dkellough Reviews

Ape (1976)

This movie hates you.

[1/10 · 16 March 2003]

This movie hates you. No two ways about it. It wants to hurt you for seeing it.

Characters in this movie speak in a stream of continual profanities, fire flaming arrows and guns at the audience (while smiling), and the gorilla throws rocks at you and flips you the bird.

The acting is mostly abominable. The effects are worse. Nothing makes much sense. The editing is choppy. The shots are poorly composed. The locations are grey, barren, and aggressively ugly. Stock footage is piled on and looped.

Boring filler is shoved in wherever it will fit to pad out the slight story to 90 minutes. Then, it takes forever to finally end. (More punishment for you, the viewer.) Oh, and it's nominally in 3-D too.

A hateful, hateful movie.

Sorority Babes in the Dance-A-Thon of Death (1991 Video)

Abominable.

[1/10 · 10 March 2003]

Abominable--and not in a good way.

Bad lighting, bad sound, bad editing, bad acting, bad locations, bad set dressing, bad props (including a homemade Twister game), bad dancing, bad hair, and an unappealing cast are just the beginning. The plot is a poorly realized blend of ideas from other, better horror films and lots of chasing.

Too boring to even be fun as a bad movie.