bobheemskerk Reviews

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

AI, can you make an 2 hour A-Team episode in Star Wars universe in the style of "300"?

[7/10 · 22 April 2024]

The acting is overall bad, except for Ed Skrein.

Also sad how the supporting actors are acting so fake. They get silent and all look up at the same time when Titus is going to sing. Did they all sense this?! Why the **** is he singing anyway? The supporting actors move like zombies; standing, not talking, looking to the main actors to say something stupid.

Talking about the script: ChatGPT could make a better one. "Come, let's all confess our drama history to each other!"

The worst thing about the movie is the story though: it's predictable, super standard and all but creative:

Bad guys are coming to kill villagers. A team of warriors help the helpless underdogs to fight Goliath.

They have a lot of bad strategic plans for the attack. They are very lucky that all worked out and so few got shot by all that fire power. Especially the main actors have a lot of A-team level dodging laser luck.

However, all of this is made up by the stunning visuals and sounds. It's a sort of A-team episode in a Star Wars Wannabe World background with the action and visuals of 300. I also have a weakness for Epic Sci-Fi. And I found the critics to critical. So for that, and those three reasons only, it gets seven stars from me.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

First 10 movie in 6 years

[10/10 · 11 June 2023]

I've only given 13 movies 10 stars out of the 3000 movies I've rated. This is one of them. It's hard to describe how good this movies is. Especially the visuals, music an sound are next level. It's beyond art, every second of it. Please watch it with in the cinema or at least a proper sound system and screen.

It has a good and original story. And the characters are worked out very well. A lot of goofs and easter egss, nice humor, action and thrill in it.

But the visuals and sound make it a true masterpiece. It's so good that I actually got emotional how good it was. I don't mind we have to wait a year for the end, because I don't want it to end and now I can look forward to it all year.

Christmas Made to Order (2018 TV Movie)

One of the worst cheesiest movies I've seen

[2/10 · 14 December 2022]

Bad acting, bad script, predictable unrealistic story, long unnecessary shots... almost everything that can go wrong with making a movie goes wrong. Some examples:

• This grown up guy is an architect, but doesn't know how to decorate his home?

• You get your family over, but plan to not spend time with them? Just don't invite them over.

• Why on earth would you let a stranger dictate you how to spend your Christmas, let alone hire someone to do that?

• The whole happy family is going to buy a real Christmas tree and the tree in the home is a fake one?!

• Except for the people sitting with the last supper no normal family will sit all next to each other instead of across each other.

I don't understand why I watched this movie to the end. Maybe to witness how bad it is. And the biggest joke is that I spend time to write a review about it. I hopefully prevent some of you to spend your precious time on it. Then it won't be for nothing...

Artemis Fowl (2020)

Didn't read the books, but hated it anyway!

[3/10 · 17 August 2020]

I like the genre, it's from Disney, big budget and it has some good names in the cast... I would be very disappointed if I had not checked the ratings on IMDB first. What a bad movie with a lot of potential! The graphics were good. But the story, lines, music... just terrible!!! No suspense, no character building, illogical moments... It could have been an Harry Potter franchise if I read all the positive reviews about the books. But the movie sucks big time. This is what I made up from the movie after watching it forcefully spread over three nights (spoilers alert!):

Super smart rich arrogant surfdude kid Artemis, with no mother, learns that the stories from his father about a secret fantasy world of elves, trolls, kobolts, etc are not just stories. His father is kidnapped by some bad guy in a cave, whom wants some magic weapon thing, that is important as the sun, as ransom within 24 hours from Artemis. Artemis has a mastermind briljant plan: he kidnapps an Elf that by coincidence is on the right time on the right place and is also the daughter of the elf that the father of Artemis knows really good. What are the odds?! They become best friends (Stockholm syndrome maybe?!) An whole fleet of elves come to rescue the elf by:

1. Creating a time loop thing around the house that eats elves?! 2. Sending in a dwarf that steals the magic thing from Artemis his own house (?!) and gives it to Artemis because they are also suddenly best buddies. 3. Sending in a troll that destroys everything in his path. Also the elf they came to rescue could die by it.

They defeat the troll. Artemis his elf friend uses her magic and the magic thing to beam Artemis father up. Then they want revenge. The dwarf is in superguarded prison on purpose and tells this whole story. Nobody knows why. Artemis rescues dwarf. Film ends.

Geostorm (2017)

"Storm in a glass of water"

[5/10 · 7 September 2019]

What's good about the movie?

1. A good cast.

2. Nice special effects in combination with space and disasters.

Whats bad about this movie?

1. It's predictable. After only 2 minutes you know how the movie will end. You know the father is coming back. You know the self driving cab is empty. You know the korean dude dies. You know the bad guys (I only got it wrong with the fiancee). Etc.

2. Story is very unlikely. Even if you accept they build all of this and the rest of the world is still the same and NASA flies with the very fuel that started all of the problems, it had so many unlogical (re-)actions (of people)...: hundred of thousands people die and the world celebrates that two heroes survive?! A father who promised his little girl to come back and who is telling his brother that he was never there for him (which implies he can set it right with his daughter) chooses to be the hero with death as 99% certaintity?! Selfdestruction of a huge spacestation that can't be turned down and starts with exploding straight away?! I guess there are better ways to prevent a space station to crash into the earth and blow up the people who work on it. The bad guys goes to the very place that is the target of a huge lightning storm and gets out without problems while allmost everybody else dies? Etc.

First Man (2018)

Made me cry tears

[9/10 · 6 January 2019]

The intro got you right on the edge of your chair and gives you a good view of how it would have been to be a test pilot in those years. It was interesting to see how it was back then. It feels like you get a correct image of that time... of the politics and the way that people lived back then. Also, how those pioneers, and their families, had to sacrifice a lot and how big the risks were. The musical score was outstanding. The movie is a little slow paced, but that didn't bother me.

What made me give this movie not a 7, but a 9, was how well the movie (especially thanks to the perfect acting) shows the grief of a father without him mentioning his daughter twice. The greatest fear is of men is not dying, but losing those who are closest to you.

Johnny English Strikes Again (2018)

Laughed Out Loud!

[7/10 · 6 January 2019]

There were some very funny parts where I couldn't stop laughing out loud! Got even tears out of my eyes. The story itself is very cliché and has a lot of mistakes in it. And some parts are very predictable. But for me it did not spoil the fun!

F.R.E.D.I. (2018)

Worst movie I've seen this year

[1/10 · 26 December 2018]

I feel it's my duty to prevent you wasting your time on this movie. Though, probably you've already seen (a part of) it and you gave it a one or two, just like me. And know you are wondering if friends or family of those involved with this movie gave it this high of a rating or if the good reviews are bought.

My review: bad acting, bad bad guys, not realistic, bad special effects, ugly little annoying bot that looks like the one from Bassie & Adriaan and could do things that a bot that ugly shouldn't be able to do. Words too short to describr how bad this movie is. Even kids will hate it.

Anyway, I'm not gonna waste any more time writing a review about the movie. Already too much time is wasted.