caseybones Reviews

Sense & Sensibility (2024 TV Movie)

Two hours of my life wasted on absolute drivel

[2/10 · 26 February 2024]

Hallmark needs to stay in its lane and stick to pumping out crappy romcoms; under no circumstances should they try to remake a classic. This version is an affront to all things Jane Austen and the multiple Oscar nominated Ang Lee version.

The lack of chemistry between the "romantic" leads is appalling. The costumes are apparently an effort to replicate the worst of the Featherington girls in Bridgerton. The acting is wooden, especially by the males. Willoughby, supposed to be a charming bad guy, comes across like a robot.

The whole thing was a cluttered, disjointed, unorganized mess.

The rating of two is entirely because of the scenery. Period.

The Trent Report: Hallmark Channel Race Swaps Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility (2024) Season Unknown, Episode Unknown

Dreadful adaptation, don't waste your time

[3/10 · 25 February 2024]

Hallmark really needs to stay in its lane and not take on something as complicated as Sense and Sensibility - especially when the latest film version was nominated for multiple Oscars.

This was just painful to watch. Absolutely no chemistry between characters, no development of relationships, Marianne pops up from her deathbed like she's on springs.

The acting was uniformly mediocre. There was zero reason for rooting for the romantic couples. Willoughby was bland. Edward was bland. Even the evil characters were bland.

The only decent thing was the scenery and sets, thus the three star rating from me. But when the Dashwood women were bemoaning downsizing to a "cottage" it was laughable - that place was absolutely enormous and lavishly decorated. Obviously Hallmark realized they were in over heads and thought the fluff would fool us.

Two hours of my life I want back.

Never Been Chris'd (2023 TV Movie)

What the heck was that?

[2/10 · 6 November 2023]

Man, so that was SO bad.

Hallmark was apparently trying for somethind different but it looked like a bunch of writers tossed partial scripts in a hat and then tried to put them together. Plus borrowing from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

The female leads (in their 30's) blathered on and on like 13 year olds and acted like them as well. The high school gang schtick was cringe-worthy with charicatures of every type of "never grew up" character. The mothers were both over-the-top caricatures of weird moms as well.

Why everyone was supposedly gaga over Chris is a mystery based on how Tyler portrayed him; he totally phoned in the role. What the whole "I am a vegan" bit was pointless and stupid.

There was no chemistry at all between Chris and the ultimate choice. And Hallmark had the chance to do something different and interesting - ditch the romance and have the two friends part company but remain single - but, as always, Hallmark never fails to disappoint. Gotta have the female paired up because, in Hallmarkia, single women are faiures in life without a man to lean on.

Pumpkin Everything (2022 TV Movie)

Bad on so many levels

[2/10 · 11 October 2022]

Trite story, bad acting, every stale trope from the Hallmark playbook, bad hairstyles, and a scarecrow competition, for cripes sake. Old Grandad was a totally unlovable old crank waving college money around but only for a course of study he chose. And don't forget the world famous pumpkin spice candles, what a novelty.

Everyone in town is like a Stepford citizen with creepy full time grins plastered in place.

Don't know who selected the cast but the actress that that played the mother is the same age as the grandfather!

Hallmark has totally crossed the "quantity, not quality" line here. What a waste of air time.

A Splash of Love (2022 TV Movie)

What a total mess

[2/10 · 31 July 2022]

I only gave it a two for the scenery, I'd give it a minus 10 for the story and acting. This is was a new low for Hallmark on so many levels.

Ditzy, airhead doctoral candidate swoops in to a "whale watching community" and with her superb skills, saves the quaint little B&B (apparently the town is populated by total rubes) from financial disaster. While this is a town with one road but right on the water, nobody but the perky genius comes up with the idea of picking the tourists up by boat? The town is loaded with fisherman but the brainy visitor saves the day by suggesting.......seafood instead of steak?

And do NOT get me started on the whole orca storyline. I have spent many years involved in orca studies in that area and NOT ONE SINGLE FACT WAS CORRECT. The picture of "pregnant Betty" was a shot of a male orca for cripe's sake! And she was getting super close ups with a standard lens; Hallmark didn't even pop for a pretend telephoto.

Then the vapid twit has to explain a hydrophone to a guy who supposedly makes his living doing whale watch trips? There is a whole network of hydrophones installed in the area and virtually every boat has one on board.

You do NOT get a doctorate by doing a thesis based on a theory that you have absolutely no facts with which to back it up especially on an animal you know nothing about.

Then we have the supposed love interest who jets in from Miami, drops by to be told "we don't click" then "mkaybye".

I bet the people of Telegraph Cove, BC (called Cable Cove in this mess) will boycott Hallmark for the rest of their lives.

Hallmark, you never fail to disappoint. This was a new low.

My Grown-Up Christmas List (2022 TV Movie)

Hallmark screws up again

[4/10 · 11 July 2022]

Holy crap, My Grown Up Christmas List was just so bad! So very many things were major eye rollers that I can't see straight.

She is supposed to be some fabulous journalist who is promised a cover story and the best she can come up with is some granny who crochets ornaments?

These two meet on Christmas Eve and don't see each other for, what, a year or so. Yet yet they look exactly the same right down to the hair styles. And this "love affair" dragged on for how many years (it was so boring I lost track of that) and they never, ever change? Grandpa and his parents never age a day?

And don't get me started on the long, decidedly unmilitary hair the dude sported. Or the military vehicles with civilian plates. Or the incorrect uniforms and the dude not wearing a cover outdoors.

Virtually every military-related scene was so ridiculous. The super secret base is halfway round the world yet he manages to drop everything to run and save the soldiers because he's apparently the only person in the entire army capable of it and manages to arrive within minutes of the call - do they have teleportation in the miltary these days? And then she hops aboard some magic starship and finds her way to this super secret base as well, just in time to greet him.

And what was with that hideous bridal gown that was riding so low that you could almost see her nipples except for the bath mat that she had wrapped around her shoulders.

I realize that these two are apparently a couple in real life but, gah, what a lack of chemistry.

Just when you think Hallmark might do something different, they botch it up yet again.

Moriah's Lighthouse (2022 TV Movie)

Huge disappointment

[4/10 · 20 June 2022]

I had high hopes for this because it was written by Paul Campbell and he is normally quite good. But, man, he blew it.

I don't know why they would bother to name the movie after a book when the plot contains ony a couple of similarities. The book is decidednly not a comedy which I think this was supposed to be albeit it fails there as well.

The "French" residents slip back and forth between speaking accented English and then English without an accent.

The scenery is beautiful but otherwise it was a slog to get through the entire movie. The ending is predictable and a snooze.

Butlers in Love (2022 TV Movie)

What fresh hell is this?

[2/10 · 12 February 2022]

Wow, just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. An absolute waste of time.

The female lead can't act her way out of a wet paper bag and it's not helped by the fact that her storyline is so ridiculous. She wants to be a butler based on some TV show? She works in a restaurant but doesn't know how correctly place silverware? The "butler academy" is harder to get into than Harvard"?

The male lead is a marginally better actor but is given another idiotic back story. How many young people enter a profession they hate because "it's a family tradition" anymore? Just tell the parents it's not happening and move on - the drama was ridiculous.

No chemistry between the leads at all. And at the end the female gets the job of her dreams, apparently works one dinner and, poof, the dream is over. Instead she "has an idea" but it's never clear what that was. She becomes, what, some sort of Leader of Waiters and her boyfriend becomes a chef at the same restaurant? Oh, how convenient. And the whole smooching in front of the staff was laughable.

Tow hours of my life I will never get back.

An Unexpected Christmas (2021 TV Movie)

I hate Hallmark movies but....

[8/10 · 10 January 2022]

...this was a cut above the usual. First of all Tyler Hynes had great comedic timing, I don't think I've seen him in this kind of role and he was a natural. The loss of the beard and the new haircut helped to erase all previous characters for me. He had some great lines.

Bethany Joy was so much better than some of her other roles as well with good comedic timing as well.

Did the parents drive me nuts? Absolutely. Talk about chewing the scenary! And the idiotic play at the end made no sense at all. But I did love the brother/sister scenes, they seemed totally natural. I even enjoyed the silly restaurant gig.

Of course you know what the end was likely to be and there were some incongruities as well - I mean who drops everything they are doing on Christmas Day to watch the governor speak? But I don't think I have ever rewatched any Hallmark movie before (not since the old Hallmark Hall of Fame gems) and I will definitely save this one when I need a little Christmas.

The Wedding Veil (2022 TV Movie)

The veil was the only good thing about this mess

[2/10 · 9 January 2022]

What a snooze - there isn't one positive thing about this bland, boring mess other than the beautiful veil. Zero chemistry between the "lovers", a ridiculous "misunderstanding" that drags on for 90 minutes, and a lead that tries for a Boston accent but sounds like he has a speech impediment. And you have to be as dense as wood not to know that veil antique veil was the same one in the picture.

Awful, just awful. And there are two more movies in this trilogy; with Hallmark writers I can only imagine how awful those will be.

Sweet Autumn (2020 TV Movie)

Dull, lifeless, and egregious errors

[3/10 · 5 January 2022]

Won't even bother with addressing the story since it's the same tired retread of every other Hallmark mess. Vapid dialog, mediocre acting, formulaic throughout.

But the worst, to me (since I have mae maple syrup during Sugaring Days at the local nature center) is the utter stupidity of the premise that you tap trees in the fall. Sap runs in the spring when temps are below freezing at night and above freezing during the day BEFORE THE TREES BUD!. There are no leaves on the trees let alone ones with autumn colors. How desperate does Hallmark have to be to pump out this dreck that they can't check a few simple facts? Do their writers live in an underground bunker or something?

Where Your Heart Belongs (2022 TV Movie)

Major fail on all counts

[3/10 · 2 January 2022]

Let it suffice to say that a movie about a maple syrup "farm" that starts with the leads tapping cedar trees is doomed to go downhill and it certainly does. That should have been the first clue about how much of a train wreck it would be.

Jen Lilley is totally unlikeable, I can't even imagine why the hunk would even be the least bit interested in her. And she, the dutiful daughter, has gone for 10 years and been absent through her father's cardiac problems, sees foreclosure notices (like they stamp that on the outside of envelopes - sheesh), and promptly turns on the love interest who is the only one trying to help.

Add to that the egregious conduct about her BFF's wedding and she should have been pushed off a cliff somewhere.

The supporting cast chews the scenary like a stalk of celery. What a waste of air time. Run, do not walk, away from this mess.

My Christmas Family Tree (2021 TV Movie)

Watch out for anvils

[6/10 · 14 November 2021]

My Christmas Family Tree was OK, with a different storyline and the background of a (gasp!) unwed mother although she is never seen. They manage to throw every single one of their tiresome must-haves including skating, children singing in a Christmas pageant, seventeen milliion decorations, selecting and decorating the tree, family dinner, "hot" cocoa by the gallon, and falling in love in less than a week. The anvils raining down were enough to kill the viewer and the premise was just beyond credible. The "misunderstanding" was just plain silly. Tolerable although I wouldn't watch it again.

A Little Daytime Drama (2021 TV Movie)

Snoozefest

[4/10 · 23 August 2021]

If you want something to send you into a nap, this is the one. Boring to the nth degree. No chemistry at all between the leads. Silly story, typical "misunderstanding" in the last few minutes that is resolved in time for a totally passionless smooch. Another one of the endless quantity over quality offerings from Hallmark.

Love, for Real (2021 TV Movie)

Don't waste your time

[1/10 · 1 August 2021]

Another major fail from the Hallmark talentless writers and actors. The lead female was so unlikeable that it was difficult to watch. No need for a spoiler alert because the Hallmark never veers even one milimeter away from their standard formula.

Crap, for Real.

Sweet Carolina (2021 TV Movie)

Nothing new here, same story, different state

[4/10 · 16 May 2021]

Perky, ultra organized career woman - rattles off 14 items, askes assistant if the "got that" is so focused that notices the color of the folder just before being lavishly praised by her coworkers. Check.

Sleazy boyfriend - "I will be working 24/7 and traveling all of the time but we can make it work".........."I long distance relationship doesn't work for me". Check.

Dead parent with children. Check.

Hunky old boyfriend still happily living in the small town. Check.

Perky career woman attempts to work from small town whilst taking over for dead parents but fails on all sides including messing with the love life of the boy and leaving them sitting on a curb. Business partners are askance that she leaves the meeting for somehting "more important". Check.

Requisite misunderstanding within the last 15 minutes. Check.

Decides family is more important, small town living beats the big city, hooks up with old boyfriend. Check.

Nothing new here folks, Feel free to move on...

I must say that they all got over the tragedy rather handily. Very little drama after the initial brief spate of tears. Which were all pretty badly acted.

Hearts Down Under (2020)

Same old, same old

[4/10 · 26 April 2021]

Same plot as umpteen other Hallmark movies.

Dead relative - check Beloved small town business - check Big city, success driven woman - check Small town jack-of-all-trades, easygoing guy - check Loathesome, smarmy fiance - check Eavesdropping causing the ubiquitous misunderstanding - check Kiss in last minute of the movie - check

While filmed in Australia, there were no scenes that were uniquely Australian. This could have been filmed anywhere that had a beach.

Busby is awful, she plays the same character in all of her films. Ross was OK.

Just a bland two hours with no redeeming features. Hallmark Housfraus will probably gush over it, though.

Follow Your Heart (2020 TV Movie)

Same tired Halmark trope with religion thrown in

[4/10 · 11 October 2020]

I had hoped that this latest offering might possibly be different and maybe even realistic but, sadly, no.

Typical Hallmark fare with the usual predictable characters - ditzy friend/colleague, self-absorbed boyfriend, big city girl back on the farm, old flame (a widower with an adorable kid) ignites old feelings, only this time with religion thrown into the mix.

Apparently no one did any actual research on the Amish faith aside from dressing the actors for the part and there were errors on that as well. Living Plain is not just a way of life, it's an actual religion and was poorly portrayed.

As always, the city girl sees the error of her ways and decides to come back to the Amish way of life to be with her childhood crush. There was a passing reference to her never having been shunned but that makes no sense unless she struck out on her own in her mid teens. Since most Amish girls are lucky to make it past the 8th grade it makes no sense that she miraculously became a renowned travel writer out of the blue. After rumpringa in their late teens, the young people have to decide to leave the community and go out on their own or be baptized and stay. If they leave at any time after baptism, they are shunned and have no further contact with the family.

Katrina acted like returning to the Amish way of life was just changing a costume and remembering a recipe. Way to blow off a whole lifestyle, Hallmark.

And she didn't bat an eye knowing that shunning would be the case after Isaac decides to leave. He was turning away from a lifetime of religious beliefs and denying his daughter any further contact with lifelong friends and family. But, hey, it was True Love.

The whiplash changes in character are never addressed either. In five minutes, Miriam goes from refusing to touch her sister to suddenly loving her. And nobody in the Amish faith would ever condone, let alone encourage, a member of their community to leave.

Hallmark is in dire need fo some new writers. Ones that have fresh ideas and also do some research to make their stories believable. This was neither.

Love at Look Lodge (2020 TV Movie)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

[1/10 · 27 September 2020]

Two hours of a snoozefest. Formulaic plot as always. Not a wit of attraction between the leads.

I hate to be so cynical but Hallmark has gotten some really bad press about their lack of diversity. Was this deliberately a horrible pairing just so they could say "See, we tried an interracial couple and nobody liked the movie" to justify abandoning the effort?

The plot just crawled, didn't make you care about anybody. A total waste of time.

A Cheerful Christmas (2019 TV Movie)

Do NOT waste your time

[1/10 · 31 December 2019]

Hallmark has become the absolute worst in their stories, apparently choosing quantity over quality. This one is just a poster child for the decline of their writing and creation of Stepford Wives characters. All robotic Caucasians with absolutely no acting skills, no chemistry, and no sensible (or interesting) story lines.

Those who think you should only say something nice about a movie apparently don't understand the point of User Reviews. I want to warn others not to waste the precious moments of their lives watching this dreck!

Appetite for Love (2016 TV Movie)

Typical insipid Hallmark

[4/10 · 16 June 2019]

Nothing new here folks, move on. The only good thing about this movie was the gorgeous scenery. Vancouver is so beautiful

As expected: The boyfriend is a corporate dolt and a total stuffy jerk. The old boyfriend is a down-to-earth good guy full of angst and passion for everything good and noble. The female lead returns from her glamorous job in the big city to save the country rubes from themselves but sees the light and finds that small town living is the way to go. Home town folks have hearts of gold except the mean girls. Hallmark continues to ignore any logic and thinks we are too stupid to know that apples are not ripe on the trees at Valentine's Day.

Sailing Into Love (2019 TV Movie)

Get out your ear plugs

[1/10 · 19 May 2019]

Totally ridiculous story, even for Hallmark, made worse by the total lack of acting ability of the Barbie doll lead, straight from the Hallmark warehouse of lookalike blonds. The most painful part was the screeching, high-pitched voice of the lead suitable only for a three year old throwing a tantrum. It was actually painful in pitch and intensity.

Beautiful scenery totally wasted on this pile of crap. Don't waste your time.

A Winter Princess (2019 TV Movie)

What's with Hallmark's obsession with royalty?

[4/10 · 19 January 2019]

Apparently the writers at Hallmark think every American woman (clearly their preferred audience) is some sort of Cinderella wannabe. This same plot has been used multiple times and it never changes.

It only take ten minutes to know what will happen, who will end up with whom, and how the problem will be solved. Boring and predictable.

The lead actress was awful. I've seen better acting at high school plays. Her overblown "royal entrance" was laughable with the idiotic princess wave and holding her arms out like wings. The dress was beyond hideous but apparently the Hallmark wardrobe folks think that's what American's expect to see. And stop with the idiotic British accents already. Every tiny, hidden, unknown monarchy apparently speaks English with a bad British accent.

The one redeeming grace is the gorgeous scenery which was, honestly, the best character in the movie.

Christmas Bells Are Ringing (2018 TV Movie)

Lather, rinse, repeat

[5/10 · 2 January 2019]

This is the same plot as umpteen other Hallmark sentimental movies. As soon as you meet the two love interests and hear about their personal plans you know exactly what will happen which means that you only need to see the first ten minutes.

And for the love of Pete, get a new hair stylist for the woman. Every single woman in every single Hallmark movie has an identical hair style except women of color - but Hallmark is woefully lacking in using anything but Caucasians in their drivel.

And while on a hiring kick, get a new technical adviser for any of the myriad of fake photographer plot lines and have them teach the character how to hold a camera correctly!

Christmas Everlasting (2018 TV Movie)

A step up

[7/10 · 28 November 2018]

Finally Hallmark has put a person of color in a leading role. Unfortunately, it made the deceased sister an unwed mother which I have never seen in a Hallmark movie with a white lead character. And, of course, the supportive friends were all white. Racism much?

The story was a tiny bit better than most of the schlock that Hallmark pumps out in their endless stream of Christmas movies. Of course, the two lead characters fall in love which is no surprise to anyone. I didn't see much chemistry between them but they were pleasant enough.

I didn't hate it, I didn't love it but at least they didn't use the same industrial strength curling iron to create identical hairstyles on every female. I just wish Hallmark would come up with one new, innovative idea. The same old recycled plots gets old fast.

Loved the deep voiced uncle who stars in auto insurance commercials! I could listen to him all day long!