larrystanley Reviews

Greeley's Field (2006)

Decent film, fun to watch

[8/10 · 18 October 2006]

Greeley's Field http://www.greeleysfield.com/ *** Written & Directed by George A. Baker Co-written and Produced by Louise E. Baker Cast: Julie Ames Diana Kyle Ron Rouge Michael Sorensen Brittani Lantz Tyler James Guy Fowler Bill Herrell

Review by Larry Stanley www.penguincomics.net

I should be faithful to my neighbourhood and talk about how much I like this film because it is filmed locally, used a lot of people from the area and stuff like that. Well, I don't play those kind of games. I actually liked this film for the cast and the story. I mean, with the set of characters they had and the people they picked to play them you could have filmed this just about anyplace and it would still have been good. Sure, seeing some places that I actually have seen before is a kick. But it was mostly the professionalism and standards that sold me on "Greeley's Field". And God knows, I expected something really bad. I mean you plan on it, just in case it turns out that it really does suck, you are not too disappointed. But as it turns out you wind up having a really good time. Dealing with two couples who decide to take a long weekend off since school is over for a while and end up at a place called "Greeley's Field" to go camping. Along the way they stop for some lunch at the local Greeley Café run by Dwight and Bernice. Dwight is your stereotypical short order cook in a small greasy spoon restaurant, with stained apron and half smoked cigar hanging from his mouth. It is here that we get our first clue as too what the kids might expect when Bernice gets a shocked look on her face as they tell her where they are going. "You don't want to go there," she tells them; "Bad things happen at Greeley's Field." Which proves to be truthful, which is the point of the film. I mean if only Good things happened it would not be much of a horror film, would it? Bernice and a somewhat spoiled blonde girl name Britni clash right from the start, with name calling, spilled coffee and a generally bad attitude from both of them. Which gives us our first suspect in what comes next. While a lot of low budget films would have broken down into goofy horror, with lots of stupid jokes mixed in with somewhat lame acting and bad actors, "Greeley's Field" chose instead to take a higher, less traveled road. This is a straight, down home, old-style horror film with a set of characters we begin to feel for and care about. And as we watch them get picked off and follow the twists and turns throughout the film we appreciate what the survivors are going through. This isn't you typical teenage campers all get killed film. There are some excellent twists that you don't see coming every time. Diana Kyle as the waitress Bernice was amazing and helped create a nice mixture with the rest of the cast. She dealt with the 'spoiled rich kids' like she really didn't appreciate them while at the same time presenting a hostile attitude that was at times unnerving. She worked well with Ron Rouge who played the cook Dwight and was able to work equally well with newcomer Bill Herrell as the local lawman, Sheriff Charley. Rouge came across as sleazy, and totally uncaring about what seemed to be happening to these kids. He was probably the most experienced of all the cast, and it showed. But it was Bill Herrell who shocked me the most. Having known Bill for almost 13 years, it was a shock to find out he actually had talent! He also had the best line in the film and if you ever meet him, ask him to repeat it for you. I am sure he will, he is very accommodating. Just remind him it was the one dealing with the description of Britni, he will remember. And the twist ending caught a number of people off guard. Yes, the film is derivative of hundreds of other cheap slasher films of the last couple of decades. But it is still the actors and the story that make this film worth watching and maybe even owning. Personally, I would love to see the blooper reel. Maybe on the DVD? And yes, there were a couple of errors but nothing major. Like with the drug bottle that has one of the Bakers names on it. Or when the kids have food in front of them in one scene but Bernice brings them the same food a little later in another scene. But stuff like this was few and far between. I wonder if most of the audience even caught the little things like that? Over all, this is a really good first feature film for George and Louise Baker and Tales by Firelight Productions and I hope it is not the last.

Diabolical Tales: Part I (2006 Video)

Nice tribute to Schlock

[7/10 · 18 October 2006]

Diabolical Tales Part One: Genesis of the Men from Within the Earth http://www.diabolicaltales.com/ **1/2 Winner ShockerFest AVID Editing Award Best Editing. Written and Directed by Brandon Kane Brian Bedell Mike Larose S. Matthew Aod Rachel Knutton Don Gerron Ted Cunningham Brian Van Kay Joe Mahoney Ken Wester Erika McCauley Christian Wheeler Brandon Kane

Spoilers will be involved here, but don't worry. I could tell you the whole film verbatim and you still need to see it, just to watch all the stuff that happens.

OK, this is beyond a doubt my favorite film in the 'not to be taken seriously category' that I have seen in quite a while. Relatively short, less then an hour in fact, but filled with almost as much schlock as one can stick in a film and still not double over laughing at what you are doing. Starting out sometime during World War 2 with Nazi's trying to get in touch with this superior underworld (really Underworld) society to get the aid in subjugating mankind. They are unsuccessful, but go of clicking their heels at the prospect of trying again. And we all know what happened to the Nazis. Well OK, I won't do my easy political joke. (Cough Taliban Cough) To continue, we cut to 1952 and two F.B.I. agents are trailing Frank Sinatra to see if he is hanging out with any underworld (criminal, above Earth type) figures. The two agents are parked across the street from a house where Frank is. Parked in what appears to be a 2004 Montana Minivan. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think we had too many minivans in 1952. I honestly think someone would have noticed it back then. It is at this point that some people need to be aware this is NOT a serious film. If the Nazi's as they were leaving didn't give you a clue, then the cars should. This is what is called 'shlock' normally used in connection with something shoddy or that is considered to be of less quality or inferior to the same thing around it. In this case, movies of a certain genre. Brandon Kane, the writer and director, has attempted to 'send up' or spoof the serials' and cliffhangers of the '30's-40's and 1950's with this very low-budget offering. Back then, you could go to a theater and watch a double feature (that is two full length movies) a newsreel, a cartoon and usually what was called a "Serial", a feature film broken up into multiple parts, probably ten to fifteen minutes long ending each episode with what was known as a cliffhanger where the hero or heroine is mired. in a seemingly inescapable trap. The opening next episode would show them escaping by some method. And you could see all of this for a price that ranged from the 1930's .05 cents to a whole .75 cents by the late 1950's, Kane is beyond a doubt a fan of these old shows using the standard story line of an FBI agent whose partner is killed by a mysterious force join up with an even more mysterious figure working for some secret American agency. In this case, it is FBI agent Cooper (Bedell) who goes to work with NSA Agent Operative-132 (Larose) to track down the 'communists' that killed Coopers partner, Agent Thompson (Joe Mahoney). Along the way, Cooper learns he is actually fighting an even greater threat and he learns that all good Agents drink a lot of 'Joe to keep their stamina up for all those missions. Cooper is relentless with his desire to see justice served, while Operative-132 simply wants to save the world from destruction. Their adversary, a man in black, has plans to use a stolen Hydrogen bomb to start a war between the U.S. and the Russians. The camera work in the film reminded me of those same films I mentioned earlier, but recorded on Digital. It was grainy, and looked like it was in either a light rain or a fog the whole time. It was excellent. The editing was also a surprise, the way they were able to lay everything in the way it was supposed to be with very little jerky segments you might have expected from a film like this. I loved the little jokes in the film, like the cars, seeing stuff that was very out of place like the phones or watches. "Diabolical Tales: Part I - Genesis of the Men from Within the Earth" won't fit on most marquees, but it certainly fits in my shelf. This is a fun little DVD, filled with a bunch of little gems from behind the scenes, information on the next couple of films, stuff about the cast and crew, interviews and lots more you just have to watch. Check it out.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Boobs and blood are not what a horror movie is supposed to be about

[2/10 · 14 October 2006]

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning * Review by Larry Stanley www.penguincomics.net

I think I can make this pretty easy on everyone. If this is the 'scariest film you have ever seen' you need to stay at home and read a book. The original "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" from 1974 has become one of the most intensely discussed films of all time, with a legion of devoted fans on one side and on the other the opponents of spatter films and exploitation movies. The sequels it spawned were mostly lackluster attempts to cash in on the name by throwing buckets of blood all over the screen. That is not horror people. How many times does it need to be said that gore, blood and guts are not a horror film. This movie was a comedy disguised as a splatter flick with some of the most goofy situations and scenarios you could think of. In itself, that would not have been to bad. But the film tried hard to be a suspenseful, intense drama, despite the fact that it was neither suspenseful, intense or dramatic. If they had played it like a spoof, it might have been fun (for reference, see Andre the Butcher). Fortunately, the film only runs for about 80 minutes or so but even then it seems to go on forever. I kept thinking "It has to get better." Then I remembered Gigli and realized that no, it does not Have to get better. It could just go on and on and on. Like bad Mexican food on a hot night. Last Thursday's C.S.I. had a nifty chainsaw death scene that was much better done and demonstrated. Crap, the chainsaw scenes in any movie about lumberjacks are more suspenseful then this piece of drek. Sure, R. Lee Emery did a great job as the sheriff, with his over the top acting and leading the family in a descent into madness. But I thought the film was supposed to be about Leather face? It seems like less time was spent on him then on Emery. And I saw way more of Jordana Brewster's butt and boobs then I think was needed. In fact, a lot of the camera work focused on her boobs instead of her face. Guys and future film makers, nipples can't show terror. They can show excitement, but that is a discussion for another time. Look folks, don't waste your time or money. If you want gore and horror, with a little twist of humor, try "Dead Alive" (also known as Braindead), Bio-Zombie, City of the Living Dead or any other Asian horror or Italian Zombie film.

The Marine (2006)

Go watch an old Looney Tunes cartoon instead.

[1/10 · 14 October 2006]

The Marine 1/2* http://www.themarinemovie.com/

John Cena Robert Patrick Kelly Carlson Anthony Ray Parker Abigail Bianca Jerome Ehlers Manu Bennett Drew Powell Frank Carlopio

Review by Larry Stanley www.penguincomics.net

Dear sweet baby Jesus please take the memory of this film from my brain, Amen. Well? Nope, still there. Crap, I wish I had known this was a WWE film before I went in, I might have had a better idea of what to expect. See, I have not watched wrestling on TV since I was in pro wrestling back in Memphis. Now, the guys and girls involved in the sport back then were…well… Colorful. To say the least; but they had talent. I wonder if Jerry Lawler could have become King today if it meant acting like some of the guys I see when I switch channels. Naw, Jerry Lawler will always be King. Anyway, about this movie. I have been waiting all summer for a really good action adventure. I am talking John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Mel Gibson type action adventure. Even Arnie type would have been a great way to go. But we get John Cena, a wrestler who has had most of his experience as an actor standing around in shorts either getting hit or hitting someone else. Whee. Now don't get me wrong, there were gunshots, explosions and even action in the movie. But, there is also action in a Road Runner cartoon, and once in a while explosions. And about as much adventure and excitement. But maybe not as much humor. Cena is John Triton, a former Marine who faces off against a band of dangerous killers who have taken his wife hostage. Surviving explosions (at least 3) having a car literally torn to pieces around him by bullets, falling out of a car doing close to a 100 as it hits a river (and explodes in mid air) being shot at repeatedly he does what you would expect him to do. That is John Cena's role in the movie; to run, hit things, be hit, jump and look around with a blank look on his face as much as possible. Even the attempts at emotion seemed to be difficult for him to master. Cena is no Rock, at least not yet. Maybe with ten or eleven more movies under his belt he could have a shot, but for now go back to following the script you get for the ring. What was most disappointing was Robert Patrick as the leader of the killers, Rome. My God, what did they have to pay you to star in this trash? Were they holding someone you loved hostage? Did they have incriminating photos? Please, if they do a sequel, don't come back as your twin brother, Remus. As it is, I think I will have a tough time watching The Unit without snickering once in a while. What the heck was all this winking and motioning toward your girlfriend? Were you (or the writer/director) actually trying to make an unintentionally funny film even more stupid? Sure, there were some decent attempts at a laugh. I still liked the Terminator joke, and Morgan's story about Johnny Whiplash and Rock Candy gets a chortle when I think of it, but other than the many attempt on the Super-Marine's life, this film was not even as funny as the earlier mentioned Road Runner cartoon. Please, if you are a Marine don't go see this. Well, actually if you need a decent laugh I guess you could go. But non-Marines or those who don't know anything about them, stay home. Marines are not indestructible. They don't survive point blank explosions or gun fire. Just look at the number of coffins being shipped back from the Middle East to prove it. This film almost ridicules the Marine Corp. And if I had known that was the plan, I would have watched paint dry before I watched this film.

The Illusionist (2006)

Great film, deserves an Oscar

[8/10 · 14 October 2006]

The Illusionist *** http://www.theillusionist.com/ Director Neil Burger Written by Neil Burger from a short story by Steven Millhauser Cast: Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel, Rufus Sewell

Review by Larry Stanley www.penguincomics.net

I had no real idea what I was expecting when I went into the auditorium to see Illusionist. I thought it might be a supernatural film or some piece of drek dealing with evil demons and human sacrifice. Or, for all I knew it could have been a comedy alone the lines of Jerry Lewis' finest work. What I didn't expect was one of the best mystery's this so far this year. Edward Norton plays Eisenheim, a young magician in Vienna around the turn of the century who captures the minds and hearts of both the regular citizen and the upper classes when his illusions and abilities mystify them. He has traveled the world, learning the secrets of magic and legerdemain, and now has returned to his home city to live and work. But, Eisenheim is also a man who lost his first and true love as a child because she was a Countess and he was a commoner. And guess who he meets fifteen years later on the opening night of his act? The Countess Sophie, now a stunningly beautiful woman (played with amazing ability by Jessica Biel, who finally proves to me she is more then a pretty face) is engaged to the jerk, Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell). Leo takes an immediate dislike to Eisenheim and sets out to 'explain' his tricks. Paul Giamatti is the police inspector who is in the Prince's pocket and does his dirty work for him. And who also knows about the Princes plan to overthrow his father and take over the country. Visually, the movie was absolutely beautiful. Filmed in the Czech Republic at some of the most fantastic locations, The Illusionist is a wonderful period piece, enhanced by great characters and acting, along with some nifty illusions, a splendid soundtrack, and an fun story. The movie flowed like a soft stream in a forest glen, unlike one or two other mysteries I could name but won't (cough cough Black Dahlia cough cough) that look like the Mississippi during spring runoff. It moves flawlessly along, clear and steady without muddying up the water with multiple plot lines that are simply confusing. I have always been a fan of Ed Norton, and have seldom seen him in anything that I did not enjoy. He has remarkable pacing, his presence in front of the camera is excellent and he has a voice that can't be confused. His role as Eisenheim was careful, studious and characterized by a boredom that would mimic easily the put upon showman simply trying to do his job and yet dealing with drones who don't or can't understand him or his work. Paul Giamatti however, has not been a favorite; I mean it is not like I would go out of my way to watch him. If he was in something I saw, he usually carried out his role as a shome or a nerd quite well, but I never saw him in a major role until now. He was magnificent as Chief Inspector Uhl, bringing to the role both comic relief and a sincerity that many actors have to force, but seemed to come easy to him here. Rufus Sewell was cast perfectly as Prince Leopold, and is excellent as the villain. Every time he is on the screen, you almost want to yell "boo" at the scene. Sewell comes across easily as the vain and power driven Prince who gloats that he is above the laws of men and the people around him. But what shocked me most was Biel, who is not just beautiful in this film but also shows more talent then she has ever shown me before. And yes, I do count; my opinion of her acting does matter since I am the one she is supposed to entertain. And so are you, and you. Well, maybe not you; the guy stoned and watching "Jackass" but most of the rest of us. I have seldom seen someone in this generation control her scenes the way Biel did here. She displays almost as much talent here as Norton did in some of his early roles most of all in Primal Fear. If she can continue like this we might just be looking at someone with a real future, not just someone who has to do a sex video every few years to stay in the limelight.

Neil Burger has presented us with a flat out remarkable film that is made even better by the music of Philip Glass, that fit the scenes and fill the screen with just the right amount of suspenseful foreboding. A love story, a mystery, an adventure all in one. This is what movie making is supposed to be about. And if Black Dahlia or Hollywoodland may get an Oscar mention, The Illusionist deserves to win.

The Protector (2005)

Well worth watching

[8/10 · 9 September 2006]

The Protector (Warrior King, Tom Yum Goong) http://www.warriorkingmovie.co.uk/index2.html *** Dir: Prachya Pinkaew Writers: Michael Dougherty, Kongdej Jaturanrasamee, Piyaros Thongdee, Napalee, Joe Wannapin With: Jin Xing, Nathan Jones, Petchthai Wongkamlao, Tony Jaa

Finally, Warrior King aka Tom Yum Goong has hit American shores. Only here it is known as The Protector, and has been cut from 119 minutes to 92 minutes. And I will be crap glad when the DVD comes out so I can see the rest of the movie. Where to start, where to start? The obvious comparisons between Tony Jaa and movie sensations like Jet Li and Jackie Chan will be made before, during and after this film. But, while Li and Chan both studied acting as well as martial arts, Tony Jaa was a simple kid growing up in Thailand watching everything he could about his idol, Bruce Lee. He worked his way up, gaining every break he has ever had on his own, and developed his style of fighting based on Muay Thai Kick fighting, and other styles. One of the thing that make this film so good as well as amazing is because there isn't just the standard Kung Fu and Karate like in so many other films. As I said, Jaa is a master of Muay Thai Kickboxing, which he uses in about 90% of the movie. Evan a non-fighter like me can see the difference between karate and Muay Thai. It is through the variations of his fighting style as he fights opponents who use everything from crane style Kung Fu to that Brazilian style of Martial Art I can't think of right now, that the problem of comparing him to other martial artists is unfair. But, the plot. Not quite a groan, but close and all thanks to the butchering of the original movie to suit American viewers. Yes, it is full of plot holes (again, the lousy cuts) unintentional humor (Thai accented newswomen on Aussie TV?). But it was nowhere near as bad as some uncut American films I have seen. Cough Gigli Cough. Protector has no real action for the first fifteen minutes or so. What we are given however is worth the wait. Scenes of rural Thailand and the elephant, the bonding between Jaa and his animals that he is sworn to protect, all that stuff, Jaa and his father and Jaa starting to learn about animal husbandry. Actually, the only truly horrible part came when they stuck in that crappy, sucky, disgustingly bad Hip Hop music. What? Doesn't anyone in Hollywood know any other type of music? Do they have to try and ruin every film by sticking that garbage in? The intended comic relief came from Mum Jok Mok plays a cop of Thai descent in Sydney. He has a number of funny lines which will probably only be funny to American viewers if you know anything about Thai culture. Usually getting the audience to get excited for the hero in an action movie means you have to have a villain or group of villains (Nazi's, Zombies, gang-bangers, Russian mob, etc) and Protector is no different. The Thai mobsters and their bosses in the Asian crime family in Sydney are an evil, creepy bunch. The fights were some of the best caught on film that I have seen in a long time. And what is more, they didn't use gimmicks like ropes or special FX, so everything you saw him he really did. Think about that as you watch the flying fist festival that made Kill Bill Vol. 1's restaurant scene look like a video of a Barney family reunion. So, The Protector has a good plot, a decent cast and better acting the we normally expect from your standard martial arts film, with excellent cinematography and lots and lots of beautiful, bone snapping action that should be able to impress any Martial Arts action movie enthusiast. Plus a boat chase that would make James Bond cringe, some homage shots to Jackie Chan and a beautiful stripper in a mud-bath Jacuzzi. And the baby elephant is cute..

Batman Begins (2005)

The best Batman I have seen. Thanks, finally.

[8/10 · 15 June 2005]

Christopher Nolan's "Batman Begins" works to expose the origins of the Dark Knight and what drives a man to live as a force for good in Gotham City. And unlike the previous films where Batman was a co-star, with Bruce Wayne barely mentioned and the villains as the major screen-pieces here we have a confused and downright mad Bruce Wayne, who wants to avenge his parents murder but has no idea how to do this. Traveling the world, he finally comes under the tutelage of Ra's Al Ghul, leader of the League of Shadows, a sinister organization that meets out justice in a world they feel has become corrupt and decadent. Under the training of Henri Ducard (Neeson) Bruce become an expert fighter and learns to use the tricks of his trade. Returning to Gotham City, he begins the creation of his other side, Batman, a masked guardian who uses his strength, intellect and an assortment of high tech weapons and tricks to fight the sinister forces that threaten the city. Christopher Nolan has gone back to the roots of Batman to show how Wayne will ultimately become Gotham's protector. For the first half of the film, you are waiting for Bale to don the suit and become Batman. By the time he finally does, you almost breath a sigh of relief to see him in action. Bale was destined for this one; he is as much Bruce Wayne as he is Batman. The film is actually believable in that it uses technology that could be found currently in military development and research. Take a look at The Batman Handbook if you want to know how to find many of the items. And the bad guys here are great. No silly over abundance of make-up and goofy suits this time. The villains are perfect in their air of menace, while appearing normal the majority of the time. You find yourself wondering how anyone can be this evil, and then realizing that what makes him or her evil is their ability to blend in with the rest of society. Now, when I first heard about Bale, I was worried. Then I heard that Katy Holmes was in it and my hopes just faded. When they added Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman I figured at least I could go and watch them. When they tossed in Liam Neeson and Gary Oldman I thought, heck at least I can give it a halfway decent chance. Then I saw Christian Bale in "Equilibrium" and I said to myself, Whoa. From then on, I began to have a bit higher hope for the film. I remember talking to one person who said, "Hopefully, it will be better then Hulk." Don't even worry about it. This thing is great, and the cast is perfect. Even Holmes did a good job as the crusading DA out to get the cities worst gangster, Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson in a beautiful role as the tough as nails killer) and Gary Oldman, as Jim Gordon was a stroke of genius. His ability to play against Batman while keeping his dedicated police officer ideals was great. Ken Watanabe as Ra's Al Ghul was also a very good idea. He helped to bring the air of mysticism and mystery to Bruce that was needed. And Neeson was nothing short of perfect as Ducard. Ruthless, dedicated to the ideals of the League of Shadows, a perfect killing machine, willing to teach young Wayne all he needs. Michael Caine comes to the character of Alfred Pennyworth after dozens of others have made the character theirs, but he takes it over filling it with his own style of care and attention it needs. While Michael Gough was perfect for the Batman of the 1990's, Caine brings Alfred back to his own roots by allowing him to be a partner to Batman while being a father to Bruce Wayne, keeping both of them on the path they were destined to walk. As Thomas and Martha Wayne, Linus Roache and Sara Stewart were downright perfect. They showed love, attention and devotion to their son without spoiling him, trying to make him understand that just because they were rich, they were not 'above' the people of Gotham or the world. That they had a responsibility to others that was not just fulfilled by money, hence Thomas' work as a doctor while letting his money work for others. Finally, Rutger Hauer as the corporate bigwig who takes over Wayne Enterprises while Bruce is absent and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, the dedicated scientist and researcher who is pushed into the basement and helps Bruce to find and create his costume, weapons and car are both the kind of people you want to know in movies like this, and wish you could in real life. Now for the bad stuff. There is a little bit of tinkering with Batman's origin. Nothing fancy and most people won't even realize it was going on. The situation with Joe Chill was not to my liking, and the sudden appearance of Ra's caught me off guard. Did I hate what they have done? No, hate is to strong a word. I do think the Chill plot would have been better if they had followed the original story a bit more. In fact, they came closer in the first Batman film then they did here, but both still worked. And don't misunderstand; this is a very dark film. It is not the goofy, almost light-hearted stories of the 1990's. This is a disturbing, almost scary film with a strong tip of the hat to Batman: Year One, and even the Hush story line. Don't worry, if you have never read these, you can still enjoy the film. And the ending is perfect. Is it too late to start hoping for a sequel?

Kicking & Screaming (2005)

Just family fun

[14 May 2005]

Has Hollywood finally come to realize that families need films they can go to again? I hope so, and with luck films like Kicking and Screaming will help open that door. This is a movie for kids, but also for adults. Will Ferrell is one of the few SNL members who have beaten the curse of the show. His career is actually doing pretty good. From Elf to Anchorman, his roles have been strong and easy to watch. Much like Elf, this family film can be enjoyed by adults as well as children. As Phil, the son of Buck Weston, who sees all competition as nothing more then another conquest and will do just about anything to win all the time. When he coaches a kid's soccer team, Buck actually trades his grandson Sam to another team because he thinks the kid is a lousy player. Phil becomes the other teams coach, but upon realizing he is in way over his head he recruits his dads neighbor and enemy Mike Ditka to help him coach the team. With the help of two Italian ringers, the team starts the crawl up from the lowest rank to the finals and then to the championships. During this climb, Phil comes to realize that in many ways he is just life his dad and sees what he is turning himself and his son into. Folks, it is a family film. There is no nudity, and the worst of the language is "Hell". The closest it comes to sex is a few hits in the groin by various objects. It is the sort of film that tries to tell a lesson in how we look at others and ourselves. Yes, the film is filled with humor, such as when Phil discovers coffee and develops an addiction to caffeine. Watching him as he is banned from the coffee shop is laugh out loud funny. And seeing him as he tries to win a tetherball game against his father will crack a smile now and then as well. No, this is not "Gone with the Wind" nor is it supposed to be. It is just what it is, a funny film about a man who is trying to be a good father and finally understands what that can mean. Mike Ditka is the best thing about the film to be honest. He steals the show with his own personality coming out in the movie. He tends to misspeak or mispronounce names is funny, even when it is expected. "Bing Bong" is a winner, no matter what you do. The film is just fun, and that is all it is supposed to be. It is not supposed to be something you go to expecting a change in your life, but if you are lucky you might learn something.

Unleashed (2005)

Sometimes you should bite the hand that feeds you

[8/10 · 14 May 2005]

Turning a child into a human killing machine shows the true depths of human depravity. Keeping him in a collar, leashed, living in a cage only taking him out to hurt of kill some enemy, Hoskins shows a style of evil that is almost unparalleled in movie villainy.

Li shows some of his best work in this film. His actions when he rips open the punching bag in his exercise was interesting. As well as the fight in the supermarket when he is looking for a ripe fruit was both intense and humorous.

The only real gripe I have is the soundtrack. Beautiful, and perfect throughout most of the film, using classical piano made the film almost surreal in places.

During the end credits they start off with this beautiful 'torch song', a cross between jazz and blues, then they launch into this God Awful hip hop that served no purpose or made any sense with the style of the film. Why? What sense did this crap make in a film like this? OK, rant over.

Danny is a slave who has lived his life shackled and treated like a dog, no human interaction outside of violence. He has the mind and emotional level of a child and has been taught only one thing. To kill and fight, referred to by his uncle, "a human guided missile." During one of his 'assignments' he meets blind piano tuner Sam and the two strike up a bond, which becomes stronger when Sam brings the 'stray' home after Danny is injured in a car accident.

Sam is an American living in London with his stepdaughter Victoria who is a student at an exclusive music school.

Sam and Victoria begin to teach Danny about human life, accepting him as both a son and older/younger brother, asking no questions about his past.

Seeing Danny learn about fresh fruit, kisses on the cheek, and ice cream is actually sweet and funny to watch. I still say this is the best Jet Li film I have ever seen, showing a lot of growth in Li. He is still one of the best martial artists, and the skill he shows in this film demonstrates that over and over.

In one scene, he is taken into an illegal 'pit fight' against an opponent who has killed over fifteen challengers. Watching this battle is amazing and shows the ability of Besson to write a suspenseful scene and of Leterrier to direct it in a way that will stun viewers.

Kerry Condon as Victoria is sweetness, innocence and unbridled love for Danny but it comes across as a sister for a long lost brother. The idea of sexual tension between the two of them almost never raises its head, and that is one of the best things about this movie.

It shows a 'love interest' that Hollywood has lost over the years. That a man and woman can be together and a relationship formed and strengthened without the two of them jumping into bed.

Victoria is a piano player, and Danny relates to her because of repressed memories he has from his childhood.

The back-story is heartbreaking and horrible. Seeing what happened to Danny's mother, watching the torture of Danny by Bart makes one wonder how any human being can be this evil. It also makes the viewer wonder if the writer and director might not have gone overboard on purpose, trying to create a totally unbelievable story that can never happen.

I don't think so; humanity seeks the worst in its surrounding interaction with others. Look at the way people watch a car race hoping for a wreck, or how popular violent sports are, or how someone will shout, "Jump" at a person on a ledge.

Creatures like "Uncle Bart" exist. They are child molesters, drug dealers, and killers. They are the ones who blame their own evil on their victims, always saying that they care for the people they hurt or torture.

As Bart repeatedly says, he is 'loving' Danny; caring for him, that he took him in and treated him like his own flesh and blood. That no one else wanted him or cared about him.

Which is just what a child molester will say to a victim most of the time. That they love them, care for them, teaching them. Uncle Bart exists in every town and city in the world, and Danny is there as well. He may not always wear a collar or be trained to fight and kill but he is still there.

"Unleashed" is amazing, not just for the stunts but for the story as well. It is the best action film of the year so far, and with this standard I hope the rest of the year is as good.

Don't misunderstand; this is not a family film. It is one of the most violent, intense films I have seen in a long time. It is hard to watch in several ways, but it is also a film I think a lot of victims of child abuse should see.

It shows that most of what we were taught as victims is a lie. Most of the things they tried to convince them were false and someone will always be there for them.

Seeing Danny become a human is worth the price of the ticket.

The language is pretty rough in a lot of places, but that is almost to be expected. However, that is balanced by Sam and Victoria's faith in both God and mankind. The violence is over the top in some cases, but still pretty intense.

I would not suggest this film for anyone under 14.

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Some helpful information

[1/10 · 28 January 2005]

It would have been a great film except for one problem, it kept waking me up from my nap.

It makes House of the Dead look GREAT!!

The movie was fine, except for a couple of little things:

The cast The script The plot

This movie was great if you have homework to do. It won't distract you more then three minutes.

Christian Slater was truly amazing in True Romance.

Save yourself, it's too late for me.

Keep telling yourself "It's just a movie. And it will be over soon." At least you can tell yourself this.

This thing cost $20,000,000? Gee, for that kind of money you would think they could have made a good movie.

Does this give you any help?

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Excellent. Well worth the wait.

[14 May 2003]

Possibly one of the best sequels I have ever seen. Exciting, entertaining, well developed characters, and amazing stunts and CGI. This is probably going to be one of the hottest films this summer, surpassing most of the other sequels.