ubalmond Reviews

Beacon 23 (2023– )

Hate is overrated

[8/10 · 3 April 2024]

Perhaps everyone is used to tv stories and movies moving through a plot at light speed just to hold the attention of the ADHD, but I think this deserves a lot more credit than it's getting (and I have ADHD). I'm a huge sci fi buff and while it moves to certain points slowly, it does so at the same pace as if reading a sci-fi book. There are some common tropes but some very unique ones as well. I rather enjoy it. Especially after it kicks in after episode 3. (Note: many of these episodes are episodic when it comes to flashbacks.) Cast is phenomenal. Writing isn't bad. Plot moves quickly and slowly - inconsistent is probably where it's losing people. At the end of the day, I'm a fan and say it's worth a shot to watch a few episodes before hating it.

The Mustang (2019)

Severely Overrared!

[10/10 · 23 November 2023]

I'm not one for these more independent drama films but this one caught me off guard a little (perhaps because of my love for horses and social concerns). What helps is knowing that not only is this based off of a real program but that the stars were all inmates at one point who participated in this very program. It Elevates it to a whole other level. It's not about western or prison as much as the spirit of taming our intense feelings and bonding them to another creature in the same shoes. The acting is phenomenal and inspiring to see how these former inmates have grown to such artists. I would have given this a 9 but it deserves an extra for the real life application and inspiration.

Castlevania: Nocturne (2023– )

Writing, LGBTQ, just another anime

[6/10 · 18 November 2023]

It's not bad. But compared to the previous serious, this just feels like a basic anime - I'm not that big of an anime fan so I only watch those that are exceptional or unique.

Writing wise, I have a feeling this isn't the same writer even though credits say it is (I may be wrong). The first serious had ongoing goals and conflicts that had major cliff hangers at the end of every episode: what is Belmont's identity, what is that creature under the church, will he find his daughter, will they bring Dracula back, etc. All good story telling techniques. I didn't feel that once with this. Just a linear "and then" rather than an "and then what".

I love both series having good representation of races and sexual identities. But in both series, all gay romantic relationships have been among villains. That's starting to rub me the wrong way.

I love the creator and the world. I hope second season steps it up.

Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)

Well made rom com lacking depth

[6/10 · 14 August 2023]

The thing that makes rom coms (or romance in general) is the element of believable and relatable fantasy mixed in the midst of reality. The problem with red white and royal blue is that it is all fantasy with very little reality anyone can remotely relate to.

Another important factor is a plot line gap. Maybe it's a movie issue because I can't imagine the book having been so popular without it. The build up of the romance was cute, but the conflicts that build true intimacy weren't there. Sharing the common struggles with being famous wouldn't realistically make people that close. Maybe an initial bond. But none of this love you forever stuff would come from it.

People I spoke to find it relatable because they think what it portrays about American and British culture and politics is realistic, when it's not. So I fear all of the young gays out there yet to come out looking at this thinking that they can go to America or UK and coming out will be easy and beautiful. But I get it, it's idealistic to the core, and cute. And maybe it will inspire the younger generations to fight for the world that is portrayed on that movie, but the fact of the matter is there is more human reality and intimacy in Star Trek.

The Tutor (2023)

Proceed with caution

[5/10 · 24 July 2023]

Story was intriguing. I guess predictable but I was actually surprised with the twist. I hate criticizing actors and directing because I know it's not as easy as people think. But the acting was usually over or under stayed. The only actor who didn't distract me was the tutor himself. All of the other characters are exaggerated cliches and whenever someone cried or yelled I found myself rolling my eyes. I would have enjoyed it more if I had just read it in short story dork than watch it on tv. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. Only watch if you're out if options.... And it's Netflix so..

Midnight Mass (2021)

If you hate poetry and social commentary, watch TikTok

[10/10 · 15 July 2023]

This is my favorite Mike Flanagan piece so far. It is beautifully written and in many ways feels like it could have been a play first. It has some monologues like a play too (which are phenomenal). People criticize the show because of its religious and societal commentary, but what famous horror character wasn't created in that very way? This one just hits a little closer to home than archaic European ways that most Americans can't relate to. I lived on an island off the coast of Virginia that is very much like this show. So it hit a personal nerve in a good way.

With that being said, it isn't a terror horror show, it's unnerving and "scary" in different ways. Without giving away too much, there are some jump-worthy moments.

Trigger warning for anti-wokers. It's a deep and profound show and inclusive in approach.

Mission Pluto (2015 TV Movie)

Not what it says it is

[4/10 · 14 July 2023]

So the whooole buildup of the show is it's journey to photograph the planet. Some interesting stuff about the craft and the history of the planet and nee information about other new planets, etc. But the whole time they're talking about the mission to Pluto to take pictures of it. They build it up like "we're about to show you...wait for it... waaaait for it....we're about to show you...." But then don't show anything. I had to rewind it to see if I missed something. The title says it is about the mission, but doesn't talk about the destination. Which is fine, If that's all they talked about. But they kept saying "it's been 9 1/2 years since take off and we're just now arriving at Pluto" but then never talk about the arrival. It was very annoying. I had to google to see if they ever arrived. That's not like Nat Geo. Very weird.

Eldorado: Everything the Nazis Hate (2023)

An important overshadowed part of history

[9/10 · 5 July 2023]

An important overshadowed part of history. The fact that the law the Nazis created remained in place until the 60s and not even ratified until the 90s shows how society as a collective whole views the matter. This part of history seems minuscule if comparing to what was happening along side their Jewish neighbors. But when viewing it separately and talking about it as it's own thing, it takes on another power. And circling it back to the survivors at the end made it among the most cathartic of documentary movies about that time. You don't even see survivor stories at the end of the Holocaust museum in DC. Thank you for sharing this extra piece of history. Some incredibly moving parts.

Note: I took off 1 star for the re-enactments of the club scene with gratuitous nudity and drug taking. I can't recommend this movie to my elderly parents because they would not see past that and it would impact their opinion of the rest of the film and not take it as seriously. I fear that would be the case for many others. It's a night club, we get it. But if it's not in the live footage, don't add it. Takes away from the stories of the people.

Vesper (2022)

Underrated Gem

[8/10 · 28 June 2023]

I'm surprised at some of the negative reviews. I think they're thinking in terms of what makes a movie popular and successful at the box office, not what is successful in terms of a piece of literature or art. The narrative back story is subtle, not obvious. So if you're going to do social media on your phone while watching it, you're going to get bored or confused quite quickly. This one is like reading a book on the screen. They're not common but I loved the vibe. It's striking and doesn't over do the sci-fi elements as they paint the atmosphere, not the story. Acting is top notch. Some of these younger stars will be seen more of for sure. First thing I did after watching it was searching if it's a book.

7 Toughest Days (2023– )

What's white these negative reviews?

[10/10 · 28 June 2023]

First of all, aside from the amazing filmography, this is different from other nature documentaries and "survival" shows. The locations I've never seen before. (The climbing and hiking through the deep mountains of Asia Minor is one of the coolest nature things I've seen as of late). Critics are comparing it to other survival shows saying it's staged and fake. He has a crew with him, they research exactly where they're going to present a narrative to be followable and to teach the audience the most. He shows how's to survive unusual things, but they are planned to a degree. And to think of other reality tv isn't staged ti MANIPULATE a story, then you shouldn't be watching this to begin with.

Lastly, I have to say it. As a white man, I'm obligated to point out that a lot of criticism is indirectly criticizing it because it's starring a black man. There are other very famous survival and nature shows all hosted by white men and revered. In quality and interest, this is on the same level. Some people just have a hard time seeing past their blind prejudice.

In Gabon, a man asks him, "why are you here?" His response sums it up perfectly, and why everyone should give it a chance: "I just can't learn things from a book, man."

Glamorous (2023)

Terrible elevated to bad by glitter and heals

[4/10 · 25 June 2023]

It's one of those shallow shows that make you laugh and cringe in all the wrong places. I enjoy the cast, acting isn't bad- considering what they're having to work with. The romantic interactions are the most unrealistic thing, and almost insulting to a queer person who isn't an American city gay man. And the idea of all the current trends of influencer and "investor bros" is getting old and is dangerous in teaching younger people those are the glamorous ideal when they're anything but. With that aside, devil wears Prada without the funny side of a villain. And all the men look like ken dolls. Most gays don't relate. And it's clearly not written by or for straight people. It's bad but I imagine it will be successful. I couldn't not NOT binge watch it. It's sacrin but still sweet. I hope oppressed gay people in other countries aren't watching this and thinking it realistic or ideal.

Chevalier (2022)

Pretty but lacking

[7/10 · 18 June 2023]

Most of these 1 star people don't know that there is a lot to this man that is true and intriguing and important. But it's disappointing that the first time a mainstream movie about this guys fills in so many of the gaps with historical fiction, leaving history buffs hating it and leaving people who don't know better believing everything in the movie. All of the notes at the end about what happened after the rebellion started, THAT should have been the movie. That was more fascinating. It could have been epic having all of this music stuff transition into the more insane parts of his story. Alas, covert racists and history snobs win the day. MAYBE the movie can be redeemed with a sequel. (?)

P. S. The star is beautiful. Irrelevant. But beautiful.

Empire of Light (2022)

Huuugely underrated and marketed.

[10/10 · 18 June 2023]

I'm a huge fan of this cast; with some heavy hitters. Im so surprised I never heard of it until I was scrolling for something to watch. I actually applauded when it was over. And I was alone. If you don't like poetry or looking at the bigger picture of scattered complex pieces of life rather than a singular focus on one aspect of a character or story, this is definitely not for you. There are moments where it is ethereal like a well spun poem, but like a masterful poem, you get the meaning. One of my favorite British films from the past decade for sure. I think people were expecting something different considering the directors previous work. Don't go into this with any expectations. But do keep in mind that when it says it's a romance film, it's more complicated than that and not romance as in the genre.

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

Classic artistic snobbery romance film, but...

[8/10 · 13 June 2023]

This is one of those classic artistic period romance pieces with over the top American europhile flavors. They're a dime a dozen in Europe. But globally, A summer love story that everyone knows but no one has seen with the experience between two men. However, it should be pointed out that the relationship between these two men is not portrayed as real love but passion and Eros that comes with overly-intellectual lust. (The professor father talking about lust of antiquity, mother reading in 3 different languages a 16th century romance novel about unspoken love, you get the point). It is poetic and sensual (and sex with a peach taking it to a whole other different level). As a gay man, I relate to the fantasy the younger guy is living in his head and having experiences briefly many moons ago. But it's not love, it's deep passion. And I have yet to see love truly represented in cinema for our kind that didn't involve depressing tragedy. I AM very happy to see an artistic cinema piece that represents the gay experience outside of the club scene and the urban community. There needs to be greater representation like this. Just please, for the love of god, use some gay actors in these types of films. This and broke back mountain are some of the most famous high brow movies on the topic. Great stories, could use some more representation.

Shadow and Bone (2021–2023)

Season 1 fire + season 2 cheese = literary fondue

[8/10 · 29 March 2023]

I stared out loving this series. Excited for season 2 after season 1s strong start. But something happened in season 2 that I can't quite put my finger on. Writing changed, some lines got more poetic like archaic poetry but it was not consistent with character or overall language flow. So it stuck out, felt weird, and made me laugh in inappropriate places. Then there were really strange things that never stuck out to me in other films/series like how people are standing in a group in geometric configurations rather than scattered naturally like a real crowd would. Relationships that were emotionally engaging in season 1 weren't there in season 2. And last but not least, certain adult themes popped in that were not consistent with season 1. Up until the end of season 2, it felt like a little higher than Harry Potter age level of fantasy, until there was an actual sex scene. Nudity was no issue, but it just didn't fit with the whole vibe of the intended audience. It was also not very believable in terms of set up.

Series, overall, is well made. Good production value. But something needs to change with season 3 with the writing. I'm actually interested in reading the books now because I doubt the books took that kind of shift.

Servant (2019–2023)

I wanted so much to love it, but...

[7/10 · 22 March 2023]

As per most M. Night masterpieces, this production has story brilliance, fresh ideas, and a beautiful vision; However, I didn't find a single character relatable or believable enough to have true empathy to any of their situations. Choices made by the characters had me scratching my head, and I found nearly all characters personalities pretentious. Granted, I know people like these characters, but they're few, and most people roll their eyes at them behind their backs. But aside from that, the story and cinematography is spot on. I felt like some of these scenes and even episodes were stretched just to fill a whole season that by the end when things were revealed, I'd already stopped caring. This would have been better written into just 3 seasons. Better yet, maybe just 2 longer ones.

We Have a Ghost (2023)

Better than I expected. Far better than most reviews.

[9/10 · 2 March 2023]

I'm actually quite baffled at the harshness and irrelevance of much of the criticisms. Everyone seems to have gone into this film with a different expectation. The film was pleasantly not what I expected. But I like to be surprised. The story is simple, but a well used version of some predictable twists. But enough unique twists to keep it interesting. I would call it a lesser film if it wasn't for the casting. The casting was perfect and fit the tone of the film. I think most negative criticisms was that it was a familiar story with a very different tone and vibe. And I loved it. And I'm a middle aged man. It is not a movie for super young children. I thought it was well written, and some symbology was evident by the end. And the ending was a well written catharsis.

The Conspirator (2010)

Most underrated movie

[9/10 · 17 February 2023]

I watched this on a whim with my father who is a big history buff. I was indifferent to watching it until about 5 minutes into it and seeing the cast and realizing Robert Redford directed it. I began geeking out on it while watching it and checking the history and facts and all that. Eventually I had to stop and just enjoy it. It is one of the only movies where I knew all of the actors, including minor characters, very well. And the fact they never do historical movies but are in to support Redfords new movie company committed to historically accurate film (the dialogues were all from the trial transcripts). Story, writing, and dialogue are top notch. Production quality is simple, but knowing Redford that was intentional. I just felt it could have been a little sharper, hence only 9 stars. But that's just a preference. Needless to say it won awards for casting and being underrated. I could see this movie being shared in schools than a "blockbuster". But I'm sure people's political views will skew their opinions of the movie. My advise is read up on the history (from real sources).

Barbarian (2022)

What the...?

[8/10 · 12 February 2023]

I'm a huge fan of horror. And any true fan if horror knows there is rarely if ever a 10-star, yet alone an 8. Horror fans would not give this such low ratings. Horror, too, does not need to have a deep complicated every dot connected literary plot / story arc. It's no silence of the lambs or alien but it's no cheep scream or I know what you did last summer (which were not that great but still popular for a reason). I saw this without hearing opinions or seeing a trailer and I was pleasantly surprised. More than once it had me and my friends screaming out-loud followed by hilarious laughter. There were some unexpected things amidst some of the classic "you're stupid" horror victim tropes. From all of us who appreciate a good scare without it being a bad movie and without the need to compare it to high art cinema, thank you. And for those who think it might be an exaggeration, I've been to that neighborhood the film takes place in... and it is suuuuuper creepy like that and not an exaggeration.

Emancipation (2022)

A piece of art sculpted by a dull chizzle

[6/10 · 18 December 2022]

Pros - production quality was fantastic. Never seen a film that looks like a mix of black and white and color-toned sepia. It was like Schendler's List and the girl with the red dress except on the South.

Music sounded like subtle soundtrack to a TV movie. Movies this epic require more to engage and elevate the depth of this content. The script was weak- either intentionally bland for the sake of some artistic choice to avoid or cause something with the audience.

In the end, it felt like I was watching a cranked moving picture with no music or words showing what they were saying.

Love the director. Love Will. But the script didn't give them much to work with. The character is very complicated and deep. It was just too shallow for something so tragic.

Grimcutty (2022)

ASMR is not as popular as the filmmakers think

[3/10 · 17 October 2022]

I don't know if this was some millennial attempt at being modern and hip to old boring same-ol-same-ol horror tropes. To their credit, it was well mad cinematicly, the writing didn't hurt, and the acting wasn't as bad as most horror films of this nature. The narration being done in ASMR knocked off most of the stars from my rating. It was like Chinese water torture on my ears. I had to mute the tv and read the subtitles at one point. It was so distracting trying to remember most of the rest of the movie when it ended in a "dramatic" monologue addressed to the audience and their parents. All in ASMR whispering and finger rubbing. I just couldn't.

Last Seen Alive (2022)

I'm shocked - top 10 on Netflix?

[4/10 · 15 October 2022]

Wow. I don't know the last time I was so disappointed. I think because it was an A Lister name like Butler made it seem like it was going to be an A List movie. He is a good actor, but the script is so bad it made some of the dramatic scenes seem over acted or down-right silly. Or maybe it was the editing that affected the script. I don't know how some of these real actors couldn't push back and be like "uh, no. No one talks like this."

The plot is so basic and very predictable. And I'm sure there's a twist at the end, these always have them, but I couldn't watch it to the end. And I finish all of my movies.

I'll see Gerard Butler again. Everything else is forgettable. Luckily. I don't mean to be so shallow and harsh. I'm just stunned that such a hyped big budget film with a top 10 slot on Netflix has this quality.

The Ottoman Lieutenant (2017)

I don't hate it but...

[6/10 · 13 October 2022]

The historical backdrop is one that has few movies or documentaries about so I was drawn to the subject matter. But it more than once felt like a watching "Twilight" in Turkey, but without the vampires. It almost feels like the movie is based on a book written by a house wife who dreams of traveling but creates a romantic fantasy based on photographs. The weather felt animated, and it felt like another white savior complex film but with a woman. At least that's some progress. There were no genuine interactions with locals or Turks or Armenians. Not only is it not realistic for a missionary to avoid those things, it robs the story of richness. By the end I was expecting it to say, "brought to you by the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints."

Ancient China From Above (2020– )

The evangelistic host was killing me

[5/10 · 3 October 2022]

The history and information and images were great. The technology gave it a whole other level. And the recent discoveries (not HIS discoveries by the way) were really fascinating.

But this guy being nearly emotional about every little thing made it nearly unwatchable. And with him always saying things like "I'm an expert" or "I discovered" and saying "my teams" when really he meant interviewing and working with actual experts gave me a headache from all of the eye rolling. The third episode I was so interested in, but I actually muted it with subtitles because his talking was so distracting..

Truth Be Told (2019–2023)

Tiny distractions nearly ruin it

[7/10 · 29 September 2022]

The cast is great and the acting good. The pretense and concept are interesting. Every show has their flaws but these are just distracting. Yes, the writing isn't consistent. But it's the little things that bother me. For example, for two seasons straight, there has been a fireplace in the living room that is always on, even in the summer. People aren't that crazy in California. Also, I love that they're showing her as wealthy and successful but (A), no true crime podcaster makes millions (If anything, they'd have a few hundred thousand followers on IG, if they're lucky; and (B) you can show a wealthy religious woman without having a ridiculous private chapel in her house with stained glass windows and antique Catholic chapel pews and candlabras. That's just an example of quite a few things where logic distracts. Although I can't finish season 2, I still love the cast and look forward to seeing them in other things.