umer_uf Reviews

Bol (2011)

Bol: But I prefer if you didn't

[3/10 · 25 November 2013]

It seems that I'm getting a lot of hate for my comment on how crappy Bol is. For those who haven't seen or don't plan on watching this movie; here's the plot in a nutshell: It's a story about a girl who wishes to tell the world her story before she is hanged for the murder of her father. The movie doesn't seem to know what issue it wants to highlight and provide a solution for. Although it's a love letter to family planning, it keeps on flip flopping between religious extremism, domestic violence, homosexual abuse, and prostitution among many, many other issues. Whoa there; one problem at a time, Shoaib Mansoor.

The movie takes place in an ultraorthodox Muslim family of Hakim Sahab, who keeps impregnating his wife in hopes of having a son. In fourteen tries his wife gives birth to seven daughters, one hermaphroditic son (who is bane of his existence), and has seven miscarriages. We are also introduced to the neighbors of Hakim Sahib, Master Sahib who dogmatically follows the "bachey do hi achey" model of family planning. After a few more miscarriages, the 'Joan of Ark' of our story: Zainab; decides to gets her mother sterilized. This is done so Hakim Sahib can't impregnate her anymore.

If I go on any further I'll make the same mistake the movie makes and that is to swim in a puddle of irrelevant details and in turn derail my train of thoughts. Basically when the hermaphrodite son gets raped, Hakim Sahib kills him. Consequentially he is forced to bribe the police with masjid donation and in his desperation to get the money back for the masjid meets with a pimp. The pimp offers him the money only if he is able to impregnate the pimp's daughter with a girl. The story reaches a climax when the pimp's daughter conceives a baby girl whom Hakim Sahib attempts to murder. In trying to save the baby's life, Zainab strikes her father on the head leading to his death.

Here is my problem with the movie. The acting in the movie was very shallow and one dimensional. The characters were very stereotypical, and extremely predictable. Hakim Sahib in particular comes off as very comical and silly even when he is trying to be serious. The music is dreadful and unnecessary. This movie is just an extended episode of a Pakistani drama in that it is boring and TOO DAMN LONG. Most importantly, it is unabashedly biased and essentially doesn't provide any real solutions. Bol is the second movie of Shoaib Mansoor that tries to paint all religious Muslims with the same brush and brand them as heartless villains. He puts forward music and dancing as the solutions to Pakistan's social conundrum and a blatant rejection of all Islamic values.

Extremist Mullahs seem to be a common theme in his movies; in 'Khuda key Liye' we saw the music-loving boy fall victim to some extremist mullah who spouts hate for the west and music. Mr. Mansoor even tries to justify that music is halal by saying that the Prophet Daud used to sing since he was blessed with a beautiful voice. Mansoor's blatant disregard of Quran and Hadith is very visible in both the movies. Ironically, he has embraced the 'Pick and Choose' method that the very same extremists he despises and maligns have made their methodology.

I came across a very interesting point as I was researching the movie and its director that may help explain his bias and motivation. It turns out that Mr. Mansoor was mentor to a very "beardly" famous Pakistani: Junaid Jamshaid. Jamshaid was once was a famous pop star, who had a change of heart and left the music industry abruptly deeming it unappealing andun-Islamic. Mr. Mansoor was personally wounded by this transformation and he allegedly said "I gave him sixteen years of my life as a true friend and played a role in his professional life to the best of my abilities. How could he throw away our sixteen years just like that without even consulting me?" This comment in the backdrop of his first movie 'Khuda Ke Liye'; which is homage to music; helped me understand his whole anti-mullah crusade. Mansoor somehow feels that it's his obligation now to prevent any more Junaid Jamshaid type transformations.

My biggest fear after seeing this movie was that it might discourage young Pakistanis from learning about Islam with an open mind. I spent a significant chunk of my life in Pakistan and I attended a Madrassa when I was there. I can truthfully say that I know exactly what goes on there, and I can tell you for a fact that a lot of what Mr. Mansoor portrays in his movies is grossly exaggerated. In fact, anyone who dares to learn about Islam in Pakistan is stigmatized and ridiculed at times as I can personally attest to. I was ostracized by the other children and often tauntingly called a Mullah, and whatever other derogatory term that is attached to children who attend madrasas.

Alternatively, if you really want to watch a thought provoking, emotionally moving Pakistani movie check out Ramchand Pakistani. It is a beautiful story of a poor Pakistani Hindu boy and his father accidentally imprisoned in an Indian jail, and accused of being Pakistani spies. The movie is grossly overlooked, and under-appreciated which is a shame. It makes great use of the silent yet somber beauty of the Pakistani desert landscape, traditional music and the main cast complements the tone and pathos of the movie perfectly. On the other hand, Shoaib Mansoor is simply digging for compliments and popularity by grossly exaggerating the reality, wherein Ramchand Pakistani shows a real side of the Pakistani minority and their struggles. It just works, people!. Bol makes a mockery of the term 'social commentary' and earns the director the label of sycophant from yours truly: the Cineophant.

Gravity (2013)

Great visual experience with minor momentum moments.

[7/10 · 30 October 2013]

Gravity is an instance visual experience with great performances from Oscar winning actors and occasional silliness that can kill the momentum. Sandra Bullock brings her A game both in acting and in the physique department sending a clear message to young Hollywood lionesses that she is still the head huntress.

Clooney is as usual killing it for all us single guys with his suave persona and wine-like looks that seem to get better with age. His calm yet imposing demeanor makes him a good mentor figure, guiding Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) through an almost hopeless situation. The back and forth between the two was a pleasant distraction from impending disaster. Like in any disastrous situation, the experienced will calm and guide the rookies throughout the ordeal. The conversation between the two reveals a sad story of Ryan Stone's life which made it easier to sympathize with her and root for her even more.

Gravity looks absolutely breathtaking and for the first time I sat through a 3D movie without headaches, or constant struggle between 3D and my actual glasses for space on the bridge of my nose. The movie does 3D right, creating an immersive environment in which dodging space debris almost feels instinctive. The ever presence of Earth in the backdrop is both scary and humbling, creating an odd sense of wonder and insignificance.

Gravity could have been a near perfect movie if it didn't have some momentum killing moments. There were times where I had to tell myself that "it's just a movie, so go with it", and that's where the movie lost me. Any time I have to tell myself "it's just a movie" is when I start to dislike movies, and sadly Gravity is one of those movies. There is a limit to how much a movie should push a single situation or scenario and in my humble opinion Gravity breaks that limit a few times. It's hard to get back into a movie once you start to question the reality presented to you.

Overall, Gravity is a fun movie that will definitely get your heart going, have you dodging space debris and clinching your seat. Absolutely worth the watch even if it's just for the amazing visuals. If you don't like to do too much thinking and are looking for a fun immersive movie Gravity will not disappoint.

Taken 2 (2012)

Taken 2 is excremental remains of an amazing movie.

[3/10 · 11 October 2013]

Taken was like a rare dish served in a respective restaurant cooked by a prestigious chef. You enjoyed it a lot and there were few complaints but, it was so good that you overlooked the minor flaws. The dish went down to your stomach where digestive juices started attacking it to break down the delicious dish for nutrients. The dish then travelled through your small intestines where it's further broken down to individual molecules and absorbed directly to your blood stream. Taken 2 on the other hand is the remains of that dish pushed up and around the large intestines and exiting from your anus.

I was excited to see Liam Neeson return to his kickass dad role and do what he did so suavely and almost nonchalantly in the first movie: take no names and kick some unknown gang member's ass. However, this movie had me greatly disappointed. The movie tried its very best; it had a great premise in that the family of the gangsters from the first movie comes to Istanbul to take revenge on Bryan Mills (Neeson) for killing fathers, husbands, brothers and sons. But sadly that's the furthest the movie went with this great plot point. The antagonists were very generic, they were horribly unoriginal, and were Muslims which I'm assuming made it easy for us to hate.

This wasn't a huge issue in the first movie where the antagonist were also Muslim, but the movie didn't take every moment to remind us that. It hinted it, and I respected it for that. It was just happened to be a gang of Albanian kidnapers and that's all they had to say. Rest was just history. Liam Neeson kicked some ass, shot and tortured some goons, and I was a happy camper. Taken 2 on the other hand wanted us to know that these guys are maleficent and they are Muslims and the good American hero is out there fighting on their turf to defend his family. I would have over looked this, if only the movie was even remotely as good as the first one. The antagonists seem smart at the beginning of the movie but they quickly became your generic brand hired thugs that can't shoot, and do everything haphazardly. They were very easy to kill and showed very little to no intelligence. Just a side note; why in God's name the Albanian gangsters in Turkey talking to each other in English? It boggled my mind how stupid this movie got at points.

The fight scenes were absolutely horrendous, and were grossly edited. There wasn't a single sequence of continuous fighting. The camera was shaky and you would only get to see a bit of a fight scene because of heavy editing. Apparently they didn't have a good enough budget to hire a fight coordinator but they had enough money to hire a stunt driver to show off amazing driving skills through the narrow streets of Istanbul of a girl who failed her driver's test twice.

Liam it seems was trying his best, but the movie was so bad that only his performance from Schindler's list would be able to save this pile of excrement. His co-stars didn't really shine either. That's all I have to say about it. Any further details are irrelevant because it so bad I have nothing to say. Their acting was just awful. Both the wife and daughter played by Famke Jenssen and Maggie Grace, were just there as an eyesore. They didn't really add anything to the movie they didn't provide any added excitement, and it was a good reason to only show them for first few minutes of the first movie.

This movie would have been so much better if the bad guys had some depth, if it had some decent fight scenes and much less screen time for the leading ladies. I say don't waste your time go watch The Raid Redemption instead.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is an absolute joy to watch.

[8/10 · 30 June 2013]

Sometimes it takes an unfortunate event to find the one you're truly meant to be with, and it doesn't get more unfortunate than the end of the world. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a wonderful movie about Dodge (Steve Carell), a timid insurance salesman and Penny, a spunky 28 year old (Keira Knightley) teaming up to help each other come to terms with impending doom.

A giant asteroid is heading towards Earth and all attempts to destroy it have failed so humanity has about 21 days left to live. Penny and Dodge have been neighbours for years but never once met and it's the end of the world that brings them together. I don't like Keira Knightley, I always found her to be a little annoying. However her upbeat, always- optimistic Penny and Carell's boring, always-playing-it-safe Carell complimented each other perfectly and created such great chemistry that this unlikely pairing didn't feel so unlikely.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a dark and a very funny movie. You always have the end of the world at the back drop and as the relationship between Penny and Dodge shapes up; you can't help but hope that the world wouldn't end and that there would be a standard romantic comedy happy ending.

I love this movie's take on how people would react in a doomsday scenario; it's not you action beat em up movie where one man must face all odds to protect his blah blah blah, it all has been done before. In this movie you have regular people trying to cope with their deaths in many different ways from suicide to going about day to day activities to rioting and some other more sensual ways.

Sometimes it can take a lifetime to find you true love, but when you find that person it doesn't matter whether you spend decades, or few days with them. The comfort of being with your one and only can even make end of the world bearable.

I give Seeking a Friend for the End of the World 8 giant asteroids- speeding towards-Earth out of 10.

World War Z (2013)

World War Z: Movie Review

[7/10 · 23 June 2013]

World War Z is an interesting movie. It's smart at times and yet it makes the same cliché mistakes that many of zombie movies tend to make. In World War Z zombies no longer turn people into undead flesh eaters, but it's a virus like Swine flu or Sars, it moves from host to host infecting them. No one is safe but if it's a virus there must be a cure. Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt) is the U.N. investigator who is called in to find and root out the virus. Going around the world chasing leads from South Korea to Israel to find the potential cure.

There were time in the movie that seem so foolish and an obvious set ups for zombie attacks that it took away some of the charm of the movie. Randomly phone ringing when making a dash for safety, zombies hiding in the closest, kicking the cans in an empty hallway, and random Arab girl leading a celebratory song in Israel on a loud speaker, when it has been established that zombies are attracted by loud noises.

World War Z is an intense ride that picks up within the first 5 in of the movie and doesn't stop till the very end. There were slow points but they were necessary because they gave us some background story. The fast zombies worked in this movie, they were first introduced in 28 Days Later and this movie uses them appropriately.

World War Z is yet another movie that shows how fragile the society is and how quickly people turn to anarchy and looting.

When facing impending doom how will you react? Will you follow the rules or do whatever it takes to survive?

I give World War Z 7 deadly zombie bites out of 10.

The Hangover Part III (2013)

Only good for few Nostalgia-laughs.

[5/10 · 24 May 2013]

You know that one joke you tell at every party? It was hilarious the first time you told it. So you kept telling it over and over again. You told your mom, your friends, your wacky uncle and heck you even told it to your baby sister. Each time you tell that joke it lost some of its charm and you know this in your heart, but you keep telling it because it made you someone who was at least bearable at the office party. The Hangover Part III is THAT dreaded, self-destructive joke.

The first The Hangover was a surprise to everyone. It was a smart, engaging and an all-around funny move. It made the three protagonists into overnight stars, along with Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong). Since The Hangover these four guys have experienced great success; Bradley Cooper has been nominated for an Oscar, Ed Helms became a little more then Andy from The Office, and Zach Galifianakis (the funniest of the bunch) starred on HBO's Bored to Death and Ken Jeong is a recurring character on Community. It's no surprise then that The Hangover made these guys in demand, and had the audience craving for more. So what better way to give the masses what they want than bringing the Wolf Pack back together for two more subpar movies. The Hangover Part III brings the crew back together for yet another wacky adventure, this time getting them to go to Tijuana and back to Vegas. There isn't really much to tell you about the plot that you can't figure out yourself. So it makes very little sense to go in any further detail about it, and I can move on to things that worked.

By far the funniest moment during the movie for my money's worth was when some girl in the theater screamed out loud after seeing one of the main character dangle for his life. The whole theater roared, and it was a genuinely hilarious moment. Too bad the same can't be said about the rest of the movie. No doubt there were some funny moments and personally the best bits of the movie were when Melissa Mccarthy was on the screen. Some of the other funniest moments were throwbacks to the original. I found myself doing a lot of "ooh I remember that from the first movie. Ha ha that reference is funny." Unfortunately that is all this movie is, it's a reminder of how great The Hangover was and we should nostalgia- laugh (is something I just made up) because we once thought there was no one funnier than Zack Galifianakis. Other than that any original content was drab at best.

The best laughs came from all the supporting characters, and the 'Big 3' it felt like were just there to collect the pay check. Bradly Cooper was by far the worst of the bunch. It's hard to believe that this is the same guy who was nominated for an Oscar not very long ago. Ed Helms and Zack Galifianakis were at least trying.

It was the overall chemistry of the three characters that made the original so great. The Hangover was a perfect recipe of Mac and Cheese where you threw in random ingredients and IT WAS THE BEST MAC AND CHEESE YOU EVER MADE! You tried replicating the original time after time, and tasted nothing but cheese and disappointment. It was just another Mac and Cheese. Sure it was served its purpose of feeding your broke student ass, but you yearned for that perfect gourmet Mac and Cheese fit to serve Gordon Ramsay himself.

The Hangover Part III is not a movie for people who are looking for genuine comedy. There are some very funny moments but the cheap laughs far outnumber the good ones. If you're going in expecting a repeat of The Hangover then don't waste your time and money. If you were disappointed by The Hangover Part II this movie will only throw salt on your wounds. It's sad to see such an initially brilliant trilogy end like this. Hangover 3 was nothing but one last attempt at squeezing every last dollar from the franchise. The Hangover Part III gets 5 nostalgia-laughs out of 10.

Go Goa Gone (2013)

Go Goa Gone is a refreshing change from your typical Bollywood mediocrity.

[7/10 · 15 May 2013]

Go Goa Gone is a pretty good movie for the first of its kind in Bollywood. Apart from your typical Bollywood annoyances this movie was quite entertaining. Granted my opinion on this is fairly biased given my love for Zombie flicks, however I believe it stands on its own. The movie borrowed ideas from Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead that were easily recognizable and familiar; although nowhere as blatantly as many other Bollywood movie. Also, the setting of the movie felt eerily like the video game: Dead Island. Few scenes felt like they were exactly the same as some missions in the game.

The overall acting was good and the jokes were smart and stuck for most parts, some more than others. The chemistry between the three protagonists, and overall cast was spot on. Saif Ali Khan's pseudo Russian Mafioso was an entertaining gag when originally introduced but it got a little old and drabby after a while. The female lead in the movie was underused and felt like a background character, other than being your prototypical Bollywood 'Damsel in distress'.

The plot is very simple (like any other zombie movie) and can be easily figured out. The movie follows a very typical zombie flick formula: Intro to the main character, putting them in a setting of zombies, explaining the origin of zombies (little lacklustre in this move), figuring out how to fight and kill zombies, the lack of ability to shoot the zombies and mastering the headshot by the end of the movie, and so on. This movie is as original as any zombie movie can get. Every scene of the movie was fairly predictable. Not to say that this is a bad thing, all zombie movies are alike. It's the chemistry between the characters that really separate the greats from the rest. As liner as this movie was, the surprising anecdote about zombies which was cheesier than the cheesiest cheese cake, felt original. I laughed out loud several times during the movie; admittedly the humor was along the lines of 3 Idiots and Delhi Belly i.e. buddy movies with a lot of raunch.

The movie was 1 hour and 48 minutes in length, which is a little long for a movie of this sort. 1 hour and 30 to 40 minutes max would be ideal for a zombie flick. It's hard to keep the audience immersed. The jokes get lazy and pushy and the situations where protagonist has to escape the zombie hoards get nuttier and nuttier to the point of complete disbelief

My biggest complaint against this movie is its anti-smoking campaign.

It's almost ridiculous to see an anti-smoking campaign in a movie about pot-smoking booze hounds itching for parties that feature Mary Jane. There was an abundance of smoking scenes that featured small messages warning against smoking. It's almost like the NRA running ads that featured gun-related killings and having messages popping up simultaneously that say "Don't shoot people in the face. Shooting people in the face is bad." I understand that the movie means well and doesn't want to glamorize smoking, but omitting smoking altogether from the movie would be more effective anti-smoking rhetoric than a miniscule, meaningless and insincere insulting sign at the bottom of the screen.

Overall though, I would recommend this movie to any zombie fans out there. If you're not a fan of Bollywood but enjoy zombies it's still worth the watch. The nod to Bollywood cheesiness near the end of the movie was worth the price all on its own.There were obvious "Are you serious? He would totally get bitten in that situation." type of scenes and the anti-smoking messages were very annoying. However, they are forgivable because it's Bollywood's first attempt at the genre and from the looks of it they have done a good job.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Moon Rise Kingdome: Movie Review

[8/10 · 22 February 2013]

"Moonrise Kingdom" is a movie about two misfit teenagers who fall in love and decide to run away, which causes the small island town to search for them. The movie puts the audience right in the action from the very beginning of the movie and slowly fills in the missing pieces. It is a hilarious adventure which seems somber in its demeanour but its comedic flair provides intense roller-coaster moments. "Moonrise Kingdom" has an ensemble cast of Oscar nominees and winner, starring Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murry, and Oscar winners Tilda Swinton and Frances McDormand. Wes Andersondoes a wonderful job combining a powerhouse cast without discriminating or overshadowing the two up-and- coming protagonists; Jared Gilman (as Sam) and Kara Hayward (as Suzy), who carried the movie superbly on their own. It doesn't feel for a moment that the movie needs the big stars but it is always great to see good actors doing what they do best.

"Moonrise Kingdom" does not go in great details about the lives of each character, but gives just enough information to get an understanding about their lives. This works in favour of the movie as it leaves it to the audience to establish a back story for each character. Essentially, each character is somewhat melancholic which creates a depressing atmosphere for the movie.

Apart from few 'over the top' moments that take away from the crucial viewing-experience, this movie is an absolute delight. The chemistry between Gilman and Hayward has one rooting for the oddball lovers the entire duration of the movie. Their love feels genuine and is a welcoming change from Hollywood's manufactured teen romances, which are delusional, forced and unrealistic. Real life teenagers are supposed to be a little weird, confused, disillusioned, and above all they do not look like they just came out of a catalogue.

"Moonrise Kingdom" is a hilarious adventure that is exciting, original, shocking (no pun intended), and oddly depressing at times. Ultimately it is an immersing experience that does not and will not disappoint. The story of true love facing adversity in a very unusual setting is thoroughly satisfying and a must-watch!