letande Reviews

Mortal Kombat (2021)

FACEPALMITY!!!

[1/10 · 24 April 2021]

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU...... I mean, OK, I never liked Mortal Kombat franchise. It's hard to argue with the fact that those games were, like, a cultural phenomenon back in the days and it's impossible to think of nineties without thinking about them. Like it's hard to imagine eighties without Ninja Turtles, for example. And yet... those were pretty bad games. Presentation was great, everybody enjoyed blood and gore and it was fun to just... you know, stick around those coin-op machines and watch people doing "fatalities". Kids love violence. And, despite what some stupid people say, the violence in video games actually helps to let the steam off. Like you know... it's always better to have kids ripping each other heads off in video games than fighting in real life. And with all of its violence, Mortal Kombat was perfect for that.

Like I said, though those were pretty bad games. Fighting genre is all about balance and... let's just say that balance in Mortal Kombat was never a thing. Still isn't, up to this day. So, as a person who always preferred gameplay over the presentation, I was never a fan. To say the least. But even I enjoyed the original 1995 movie. Paul W. S. Anderson? The man got it all right. He got the idea of Mortal Kombat being pretty much a cheesy version of Enter the Dragon with ninjas (you know, everybody was a ninja back in the days, even Michael Dudikoff, and all kids wanted to be ninjas too, of course), he got the right cast, he got the right music (I actually remember having the soundtrack on tape and not only because of the main theme), he got the atmosphere and all in all, it was a pretty satisfying experience. As long as you didn't mind cheesy martial arts movies and spent some time in the arcades. Seriously, I actually don't mind re-watching Mr. Anderson's movie from time to time. And while watching it, I can almost hear my old friends laughing while playing Mortal Kombat II on SEGA Genesis and consuming tons of soda. It was a movie that captured the certain moment in popular culture and is still good for what it is. Then John R. Leonetti came and... yeah... We've all seen the Annihilation.

Instead of trying to make a solid movie, the man decided to re-create video games on big screen. So, he just filmed some random fights, added some cheesy lines and that was it. Watching the Annihilation felt like... I dunno. You know how it feels when you watch some cheesy cosplay or fan-made movies on YouTube nowadays? That's exactly how it felt. I wasn't nearly as furious as some of my friends, of course, since, like I said, I never cared about the franchise enough to feel bad about it being butchered so badly, but still, it didn't feel good and I don't think I've ever seen the movie ever since. One time was more than enough for me. But guess what? Here it is. The Annihilation. All over again... Good grief...

And no, I'm not kidding. And no, I'm not overreacting. I mean, I'm not a fan and clearly, I didn't expect anything from this movie. All I wanted is some decent entertainment. But even though Simon McQuoid had almost $100.000.000 to work with, he repeated every single mistake John R. Leonetti committed in the Annihilation. Every... bloody... mistake. So, even though the new movie looks quite fine (the effects are there, fight choreography is there and so on), it feels... absolutely... completely... TERRIBLE. The writing here is so bad that there's a huge risk of hurting yourself with all the facepalms (FACEPALMITY!!!!!!). Seriously, the writing here is so bad that at some points I almost decided to stop watching. It was literally unbearable. Remember that pussy joke from 2018 Predator? That's freakin' it (actually, this movie has its own pussy joke, so... enjoy?). The story is also way, WAY too random, nobody even try to properly explain characters, while the directing... Well, you've probably seen Kano shooting his laser in the trailer. Didn't feel good, right? Let's just say there'll be more of that. A lo-o-ot more... Hiroyuki Sanada did great, but the rest of the actors are clearly suffering without a proper directing.

The worst thing about this movie, though, is the idea of re-creating the video games within a movie. Yeah... that exact idea that ruined the Annihilation. I mean... who thought that making people acting like video game characters in the movie, while using all of those video game terms and cheesy one-liners is a good idea? It's a bloody disaster! I don't know if Mr. McQuoid have seen Mr. Leonetti's movie before starting to work on this, but it looks like he didn't. Otherwise... why in the world did he do all that?! He literally took everything that was bad about the Annihilation... and covered it with money. Like... what... the heck is going on here?!!

Watching the new movie is like watching a fan-made stuff from YouTube. That got AAA budget for whatever reason. Tons of fan service, people trying to show off their characters just because (the movie just pretends that you're supposed to already know and love those guys and go WOW!!! Just by hearing their names)... and not a single well-written line on the horizon. Also, no proper atmosphere. Well, aside from the opening part maybe. Because Scorpion's origin story didn't feel nearly as bad as the rest of the movie. Painfully generic? Sure. But but nearly as bad as the rest. But honestly, even though I didn't expect anything good here... I'm still trying to unsee this. A bloody Monster Hunter felt better than this. Heck, some Resident Evil movies were better than this. Never thought I'll ever see Annihilation again. And yet... here it is. A bunch of random scenes, covered with crappy writing, shallow characters and cheesy one-liners. If you're die-hard MK fan, you may check this movie out for fan service, but if you want a good movie? Don't even think about this one. Well, at least now we know what good ol' Jar Jar Binks was doing all this time. He was busy writing the screenplay for this movie...

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

He promised to fix it. And he did.

[8/10 · 19 March 2021]

First of all, I'm a huge comic books fan. Read a lot of stuff starting with the very first Golden Age issues. But the thing is... I always hated DCEU. Aside from the Aquaman (James Wan was the only one who actually got it right in my opinion) and arguably the first Wonder Woman, it felt like a disaster. Take those Superman movies for example. Those were, like, the exact opposite of what superheroes are about. Not like there are any borders or laws in comics, of course, it's just... those movies felt like the most important thing was missed. And the original Justice League? It was just stupid.

So... let's just say my expectations here were incredibly low. I actually considered skipping this version entirely. Because wasting four more hours of my life on DCEU didn't really feel like a good idea to me. Guess what? I'm glad I gave it a chance. Even though I can't even say I liked a single movie from Zack Snyder (no, not even the most popular ones), what we have here is a rare case when a person stood for his promise. He promised to fix it? And he did. Simple like that. I totally enjoyed the new movie and not only because it was the first time I've seen it in 4K with the HDR.

First of all, the scale is much bigger now. The main story was heavily altered and, well, it's more like a different movie entirely. Remember what MARVEL did in their Avengers: Infinity War? That's pretty much what we have here now. In other words, Justice League is not a stand-alone movie anymore. It's "the beginning of the end". Which, obviously, is supposed to happen in the Flashpoint movie. You've read some comics or at least seen The CW's TV show, you know the drill, but honestly, the first look of it that you'll have during the epilogue of this movie? It's kinda fantastic. It's very interesting and everything works perfectly. Yes, even Jared Leto's Joker. Totally hated him before, but here? Surprisingly awesome. The writing, the acting, the directing... it's all here. Just like we all wanted.

Same thing with pretty much everything else. For example, the scrip actually does make sense now. And as the result, the movie actually makes you care and is interesting to watch. Not only because of tons and tons of action. The characters got more backstory and Cyborg, for example, isn't a shallow tool anymore. Seriously, who cared about Ray Fisher's character in the original version? He was nobody. Well, he isn't anymore. Like I said, the new script does make you care and it feels great.

I also want to praise the balance. A bit too late, but DCEU finally found its perfect balance between drama and inspiration. The new Justice League is dark enough to give you that certain DC vibe, but at the same time the movie doesn't try to break you. It's here to inspire. I mean, let's be honest. Superheroes exist to inspire. Not to steal the last will to live you still have in you. This movie? It got it. I can't freakin' believe it, but it... freakin'... got it.

Of course, I can't say that it's a perfect movie now. Some things from the original version are still here to bring it down a bit. For example, Barry Allen is still a comic relief character. He's also fixed quite a lot by the new developments (didn't hate Ezra Miller's character nearly as much as I did in the original version), but still, it's Jar Jar Allen. And it's still a humiliation. I mean, you can't just take one of the most iconic heroes who sacrificed himself during the Crisis on Infinite Earths, and turn him into Jar Jar Binks just because you feel like your script needs a comic relief character. It feels wrong. Especially for comic books readers. And the new movie still does suffer from that. Again, not nearly as much as before and I even liked the new scenes with Ezra, but... yeah. It's still wrong.

All in all, though, we finally got ourselves the movie we deserved back in 2017. If DCEU was like this since very beginning? It'll be entirely different story for us all. And it's kinda sad, you know? I mean, looking back, thinking about just how many things went wrong, while clearly, they can fix them when they want to. On the other hand, if that's how they're about to end the story in Flashpoint? I must say, I'll remember DCEU in a good way. The superhero feeling is back to the DCEU. And it feels great. Dixi.

Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)

Inspiring.

[9/10 · 6 March 2021]

OK, I... loved it. And not only because I'm a huge fan of Disney Princess family. Even though yes, I am. But also because... I really, REALLY love Disney's vision. I mean, the guys are fighters. They have all of those dedicated people who believe in better world and try to make it possible by telling us all of those beautiful and incredibly inspiring stories. The stories that make us all open our hearts and become better. The stories that give us hope. And that's the thing about this movie. It's very, VERY inspiring. So far, it's the most deep and society-oriented movie of this kind and... it's a good thing. The way Raya and the Last Dragon depicts the broken imaginary world and makes us all feel like we can change our real one by trusting in each other and working together? Like I said, loved it.

Also, animation, while being far from groundbreaking, is very solid, while the design is... kinda awesome, really, and would probably remind you of good old Studio Ghibli quite a lot. Seriously, it's pretty hard not to think of works like Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, Laputa: Castle in the Sky and even Spirited Away here. Not in a bad way, of course, this movie is anything but a rip-off (Lion King anyone?) but that certain atmosphere is totally here at times. Even though our usual comedy reliefs from Disney are still here too and you'll totally get some laughs.

What surprised me in a bad way, though, is a complete lack of songs. It's pretty hard to imagine this kind of a movie without those. And even though I can see why they did that, why they've decided not to add songs this time and focus on that certain Ghibli-like atmosphere, I still can't help but feel like something is... missing. Something very important. Especially in the long term. I mean, you don't re-watch your favorite movies every day, right? But those awesome songs help you to stay connected with your favorite scenes and characters all the time. Being refused to that is... kinda sad. Music does make everything better and I missed it here. A lot.

Also, while overall writing is very good, some action parts don't make any sense. Like... at all. I won't spoil it to you but honestly, sometimes there's literally no logic here. And it's impossible not to notice. Not like this kind of entertainment is supposed to be logical and I actually hate it when people complain about logic a lot, but this time there's just no way to ignore that. Because really, it makes some parts to feel pretty stupid and you can't just say "because dragons, that's why!". Not like it ruins your experience with Raya completely, but... OK, I'm shutting up.

Anyway, like I said, I loved the movie. It's charming, it's funny (Awkwafina does surprisingly good in Eddie Murphy's shoes) and it comes with a pretty strong impact. It's far from being what I was expecting (still hope we'll get another one of those perfect princess movies like Tangled and Moana one day), but it's absolutely great in its own way. The message here is so beautiful that it's hard not to feel anything. There are animated movies in this world that treat kids like bad parents. Like "go watch some stuff, little brat, because I don't really care!". And there are movies that treat kids as treasures. As people who'll be shaping our world in the future. You can easily guess which kind of a movie Raya and the Last Dragon is. And it's awesome.

Coming 2 America (2021)

Didn't happen...

[1/10 · 5 March 2021]

* SIGH * And here it is, the second "blast from the past" disappointment in a row... First, we've got Tom & Jerry with Spike crapping all over the place and now? Now we've got this. Like everybody else, I loved the original movie. Together with Trading Places, it was, like, one of the best comedies from eighties. So, even though I tried to keep my expectations here as low as possible to avoid being disappointed much, I still hoped for good. Like Agent Mulder? I wanted to believe. Unfortunately... yeah. You know how it is. Didn't happen. Like... at all.

First of all, it's exactly as forced as you may expect. Every single scene and every single line here screams "forced". The original Coming to America was daring, it was fresh and, well, it was... you know... FUN. This? It's just a forced mess. One of those movies that you forget right after you're done watching. Heck, it was actually hard not to fall asleep here. The main idea wasn't really that bad (long story short, the new movie tried to focus on Zamunda instead of Queens), but writing is so terrible that... seriously, how many people worked on the story and screenplay here?

Coming 2 America (the one who came up with the title alone should be punished) is one of those movies where some random people talk about some random stuff and you just sit there, wondering why in the freakin' world should you care and when this torture will finally end. Watching this movie? It's like visiting your distant relatives. It's kinda boring, it's kinda awkward and you can't stop thinking about just how much you want to go home. And guess what? The movie is almost two hours long, so I'm really glad that I watched it at home where it was easy to take a break and do some more exciting stuff. Like watching the paint dry, for example. Watching this movie in one sit? It's plain boring. Sure, humor is a subjective thing, but while I laughed all the time while watching the original (still do), this time? I didn't even smile once. It's THAT uninspired. Every time there was an attempt for a joke, I was like "good grief, seriously?". The original impact so-o-o ins't here...

Also, it's a bit too woke. In a bad way. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like woke stuff. Adds quite a lot to the impact, as long as the writing is right. Then again, you know how it is. There are times when such stuff feels natural. When it does make you care. And there are times when it feels painfully forced, out of the place and actually plays against the writing. You can't just make things interesting and exciting just by saying the right things, you know? You need a good writing to make people feel involved. Here? It feels like nobody even cared. They took one of the most popular comedy movies from eighties, they've tried to re-create some of the most famous parts (like those scenes in the barber shop), they've tried to copy / past some of the old jokes (without much success since, like I said, the original impact is long gone), they've added some woke stuff just because it's a right thing to do and BOOM! Your new Amazon Prime movie is ready. Seriously, guys, those female Ghostbusters were more funny and exciting than this. And I never thought I'll say that. Like... ever!

The only thing I actually liked was Akeem's daughters (one of which is played by Eddie Murphy's real daughter, Bella), but guess what? They've barely used the characters. Seriously, even though there was, like, a ton of potential, the girls barely appeared at the beginning and near the end of the movie. While the rest of the thing was just our painfully generic stuff from all those Eddie Murphy movies nobody really cared about. You know, Dr. Dolittle, Nutty Professor... I really wonder if the man is cursed, or something. After the initial success in movies like 48 Hrs., Trading Places and Beverly Hills Cop, the movies with him started to feel EXTREMELY forced in uninspired. And this one? Heck, even Meet Dave was more funny than this.

Not only Coming 2 America was unable to repeat the original success, it's also one of those sequels that actually ruin the original quite a lot. Not only it's forced and isn't funny at all, it ended up ruining good old characters. Lisa McDowell, for example, feels absolutely terrible now, while Cleo barely have a reason to appear. Not only this movie won't make you laugh, there's a big chance it'll actually make you feel sad. Just because seeing a great movie from your childhood being ruined in such a poor way? It's... you know... SAD. Dixi.

Bloodshot (2020)

It's nice to see Valiant Comics on big screen, but the movie needs more story.

[5/10 · 13 March 2020]

First of all, I think I can call myself a fan of Valiant Comics. Well, not the die-hard fan, but still, those comics are a pretty big part of my life and mean quite a lot to me. Not all of them and not all of the runs, but... you know how it is. The certain runs of Turok, Ninjak, X-O Manowar and, most importantly, Shadowman... I just love them. So, even though Bloodshot was never among my favorite characters from Valiant, I was still glad that their universe made it to the big screen and went to theater to support it. Did I like it? Well... that's the tricky question.

See, Bloodshot is a comic book movie. Not because it's based on the comic. But because it FEELS like a comic. And not in a good way. It's cheesy, it comes with a weird screwed up logic, it doesn't even try to give you enough depth, etc, etc, etc. As the result, people who don't read comics would probably end up disliking it right away. Comic book readers, on the other hand, would feel right at home here. Which doesn't mean that they'll necessarily like it, though. Just because Bloodshot is, like, the most common origin story you can ever imagine. Sure, there's a twist that actually makes you wake up at some point and see things in different perspective, but it's not enough to save the entire movie. The thing is - Bloodshot just isn't interesting enough. It's yet another story about how yet another cool guy kicks some random evil butts and that's pretty much it.

And design-wise? There's quite a lot to argue with. When it's about Bloodshot, it's all about two things - gray skin and the round red mark (placed on the chest for majority of the time). Gray skin is there. Mostly like an Easter egg for those who care, but at least Dave Wilson and his team were smart enough to include it. The round red mark, on the other hand, was replaced by some sort of light in the chest. Doesn't look that bad, I kinda liked that red glow beneath the ribs, but the thing is - it makes the character less recognizable. I mean, in the comics, that red circle had different origin from run to run and it even looked different, but it was always there one way, or another. It was, like, Bloodshot's thing and even when the red circle was moved to his belt during the Acclaim period run, it was still the gray skin and the red circle. With no gray skin for most of the time and no red circle whatsoever... It's really hard to see Vin Diesel as a Bloodshot here.

Talking about Vin Diesel. I don't think I'll surprise anyone when I'll say that he's a pretty poor actor. But that's not really a problem here. When it's about action movies, it's not about complicated acting. It's about the right person at the right place. Good ol' Arnie didn't even speak English well enough. And look at what he achieved. Same thing with Diesel. Even though his roles are not nearly as iconic, he sure shined as Richard B. Riddick and Dominic Toretto. Does he fit in Bloodshot? Well, yeah. Looks a lot like Ray Garrison from the current comic run and kind of gives you the right vibe. No complains here.

So... it's not like I hate this movie, or something. I'm sure glad that Valiant Comics made it to the big screen. I can also see some potential here. With enough talent and enough work, there's actually a chance to create a nice cinematic universe. Especially if they'll add Shadowman (I can only dream about proper adaptation of Michael LeRoi's run). But if we'll take Bloodshot for what it is... Let's just say that even the last year's Hellboy from Dark Horse and Lionsgate did better. Bloodshot ended up being too cheesy for a regular viewer and too shallow for comic book fans. Who just had way too many of this kind of stories to enjoy another one. A big collaboration would totally save this. The question is - will Valiant's cinematic universe survive long enough for something like that? Let's wait and see.

Dolittle (2020)

The story of how awful jokes can ruin a very charming adventure

[6/10 · 18 February 2020]

Not nearly as bad as you may have heard. Sure, it's a complete re-telling of the good ol' stories by Hugh Lofting, but it's pretty charming and the atmosphere here is way closer to the originals that in the movies we had for quite some time since the very first adaptation. Even though yes, Tony Stark isn't really what you have in mind when you think about short and fat Dolittle from Hugh Lofting's works.

Surprisingly, Robert Downey Jr. fits pretty well in this version and it's... kind of hard not to like the story's new look. Especially since it feels pretty romantic in the old school way. Dolittle isn't the movie that tries to tell you about what's right in our modern society. It's the most basic story about the most basic feelings. About love, friendship and other things that people nowadays often forget while chasing their dreams of the perfect society. And I must say, it totally works. At least because we don't have much of such basic, but cute stories nowadays. Dolittle is the kind of the movie you'll probably want to watch with your family and you'll probably end up hugging them at the end. Just because.

The problem with this movie is... the jokes suck. Hard. Really, really hard... And there's quite a lot of them too. No, seriously, almost every single scene here is ruined by a cheap joke. I mean... what was the point in creating all that charm and romance when you were going to ruin all that by tons of cheap laughs? I mean, yes, there's always a place for some humor in Dr. Dolittle, but the jokes here are so cheap and cheesy that they just end up feeling out of place. In the same way those stupid jokes felt in The Last Jedi. Those are just... wrong for the movie. It's not even about what kind of humor you prefer. It's about the fact that this exact kind of humor doesn't fit this exact movie.

So, even though there's a lot of good in this movie and I must say that I've totally missed the old school adventures full of charm and romance, this movie doesn't feel nearly as good as it was supposed to. Like I've said, it's not nearly as bad as you may have heard, but it's just way too... messy. Like nobody even tried to proofread the script, which was written in only a couple of hours. As the result, even though you won't suffer much while watching this flick, you'll probably won't want to see it again. Like... ever. Which is sad, since, like I've said, I totally missed this kind of adventures and I really liked Robert Downey Jr. here. Won't even mind to see more movies with him as Dr. Dolittle. But oh, well...

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

Yet another Garfield-like movie. Now with cheesy Internet memes.

[2/10 · 17 February 2020]

Predictably bad. They may have changed Sonic's design, but the script still has the old smell in it. Long story short, it's yet another one of those "a young couple and the CGI creature" stories. You know... Garfield (2004), Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), The Smurfs (2011) and so on. All those movies share the same exact story and it's really, REALLY hard to find the real difference between them. Well, surprise-surprise... here comes another one.

The biggest difference this time is... memes. "Gotta go fast", "Sanic" artwork, it's all there. As well as the references to various popular movies and actors. Because why freakin' not, right? In this exact matter, this movie is almost as bad as Ted (2012). I mean, come on! How hard it was to actually write an interesting story instead of adding tons of old and cheesy memes to the formula that nobody ever liked to begin with? Good grief...

Jim Carrey is awesome, though. No, seriously, even though he won't really look like his character for most of the movie, the man does miracles. But honestly, so what? So did Hank Azaria as Gargamel. Did it save Smurfs? Nope (even though it's probably my favorite movie of the kind and I do believe that it's better than Sonic). Same here. Carrey alone just can't save shallow characters and painfully generic plot that was re-used for a million time. Sonic movie is boring, Sonic movie isn't fun for about 99% of the time and it feels like a waste of both time and money. At least because we've seen all this for a million times before.

Can't say it's completely unwatchable, though. If you'll be able to see it as a part of your subscription, then, well... it's something that probably won't make you vomit while playing somewhere on background, while you'll be doing some home stuff. But paying to see it on big screen, or Blu-ray and actually watching every single minute of it is just... painful. And since we're talking about one of the most iconic characters in video games history? It feels like a freakin' crime. At least Mario movie tried to be creative. This one? This one didn't even try.

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

It's still Disney, but it's not the worst finale you can ever imagine.

[6/10 · 19 December 2019]

After the previous episode... I don't think anyone expected anything good from this one. Well, maybe except J.J. Abrams' fans. If those even exist on our poor, poor planet (never met any). Anyway, my expectations this time were pretty low. So, I can't say I was disappointed. Quite the opposite, actually, I was a little surprised. Only a little, though. Because this movie? It's a mess. Not because its intentions were bad, though. Quite the opposite. It tries to tell us way too much. The Force Awakens was like a long intro. The Last Jedi was more like a bunch of stupid jokes. Not much really happened in both of them and both movies just kept adding questions without giving us any real answers. The Rise of Skywalker? It tries to give us most of the answers at the same exact time. I'm saying "most of" because, well... we still don't have a freakin' clue about who the Knights of Ren are, for example, and what were their intents to begin with. Aside from the fact that the guys are, well, kind of evil. One way, or another, there's way too much answers in this movie. And the biggest problem with that is that the narrative thread suffers a lot. Like... A LOT. Even though this movie is longer than two hours, it feels extremely rushed. There's just no time to let us actually FEEL things. And a really bad directing that ruined pretty much every single dramatic moment (J.J. Abrams' fans, are you there?) doesn't help with that either. Like I've said, this movie is a mess with too many different things happening too fast. It's even hard for this movie to keep a certain kind of the atmosphere because of that. Just because it's trying to do all the job for both previous flicks that just wasted our time.

As for the plot holes, mistakes and stupid developments... Those are here, of course, but I don't want to focus on them too much. I mean, who cares? I always thought that those are not really that important. Like... at all. The more important thing to me is that we've got ourselves a Star Wars movie this time. That's right, the best thing about The Rise of Skywalker is that it abandoned previous movie's idea about turning the entire thing into MARVEL-like something and focused on what we all love the most. The Force, space battles, legacy and the lightsabers. It's all here (yep, nobody throws the lightsabers away like those are nothing) and it isn't nearly as bad as you may expect. Sure, we've got more anticlimactic developments for certain cult characters. But this time? I didn't feel that bad about such things. Just because there's some sense in them now and they play some important role in the story. And as for the story, at least this time, unlike the first movie in the trilogy, it tries to deliver some surprises. It doesn't succeed all the time, since at least some things you can easily guess after watching the trailer, but still, it tries. Way better stuff than "let's just re-create the original trilogy and call it a thing" from the first movie. Not like The Rise of Skywalker doesn't do that at all, but, well, it's better this time.

And the action parts? Those are pretty cool. Sure, Star Wars movies are not your typical action flicks, but I think it's important to note that both action sequences and lightsaber duels feel pretty fresh this time. I mean, back in the seventies, those space battles from the original trilogy were EXTREMELY impressive and very fresh. Naturally, it was important to show us something like that too. And I really admire the fact that they didn't aim for more of the same this time. Remember that cool looking final battle from previous movie? This movie aims for such stuff quite a lot. Which is fun, since action parts with Finn and the others inspire you more than those scenes that were supposed to be dramatic (MAN, the directing sucks...).

Another important thing to mention is that they're still using real props, models and even puppets. Which, I think, is vital for Star Wars. Because without those the franchise will lose its iconic atmosphere. It's kind of fun too, though, since with all those huge budgets and modern technology behind them, they still can't do as good as the original trilogy's team. Kylo Ren's new helmet, for example, looks like a cheap Chinese toys for cosplayers. One of those that you can buy from AliExpress (not a sponsor). But, well, they've tried.

That's pretty much it about this movie. Unlike the previous two? They've kind of tried. Will you like it if you didn't like previous two? Nope. Not at all. Does it act as a good finale for current trilogy? Well, kind of. I really do believe that. At least, this time we've ourselves got some unique story with some satisfying battles. Not "we're too afraid of experiments, so, let's just do more of the same" from the first movie. And not stupid jokes with pathetic villain from the second one. At least, we can say that The Rise of Skywalker is a thing on its own. A thing that desperately tries to make sense (you can clearly see that some stupid developments were fixed just because too many reviewers pointed them out). Sure, all the drama goes down the drain thanks to poor directing. Sure, it can be painfully stupid, illogical and cheesy. Sure, some props look pathetic. But I don't think it's the worst way for current trilogy to end. I sure hope that the next trilogy (hello, Disney) won't be anything like this. But as the finale for the painful disaster current trilogy was since very beginning? This movie is pretty much OK. I'd say, if you've followed the story so far, it does worth going to see it in theater, in 3D. Which is not as cool as in some MARVEL movies, but still has its moments. I also liked the fact that the Star Wars universe is now openly accepts the LGBT community. They did it totally right here. It felt logical, it didn't ruin anything and it didn't feel like they're trying to shove their ideas down to your throat. It felt totally good and inspiring (instant 16+ in a certain homophobic country). So, all in all, it's a very messy movie. With some things done right, some things done wrong and tons of the awful legacy from two previous movies. I don't think I'll ever want to re-watch it (not in a couple of years anyway), but I didn't feel bad about paying for the ticket. Like I've said, the current Disney's trilogy is finally over and this movie is not the worst way for it to end. Dixi.

The Lion King (2019)

Looks awesome but can't repeat the original impact for many reasons

[4/10 · 18 July 2019]

Back in the days, Lion King was a huge thing. Not only because it had stars like James Earl Jones, Moira Kelly (HUGE fan here), Rowan Atkinson and Whoopi Goldberg providing their voices for the characters. And not even because it had Elton John as the composer (huge fan here too). It was all those things plus the incredible animation and groundbreaking story full of love and wisdom. It was THE animated movie everybody should see at least once. Even today, it's one of those movies that you can find at pretty much every home around the Globe. It was one of those all time masterpieces that will stay both in history and in our hearts forever. It was one of the essentials. Now here comes the new version. Remake, reboot, call it whatever you want. Can it repeat the impact? Unfortunately, I must say "no". But it's not that simple.

See, animation-wise, the new Lion King is... awesome. No, seriously, I can't help but remember Steve Jobs. If you remember the story behind Monsters, Inc. (check your DVD / Blu-ray extras if you don't), you remember how hard it was for Pixar to bring Sulley to life. His detailed fur that was moving in real time made a huge revolution back in the days. And today, years later, it's pretty much impossible not to remember that when you see all that INCREDIBLY animated fur in Lion King. It's just... WOW. Especially during the rain scenes. The new movie literally brought Africa to life. It's almost like you're watching the documentary. It's THAT realistic and it looks even better in 3D, where every single piece of grass feels as real as it can be.

Unfortunately, there's a huge problem. The problem is - the guys were afraid of experiments. They were so afraid to ruin the original magic that... they pretty much used the old script. That's right, aside from some little details (there'll be a small reference to the Beauty and the Beast, for example), it's the same... exact... thing... And it feels totally wrong. For two reasons. First - it feels pretty boring and kind of... pointless. I mean, come on! Everybody seen the original Lion King for, like, what? A million times now? Many of us saw it even more since they're showing it to their kids now. And seeing the same exact thing all over again... I mean, I know that it was SUPPOSED to be the same thing, but when we're talking about different versions of the same thing, some things MUST be different. That's the point. And it's the differences that make... difference. If you know what I mean. The entire point to watch the alternative version of something is in those differences. Sure, watching something like that in theater is more like an event. It doesn't even matter whether it's good or not. It's just a worldwide event that you don't want to miss. You pick up your friends and family and just watch it. But when it's about watching the movie at home, those differences create the exact reason for you to pick up the alternative version. And unlike the live action reboots, this movie doesn't have a single real actor. Which alone made enough difference. For example, I did re-watch the Beauty and the Beast just because I liked Emma Watson there. This movie? It doesn't even have that. Sure, it allowed to use more money for animation (no actors to pay), but with such a lazy script? It just feels like there's no reason for all that. Did you see those fan videos based on video games on YouTube? When fans take the parts of popular old games and re-create them with modern game engines? That's exactly how this movie feels. When you buy Ocarina of Time on 3DS, you buy it for the brand new quest. Not because it looks better and has 3D. Without the new quest, it's just the same ol' Zelda. Same exact experience. Same here. There's nothing REALLY new here. Nothing new to experience. And that's a problem.

Another reason why this movie feels wrong is that... OK, let's just admit it, the original script was made for the funny cartoon characters. And this movie? It's WAY too realistic for it (like I've said, it's almost like you're watching the Discovery Channel). The original Lion King had A LOT of scenes that felt absolutely awesome and were incredibly funny exactly BECAUSE they had those funny cartoon characters. The characters who weren't realistic AT ALL. And I can't even say that the new movie has bad design. Quite the opposite, the design is pretty awesome. It's just... it doesn't work with this kind script. Imagine Tom & Jerry movie with the real cat and mouse. It just doesn't work that way. Tom & Jerry cartoons were so incredibly fun because they had toons. Toons that didn't even look like real animals, but were so... incredibly... fun... That's exactly what's wrong with the new Lion King. And the saddest thing is - it was incredibly easy to fix. All they needed is to fully re-work the script. To make the funny parts fit the realistic approach, etc. Unfortunately, they were too afraid of that. As the result... a HUGE portion of the original charm disappeared. Show this movie to a kid who never saw the original... and he / she probably won't even understand why people love the original Lion King so much. Sad. But true.

So, like I've said, the new movie just can't repeat the success of the original. It doesn't have the impact. The story is still good? Sure, but it's an ages old story that everybody saw at least once. Seeing the same old thing all over again with no new content or serious alternations is just... boring. Everybody's favorite characters are still there and Mufasa even keeps his old voice? Sure, but the old jokes just don't work with the new kind of animation. Incredible animal animation? Well, aside from the music (Elton John is still here and there's even Beyoncé herself, who also provides her voice for Nala), animation is pretty much the only reason to see this movie. Because yes, it looks incredible. But honestly, even though I'm a HUGE fan of the original Lion King... I'm not even sure I want to add the new movie to my collection. I saw it in theater the day one, it was an eye candy, but if I'll ever want to experience Lion King again, I'll just dust off my old Lion King blu-ray. I can't say I hate the new movie, or something like that. I can't even say that it's bad. It's just... a less exciting version of the old masterpiece. Something you see once and never want to see again.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)

Surprisingly nice.

[8/10 · 16 November 2018]

I had a lot of problems with previous movie. Like... A LOT. It was extremely stylish with all those coats, hats, haircuts, 1926 New York and other stuff that used to make the movie look so charming. Unfortunately, the entire thing was ultimately one big Doctor Who rip-off. Wands were a nice replacement to the sonic screwdriver, Newt Scamander looked and acted almost exactly like the 11th Doctor (Matt Smith), while his briefcase (which was bigger on the inside) was pretty much the copy of TARDIS. And to make things worse, the plot was pretty meh. Characters were extremely likeable, but there was no big drama and no big plot twists. Just some cute love stories and a funny guy with briefcase full of "fantastic beasts". Which felt pretty nice in 3D on the big screen, but at home... those were not enough to make you want to re-watch the movie again and again like the old Potter movies did. Personally, I expected the same from sequel. I was wrong.

Fantastic Beasts 2 turned out to be a huge improvement over the first movie. And not only because the atmosphere is totally different here. Fantastic Beasts 2 feels more like the late Potter movies. With dark colors and depressive mood, but that's just the tone. What makes it better for real is the fact that it is not afraid to play with the lore and give us a lot of plot twists. I mean, what made the Potter stories so charming was 100% British atmosphere of mystery. Where the simple teacher was able to turn out to be a villain, while the villain... well, you know the story better than I do, I'm sure of it. Anyway, the first Fantastic Beasts, aside from other things, missed exactly that. And Fantastic Beasts 2 brings it all back. Even though most of the movie will take place in France, that exact feeling of British mysteries is back and that alone is enough for me to like the movie. Can't say that it gets close enough to Harry Potter's plot twists, but... it's sure a step into the right direction.

Drama is also back. Remember Cedric Diggory and that "Noooooooo!" moment from the Goblet of Fire? Fantastic Beasts 2 has something very close to it. It was even able to surprise me at one point. The cost was the fact that a certain character feels pretty strange now, since it's hard to see the entire motivation, but still, it was a very interesting move. It's not that simple, though, since the entire plot is pretty much a bunch of twists and revelations, so, for some people it may feel like there's lack of something bigger. Like... you know, the main plot. For example, Goblet of Fire had some twists and revelations too, but there was a Goblet of Fire to play the leading role. Here... it's a lot like Goblet of Fire without Goblet of Fire. If you know what I mean. A lot of twists, a lot of big revelations, a lot of lore, but kind of not enough main story to give all that a proper form. Not the biggest problem out there, at least in my opinion, but still, it's a problem.

Thankfully, Fantastic Beasts 2 stepped away from being Doctor Who rip-off. All elements are still there, but now they're just that - the elements. It's not like we have Doctor Newt with his Sonic Wand, TARDIS briefcase and a bunch of companions anymore. Fantastic Beasts 2 feels more like Harry Potter and that's a good thing. Well, at least for majority of viewers. For die hard Harry Potter fans... there's a lot of very confusing things. Fantastic Beasts 2 breaks the old lore in many places and in many places it makes a lot of weird mistakes. For example, in this movie we'll see character who wasn't even supposed to be born yet. How? Why? Is it actually a relative? Why no proper explanation? Those who just watched the movies won't even notice all that, but die hard fans of the source material may feel a bit confused. And still, I feel that it was all worth it. Just because the movie feels more interesting thanks to all that.

And it looks beautiful too. It shows us France, but not in a mainstream way. I mean, most of the movies just show us the Eiffel Tower, while this one actually discovers something more interesting and uses it for its purposes. Beasts still look amazing, 3D is better than before, etc, etc, etc. Even the soundtrack knows exactly how to play with our hearts.

So... yeah, Fantastic Beasts 2 is better than the first movie. In every place possible. As a casual viewer, I'm glad that Harry Potter's world is bigger now and got its old charm back at the same exact time. Sure, it's still not good ol' Harry and sure, hardcore fans may be confused here and there, but... it's a charming and interesting movie for those who like the setting. What else we may ask for?

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

A crime against Freddie and his memory.

[1/10 · 3 November 2018]

First of all, I didn't really want to go. After all that happened with this movie and after everything that Queen members said, I expected it to be bad. Very, very bad. But then I saw all those positive reviews and thought "Hey! Maybe it's actually good? I mean, miracles happen from time to time and I don't want to miss something good based on something as epic as Queen". So, I paid for a ticket. I was a fool...

Bohemian Rhapsody is exactly as I expected it to be. Even worse, actually. And the biggest problem with the movie is the fact that the band didn't want it to be a movie about Freddie. I mean, sure, they're all very talented musicians and it's probably painful to live their lives in Freddie's shadow, even while pretending that the band still exists without him. No matter what they do, the people think "Freddie". So, sure, I can see WHY they didn't want this movie to be all about him. The problem is... there was no other way. The story of Queen is the story of Freddie Mercury. Who, aside from many other things, was a very complicated person. And the only way to make a movie about Queen and Freddie is to focus on Freddie's inner world. The same way that the First Man focused on Neil Armstrong. Remember how people said a lot of bad things about that movie just because it didn't focus on the American flag? But that was exactly why the First Man was so good. It wasn't yet another movie about American heroes in space. It was a movie... about... Neil... Armstrong. Bohemian Rhapsody does exactly the opposite. It turns Freddie into another character of the show. One of the many. And it's one of the things that pretty much ruin the movie.

Like I said, Freddie was a complicated person. A true artist with the unique soul. And without even trying to look deeper into his soul, this movie makes him... well... a freak. Personally, I consider it a crime. Not because I'm one of those crazy fans, but because he deserved more... WAY more than what they did to him in this movie. And it's not about Rami Malek, no. The man is quite good and I hope that this movie will be good for his career. The problem is - writing sucks. Hard. We see Freddie saying and doing things, but we don't have a slightest idea about why. WHY does he do all that? How does he feel? Remember Sully? The movie about Capt. Chesley Sullenberger? Remember what Tom Hanks did there? Sully didn't have any action scenes, the landing sequence was quite short too. The whole movie was about Tom Hanks showing Capt. Sullenberger's feelings in his eyes. Clint Eastwood directed it in a way that we didn't even need words there. Tom Hanks' eyes and the right directing were enough. Bohemian Rhapsody? Nothing like that.

Thanks to an awful writing and the pressure from the actual band, it turned out to be a movie about a group of cool and friendly guys and a freak with a superiority complex who were unable to do the things in a normal way. Meaning, feelings, thoughts, emotions... this movie doesn't have anything of that. It aims for a single thing - a bright and exciting picture. Something that is FUN to watch. A bright picture that shows us funny scenes of how famous songs were made, Freddie saying funny and shocking things to people, etc. Even the gay part is surprisingly dull and shallow. One kiss here, one hug there... No feelings involved.

To make things worse, even though the movie is pretty straightforward, it's full of lies. Very convincing lies that make the band look even more cool. There are characters that weren't even based on actual people, there are scenes that weren't even based on actual events, etc, etc, etc. As the result, the movie feels like a convincing something that was ordered by Brian May and Co to make them look better. And that's exactly why the one should never ever involve the actual people in biopics about them. They'll want things done in their way. And it'll destroy any attempt to make something real. Brian and Co wanted a colorful yet shallow movie full of fiction, in which the cool British guys make a fool out of the EMI executive, who never ever existed in real life, they've got it. Bohemian Rhapsody is sure bright, colorful, it looks amazing, actors are quite good, even though many of them are TV actors, the concerts look shockingly close to the real deal, and yet, it's an awful movie. And the final scene (which is Live Aid, by the way, don't expect any Innuendo depression in this movie) is a nice example why. They've literally re-created Queen's Live Aid performance. They had a lot of time for a long and very expensive Live Aid cosplay. And yet... they didn't have enough time to show us Freddie's complicated soul. I call it a failure. But again, I hope it makes Brian and Co feel better about their lives. Clearly, it's the true goal here.

The Predator (2018)

The New Bottom

[1/10 · 13 September 2018]

Like everybody else back in 1987, I was really impressed by Predator. It was pretty simple and straightforward movie, but it introduced a pretty neat and unique concept and, well, there was something special about the atmosphere. "...the jungle... it just came alive and took him." It was awesome. Unfortunately, sequel suffered from some seriously poor writing, while Aliens versus Predator franchise turned out to be a complete disaster. Everybody knows that and everybody wanted Predator franchise to return to its former glory one day. That's why I had some hope for this one. I seriously did. That's why I bought a ticket and went to see it the day one. I really expected to see a good Predator movie. I mean, there was no way they'll make a bad movie after all those big expectations, right? RIGHT? Well... I was naïve...

Long story short, the new Predator is EXACTLY like AvP. Only worse. Wa-a-ay worse. 999x+ times worse. Remember the first AvP movie? Remember how at the beginning it at least tried to create some atmosphere, but ended up with that girl fighting together with Predator in a very silly way? In this movie it's that exact silly stuff from very beginning and until the very end. It's so silly that it doesn't even feel like a real deal. It feels like a cheap comedy. A parody. A B-movie with AAA budget. The movie tries really hard to be like Deadpool, but the problem is... it shouldn't be like that! I mean, come on! Predator was supposed to be a mix between horror and sci-fi. With deep atmosphere. With suspense and a man versus alien in a brutal battle. Add Deadpool-like jokes about genitals and BOOM! The entire thing is ruined. Just like that. The entire audience laughed through the entire movie, can't argue with that. People like Deadpool's jokes. Not me, but... you know... as long as audience love it... If all you want is some cheap laughs, this movie has them. A lot of them. It's literally MADE of them. The entire movie is, like, one... big... JOKE. My problem, though, is that nobody warned me about the fact that this movie is a parody. It was advertised as a real deal, a big comeback, which turned out to be a cheap parody. Why? I mean... WHY???

Also, unfortunately, jokes are not the only problem here. Even though 2/3 of the movie are just that - dirty jokes. The thing is - the entire writing is bad. The entire IDEA is bad. It feels a lot like E.T., only E.T. is Predator now and kid's father is Ash freakin' Williams.

Talking About Evil Dead. Remember Army of Darkness? That's EXACTLY what this movie tries to achieve. And there are three problems with that. First: Boyd Holbrook is not Bruce Campbell. He doesn't have that thing that allowed Bruce to do his thing. He doesn't have that crazy spark in him. And as the result - his character feels absolutely, completely RIDICULOUS. Second: writers have no clue how to be crazy with style. Evil Dead franchise had that. This movie? Nope. It tries. Hard. Way too hard. But still... nope. And, finally, there was no reason to turn good ol' Predator into the Evil Dead. Evil Dead is good. Predator is good. Mix them together and here comes disaster.

The new Predator is something that may work for you at home, when you're way too drunk at your weekend to enjoy something real. When all you want is something on background with some cheap laughs, while you're eating your pizza and drinking your beer... this movie will do. Like any B-movie. Like Sharknado. But as a proper Predator movie... on big screen... for the full price... It's a disaster. Did I tell you that 3D also sucks and pretty much useless here? No? Well, it is. The new Predator is one of the very rare movies that totally made me regret paying for a ticket. Even as one time movie... it doesn't work. Back in the days, I believed that it's impossible to be worse than AvP. The new Predator proved me wrong. Ladies and gentlemen... here comes the very new bottom for the franchise.

P.S. There's one good thing about all that, though. It makes Predator 2 to look like timeless masterpiece.

Skyscraper (2018)

100% Old School.

[8/10 · 12 July 2018]

I was born in early 80s, so, you can say that I grew up with this kind of movies. Late 80s and early 90s were all about them. Strong men kicking the bad guys' butts while surviving the impossible situations. Very often that formula also included families. Die Hard, Commando... you know the stuff. Unfortunately, even though we still have a lot of action movies around, this exact kind of them somehow became obsolete. Those big muscular guys just aren't that popular anymore. People want Benedict Cumberbatch, not Arnold Schwarzenegger, while kids want to be like Iron Man, not like Rambo. Well, different heroes for different times, I guess, but still, I missed the old school way. The strong family guy saving his family from the bad guys... there's just nothing like it. And guess what? That's exactly what this movie is.

And I'm not even surprised that it was produced by Dwayne Johnson and has him playing the leading role. There's something old school about the good ol' Rock and I always felt like he's keeping the old school spirit alive on the big screen. And now he did just that - his own version of Die Hard. With baddies, family in trouble and muscular guy to save the day. I can't even add anything to it. It's just that - an old school action movie. Lack of originality? Sure, can't argue with that. There's nothing original here. Well, the skyscraper itself looks great, the movie feels really exciting in modern 3D and sure, Dwayne Johnson's character has only one leg, which works as a nice modern touch and will make this movie even better for certain kind of viewers, since it can really give them a lot of inspiration, but aside from that there's nothing really new here. You saw Die Hard, you can say that you've seen this movie too. But let's not forget two things. First of all, we live in times when they just don't make this kind of movies anymore. And second - such movies don't even need to be original. They need to be exciting and inspiring. And Skyscraper have all of it. It's very enjoyable and can give you and your family a lot of good mood. Which means that it did its work perfectly. Maybe it's not one of those "must see" movies, but if you missed this kind of movies as much as I did, I'd say don't miss it. That awesome warm feeling that old action movies had... this one sure has it.

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Beautiful family movie. With PEZ.

[8/10 · 5 July 2018]

I always had a very special place in my heart for Ant-Man. There's something great about all that ant-sized stuff and I just can't get enough of it. And the first movie? Loved it. Not only it captured the Ant-Man feeling, it turned out to be a pretty nice family movie. Scott Lang was different from the other MCU characters. Not only he was one of those cute hapless characters that you can't help but love, he was also a father of a cute little daughter. Families, that's what MCU Ant-Man was all about. And that's why I loved it so much. So, when Ant-Man didn't appear in the Infinity War, I was a little bit disappointed. Just a little, though, since Infinity War had more than enough content even without Ant-Man and I can't argue with the writers - connecting Ant-Man at this point was a bit too hard because of the difference in the mood. I mean, Infinity War was a bit too dark (by MARVEL standards), while the original Ant-Man ended with a happy ending. So...

Anyway, the fact that Ant-Man wasn't in the latest Avengers only made me more excited about his own new movie. Naturally, I went to premiere. So, how it is? How's the second Ant-Man movie? Well... Like the first one, Ant-Man 2 (AKA Ant-Man and the Wasp) is a perfect family movie. It's bright, it's fun, it's cute and it's all about families. Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer make a perfect couple and make the movie likable for the older generation, while Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lilly do the same for the younger audience. Ant-Man and the Wasp is something you can watch with the entire family and leave the theater with a ton of a good mood.

There's one thing about it that feels a bit weird, though. And that thing is - there's no big events here. Like, nothing really big happens. Well, aside from Ant-Man himself, since sure, our unlucky hero will go big like never before. The thing is - even the villain this time is family-friendly. Hannah John-Kamen's Ghost is a bit broken as a person, but still extremely likable and doesn't do anything to make you actually hate her. And since the rest of the villains are just losers... it feels like something's missing here. Imagine Winter Soldier movie with just Bucky. With just Bucky who didn't actually kill anyone. Imagine Thor movie with just Loki. And that will be it. Ant-Man and the Wasp misses some bigger evil, which leads to the lack of our usual epic final battle.

Don't get me wrong, though, Ant-Man and the Wasp has A LOT of action. Incredibly awesome action, since every battle here uses the idea about size changes as much as possible. People responsible for battle scenes did absolutely fantastic job. That scene with the PEZ dispenser... loved it. And not only because I'm a PEZ collector myself, but because it felt so... fresh and awesome. A lot of imagination here and sure, special effects are just wow with 3D being great as usual. There's also more than enough eye-popping stuff besides the battles. De-aged Michael Douglas, Microverse... Ant-Man and the Wasp looks amazing and not only because of the great battle scenes. But the thing is - MARVEL kind of established their own formula. And like you know that there'll be two extra scenes after the credits, you can't help but expect a certain amount of battles. The one at the beginning to warm up, some in the middle and one epic battle in the end. Sure, we've got one at the beginning, a few in the middle, but... there's no epic battle in the end. And what makes it even more weird, there's no even James Bond-like something. I mean, no big bomb to destroy the entire city, no earthquake device, no man-made volcano, or giant robot. Nothing like that. There's just... hugs and happy ending. Which is sure nice. Because, like I said, it turns Ant-Man 2 into a perfect family movie. But still, it feels a bit weird for a MARVEL movie. Personally, I always wait for that big epic something at the end. Like that Wakanda event in the Infinity War... Man, I loved it (Wakanda forever!!!). So, I can't help but feel I tiny little bit disappointed here. Just because.

So, long story short, don't expect anything groundbreaking from Ant-Man and the Wasp. Sure, it's an amazing family movie. It gives you a lot of warm feelings, it looks awesome, it has a lot of really smart action which you won't see anywhere else... but it doesn't have one of those groundbreaking stories with twists, important connections to the Avengers and epic final battle. It's just that - a very expensive and incredibly looking family movie. Which is a good thing in its own way. I actually miss the times when we had more of such stories on the big screen. I like movies that make you remember about how important families are and I like movies that make you feel good about it. So, personally, I loved Ant-Man and the Wasp. And still, you can't help but feel that it's a bit too simple and a bit too straightforward.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Not as good as Rogue One, but still very nice.

[8/10 · 24 May 2018]

OK, Solo! A Star Wars Story. First of all, I was very excited about this movie. For two reasons. First - I LOVED Rogue One. I absolutely adored it. For me it was literally the best thing since the original trilogy. The atmosphere was there, it closed the most important plot holes and MAN, I loved those CGI actors. So, obviously, I expected a lot from the next "story" title.

My second reason was Alden Ehrenreich. I didn't expect anything from him until I saw the trailer. The one with the smile. And that smile was so perfect that I was like "Hey! It's Han! I can't believe it, but it's Han!" Alden Ehrenreich was so perfect in trailer that it was hard for me not to expect a lot from him. And since I totally hated current Disney's trilogy (episodes VII - VIII), the new movie was supposed to give me some more Star Wars I like. Not the Star Wars with MARVEL's jokes and Luke Trollwalker (no surprise that Mark Hamill didn't like what they did with his character, Luke from The Last Jedi was a huge disappointment).

So... did the new miracle happen? Did Solo become a new Rogue One to me? Well... yes and now. First of all, this movie is NOT The Last Jedi. No, sir. Not even close. If you hated The Last Jedi and want some dark atmosphere from the original trilogy instead of "your mom" jokes, you should totally check this movie out. There are some jokes here and there, of course, but all in all, the atmosphere is there and it's the right one. Yes, there are those almost-like-lightsabers weapons that I always hated because they don't make any sense, yest, it may feel a bit too weird here and there thanks to the whole freedom motif, but overall, it's the good old gloomy Star Wars. Not the bright new ones with stupid jokes and pokemons. Acting is also pretty good. Not sure if I liked Emilia Clarke, since she literally did her usual Daenerys thing here, but Alden Ehrenreich was fantastic and I totally loved Donald Glover as Lando. It's just scary how much does he fit the role.

The story, though... that's where problems begin. When you see at the separate parts of it, there's nothing really wrong with it. Freedom motif? Right thing to do thanks to how it's all about Han Solo. Chewbacca's part? Sure, obviously. Gangsters and contrabandists? Of course. God, they even explained the whole "who shot first" thing! The problem is... when all those parts come together... they don't really click. So, it doesn't feel like you're watching a proper movie. Instead, it feels like you're watching some sort of mini-series. Which is OK, bu-u-ut... gives you some sort of weird aftertaste. Especially since some parts may feel somewhat boring (I'm telling you, it's more like a TV format here). But the worst thing is - the mood change. It may feel somewhat fun in one "episode" and pretty gloomy in another. Weird, weird stuff. It's like all those writers wrote their parts alone and then tried to combine them in like a day before filming.

Finally, I didn't really like some small details. I've already mentioned almost-like-lightsabers weapons (even though I can see why they did that, since this movie takes place in period with no Jedi), but there's more. First of all, L3-37. It's not like I hated her. I totally didn't. And it's not like TECHNICALLY she doesn't fit. Because the whole idea about her character fits perfectly in the original motif. But when you see her in action... it feels a lot like they overdid it a bit. She's like one of those bad actors, who try to steal all the attention and it's just... I don't know. It feels wrong. I also didn't like the fact that story doesn't properly end in this movie. Just because I loved my "stories" in Rogue One way. One-shots that shine by themselves and destroy the plot holes. Not sure that I want the big new thing that creates the new ones. Finally, not sure if I liked the decision to bring that one big character from the past back. I won't tell you who it is to avoid spoilers, but you'll sure know when you'll see the movie. The way we separated our ways with that character was one of my most favorite moments back then. And even though there was always some special charm about that character, I'm totally not sure if I want that character back. It felt just right the way that character left. When you bring that character back... I can't say that they did ruin the character in this movie. Just because it was a pretty small appearance. But in the future? There's a huge chance to ruin one of the most charming characters from that period. And I totally don't want that.

So, what's in conclusion? In conclusion, I must say I liked Solo. And yes, I can tell that it became MY Star Wars. Unfortunately, thanks to some weird writing and some strange choices, it feels a bit... unpolished. Maybe it needed more time. Maybe it was just unlucky. But here's how I feel - it's like Rogue One, only... not that perfect. If you loved Rogue One as much as I did - go for it, but don't expect too much. But if you didn't like Rogue One and loved The Last Jedi... then you'll probably hate Solo. Just because it isn't for you. Solo is an attempt to please the old school fans. Not as good as Rogue One... but it'll do for now.

Stranger Things (2016–2025)

A nice imitation of the good shows from the past.

[6/10 · 20 April 2018]

Obviously, people love this show. Currently, it has 8.9 on IMDB, it has 94% on Rotten Tomatoes... so, yeah. It's one of the most popular shows out there now. But is it really that good? Let's see.

First of all, Stranger Things is an extremely well-made series. The atmosphere is there, it's well-direcred, acting is surprisingly good (even kids are doing great here), it's very stylish, soundtrack is very solid and has a lot of licensed songs from the past... It's some really high quality job we have here. The problem is - the story.

Long story short, Stranger Things is some sort of tribute to 80s and 90s. Which (technically) may be a right choice. People love 80s, after all. People who were born back then love them because of pure nostalgia, millennials love them because of all that pop culture thing that makes them want to feel "rad" too from time to time... 80s can sell stuff. Any kind of stuff. From video games to expensive movies. So, the choice do feel right. Especially since, like I said, Netflix did some really good job here. Not only Stranger Things is a stylish show, it was able to create the right atmosphere. Like 2017 version of It did. It does feel like 80s. Like real 80s. Even if you were born back then, you won't feel like somebody's trying to fool you here. It feels like a real deal.

Unfortunately, Stranger Things went too far in its chase for vintage feeling. If you wasn't born yesterday, you'll be able to see that this show has nothing new in it. Exactly nothing. It just takes a lot of stuff from the old movies and TV shows and just throws it at you all over again. E.T., The X-Files, It, Twin Peaks, you name it. I'm pretty sure they did it on purpose, just because some scenes were re-created as is, without even trying to hide it, and it may be OK as some sort of tribute, but... there's nothing else here. Only those recycled ideas and images from the old shows. And that's exactly what kills the show to me. The Duffer Brothers are clearly love retro, but they literally lost themselves in it. And all that reminds me a lot of Ready Player One effect. It's cool to see a town with heavy Twin Peaks feeling in it with those mysterious guys from The X-Files and kids interacting with strange and scary things like in E.T., or It. But every single minute I keep asking myself "What's new here?" And the answer is - nothing. The whole writing feels like it was done by some schoolkid. A very nerdy schoolkid, who just loved all those old movies and TV shows and therefore wanted to make "something like them". You know how it is when kids begin to write their first stories. They just collect everything they like, mix it together and call it their own. That's pretty much what happened here. Back in my school days there was no chance to get a good grade for such a lame work. Just because you can barely call it a proper writing. It's just that - an imitation.

Like Ready Player One (the book came out in 2011, so, I think it's OK to compare stories), story in Stranger Things isn't that important. Because the whole thing is more like an amusement park. It shows you 80s, you can see a lot of vintage stuff you probably used to have as a kid, it lets you hear some popular music from that period, it makes you remember about the old shows you used to love as a kid... but it doesn't really create anything new. It's not a thing on its own. Just a high quality tribute. Stranger Things may be fun to watch with some pizza and beer on your day free, but, like I said, it's just a way to enjoy the atmosphere and remember the real deals you used to see before. There's nothing to remember. Nothing to keep in your heart for years. Nothing to contribute to pop culture. It's an imitation. And when it's about imitations, it doesn't really matter how nicely they're done. Those are imitations and that's it. So, sorry, no high rating from me. You don't put an imitation of good paining in your living room. You put it in your toilet.

I Kill Giants (2017)

I find giants. I hunt giants. I kill giants. AGAIN.

[6/10 · 30 March 2018]

I Kill Giants. 2008 comic book by Joe Kelly (story) and J.M. Ken Niimura (drawings). It was well received by readers (currently 4.1 out of 5 on Goodreads) and even won some awards, but personally, I was unable to understand why it was so popular. The first issue was somewhat intriguing, but very quickly it became clear that it's just yet another story about a kid who should face her fears. We've got a lot of those during the past few years and A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness is probably the most notable among them. A Monster Calls also got movie adaptation, so... yeah, you've guessed it. I Kill Giants that was released before A Monster Calls, wanted a movie too.

And you know what? It isn't bad adaptation. Madison Wolfe, Imogen Poots and Jennifer Ehle were surprisingly good, while most of the time movie is like 100% the same with the comic (kinda figures, since screenplay was done my Joe Kelly himself). Most of the scenes, most of the lines... It's the same exact thing. Of course, there are few minor changes, but most of the time it's just that. Live action version of I Kill Giants. So, if you're a fan of the comic and want it to be adapted as is for the big screen... here it is. Anders Walter and his team literally made the comic to come alive. Unfortunately, there's a big problem about that. Two actually.

First, if you've already read the comic and can't call yourself a fan, there isn't much for you here. All the way you'll feel like you're re-reading comic. Up to the point when you'll know most of the lines before characters will actually say them. The movie is so afraid to change things that it becomes ultimately boring for those who already know the story without being a huge fans of it. People who can't get enough of Barb - yes, they'll love it. But people like me, who felt like the original comic was kinda meh, will literally fall asleep while watching this movie.

Second problem here is the fact that the original story wasn't that good enough to begin with. It didn't feel that fresh and unique in 2008, while after A Monster Calls got a movie, the whole idea of the I Kill Giants on big screen became kind of useless. A Monster Calls wasn't the best movie out there, but it was OK and had some really nice acting by Sigourney Weaver and Felicity Jones. It was absolutely clear that I Kill Giants won't be able to do any better. And yet, here we are.

I can kind of understand the original comic fans. Personally, I'm one of those people who do like their favorite novels and comics to be adopted as is, with as few changes as possible. It's just in this case we have very old idea that was re-used many times and was already on big screen not so long ago. Like the original comic, this movie sure has some charm. But charm alone isn't enough to save the movie. In my opinion, in this exact case changes is what we really needed. Unfortunately, that's exactly what we didn't get. Joe Kelly and Anders Walter decided to make 1:1 adaptation and even though it isn't really bad, it's pretty hard to care about it. Been there, saw that. For many times actually.

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

A bit dirty, but way better than the original comic.

[7/10 · 30 March 2018]

Ah, The Secret Service... Yet another overrated comic by Mark Millar. Like many of his other works, this one wasn't even fresh enough. It was bunch of the old ideas mixed together with the poor writing. Artwork wasn't that bad, but nah, I never really liked The Secret Service. It was dumb and boring story about how young kid with no future met his uncle, who was a James Bond of sorts. Uncle introduces him to the world of secret service and kid's doing great just because he played enough Call of Duty. Yep, it was that bad. So, when they've announced the movie adaptation, I thought it'll be yet another failure. Like, you know. Like Kick-Ass. But guess what? It was totally different story.

The thing is - movie makers took the best part from the original comic and fixed everything that was wrong with it. The best thing about The Secret Service was that Cinderella concept. The idea of how poor guy with no future can become both secret agent and gentleman. It wasn't really a fresh idea, so, it wasn't enough to save the comic, but this movie sure makes it shine. Really good design and costumes, everybody's favorite gentleman Colin Firth, fantastic soundtrack by Henry Jackman & Matthew Margeson (one of those that'll stay with you forever, like Terminator, or Tim Burton's Batman themes)... The movie just nailed. As for what was fixed... well, the story. The story was fixed. Because there's no way to become good with guns while playing Call of Duty. Obviously. So, now we have proper training and other special agent stuff.

Can't say that the story is very good, though. It's actually pretty generic. Thankfully, small details and memorable quotes help a lot. Movie makers also understood that it was bad idea to make it to much like James Bond. So, they came with the idea to make it a little bit... dirty. Well, more than a bit, actually. While being old school, I totally hated some scenes here, while the others were way too controversial (like the one in a church). But dirty jokes and controversial stuff is pretty much what makes this movie different from typical spy movies, so... like it, or not, it can't be different.

So... yeah. It's dirty, it's totally controversial, but... it's better than the original comic. Way, WAY better. The story may still be a bit generic, but at least it isn't as poor as in the comic and music, costumes, actors and other things sure help a lot. If dirty jokes are your thing, then it's your movie. But the best thing about Kingsman is that it can provide a lot of things aside from those. Unlike the comic, you won't forget this one after you'll finish with it. And that's more than you can actually ask from most of the modern movies.

Ready Player One (2018)

I love Ready Player One. It's so BAD!

[6/10 · 29 March 2018]

First of all, yes, I did read the original novel. And no, I didn't like it. The biggest problem with the book was... well... the fact that it was bad. It was really dull and poorly written novel that got a lot of popularity thanks to how Ernest Cline threw a lot of random pop culture references into it. And I kind of understand that it's cool to find a mention of your favorite stuff from the past in a modern novel. And sure, it's even more fun when there's a lot of such stuff. Retro video game consoles, all kinds of retro movies, tokusatsu, old music... People didn't really like Ready Player One. They liked all that. Their own memories about the good old times. The book itself didn't really matter. So, when the movie adaptation was announced... it was somewhat obvious how it'll end.

And you know what? That's pretty much what happened. Long story short, Mr. Spielberg removed most of the dark and depressive stuff from the original story and made it more friendly to young audience. So, now you can experience the story with your entire family. The movie is much more bright, the movie is much more naïve, the movie is much more romantic, the movie is much more charming. Aside from that, the movie utilizes the same exact concept with the book. Which means, it doesn't really try to be a good and interesting movie. If what you need from the movie is a good story with interesting twists and complicated characters, then sorry, you won't find anything of that here. Ready Player One isn't really bad, though. It's just dull and straightforward. I'm pretty sure they've stopped making such movies ages ago. Remember all those movies about some kids, some villains, chase in the end and happy ending? That's pretty much it. If we'll forget about all that pop culture stuff for a second, Ready Player One can feel almost exactly the same with 1989 movie called The Wizard for example. It's really hard not to compare Nolan Sorrento from Ready Player One with Putnam from The Wizard. Some scenes are some similar that I can't help but wonder if it was done on purpose. The original novel didn't give me such an expression and... well... it's pretty stupid. It's like even the real life part of the story doesn't have its own face. Also, think about it. It's supposed to be a movie for geeks. Did they really think that geeks forgot about The Wizard? The movie is a freakin' icon! And yet, Ready Player One repeats it a lot. Like I said, it's a pretty dull and straightforward movie that feels really dated.

And that's where pop culture comes in. Just like it did in the novel. And it works exactly the same. You won't have time to think about how bad the movie is. You'll be like "OMG! It's DeLorean!". And "OMG! She has M41A Pulse Rifle!". And "OMG! It's the original RoboCop!". Got it? It's just so... cool too see all those characters, weapons, vehicles, video game consoles and other stuff in a single movie that wow effect can actually blind you a little. Up until the end of the movie, actually. Especially if you're watching it in 3D. Even the pop culture part isn't that great, though. Because even that part suffered from some obvious obstacles. Mr. Spielberg sure got a lot of stuff. Even more than was mentioned in the novel, actually. And yet, he was unable to get some things that were very important there. Like he was unable to get Leopardon. Famous giant robot from Japanese Spider-man series. Which is kinda weird, since Leopardon appeared in the American comics during the big Spider-man crossover. Can't believe that he was that hard to get. Especially since they've got Gundam. Which was absolutely cool, but... it was Leopardon that used to give the original text that ultimate geeky feeling. Like you know. Many people don't even know about Takuya Yamashiro, while you're sitting there, hearing "Yeah-yeah-ye-a-a-h, WOW!" in your head. Really big loss for a movie. And not the only one too.

Another big problem in my opinion is the modern stuff. I mean, it was clearly stated in the original novel that creator of OASIS, James Halliday, was obsessed with very certain time period. Naturally, hunters tried to imitate that. And yet, here, during the big fight, in the first rows we see characters like Master Chief from HALO series and Tracer from Overwatch. There's nothing wrong with it technically, but the way they did it totally ruins the mood. Ready Player One was supposed to be all about retro. To have that awesome retro feeling of 70s and 80s. And yet, we see product placement in the first rows. I mean, OK, Blizzard wanted to show off their overrated FPS even more, but in the first rows... no. Just no. There are so many amazing old movies and games... and yet we're watching modern stuff everybody tired of. Come on!

As for what was changed from the original novel... Well, a lot, really. Some characters (even the main ones) were heavily changed, some were completely removed, but I can't say that it really matters. Because, like I said, the original novel wasn't really good, or well-written. Technically, you can change it as you like and you won't ruin anything important. It's not like they've removed Tom Bombadil, or something like that. Actually, I kind of liked how they made people from real world more involved. Felt just right. What I really hated was that stupid message in the end. One of those "don't play your games for too long, kids!" that we usually get from Nintendo nowadays. I mean, what? The whole idea about Ready Player One was that there's not much left on the other side. It's not like it's a story about kids who are way too addicted to their cute little VR game. It's not a story about the VG addiction for Pac-Man's sake! That message was so wrong in every place possible and doesn't even make sense.

Another thing I didn't really like much was soundtrack. Which came out as a big surprise to me, since I expected much more. I mean, we've got some sort of an ultimate crossover here. They're using a lot of popular old songs in all sorts of movies nowadays. And yet, we've got only a few most obvious songs. Jump by Van Halen, Take on Me by A-ha, Stayin' Alive by Bee Gees with its own scene, designed after Saturday Night Fever, and some others. Not bad, but... with so many pop culture references you can't help, but want more. I mean, come on! Soundtrack feels a lot like songs were selected by people, who've read about 80s, but didn't really live back then. It's like making a movie about 60s and using only Elvis, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. I'm really disappointed, even though aside from what we can actually hear in the movie, there's also a lot of visual references.

Anyway, what's in conclusion? In conclusion, Ready Player One is an expensive, but uninspiring attraction for geeks. We've got a chance to see a lot of popular stuff from different franchises at the same place, but honestly, there's no real reason for all that. It doesn't even feel like movie makers really cared. It's like they've just got a lot of rights, mixed everything together and voilà. We've got a movie. Even the original novel tried to make things more useful. In the movie it's just that. The only meaning for copyrighted stuff is the one that movie makers were able to get it. Take The Wizard, threw a lot of random stuff into it, mix and serve. Unlike all the movies and games that were mentioned in this movie one way or another, Ready Player One is hollow. You're supposed to make your own meaning here by remembering your good times with all that old stuff. And it's a really sad thing to see. They had a chance to make a movie that geeks will remember for ages. Instead, they made a one-time attraction. Ready Player One isn't really a bad movie and you'll probably enjoy your first experience with it a lot. Especially with a good company. It's just you probably won't want to see it again. Because seeing DeLorean in the same group with Chun-Li is fun, but still, it's much more fun to re-watch Back to the Future and re-play Street Fighter II. Ready player one fails to deliver and interesting story and, unfortunately, doesn't really capture the true meaning of the pop culture. And it doesn't matter who's to blame here, the original source, of Mr. Spielberg. The fact is the fact. Ready Player One is a one-time attraction.

Sherlock Gnomes (2018)

Really cute, but way too generic.

[6/10 · 28 March 2018]

Ah, direct sequel to Gnomeo & Juliet. And you know? I kind of waited for it. Back in 2011 I thought that Gnomeo & Juliet was pretty cute. I always loved stories about the worlds of toys and garden gnomes added nice little touch to the concept. The biggest problem with Gnomeo & Juliet was the fact that it was somewhat... boring. It was a cute little family movie with nice animation and some pretty heartwarming moments, but... it was also somewhat generic. So, while 10+ kids had a chance to fully enjoy it, parents, on the other hand, were can't help but feel sleepy from time to time. Just because, well, they've seen most of the stuff already for quite some times. Yes, garden with cute little gnomes was a nice touch, but it wasn't enough to turn the whole thing into an exciting experience. So, what I expected from sequel is to fix that problem. Because with better script Gnomeo & Juliet had a chance to become really good. So, did sequel achieve that?

Unfortunately, no. Quite the opposite, actually. Sherlock Gnomes is pretty much exactly the same thing. Which means that we've got a lot of adorable characters, we've got stars (Ozzy Osbourne returns as Fawn, while Johnny Depp voices the title character), we've got surprisingly good animation with really nice 3D, we've got soundtrack with a lot of famous songs by Sir Elton John, we've got a story with meaning for both kids and adults, we've got some heartwarming moments... BUT we didn't get anything unique. Like with Gnomeo & Juliet, you won't miss anything special if you'll skip Sherlock Gnomes. Just because a lot of other animated movies can provide pretty much the same thing with almost the same stories and meanings. So, again, garden gnomes repeated their biggest mistake. They didn't provide the real reason to pay for a ticket.

Of course, there are moments in your life when you want a family movie and don't want to re-watch the Toy Story for like a million time. And that's where this movie shines. It's something that was made exactly for such moments. To fill the gap between you re-watching Toy Story and you re-watching Despicable Me during your family animation marathon on holidays. Some scenes are actually feel like they were made with those movies in mind. It's like more of the same and that's it. So, did I enjoy Sherlock Gnomes? Yep. Does it worth going to a movie and pay for tickets? Nope. Like previous movie, this one is something you occasionally watch on Netflix. And there's no other way to it, even if it means for you to miss pretty nice 3D.

Tomb Raider (2018)

Uwe Boll lives!

[1/10 · 26 March 2018]

Ladies and gentlemen, Uwe Boll lives. Well, to be honest, I did expect this movie to suck. Just because I remember the times when we used to have real Lara in video games, while this movie is clearly based on that whiny lil' Lara from Square-Enix's reboot (big Square-Enix logo at the beginning of the movie, no proper mention of the CORE team whatsoever). So, I somewhat expected that I won't like the movie. But... while being a huge fan of the original Tomb Raider since 1996, I was unable to resist. And... I must say, I'm surprised. Because it's literally THE most pathetic thing I've seen since Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark.

The problem with this movie isn't modern Lara. Who's stupid, boring and, well, flat. The problem is in the script. New Tomb Raider is a huge pile of the most generic and predictable old stuff you can ever imagine. It's so generic that if it isn't the first movie you're seeing in the genre, you'll want to cry. And probably will. Everything here, every single moment was used in the other movies for like a million times before. Every move, every word. It's THAT bad. I actually can't believe it myself, but it's that bad. It's so generic and predictable that I literally said the next line BEFORE it was told by character many times during the movie. And was shocked that it actually happens every single time. Should I say that it's a complete disaster?

But the funniest thing is - aside from some shooting that's done by the guys, who act like they've previously played imperial stormtroopers in Star Wars (those guys in white armor who can't hit anything) before doing this, there's almost no action in this movie. It's just that - generic scenes from the old adventure movies and a lot of cheesy talks. A LOT of them. I really wonder what did they do with those $100.000.000. Somebody must have had hell of a party while the others did a quick job on the movie they didn't really care about. The whole two hours I've waited for the story to start for real. Guess what? It didn't. Even though the movie ends with cliffhanger, I still didn't feel any excitement. Actually, even cliffhanger was laughably boring and predictable. First few minutes of the movie - you can predict what will happen in the end.

So... yeah. Not something you'll want to watch willingly. Even if you don't feel the same with me and you did enjoy Square-Enix's videogames, this movie is still no-no. I did mention Uwe Boll at the beginning of this review, but guess what? Old man Uwe actually did better job. Because his movies were so bad that they were actually fun to watch. In a certain unique way, yes, but still. While this one... *sigh* If you want to see a movie and feel that you didn't see anything you didn't see before, then here you go. Want to know most of the lines before characters in a movie actually tell them, even though you didn't see the movie before? Here comes. Want to fall asleep during the movie based on action game? Enjoy. But whatever you do, don't expect this to be a good and interesting movie. Pretty sure that the next movie will include Lara Croft watching the paint drying. And it still will be more fun than this.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

Better than I expected, but still, very cheesy.

[5/10 · 20 January 2018]

OK, first of all, I expected this one to be absolutely, completely awful. I can't call myself a big fan of the original Jumanji, but it was a very heartwarming movie, while Robin Williams is just impossible not to love. It was one of his movies that used to make you feel a little better about life as a thing. This one, though... I expected it to be a complete joke. Like one of the worst movies ever that will ruin the whole name completely. I hated every second of the trailer. And yet... out of curiosity I decided to see it. And guess what? Surprisingly... it wasn't THAT bad.

Actually, they made a sequel (yep, it is not a reboot, it's a direct sequel) and even kept the original heartwarming formula. With how Jumanji may be a scary thing, but it makes players' lives better in the end. It's that exact heartwarming formula and I totally didn't expect that. Here and there it really did feel like they tried to pay some respect to the original. Unfortunately, yes, in the end, it's one of those cheesy movies with a lot of stupid jokes, a lot of stupid action, etc. Where the original Jumanji was more like a soft horror movie with comedy elements, this one is more like a typical action comedy with Rock in spotlight.

In other words, even though beginning and the end of the movie do feel like Jumanji, the middle part is pretty different. And I can't really say I liked it. It was OK here and there, but some jokes were way too dirty for such a movie (say whatever you want, but Jumanji should be more like a family movie, jokes about penises and breasts feel totally out of place here), adventure part feels pretty boring (when you think about it, nothing really happens in this movie, just some action on the way to the end), while effects weren't really that cool. I mean, the original Jumanji used to have pretty impressive visuals back in the days. This one... it even looks dated here and there. With $110.000.000 budget they didn't even try to hide cameraman's reflection in Jack Black's glasses. There's also not enough variety. Using those motorcycles again and again... It felt cheap. It actually felt like those cheap old Japanese TV shows. No budget? Get some guys in helmets, put them on bikes and make some action. In this movie 1/3 of action is like that. Feels dated, feels boring and I almost fall asleep during some parts. Which is pretty much a failure for an action part. I can't even name another recent movie that made me fall asleep during the action parts. This one did.

I kinda liked how actors did, though. Usually, I can't stand Jack Black (there's something about him that I find extremely unpleasant), but he did pretty good as a part of the team here. And, of course, Karen Gillan (insert joke about Pond in the pond here) was really amazing. Loved her both in action and talking parts. They did really great with Rock. Their scenes are like my favorite. I also liked Morgan Turner. There aren't many scenes with her, but she was able to create a certain mood around her character. Just by certain moves and gestures. It was pretty cute thing to see.

But in the end it's a 50/50 to me. Welcome to the Jungle feels like one of those cheesy sequels from 90s. Like, you know. Back in the days, when there was a good and successful movie, there often was a chain of sequels. With the first one that wasn't really that bad yet (the following movies used to become worse and worse progressively), but still, it wasn't even close to the original. In other words, this one isn't Lawnmower Man 2, but it's something like Jaws 2. Not too bad yet, but... not really as good. Kinda fun how in 2017 we've got a cheesy sequel to 1995 movie, but... that's exactly what it is. If you aren't really Karen Gillan's, or Dwayne Johnson's fan, this movie is pretty much skippable. Even for those, who loved the original Jumanji. I certainly don't want it on my shelf, but... I don't really regret paying for a ticket. It was a solid one time movie with a heartwarming ending. Some jokes, some action, a heartwarming ending... Don't expect much, and it can make you a nice evening. But if you want proper Jumanji 2... Sorry, won't happen here.

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

I said "Disney... mmgh! Stop it now!"

[3/10 · 15 December 2017]

Everyone told me Not to stroll on that beach Said Disney gonna come Poke me in the coconut And he did And he did

First of all, I didn't like The Force Awakens. It felt extremely forced and most of the time it was just a lame rip-off of the old episodes. So, I totally didn't plan to support The Last Jedi by paying for it. And then that awesome trailer happened... It was so... charming and mysterious that I thought "Whatever!". And went to premiere. Man, I was a fool...

The best thing about The Last Jedi is that, unlike previous episode, it doesn't really feel like exactly the same thing. There's no another Death Star (well, no proper one that is), there's no more "father / kid" stuff, etc. Thanks to that it feels somewhat fresh. Like it's a movie on its own, not just copy / pasted content from the old movies. It is something new to see. Something you didn't see before. I really liked that about the movie. Of course, some things are still feels old. For example. they literally turned Phasma into a new Boba Fett and it's hard not to notice that. But all in all, this movie does provide new content. And it's a good thing. Most of the things that were supposed to be pretty obvious and straightforward ended up in a totally unexpected way. Since the previous episode was extremely predictable, it was nice to see something different. The movie also comes with some nice new design and creations (porgs, for example, were really nice addition) and I loved that they still kept puppets as a part of the thing. All that is pretty good. Also, the final battle here is arguably the most beautiful one in the entire franchise. All that red and white colors... It looks incredible in 3D. The movie probably worth watching once just because of that beautiful final battle. People who designed it did fantastic job.

Unfortunately, everything else about the movie is just bad. Especially the script. It's just a mess. It doesn't even feel like a proper movie. More like a bunch of some random scenes. But what really killed the movie is two things.

1.Jokes. Yes, Star Wars always used to include some, but this... It doesn't even feel like Star Wars anymore. Believe it, or not, it's more like a MARVEL movie now. Remember Thor: Ragnarok? That's how it is here. Cheap jokes even ruined Luke. I'm not kidding. Legendary Luke Skywalker in this movie looks more like an old internet troll. Since the early scenes the movie tries to be fun and fails. I thought Thor: Ragnarok killed the Thor series just because of such lame humor, but here it's like a complete catastrophe for the entire franchise.

2.Snoke. In the previous movie he was teased like a dark and mysterious being. For two years people tried to guess who he is. The first Sith, or some sort of vampire who lives by consuming the Force. But guess what? He's nobody. Just some random guy. Not only he fails to be a proper villain. In this movie he looks like the most pathetic creature in the entire universe. He looks exactly like some random pimp from the gangster movie. You know, one of those "all talks" characters. Who dies right after everybody begins to think he's too annoying.

Snoke marks the point where everything goes down the drain for real. Just because thanks to him the whole trilogy falls apart like a house of cards. If he's such a loser, why in the world everybody's so afraid of him? How the First Order is even possible with such a "supreme" leader? Hows the whole war possible? I mean, in this movie we can see that it's not that hard to get on Snoke's ship. He isn't hiding, or something. And with Luke so strong and Snoke so stupid... why in the world Luke didn't even try to stop this war at the very beginning? To save a lot of lives. Just because he feels down? That's just stupid. I mean, yeah, Star Wars movies aren't supposed to be deep and realistic, but this is just... stupid.

Think about it. Kylo Ren is just a kid. A kid who didn't show any real power. He was beaten by a girl who took the lightsaber for the first time, he was almost killed by a Praetorian Guard, he was heavily humiliated by Luke, he didn't do anything real for two movies besides whining... But he easily kills Snoke, who's supposed to be big and important. With just a stupid pimp and a single wannabe Sith... How in the world the First Order can even be a thing?! It's just... *sigh* Snoke's death is literally the most stupid scene in the entire franchise. Probably the most stupid thing I've ever seen in any AAA movie. It's THAT bad.

Another thing I hated is that the movie doesn't even try to think about the old movies. In The Phantom Menace Jedi Council refused to teach Anakin Skywalker because he was "too old" and therefore too unstable. And even though he got there eventually, he was heavily monitored all the time. In the original trilogy, Luke was trained as "A New Hope". He was way too old, but he was trailed by Grand Master Yoda himself. In this movie we have Rey. Who didn't even know about the Force and just used the lightsaber for the first time. And everybody's OK with her being the successor of the entire Jedi Order without any training whatsoever. It's like nobody even cares anymore. The Force is strong with you? Go and do some stuff then. That's how this movie works. It's just mind-blowing how stupid it is.

And that's basically it. It looks pretty good, it's nicely designed, there are good old actors we all love... But it's so dull and stupid that it's literally impossible to enjoy it. Any fan theory about this movie on Youtube is about 9999x times more interesting and complicated than this bunch of nonsense. If it's true and Rian Johnson will also write the first episode for the new trilogy, then Force save us all... No idea why Disney just can't hire a proper writer for such an expensive franchise, but I honestly do want them to stop with such lame approach. Even though I love Disney since I was a little kid and think that there's a loot of good things about them, Star Wars is franchise that was killed exactly because of them. Stop, Disney. Just stop. Please.

Justice League (2017)

Zack Snyder did learn, but man, The Flash is awful.

[5/10 · 16 November 2017]

Zack Snyder did learn. And this time he made almost perfect DC movie. Almost. Like Wonder Woman before it, Justice League does feel like a proper comics-based thing. It isn't too dark with no reason like those Superman movies, there isn't too many religion stuff, dialogues aren't really cheesy, the battles are made in a right and exciting way... It's just as you want your DC movie. Stylish, cool and exciting.

Unfortunately, there are some things that ruined it to me. A lot. First of all, the plot is way too basic. I know, I know, it's a superhero movie, "let's get together" one too, so plot isn't really important here. Just put a lot of familiar faces together and make them fight. For justice. And that'll be it. But... somehow you can't help, but to want more.

The whole movie is literally made of three parts. The first one is a quick introduction of characters. The second part is all about Superman's return. Not really a spoiler, it was spoiled for oh so many times in previous movies and trailers, so... Anyway, yeah, one part is all about Clark and Lois. And finally, there's that cool big battle everybody wanted. One, two, three. It's just like that. In other words, really, REALLY basic stuff. Not the biggest problem out there, bu-u-ut... you know.

The second problem is Lantern. I mean, come on! Justice League without Green Lantern?! Give me a break. It just can't be right. This problem is still fixable, though. There's a certain obvious scene in this movie that will probably lead into a new Green Lantern movie in a future, which, of course, will mean that he WILL be in the next Justice League, so... Fixable. But still, it didn't really feel OK to me to see Justice League without Lantern. It was more like Justice League Origins, or Justice League Zero... But Justice League with no Lantern... No. Just no. So, problem number two - needs more Lanterns.

I can live with most of that, though. What really ruined the movie to me is... The Flash. Dear GOD, he's awful. He isn't just bad, or something... He's just... A-W-F-U-L. Absolutely, completely AWFUL. Ezra Miller is literally THE worst thing EVER happened with The Flash. There's literally EVERYTHING wrong with The Flash in this movie. EVERYTHING. Zack Snyder's team turned Barry Allen into a clown. And not into a scary Pennywise-like clown, but into a stupid and cowardly one. Yes, I know, the movie covers Barry's early stages as a hero and it totally needed some sort of funny character to bring some fun in, but come... freakin'... on... After absolutely brilliant Flash from the TV series (played by Grant Gustin) they gave us THIS. You can't even call The Flash a proper character here. He's a tool! He's Jar Jar Binks! HE IS JAR JAR BINKS! I'm not kidding or overreacting here. He's LITERALLY Jar Jar in this movie. He acts EXACTLY the same and everything he says is as "cool" as what Jar Jar says and does. Just think about it, guys... In this movie... we have... Jar Jar Flash. Jar Jar... freakin'... Flash... Man, I hate that. And to make things (much) worse Ezra Miller's acting is EXTREMELY bad. And THAT I didn't expect. I mean, he was pretty much OK in the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, so, I really thought that he was chosen because he's a good actor. But guess what? Nope. He's the only one who literally fails to act here. You can clearly see it in one of the prison scenes, for example. I mean... he's bad in every single scene, but that one was serious, so, you can clearly see how bad he is there. He's just bad in every way possible. Remember how Wonder Woman saved Batman v Superman? It was pretty bad movie and near the end it was hard to force yourself to keep watching, but then BOOM! Wonder Woman theme played, Gal Gadot appeared and everybody was like OMG OMG OMG!!! With Justice League it's exactly the opposite. We have a pretty good and exciting movie, but EVERY SINGLE TIME there's The Flash on screen, you want just say "Screw it!" and leave.

Thankfully, the others were good. Amy Adams was great as usual, Henry Cavill still does a very solid Superman, Ben Affleck still isn't the worst Batman out there, Ray Fisher turned out to be ideal choice for Cyborg, Jason Momoa actually surprised me by doing nice as Aquaman, while Gal Gadot... OK, OK, I kinda became a fanboy by now, but come on, I think everybody should agree that she's just fantastic Wonder Woman! She's just perfect for this role and everything she does is perfect. And there's a lot of her too, so, if you're like me and going to see this movie just because you loved Gal Gadot in the previous DC movie, you're in for a treat, guys. Go and see it, even if it's only for Gal Gadot, it's still worth it.

What else? The effects were pretty solid, 3D was OK, music was cool (loved how many old themes were included, it was really nice to hear 1989 Batman theme again) and I loved the song that played during the credits. I won't spoil it to you, but I loved the idea, even though it was a cover and not even the best one.

So... that's it. The Justice League. I must say I'm glad I decided to see it. With different Flash it'll be really cool movie, but even as is it's pretty nice. I mean, it's nice to see the DC movie that doesn't suck for a change, right? Ah, and don't leave the theater too fast. There are two after credits scenes here. The first one is just for fun, but the second one is REALLY important.