about herself or her career. Thusly, it is too little to justify a good rating.

Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)

Probably the Greatest Exploitation Film Ever

[10/10 · 1 May 2005]

First off, understand my rating of Ilsa. Ilsa by general movie standards is not a good movie. If you were to put it up against any of the so called "classic" movies, it would not stand up. But those who search out Ilsa She Wolf of THe SS or any of the others in the series aren't doing so because they want to see a tense, well acted, well directed movie.

Ilsa is first and foremost an exploitation film and, realizing that, I have to say it is in the upper echelons of its field because it wallows in filth and does so unapologetically. It boils down to this. If you search out a Euro Trash film, be it an Italian Giallo or English 70's horror, you desire it to be as sleazy and un politically correct as possible but also you want the movie to have some semblance of a plot, be it ever tiny. Ilsa scores big on all these points. There is wall to wall nudity, all female. Gratitutious torture scenes that are more ridiculous than offensive, (I mean every time Ilsa drags a prisoner down for torture they are completely naked as they are being tortured). And all most everyone of the female cast members at some point is completely naked. Let's be honest, It ain't Shakespeare, nor does it pretend to be.

Of note is the lead actress Dyanne Thorne. Apparently Ms. Thorne had lofty ambitions of being a serious actress at one point in her career but the fickle finger of fate lead her to Ilsa fame. In her mid 40's, Ms. Thorne is competent enough not to look like an amateur on screen. She has a several nude scenes throughout the movie and anyone who watches Ilsa will no doubt remember her more for her large breasts than her acting ability.

Ilsa She Wolf of the SS is a noteworthy entry into the world of exploitation films and should be the starting point for anyone who journeys into this genre. I rate it as a 10 because it knows what it is and does not pretend to try for anything higher

Qui a tué Bambi? (2003)

You may not want to go to a hospital ever again.

[8/10 · 7 April 2005]

That was in essence the tag line for this french film by Gilles Marchand. While I would not go that far, I would say that Marchand has crafted an excellent "what if" scenery for this tale about a doctor who molests some of the female patients in his hospital who are recovering from operations.

Brief Spoilers

As usual, the protagonist, this time Isabelle, as portrayed by the very interesting Sophie Quinton, a nurse in training at the hospital knows something is not quite right about Dr. Phillip. Odd occurrences are happening around the hospital with a couple of female patients disappearing and nobody can figure out quite why. Later on, we find out that Dr. Phillip is using an anastephic to keep his female patients unconscious while he molests them. To make up for the lost drugs he is using on his victims, he dilutes it with water, thus a couple of patients being operated on wake up in the middle of the operation.

Marchand has to be commended on how he crafts his tale. The movie is slightly over two hours but one is kept interested by the characters and the storyline. Sophie Quinton is superb as the lowly nurse in training who takes on the powerful, yet evil Dr. Phillip. She is very cute and demure, yet is well at ease being the lead performer in this piece. The actor who plays Dr. Phillip, whose name escapes me at the moment, is truly terrifying as the sexual predator. His is not an easy role for it has been done so many times over. Dr. Phillip is a silent loner with obvious problems, yet the actor does not go overboard with him. Instead, the actor makes Dr. Phillip a subdued character with something definitely evil lurking below the surface.

A lot of writing about this film has made comparisons to David Lynch in style. I shall refute that now. While this movie definite borders on the surreal side, it does not fall in some of the ridiculous pitfalls that Lynch tends to lead his movies.

The Witch Who Came from the Sea (1976)

Ah, the 70's

[8/10 · 13 March 2005]

This movie can come from no decade but. There is very little action and some weird trippy sequences in it. I will not rehash the plot but I will say that this movie is worth seeing. If you are tired of the bland boring thriller/chiller pieces that are being made today, this is definitely worth renting. Subversive Video has released a cleaned up version on DVD so it is more readily available than in the past. Of note in the film is Millie Perkins, of Diary of Anne Frank fame. She plays the clichéd role of psycho on the verge but she does it with such muted tones and acting that makes you forget how many times the role of Molly has been rehashed in the horror genre.

Also, I would say a word on the production value. While other reviews have noted its shodiness. Let me just remind you this movie was made in 1976. As anyone who has seen 70's movies are aware, a lot of them look like they were made for nothing.

American Playhouse: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1983) Season Unknown, Episode Unknown

My nomination for worst movie ever.

[26 July 2004]

Granted, tagging a movie with the worst title ever can be problematic, because frankly there are a lot of bad movies that have been made. Bad movies, in and of themselves, are a genre of their own. The recent CABIN FEVER was a bad movie but could it be called one of the worst movies ever made? No, not quite. Cabin Fever falls under the category of bad director and script. But seldomly has there ever been a good story where the setting is the back woods of hick America( IE Deliverance). Storylines about hillybillys and the back woods of the south are doomed for disaster. Another type of bad movie is the big budget Hollywood disaster, where the thinking is that if you throw enough money at it, it will succeed. Each of us has our own movie we would put in this category (Waterworld, Bad Boys 2, Cold Mountain). These types are probably more un excusable than all the others because they showcase lack of basic abilities in the filmmakers. Lastly, we have the "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank" category, the bottom of the barrel types, which have been inhabited by the Jess Franco, Al Adamson and Ed Woods of the world. As with the previous post, I saw this movie on MST 3000. Believe, there is no other way to watch it. Made in the early eighties for New York public television, this has to be the most inept production ever staged. Bad lighting, bad sound, terrible "futuristic"sets, goadawful acting, crass, morornic dialogue, idiot names given to the characters and most importantly one of the worst stories ever told (How someone read this script and agreed to produce it I'll never know). Basically, in all facets of the production, a gross lack of talent is evident (I would say amateurish but that would be insulting amateurs). Plus to top it off, The story melts into a false realization of Casablanca by Raul Julia's character that further insults one's senses. Never see this movie except on MST 3000. Shame on you Raul. If you were broke at the time, porno would have been less degrading

Scarlet Diva (2000)

Argento exorcises personal demons in Scarlet Diva

[12 August 2003]

Basically, Scarlet Diva, at least in my view, is Asia Argento exorcising some personal demons, most likely from her past and maybe some of her friends. It's the story about a druggy actress and her struggle for normacy/sanity in an insane world. It is a very personal film filled with episodes from Argento's past, at least you get that impression. It's a good film and is not the shockfest that it has been portrayed as. Worth a see.

Traveling Companion (1996)

A Good Little Story

[12 August 2003]

A good little comedy/drama with Asia Argento and Michel Piccoli. Very little plot actually involved but still a very interesting story. One of the few films Argento actually looked like she was interested in. She has very good chemistry with Piccoli and their scenes together make the movie. Movie is very good when it stays light.

Brotherly Love (1970)

Stagey Drama/Comedy

[8/10 · 4 August 2003]

A somewhat typical bit of filmmaking from this era. Obviously, It was first conceived into this world for the stage, but nonetheless a very good film from beginning to end. Peter O'Toole and Susannah York get to do their stage performance act for the silver screen and both do it effectively. There is very little in the way of story and anyone not familiar with this type of off beat character study may be a little put off by it. All in all, though, A good film in which Peter O'Toole and Susannah York get to overact.

El chupete de Lulú (1985)

Porno From Romay and Franco.

[1/10 · 29 July 2003]

Yeah, Sure Jess Franco is an exploitation director but even those lot sometimes tend to make watchable movies, unlike Franco. Franco has, in recent years, gained a huge cult following for his movies, undeservingly so. Basically, Franco's film career could be summed up by Lina Romay's vagina, how many times he can show it, how many different angles he can show it from, and how far he can thrust a camera up Ms. Romay's privates. Granted, You can do this, but Franco does this will all the aplumb of a bad porno director. This movie is no different. It is hard core with Romay doing the business with men and women. Unlike in other films, however, You not only get to see up Ms. Romay's crotch, in typical CLOSE UP FASHION but you also get to see various items, including an Oscar statuette, stuck up it. Reappraisal of Franco's cinema diffently needed.

Incubus (2002 Video)

Lina Romay Naked High Point Of Movie!!

[1/10 · 24 July 2003]

Let's face it. Jess Franco has not yet made a good movie. One would think, given his experience and the fact that he worked under Orson Welles and Jean-Luc Goddard, you'd think he could stumble once and make one but the fact is he hasn't. Franco, despite the cult that has arose around him, is a sleaze director, not a criticism mind you. However, In recent years, Franco has not even made a decent crap film. Ones like Mari- Cookie, Lust For Frankenstein, and Incubus and been pure waste of film stock, well almost. Gone is the atmosphere of Franco's 70's and 80's trash film and now it is replaced by totally incomprehensible story lines, which is a feat given they were never Franco's strong points, and digital camera work which makes his recent film look even sleazy, in a bad way! Incubus does not have all that much going for it. Save for Lina Romay, you'd rather all the other actresses keep their clothes on, which none do. The high point of the story is Ms. Romay totally naked arguing with her husband in the bedroom, which given the seemingly none existant storyline, may have been what this film was about. To prove a point, Franco's Ilsa movie had more of a plot than Incubus. Save your money and time. Leave this film alone.

The Sicilian Clan (1969)

Interesting but flawed.

[15 July 2003]

The Sicialian Clan is an interesting piece. Like all 60's heist movies, It follows a lot of plot points that that genre used. Alain Delon has an idea for a robbery because he spent some time in jail with this guy who installs security systems at a gallery. Delon learns all about the set up because the guy is still emotional over catching his wife with another man and consequently shooting the lover. Having just been broken out of jail, Delon proposes the robbery to Jean Gabin who heads the Sicilian Clan. After conferring with an old partner, Gabin and the partner find a way to pull off the robbery. After the fact, Gabin finds out Delon slept with one of his sons' wives, who throughout had a yen for Delon. Consequently, She gets shot, Delon gets shot, and the police detective who is always a day late gets his man. It is a very good film. However, Being two hours long, The narrative tends to wander a bit, as do the characters. Rated PG but has a lot of female nudity in it. Worth a look.

Killer's Moon (1978)

Gives Slasher Exploitation Films A Bad Name!!

[14 July 2003]

This movie does what is currently the norm in slasher/horror films of current day. It promises a gutter trash plot and delivers none of it.

Four psychos, or pouncy overacting stage actors, I'm not sure which, escape from a mental hospital and wreck havoc on the land. Convienently, A bus load of nubile teenage girls is passing through the area and not surprisingly the bus breaks down. Now, The fun begins, right? Sorry, Not in this movie. The loonies, who are high on experimental LSD treatment, tend to annoy the girls more than terrorize them. There are a few nude scenes by the various actresses but they seem more thrown in as an afterthought, or a way to convince somebody to see this movie because the plot or acting surely won't do it. Basically, A bad movie with bad special effects, bad lighting, and bad acting. Case in point, One of the girls, in her nightgown of course, flees from her attacker and runs all the way to the lake, where she gets the back of her nightgown caught on a nail and the nightgown rips down the front in a perfect tear! Explain that one if you can.

The Bunny Caper (1974)

Forget Hart. Jill Damas rules this film.

[10 July 2003]

All the user comments I read focused on Christina Hart, a marginal TV actress, who appeared in small roles on countless 70's TV, and how great she looked, both in and out of her clothes. But, The attention getter for me was Jill Damas, the big breasted one. An English lass who I have only accounted one other film starring her(Can You Keep It Up For A Week.) Damas, in my book at least makes this worth thr price of rental/buying. It is a plotless movie that basically is about 4 girls trying to bed famous diplomats and the resulting incidents that happen. Needless to say, There's not an inch of all four main women that you don't see. Not for everyone but those who like this sort of stuff, it is well worth a gander. If anyone knows anymore about Jill Damas career, I would love a shout at my e-mail.

Demons of the Mind (1972)

Un-Hammer Hammer

[7 July 2003]

I first learned about Demons of The Mind from a book about 70's British horror films. The book praised it because it was "Un-hammer-esque", which it is, but also it isn't. It is the story about a nutty father with a bloodlust who convinces himself and all those around him that the Zorn family bloodline is cursed(In the usual incest way of the 70's.) Papa Zorn married outside the family to try to purify the line but the woman he married, after conceiving a boy and girl, killed herself in front of the children. Papa Zorn announcing that the family curse had "Affected" her as well. As a result, He keeps his children, who have sexual feeling towards each other, cut off from both each other and the outside work. Patrick Magee, in a Patrick Magee role, plays the doctor who Zorn hires to cure the children. A very good, entertaining little movie. You won't go away from it with your life forever changed. However, If you like Hammer, You should watch this. Atmosphere, period customs, female nudity, a evil father, a winsome lead actress, Patrick Magee, and everyone dies in the end. This is a Hammer film, no matter what anyone says.

Vampyres (1974)

Blue Underground Version The Whole Experience

[3 July 2003]

Needless to say, If you sought out Vampyres, looked for the movie, or are a fan of the Babe Vampyre/Euro horror genre, then, you probably do not need another recounting of the plot. However, Since I had seen the movie several times, I recently bought The Blue Underground version, which seems as if it is the same as The Anchor Bay DVD version as well based on the other comments I seen. This version is the definitative one. It contains a fourteen minute interview segment with stars Marianne Morris and Anulka, where the talk about the film, their experience making the film, what is was like working with the director, a hot tempered Spaniard, and the producer the quintessional English gentle. Next, The film contains running commentary from the director and the producer, which, in itself is almost worth the money. The director, Larasz, speaks his mind, bluntly, I might add. Also, In the extras are behind the scenes photos, promo stills and posters, which adds up to more nakedness from Morris and Anulka on display. If you want this movie, Only buy it with these extras on it. It makes a great cult movie even better

Baba Yaga (1973)

If you like Godard, Try this.

[24 June 2003]

Baba Yaga is the story of Valentine, a photographer who photographs women(just one is model is used throughout the movie however), usually in various states of undress. She meets the mystical Carroll Baker and becomes entranced with Baker(Mystically not sexually at first). Carroll Baker puts some sort of hex on Valentine's camera and ,everytime Valentine shoots a picture of an individual, she metaphorically, at least I think, injures them as well. Slowly, The attraction pulling Valentine to Baker's character evolves into a sexual one. Valenntine is lured to Baker's home, molested and whipped and saved in the end by her boyfriend. It is a fascinating movie. I will not say that it is a great movie cause there are a few things that the viewer is left wanting. Partly, It is, in my opinion at least, based on an adult comic book that was probably relevant more in 70's Italy, and partly because of censor's scissors that chopped a bit of the movie. Farina, the director, creates wonderful atmosphere and lures you in. Isabelle De Funes, as Valentine, is absolutely gorgeous and intriguing. The Blue Underground version of this film has the censored scenes that were cut out in the extra section of the DVD. Of note in that is a full frontal nude scene from Carroll Baker. Also, A twenty two minute interview with Corrado Farina who, though no great surprise, says Jean-Luc Goddard was an inspiration of his.

The Love Factor (1969)

Zeta-One Zeta-Nothing

[12 June 2003]

Promises good atmosphere for all those that like 70's english exploitation but in the end it lays there and really refuses to focus on it's point. Strip poker scene with Yutte Stensgaard does go on forever, as Mark D-2 says, without major payoff. There are better of this genre out there