tilleycs Reviews

House of the Dead (2003)

Go play the game instead

[14 September 2004]

Not all movies based on video games are bad, but most are. Resident Evil at least has a plot/backstory; House of the Dead doesn't. Fortunately, I saw this at a friend's house, so I didn't have to wish for my money back (I feel sorry for anyone who paid eight bucks to see this). Not sure why the teenagers who were barely able to escape being killed & eaten by zombies one minute were making out with each other the next (this happens more than once), but it's about as logical as everything else in the movie.

You should only see this if it's free and you're crossing it off a list of some sort. Otherwise, go play the game instead. Not that it's great, but it's a lot better than the movie (although scenes from the game are sporadically shown during the movie with no explanation whatsoever - go figure...).

Splatter Farm (1987 Video)

Bad, taboo-breaking home movie

[14 September 2004]

I read the first review, and I agree - total home movie. Decent first amateur effort but GOD what bad acting (and I LOVE bad horror/monster movies). If you go into this movie knowing that it's a home movie, you'll be impressed; but if you go in thinking that it's a "studio" movie (like I did and most people probably do), you'll be disappointed from the very first scene. Amateur special effects, amateur "scary" music, bad lighting, HORRIBLE amateur acting (especially by the old woman)...but it ventures into a ton of "taboo" subjects (incest, gay oral sex, using a severed arm/hand to masturbate and a severed head to perform fellatio, rape, anal fisting and ingesting the results, etc.). The ironic thing is, there's an interesting plot twist revealed at the very end that is pretty mature for a home movie.

See if it you can find it free/cheap, but go in knowing that this is a home movie.

Nudist Colony of the Dead (1991)

Hilariously corny

[14 September 2004]

First off, if you're looking for a lot of nudity, look elsewhere. Some of the women are topless, but that's it, and once they become zombies, they're all grey, and some of them have clothes on (go figure). But I enjoyed this movie; it doesn't take itself too seriously like a lot of other horror movies, so you don't have to sit there and roll your eyes at the amateur attempts to make you gasp in horror. I thought the songs were great (and a lot better than music in most horror movies), including the title theme, the rap (especially the old grandma doing the dance moves), the "I Don't Care" blues song they sing in the van, and "Inky Dinky Doo Dah Morning". The characters are well defined (the drunk girl, the Chinese guy with the accent, the Bible-quoting guy) and it's fun to see them interact with each other.

It's great if you're looking for obscure horror movies to watch and looking for a new one to watch and be entertained by. If that's you, it's a must-see.

Monster from Green Hell (1957)

For completest only!

[14 September 2004]

I agree with comments from a previous user, this movie is for completest only! Only watch this if you're crossing it off a list or you REALLY love monster movies; otherwise, it will be 1:15 of sheer agony and mind-numbing boredom. Typical "giant insect" movie from the 50's, complete with the required "giant monster/insect head rising slowly over the top of the hill while the natives run down the hill and away from the monster" scene. Nice twist using wasps as the insect, but they were slightly hindered by the fact that they couldn't, oh, fly! The stock footage is soooo obvious.

I found it profoundly ironic that the monsters are supposed to be from "Green Hell", but there's nothing green IN this movie! It's all black-and-white! :) Not a good movie if your date/spouse doesn't share your love of old monster movies.

Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976)

Definitely one of a kind!

[1 May 2003]

I've got a copy of this on VHS, and it's definitely one of a kind! I must admit, I've never seen a pornographic musical! It's great! The cast breaking into song & dance does help lighten things up and keep it funny. I like that much better than the usual "porno speak", where they describe what's going on even though you can see it very well!

This movie is definitely worth a view. The problem these days is, it's either: a) VERY hard to find, or b) VERY expensive when you do.