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Reviews
Cloverfield (2008)
Watch Godzilla (1998) instead
A huge monster terrorizes NYC. The End. Except we're given no backstory as to how the monster came to be like in Godzilla. A monster suddenly appears and the military tries to kill it. As an extra special bonus, the first 15 or 20 minutes of the movie is nothing but 21 year old drama that doesn't further the plot whatsoever. All you need to know is guy #1 is with girl #1 and guy #2 is with girl #2. It doesn't matter that somebody is moving to Japan or somebody likes a different girl. Nothing matters. Think of any horror movie with an "attacker". We know the origin of Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers, even the piranhas, (as stupid as that movie was). Something doesn't just show up and start killing people randomly (except Jaws, which shouldn't even be mentioned along with this movie). Just because it's shot on a hand held cam doesn't give it any credibility. It's been done before and it doesn't automatically make something creative or revolutionary. I can't say enough bad things about this "movie". It's like a 5 year old wrote a story. Seriously, Anaconda is better!
Pain & Gain (2013)
Read about the Sun Gym Gang before you watch the movie
If you do a little reading first, the movie will be "spoilered" but at least you will know what you're laughing at or if you even want to laugh at it in the first place.
What these guys did was truly heinous. They are not funny or likable. Two of them received the death penalty. So why the writers chose to portray this as a dark comedy is baffling.
If it wasn't true, it's a funny movie. Tony Shalhoub is wonderful. It's just difficult to get past the fact that you're laughing at something so truly awful. These men are not lovable bunglers along the lines of the "Wet Bandits". They are vicious killers.
Don't believe me? Take it straight from the horse's mouth, Tony Shalhoub's character: "Obviously at the end they tried to kill me -- and it wasn't that funny when they tried to kill me. They did run me over with a car twice after trying to blow me up in the car. I was in a coma and somehow I got out. It wasn't that funny because I had substantial injuries. The way they tell it made it look like a comedy. You also gotta remember that not only I went through this, but certain people were killed, so making these guys look like nice guys is atrocious". - Marc Schiller (The Huffington Post, April 12, 2013).
I agree.
Sirens (2014)
Unnecessarily vulgar
Let me preface this review by saying that I am neither a prude nor a religious zealot. I appreciate series like Sons of Anarchy where you'd expect the business of an outlaw biker gang to get dirty. The same for the recent True Detective. However, for a "comedy", I expect a certain "lightness of being". Let's take How I Met Your Mother. Barney often speaks of "banging", yet it is done tongue in cheek so it fits in with the feel of the show. It never feels gratuitous or out of place. The same can be said of Archer where "barebacking" or "ball slapping" never seem too crass, unlike Family Guy (which I love) where I often get the feeling that they're simply trying to see how much they can get away with.
That being said, the filthiness of Sirens distracts from the overall feel and dulls what could otherwise be a funny and clever show. I found it funny when Hank talked about getting over his ex boyfriend by taking a weekend in Miami. And the Navy Seals/Easter Seals bit was funny as well (unlike the bottle up the butt call which was far too predictable and amateurish). But I find the sex talk poorly crafted which causes it to stand out and seem just plain dirty, Compare that to the seamlessness of "bangity bang" in HIMYM, which never loses the feeling of silliness or absurdity. In fairness, none of the three leads in Sirens can hold a candle to NPH and pull off a seemingly disgusting premise and make it funny (and almost cute): "I'm only pretending to live here so I can take this woman here, nail her and never have to see her again. I'm not a monster."
I realize this review for Sirens is light on Sirens and heavy on the other series I prefer. That's simply because there's not much to be said for Sirens. I'm sure 18-35 will love the lowest common denominator "humor". The rest of us will be left to find laughs elsewhere.
Shameless (2011)
Just plain sad
It's hard to see through to the cast/acting/storyline given the downright sadness of the underlying premise of this poor, living-on-the-edge family. It's the kind of thing you'd see for two or three minutes in an episode of SVU: kids poorly cared for by an older sibling, parent(s) who don't care, awful living conditions, etc. SVU does it to paint an image and then moves on with the story. With Shameless, it is the story and is a bit much to take for an entire hour. Maybe I'm overly sensitive. I live in the suburbs and my kids were bathed and in bed by 8:00 when they were young. As they grew up, they were similarly cared for. I find it hard to stomach a show based on the suffering of children. I understand it's done to evoke a response, but it's done so often that it becomes the backdrop of the show. It's just very, very sad.
Louie (2010)
Unnecessarily vulgar
I want to like this show. I like Louie's style and his stand up on the show is mostly funny. What ruins it for me is the vulgarity. I'm not a prude. I thoroughly enjoyed Pulp Fiction. Everything fit, even the discussion where a foot massage was compared with oral sex. I was fine with that and thought it was clever and funny. Most of the vulgarity in Louie is neither. One particular instance is where Louie and Pam were talking about a man sticking something of his (not the first thing that you'd think) into something of hers, all while watching their kids play at the park. It was shocking and I don't think that was their intent. The show is not meant to be shocking. Louie goes about his day (not unlike Larry David in "Curb") and therein lies the "humor". The events are awkwardly peppered with vulgarity for seemingly no other reason than "we're on cable and we can". I'm disappointed because I like the other aspects of the show. I can see potential for it grow and develop into something really entertaining and funny if they limit the filth.
Boardwalk Empire (2010)
The one reason I won't be watching Boardwalk Empire
The Sopranos! Remember how we were all taken captive by the riveting masterpiece and cultural phenomena known as The Sopranos, only to be taken hostage by the writers who realized they had something hot on their hands and decided to make us wait 18-24 months for new episodes, only to be disappointed by the overly-written, artsy-for-artsy-sake wandering plot lines where nothing ever happened and where a storyline was rarely developed beyond two episodes? Remember how much fun that became? And remember sitting in front of the TV that fateful Sunday night, awaiting the final culmination: will Tony finally get his comeuppance? Will things be tied up and leave us with some sense of finality? No. Tony will order french fries. The End. Well, I for one, will not be taken hostage again. I will not fall prey to the hype. I'm sure Boardwalk is the best show ever written with clever dialog, suspense, drama, fine acting and social commentary. Who cares. As soon as it gets popular we'll be expected to play the same games all over again. There will be Boardwalk websites, cookbooks, character parties, etc. New episodes will begin again in January 2012 blah blah blah. Not this guy. I'd rather watch "The Big C" on Showtime (which is better written and acted than the Sopranos ever thought of being). So to the sheep I say this: enjoy your march to the proverbial slaughterhouse with the all too familiar "HBO" logo marking the door. When you arrive there with the same unfulfilled, why-did-I-invest-so-many-hours-only-to-be-disappointed-again feeling, right before the bolt gun of "that's how they're gonna end it?" blasts through your gray matter, don't claim you didn't have adequate forewarning from HBO's prior pattern of conduct.