guarano Reviews

Soldiers of Fortune (2012)

Simply Horrible

[1/10 · 19 July 2012]

To put it mildly, this smells of eastern European money trying to grab a market share in the west. The story of this movie is completely horrible, horrendous, even. One would think, that with this many acclaimed actors, it would not be possible to create such gut-wrenching crap. It is, however.

As I am writing this, the score on IMDb is 5.6, which is what persuaded me to go watch this film. Had I only known the truth, I would have saved 10 £. Instead, I feel completely abused by the movies director.

So take my two cents and listen, please: DO NOT WATCH THIS PIECE OF ****!

Get Rich or Die Tryin' (2005)

Worth your time.

[6/10 · 22 March 2006]

The story about how 50 cent went from orphaned child to big time rapper.

We start at the part we all know, 50 cent getting shot 9 times, then jump back in time and follow him from around 10 years of age and onward, telling the story about the streets of N.Y, about the life of 50 cent.

The storyline is good, much better than in many other rap movies, the acting is decent from some, incredible from others and lacking from 50 cent. That said, he still did well, he could have been much much worse. I'd rate his acting at 4/10.

I am in no way saying you should watch this instead of Menace 2 Society, I am only saying that it wasn't a bad attempt. I was pleasantly surprised by many people in this movie, as well as the strength in the screenplay.

And for a bit of comparison: It beats 8 mile by... 8 miles?

The Virgin Suicides (1999)

Complete and utter nonsense.

[3/10 · 17 May 2005]

***Spoilers (sorta. It's called virgin suicides for a reason) A movie about 5 sisters who are alienated from their society by an overprotective mother. Hell, almost sounds like a decent horror movie, but no. This is about the atrocities that follow the suicide of the youngest of five sisters. The remaining four girls find themselves in a situation that climaxes with a cult-like phenomenon of mass suicide. If you decide to watch this movie, do it for Kirsten Dunst. She is terrific and spares no minds (nor belts). The story is boring, although a few laughs here and there, it is mainly meant to be a sad, but powerful movie meant to, if not shock, at least make the viewer wonder "What happened?".

In this viewers opinion, it is a mundane, obvious movie with no plot twists nor turns.

Far from Heaven (2002)

The worst movie with Julianne Moore ever made.

[1/10 · 14 April 2003]

Geezus..... First off, this movie didn't get interesting before a little girl got hit with a rock... I was watching almost an hour of nothing before that happened. Although Julianne Moore is a great actress, she isn't able to lift the story to a higher place.... It keeps going around the same boring story, and god help me, but I'd rather watch a movie with Bruce Willis than I'd watch this again! Perhaps, if one has LIVED in the 50's, one would find it interesting.. And since I haven't, I can honestly say that this movie is CRAP.