ivannano Reviews

Back to Black (2024)

Enough with the biopics

[5/10 · 16 May 2024]

Take a famous (or infamous) person's life. Condense it into 90-min. Focus on their pain/agony and ultimate triumph or ultimate demise. Hire a 'method' actor who loses themselves in the role. Then wait for the awards to start rolling in.

Such is the master plan for this movie.

Sure, they try hard and the lead is passable. But we've seen it all before.

In fact, we remember the true story of someone with so much promise and watching them, self-destruct. Any artificial representation will pale in comparison.

So how about we stop trying to cinematize these celebrities. We tire of this same tired formula being rehashed over and over.

Maestro (2023)

Bradley does it again

[6/10 · 15 January 2024]

Once again Cooper put so much effort into creating and inhabiting a character that he forgot the main thing. He forgot that entertainment is not all about him.

Maybe it's this ridiculous adherence to the method. It is certainly the reason why so many performances labelled as ''great' these days are downright boring.

Which is a shame with the opportunity to explore the music Bernstein created and the double life he lived.

But Cooper is an a-lister with power in Hollywood. So no one is there to tell him no.

Once again it's a shame that there wasn't a studio who demanded that he get out of his own way and out of his own @55.

Reptile (2023)

Stick to your autotuned singing

[3/10 · 24 December 2023]

Stop me if you've heard this one before - A singer tries to be an actor and no one involved stands up to say they have zero acting talent.

Timberlake should stick his autotuned music career and stop destroying projects for actual actors with talent.

Which is really a shame.

The rest of the cast does their best and the story could have been entertaining. And as usual Del Torro is great. When he's on screen you can see what their movie could have been.

But every time the talentless amateur enters a scene all the oxygen is pulled out of the room and the audience is pulled out of the story.

As I said - that's a shame.

My Name is Mo'Nique (2023)

Language

[3/10 · 9 April 2023]

I'm far from being a prude, but when literally every third word in this is either a curse word or the 'n' word, you have lost me.

She also seems to not appreciate the irony that one of her main stories was about a racist teacher who wanted to teach her to speak correctly. She was certainly right to challenge how he went about it, but maybe he had a point.

Then again she also doesn't appreciate the issue with befriending a woman in special ed., then using her 'friend's' physical issues as a punch line.

Mo'Nique has obviously overcome issues in her life. For that, she should be applauded. It doesn't mean that she deserved this platform.

Hopefully, she will read the honest criticisms and improve. If not, there are many others more deserving.

The Pale Blue Eye (2022)

A cure for insomnia

[3/10 · 23 January 2023]

Now I don't mind well made slow movies (I've watched the original Solaris - 1972 )

This, however, is simply the increasingly tiresome Christian Bale as he encounters a series of character actors. Each one trying to be memorable and weird, but each forgetting to be the least bit entertaining.

Bale wanders around looking for clues to a mystery that is not the least bit interesting. As the dark lighting and gothic set are, I guess, supposed to make us thin of Edgar Allen Poe. As Miranda Priestly would say 'Groundbreaking'

So unless you have trouble with your sleeping or you want something innocuous on in the background, give this one a pass.

Bros (I) (2022)

Destined to flop

[8/10 · 3 October 2022]

There is an obvious contradiction between an 8 review and my statement that this is destined to flop.

Yet, that's what's happening.

First the move is fun and great. The typical RomCom tropes are updated/revised as it involves two men. The keeps the material fresh.

The two stars are likeable and you get the usual payoff at the end.

That's all well/fine.

On the negative, the days of Rom/Coms dominating the box office are long gone. The target audience just sees no reason to schlep to the theater for something that isn't a spectacle. You don't have spaceships, fighter aircraft, rampaging dinosaurs, ..? Then we'd rather watch it on our 55 inch screen at home.

The other problem is the great rom/coms built an audience. In these days of the opening weekend, no movie gets a chance to do this anymore.

This is where Eichner/the studio has gotten this completely wrong. If they had only opened in larger coastal urban centers, the box office would have been much the same on a fraction of the screens. Then went into wider release as the weeks/word of mouth progressed.

This would have built an audience. But that's not how Hollywood works these days.

The other major mistake was Eichner believing Ohio is the same as NY. Billy's circle are liberal, accepting, and completely gay friendly. That's just not where suburban housewives in the Mid-West are. They're getting there, but it will take more time. (I hope Pete Buttigieg understands this and keeps out of the presidential race until he's in his mid-50s)

If this came out 5 years from now would the result have been the same? Possibly.

This movie is good lesson in not understanding how things really are vs how you want them to be.

PS: When this movie ends up on Netflix, it will likely bein the top 10 for several weeks. Maybe that's where it should have been in the first place.

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

More sad than scary

[3/10 · 1 October 2022]

A rehashing of a less than mediocre movie. What could go wrong?

Well quite a bit actually.

When you have very weak source material, one shouldn't expect a quality sequel. It this, this movie succeeds.

It is painfully unfunny and quite frankly embarrassing for the cast. But I'm sure they all cashed their cheques anyway.

As for the music, if you can make Bette Midler a boring singer/performer than you've outdone yourself.

And what was that Thriller dance rip off?

And please don't compare how they look now as compared to the original. Latex, pancake makeup, and surgery can't turn back the clock 30 years. (Sorry to burst your bubble Hollywood, you're not fooling anyone)

That being sad, if they really wanted to scare us, they should have just done the movie without make up. Now that would be truly horrifying.

House of the Dragon: We Light the Way (2022) Season 1, Episode 5

Pathetic

[1/10 · 20 September 2022]

Up until now, this series has been OK.

But killing off the gay lover?

How may more times will we see this tiresome/insulting plot device?

The writers have been sadly using the same old things we've all seen a thousand times before.

Matt Smith is only missing the mustache that he can twirl to look more evil. Skulking about while the king is completely oblivious. Stop me if you've seen this one before.

These writers have shown that they don't have to fall back to these tropes to advance the story. So why now? Have they become that lazy?

Of course, the fanboys will cheer the action and not think killing off the gay character is a big deal.

But they, and the rest of us, should be demanding more.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

Terrible on a colossal scale

[1/10 · 4 September 2022]

Not even sure where to begin. There are just so many things wrong with this mess.

Not sure how, but they managed to make the dinosaurs by far the most believable thing in this movie. Everything else are coincidences/situations that are beyond ridiculous.

Adding the original actors simply added to the confusion. Too many people running around in too many directions.

But it's made so much money, the producers won't be able to stop themselves from making another. They can't resist making $600 million even if these films are way past their best before dates.

In the next one cheer for the dinosaurs. The humans in these movies don't deserve to exist. Cheer when they become extinct.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Yvan Eht Nioj

[5/10 · 30 May 2022]

The movie is entertaining and the flight effects are impressive.

The problem is the obvious military propaganda.

Who made the US the world police to determine what other independent countries could do? Over the past two administrations, we all see the problem with this concept. At least, the rest of the world does.

They were careful to never name this 'evil' opponent. That allows them plausible deniability.

So go see it if you want. Just see it for what is actually is.

Jerrod Carmichael: Rothaniel (2022 TV Special)

More therapy than comedy

[9/10 · 4 April 2022]

But I don't see that as a bad thing.

It's been awhile since I've seen a new comedian who didn't think 'funny' was to tear others down.

Jerrod's humour comes from the pain/truth of his life. That's both funny and sad.

The throw away line that he could never bring someone home to meet his Mom, will stick with you. For you hope that it's not true; but feel for him because he believes it.

By the end, you will cheer for him to find happiness and acceptance.

It's a rare performance well worth your time.

Uncharted (2022)

P U

[1/10 · 21 February 2022]

Even the amiable Holland can not overcome this sad attempt at entertainment.

There again is the scene sucking Wahlberg with another bomb beside his name.

If a woman had even a fraction of his failures, she would never work in Hollywood again.

How many more do we have the endure before they stop rewarding his mediocrity?

Give this one a hard pass and buy another ticket to Spider-Man.

The Hype House (2022)

Coming to a future rehab near you

[1/10 · 9 January 2022]

Wow. I've watched many shows over the years and this, by a very large margin, is the worst thing I've ever seen. In fact, I thought this was some type of joke or performance art piece.

Yet, these 'influencers' aren't even self aware enough to see how utterly ridiculous they are.

After their target demographic reaches the age of 13 and moves onto other things, this sad lot will be grasping to find any notoriety.

Neflix obviously has way to much money if they could invest in this complete train wreck.

Nicole Byer: BBW (Big Beautiful Weirdo) (2021 TV Special)

Just not very funny

[3/10 · 28 December 2021]

I have a problem with people who are lazy with their comedy.

We get it - JK Rowling - blah. Blah, blah.

Toilet and sex 'humour' are the easy gags.

You would think that someone who is at the 'Netflix special' stage of their career wouldn't go for cheap shots.

But here you have it.

Just like several recent comedy acts I've recently seen - my advice is to Try Harder.

Coming Out Colton (2021)

Why again?

[3/10 · 15 December 2021]

Everyone's coming out is their own personal journey. And as such is important to them.

That doesn't mean everyone's story deserves a multi-part series on Netflix.

How about the 16yr old neighbour who showed up at my door when his parents kicked him out for being gay? By 28 he had put himself through university, had a large circle of friends, is an associate manager of a clothing manufacturer, spearheaded a LGBTQ youth charity, and is engaged to a loving partner

That's a story to inspire.

A pretty, pseudo-celebrity, white boy of privilege, who faced minimal challenges? Not so much.

And Just Like That... (2021– )

These girls are more brass than golden

[5/10 · 10 December 2021]

I get that it's important to present women at various stages of their lives.

But after watching this mess, so keen to right every wrong from the original series, that they forgot to make it the least bit entertaining.

If you wanted to show dynamic women in their 50s (and yes, the oldest of the 4 Golden Girls was Rose - 55 in the first episode), then the better show would have been 'Samanta in London'

The Wheel of Time (2021– )

A good series

[8/10 · 10 December 2021]

The books were very dense with internal dialogues and extremely detailed descriptions. This means that some would never like any adaptation - no matter how good.

Just ignore those people and their silly 1/10 ratings.

For the rest who have never read the books or understand that visual adaptations always need to differ from the books, this is turning into a corker of a series. Hopefully, they can maintain the build.

With 14 books, there is substantial source material and many epic situations to come.

Looking forward to the next episodes.

The Wheel of Time: The Dragon Reborn (2021) Season 1, Episode 4

Epic, after a slow start

[9/10 · 26 November 2021]

The books were very dense with internal dialogues and extremely detailed descriptions. This means that some would never like any adaptation - no matter how good.

Just ignore those people and their silly 1/10 ratings.

For the rest who have never read the books or understand that visual adaptations always need to differ from the books, this is turning into a corker of a series. Hopefully, they can maintain the build.

With 14 books, there is substantial source material and many epic situations to come.

Looking forward to the next episode.

Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021 TV Special)

In trying to create controversy, he's become boring

[2/10 · 8 October 2021]

We get it that you are minority. That doesn't give you the right to trash those with less power.

Joking about marginalized groups is probably the laziest form of comedy. Coming from someone who's shown greatness in the past make it at best 'sad' For those of you cheering this, you should be demanding more than cheap comments at other's expense.

Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021 TV Special)

No clothes on this Closer

[2/10 · 8 October 2021]

Sorry - I know many of you think Chappelle is the greatest. But in this special he shows himself at his worst.

If you need to resort to attacking others to be 'funny', then at best you're simply lazy.

We get it, there are major issues with how blacks are treated in the US. That doesn't give you the right to used others as the punchline.

Try harder Dave. And for those of you cheering him, demand more.

Titans: Troubled Water (2021) Season 3, Episode 10

Becoming tiresome

[5/10 · 2 October 2021]

The 3rd season should have been 6, maybe 8 episodes tops. Dragging a thin story out to 13 episodes makes no sense. So either bring in better writers or stop stretching things out to some artificial # of episodes. Take a page from British tv. To tell a story, they present however many episodes it takes.

Q-Force (2021)

Silly fun

[7/10 · 12 September 2021]

Doesn't take itself too serious and unlike the 'legitimate' critics, you shouldn't either.

In these times, a fun little show not out to hurt anyone, is perfectly welcome.

Infinite (2021)

Another bad movie with Wahlberg

[1/10 · 4 July 2021]

Not sure why Hollywood keeps making movies with this less than mediocre actor. The rest of the cast try, but every time he shows on screen the life gets pulled out of the scene.

If a woman had one bomb, they would never get cast again. Yet, the white guy with little talent keeps getting hired despite bomb after bomb.

It's way past time for them to stop rewarding such failure.

Genius: Aretha: Respect (2021) Season 3, Episode 1

Erivo shines

[9/10 · 24 March 2021]

Cynthia Erivo once again shows her talent. Few would even attempt to take on Aretha let alone do her justice. As for those complaining that the time lines jump back/forth, sorry that you have to pay attention. People have been spoon feed so long, they have forgotten that entertainment can also make you think. It's important to show how decisions/actions from Aretha's and her father's past influenced her art/music. If they has simply followed a straightforward timeline, these connections would have been diminished. As for the music, Erivo invokes Aretha's style without doing an imitation. Watch her perform 'Change Is Gonna Come' - it's the highpoint of a very good series.

Bridgerton (2020– )

Bodice ripping, colour blind casting, and then there's the music

[8/10 · 29 December 2020]

It's quite fun as long as you don't take it too seriously. Do pay attention to the music at the parties/balls - Billie Eilish, Maroon 5, Shawn Mendes, Celeste, Taylor Swift, ... A good distraction in these complicated times.