johnbirch-2 Reviews

Gran Turismo (2023)

Everything that "Le Mans '66" and "Ferrari" should have been

[10/10 · 25 March 2024]

There have been a few high-profile motor racing-related films in recent years, and invariably they have been... disappointing.

So this unheralded little film was a surprise (well. I'd not heard of it). No great stars I recognised, and all the better for it.

The is what motor racing movies are about. All the action of "Rush" or "Grand Prix", plus being mainly a real, true, story - really. I was checking it a watching it because it all seemed to unlikely. But amazingly it was all pretty much true.

And it's genuinely exciting stuff. You can't take your eyes off the scree, it's like being there with all of the rush of "Rush"

I utterly loved it. Every minute.

This is what motor racing - and sports - films should be about - the racing, and the sport.

W1A (2014–2024)

The scary thing is how close to the truth this is

[10/10 · 30 October 2023]

I loved this when it went out - it was so funny and seemed to far fetched, so extreme.

But now in the real world the council will I work is moving out of its old 1930s council building into an office EXACTLY like this. So much so that it is as if this as not a fake documentary but a real one, and our relocation team have been watching it. Avidly.

"Inspiring" bollocks on the walls? Check Glass walled meeting rooms? Check Touchdown desks where you could be sitting next to anyone, but no-one from your team? Check Load of middle managers talking bollocks like some crazy cult? Check

Seriously. W1A is less a comedy and more an awful warning about the future of office life for everyone.

You laughed. But this is the future. You have been warned.

Ghosts (2021– )

First series an 8 or 9, second series rather less!

[6/10 · 14 September 2023]

I really enjoyed the first series - perhaps because many of the episode ploys were lifted from the UK series, but even so it was very enjoyable, similar to but also different from, the series it was based on.

Series 2 has been a real disappointment. The episode plots are noticeably thinner and very forgettable. Whereas in series 1 - as with the UK series - each episode often had multiple ideas, episodes in Series 2 often have just one.

What is more each episode seems to stand alone. Everything is resolved, and I am pretty sure you could watch the entire series in an random order without any confusion.

The characters, who developed over Series 1, were also stuck in aspic in Series 2.

The UK original ended with me wanting more, after Series 2 of the US version I find myself not caring if there are any more.

A Seaside Girl (1907)

A "Benny Hill" sketch from 1907

[9/10 · 2 August 2023]

May Clark - fresh from the first ever Alice in Wonderland four years before - appears in a short film that might have almost been a Benny Hill sketch from the 1970s or 1980s.

Today it looks pretty awful as three lecherous men - one a Scot in full highland dress - interrupt and then chase a young woman who had been doing no more than read a book on the beach. For some unaccountable reason she ends up going off with one of them - maybe to escape the other two?

However, filmed likely all on one day in Bognor Regis it is a piece of a lost world. A few knowing spectators gurn at the action, a dog swims into frame at one point - clearly no second takes here!

We also see a bicycle shop, several bikes in a chase, one with an invalid trailer - but above all we see a bathing machine, and the men who manned it by the pier.

The Edwardian world with Edwardian sensibilities and Edwardian humour.

Alice in Wonderland (1903)

More "Scenes from Alice" - but amazing SFX for 1903!

[9/10 · 2 August 2023]

The first ever film attempt at Alice this is more a tour de force of film trickery - and for its time it does it so well. Alice shrinking and growing is very impressive, so much more because this was not attempted the 1915 version.

Clearly a film made for people who knew the story it presents the most famous scenes (although the trial is missing at the end) which would have delighted audiences of the period.

The only real criticism is that Alice is way, way too old. The part here is played by a young women who looks to be in her early twenties, whereas Alice should a precocious 10 year old at most. This is made all the more obvious when the playing cards appear played by children, so the Alice looks down on them when they should be grown-ups looking down in her!

But that aside so much fun stuff in here. I particularly loved the executioner rubbing his hands with glee when the Queen tells him to cut off Alice's head! That is not in the book, of course, but it is in the spirit of this film.

A quite remarkable film given the date!

Alice in Wonderland (1915)

The most faithful dramatisation of Alice?

[10/10 · 2 August 2023]

Particularly given the sate this is quite remarkable.

I only came across it by chance, and being a get fan of Alice I had to see it.

The costumes have been described as bizarre or even grotesque, but they are in many cases astonishingly good version of Tenniel's illustrations for the book. Indeed this is amazing faithful to the book - far more so that most films made more recently - with most of text being lifted straight from the book itself. If it appears nightmarish that is because the story is as much a nightmare as a dream.

Odd parts are left out - or lost - we do not see Alice grow or shrink in size, which is a pity. But on the positive side there is the wonderful Father William sequence - although oddly it only tells one half of the poem, and does not include Father William's replies.

The lead - Viola Savoy - as apparently a child actress on stage who made this and one other film right at the end of her career. She was obviously very gifted and - even better - looks very like the original Alice Liddell (it is only really Disney that made her blond, though Tenniel had suggested it). The only problem is that at 15 Viola is really too old for the role - certainly she too tall, towering over some of the other actors who should have been taller than the child that Alice was.

Other reviewers have mentioned that elements of "Looking Glass" - the second Alice book - appear, but really that is confined to the Walrus and the Carpenter wandering into the Mock Turtle's Lobster Quadrille. Beyond that I did not spot any "Looking Glass" elements - which is wonderful!

The Mock Turtle is brilliant by the way - Tenniel brought to life.

For a silent film of a book based on wordplay it does very, very well. You probably have to know the book to make any sense of it at all, but that is Alice.

And this really is Alice.

Crown Court: Crime in Prison: Part One (1973) Season 2, Episode 19

Standout episode

[9/10 · 3 June 2023]

Crown Court has a reputation having been a great place to spot future stars - where many future stars appeared on TV for the first time. And this one is almost absurdly stuffed with them.

From William Mervyn as the judge to Bob Hoskins as a simply brilliant con, this is "before they were famous" on steroids. It even features a future Bond girl!

But Bob Hoskins steals the show in a memorable and hilarious first 15 minutes. In a performance that would do justice to Porridge, he is simply brilliant - and then once he has ceased to give evidence he captures the eye just by sitting in the court reacting to things that are said.

If you have not watched Crown Court before start with this one. You'll be hooked.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

Surprisingly good children's and family film

[9/10 · 24 December 2022]

I had never heard of this film before it popped up on TV on Christmas Eve.

It is a rather beautiful film - a curious throw-back in its appearance the style of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and other classics of 50 years ago, with shades of Narnia.

The story, from an adult point of view, is maybe a bit messy but I don't think its target audience would notice. I know that my children - had they still been children - would have loved it. And I enjoyed it too, there being just enough to keep parents interested.

The lead - MacKenzie Foy, an 18 year old playing a 13 year old - does a great job, and a line up British acting talent is on display in full slightly over the top pantomime mode.

Life After Life (2022)

Love the book AND loved the adaption

[10/10 · 21 April 2022]

I have loved the book for some years - re-read it several times - so was a little nervous about the TV series. But it was perfect. Most of the scenes were almost exactly how I imagined them, and the characters too. Having the author, Kate Atkinson, involved obviously helped.

Yet my favourite scenes were ironically the ones where the series departed most from the book (which is not to say it was far), especially episode four, In many ways the TV series tied it all together better than the book did.

Even though I knew what was coming the series still packed emotional hit after hit, so I cannot imagine what someone who did not know it would make of it!

Station Eleven (2021–2022)

Sometimes a series loses its way. This one never really finds it

[6/10 · 29 March 2022]

I read the book some time ago and was genuinely surprised and found it had been made into a TV Series. As a book, it didn't seem to be a very obvious candidate for dramatisation. And I am not sure its a terrible well known book either

And that rather comes over in the series because large amounts of the story gets chucked, and warped, to the extent that its not really the same story, which begs the question - why?

Why set out to do this book, and then ... not do it?

However, like the book it begs a ton of questions that you really do not want to push too much because ... it all falls apart if you do.

It also, like the book, jumps around in time and place but in the series this works even less well and you rather fear that it may be used as a vehicle to ensure that the story never ends, becoming the bane of everyone's life, the Netflix series that never reaches a conclusion.

Last Train to Christmas (2021)

Loved this - trains, time travel and East Midlands!

[10/10 · 27 December 2021]

Way, way better than I expected.

So much in this film to enjoy - not least the little touches like the accents, and (not really mentioned by anyone else) that you can tell that time is running because the stations are getting closer to Nottingham (and excellent touch in the earliest sequence that it is Nottingham Victoria). There are some lovely little jokes in here that only East Midlanders will spot.

Train buffs will love the way the carriages change to match the new time period but there are also games, styles of dress, and chocolate bars. Just wallow in the nostalgia - someone has done some meticulous research.

But its also a great yarn. Time travel is always fun, and this is no exception as the hero tries to undo decisions he makes, and then find things don't go to plan.

But above all Michael Sheen is brilliant - a real tour de force as he plays the same character from his 30s to 70s.

The Dig (2021)

Beautiful film that took me by surprise it is so good

[10/10 · 29 January 2021]

This is a superb film that I could watch again and again.

I've been to see the Sutton Hoo treasures many times and have seen the story told on TV from Blue Peter to Horizon so I was looking forward to this... but also slightly worried about it. Films on subjects like this can be either dry or trivial or triumphalist or worthy or just bad.

But from the first scenes this film is beautiful. These is no other word. The outdoor scenes (and much of it is outdoors) is just breathtakingly gorgeous at times. This is Suffolk and wow does it look good. If anyone has seen the BBC series "The Detectorists" they will get the idea. It captures the big skies of East Anglia so well, sun through the early morning mists, or even after the rain like works of art. The stage on which the action is set is sumptuous.

As for the action - its just so good. Almost dreamlike at times - I found myself thinking of "The Go-Between" (also set in Suffolk, of course!) with dialogue over the top of action that is not taking place at quite the same time. Hard to describe, but its like memories.

Some of the film is a shade predictable - the small enthusiast verses the big guy, the mismatched couple and a possible tragic love story, the child's eye view at times, the repressed sexuality of the period - it's all there. But it is so well done.

The only downside is that this film - this photography - deserves the big screen, but most people will now see it on the small. This is such a shame. Its deserved so much more.

Collide (I) (2016)

Bullet proof cars and overloud effects

[4/10 · 20 January 2021]

It may be a fairly mindless action film, but even with that there is a limit about how much you can suspend belief.

Car doors do not stop bullets - very little of a car will stop bullets - so this gets silly very quickly, Small pistols to practically rocket launchers are firsed at ordinary cars and the worst that happens, most of the time, is that the side windows break - NEVER the front windscreen - only the sides. Which break several times in on sequence.

Cars do crash and catch fire, but that is no surprise because no-one seems to be in them.

The to compound all this, after half an hour of actors whispering at each other, the chase sequences are absurdly loud.

Not a film for anyone over about 10.

The Secret Garden (2020)

Yet another version of "The Secret Garden". Yawn.

[3/10 · 25 October 2020]

Oh for heavens sake - given the amount of children's literature out there why or why do film producers keep coming back to The Secret Garden?

This version is moderately interesting in that it has been updated to 1947 instead of the late 19th century, though in practice its a pretty weird 1947 and still comes across as being very Victorian.

In its favour its very pretty and visual beyond any of the (many) previous versions. But other than that the problem remains the story.

I'm sorry by the actual story remains a bit crap. I know its a "classic" but its incredibly preachy and worthy and saccharin, and making the garden all the bigger in this film just seems to make it all worse.

If there is any justice I hope this is the last version of this book on film.

Wild (I) (2014)

Read the book first. Really.

[9/10 · 25 July 2020]

It is very rare that a film based on a book is enjoyable for someone who loves this book.. This is am exception. This is a very good film that is a celebtaion of the book.

Indeed there are so many little things in it that either don't make a great deal of sense or which you will miss altogether unless you have read the book. Even if you spot the sasquatch - for example - it is meaningless without the book. Crater Lake features in the film several times without once even being named - but the book explains.

So great film, but so much better if you know the story already.

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)

Tone perfect homage to Eurovision

[8/10 · 26 June 2020]

Eurovision is a wacky, cheesy, camp, cringe-making, over the top but also at times self-deprecating, funny, a bit wonderful - and always too long. And this film is all of those things. As a results it absolutely nails Eurovision.

It looks like Eurovision, the songs are very Eurovision, the presentations are exceedingly Eurovision. And what is great is that the EBU - who run Eurovision - made the film. This is Eurovision making a joke about Eurovision. And it really works.

Also there is a brilliant musical number midway through that includes several real winners and contestants singing a montage of Eurovision songs, which is brilliant on its own

It is both a homage to Eurovision and a spoof of Eurovision and as a Eurovision fan I loved it. Even if it is a BIT too long.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

No wonder this went straight to Netflix... How could Spike Lee associate his name with this drivel?

[2/10 · 14 June 2020]

My wife put this film on so I knew nothing about it - and was amazed afterwards to find that it is a Spike Lee film because it is so bad we gave up with it about two thirds through.

Where to begin? The performances are passable, but the story is both unbelievable and predictable, while the script is dreadful. Really poor.

To begin with swearing does not both me much, but it did here because it seems that all of the characters only knew one swear word, and used it in every other damn sentance. Seriously. And at times several times in the same sentance.

Seriously, are black Americans this unimaginative and lacking in vocabulary? Surely not. Damn it, if this was a white director I'd be accusing them of racism. So why the hell is a BLACK American director making them sound like complete idiots?

As for the storyline itself I can suspend belief but... come on! No need to go into detail but The Lavender Hill Mob is a more realistic plot. Carry On films have characters with more foresight.

Spike Lee has a great reputation. So was he asleep for this film? Did he lose interest?

The Boat (2018)

Excellent, gripping film

[10/10 · 12 May 2020]

Why is this film scoring so low - does someone have a vendetta against it? Because I have seen many films with much higher ratings that were much worse.

Basically, man stuck on a boat that appears to have a mind of its own. We are with him the whole way, seeing the whole thing pretty much through his eyes (and is an acting tour de force by the little-known sole actor).

And it is tense and exciting and everything you could want. Yes, if you want to examine in detail - like all such stories - you'd probably find faults, and it is a bit unresolved at the end (but that is a GOOD thing!) but a more entertaining hour or so? Hard to think of one.

The English Game (2020)

Wildly historically in accurate, but entertaining with the heart in the right place

[7/10 · 21 March 2020]

Historians of the game of football will be weeping over this six-part mini-series which is much more fiction than fact, but maybe in the end gets the right overall feel.

To start with the history - there is SO much wrong. Games played on the wrong grounds by the wrong teams against the wrong teams in the wrong years. Two clubs that were deadly rivals combined to make one team that the plays in colours that neither team ever wore, wearing a badge that had ceased to be used some years before (imagine a documentary that merged Manchester United and Manchester City to form "Manchester FC" and then played them in green and white stripes) . Three totally different FA Cup tournaments merged into one. wrong scorers, wrong team expelled, pantomime villians, wildly (and I mean really wildly) wrong venue standing in for the Oval Cricket Ground (dammit we know exactly what the Oval looked like in the 1880s - there wasn't a tree for miles!) - has no-one heard of CGI??

But after all that there is much to enjoy. Football really was like that - it was very violent (indeed the series maybe underplays the violence on the field), and Sueter and his Scots pals did change the game with a whole new style of play that left the Public School English creators of the game floundering, and maybe it is understandable that they do not make too much of this because it would be dull.

Much love interest and family saga is added that is total invention, but will keep the less sports obsessive audience in their seats (predictable though it is).

And there are subtle bits, like the complaints from the amatuers that a professional game will allow teams to buy success - which came to pass pretty quickly, and continues to this day - but also there is eplained the inevitability of it happening.

But above all there is arguably one of the most important men in the history of the game finally being given his due recognition - Fergie Sueter. And the great thing is the actor chosen to play him actually looks like the real player.

So they got one thing right.

Scotch on the Rocks (1973– )

A great lost political thriller?

[10/10 · 19 February 2020]

I remember watching this - I was only 11 at the time but it gripped me and I recall the denouement like it was yesterday.

It is suggested that the BBC refused to show it again due to its controversial nature. There is, after all, a real SNP (and was then - you wonder how the BBC got away with it) and they would not be too happy about being portrayed as a Scottish Sinn Fein. But apparently the tapes still exist in the bowels of BBC Scotland.

But it was definitely an exciting series for its time. I remember being gripped by all five episodes. Would it stand up today? I am guessing that it might be seen as over-long and a bit cheap and cheesy, as so many programmes of the period now appear to be, but who knows.

If only the BBC could open its archives and let us see.

The Edge (II) (2019)

You do not need to be into cricket to go on this roller-coaster ride

[10/10 · 16 September 2019]

Cricket has probably the highest suicide rate among former players compared ro any other sport. Now I know why.

This is a warts-and-all study of the rise and fall of the England cricket team from 2009-2014, but don't let that put you off as a knowledge of cricket is not more needed than a knowledge of baseball is needed for Moneyball.

Excepted that Moneyball was a happy, positive film. And so is this, for the first half. Then it decends into the dark as the players start to fall apart mentally, even on camera being interviewed.

Quite why this happens - well, watch the film and come to your own conclusions.

The Promise (2011)

Engrossing drama of an ignored period of history

[10/10 · 24 August 2017]

The only thing I ever learnt about this period was from my RE teacher at school (well, we called it "Divinity" - it was that sort of school) who served in Palestine and missed the King David Hotel bomb by chance, and by minutes. Other than that... nothing. Even for the "small wars" of the British Empire, this is one of the most silent. Some hundreds of British troops died - and we know nothing about it.

What is more the Israel/Palestine dispute is on TV News all the time, even though 99% of us no absolutely nothing about the background.

Its interesting that there are disputes about its historical accuracy. Leaving aside the fact it is a drama, it does seem to be remarkably accurate. While watching it I was constantly checking - and the events this is based on actually happened.

Compelling, moving, educational, and yes controversial. But unmissable.

Inferno (I) (2016)

Brain on or off?

[4/10 · 23 July 2017]

This is a strange film.

First it demands that you turn your brain off and don't ask questions like "why do Italian hospitals have bullet proof doors?" and "why does he not just release the damn virus without all this nonsense" and "the good girl, who is really the bad girl, must be a phenomenal actor... possibly better than this actor".

But at the same time it has a bewilderingly complex plot that, if your brain is turned off, will make it almost impossible to follow.

I mean, its very pretty and so on, but the plot is damn silly it is just a couple of hours you'll never see again.

Swallows and Amazons (2016)

If the director thought Swallows & Amazons was too gentle for modern audiences, why bother making this travesty?

[1/10 · 28 May 2017]

I have to be honest and say I always loved Swallows and Amazons. I read the whole series again and again until the spines fell apart. It was so real that I could imagine doing it (if only I had brother and sisters). I dreamt about story. Back in 1974 I persuaded my father to take us to Basingstoke to see the film of the book that had just it come out. I loved it. I got the record (showing my age here) and played it and played it. It was so perfect, from the story to the characters they got it absolutely right in every way.

So I was excited to see this remake - what could be better than introducing the new generation to this pitch perfect story.

But it's awful. I really cannot get over how truly bad it is. Apparetly the director felt that modern children would not enjoy the original story as it was too tame (missing the entire point that it is the realism and the plausibility that makes it so endearing).

So where the 1974 film got it so right, this gets it so very, very wrong its hard to know where to begin.

Compared to the book, the story takes place approaching a decade later (why?). The actors are wrong, do not interact at all well, and bicker and argue continually. John, Susan and the Amazons are all too old. The Walker family come over as being inept sailors (John excepted) and frankly incompetent in most things, which the Swallows were not. They look, sound and behave like 21st century city children suddenly dropped into the 1930s... apart from John's unaccountable ability to sail.

It gets worse when the Amazons come along. They do not both have red scarves (why?). One has the most ridiculous blonde dyed hair (in 1930s Cumbria). Supposedly sisters, they both have totally different - and very unCumbrian - accents, and when they are introduced the classic joke "My name is really Ruth but Nancy says pirates are ruthless" is dropped (again why?).

As for the adult actors, they are seen far too much, are woefully miscast (Harry Enfield FFS!), are clearly do not know whether to play it for a laugh or take it seriously.

Then there is the Russian spy nonsense, thrown in for no good reason other than the director having no faith in the original material.

It is a mess. A total, utter, travesty of a mess. Its Swallows and Amazons as written by Enid Blyton on an off-day, with the Famous Five playing the Swallows.

And if you have never, ever seen or heard of S&A before? Well, its okay I suppose - but hardly going to drag you into the cinema, ordrag you away from your console. And if you do like it heaven alone knows what you'll make of the books...

Roots (2016)

The producers should be thankful you cannot slander the dead...

[3/10 · 9 February 2017]

...because otherwise there would be a gang of Alex Haley ancestors queuing up to sue their backsides off!

I guess if you had never seen the original series, or read the book, or have generally lived in a cave and have no knowledge of history at all you might like it.

But for anyone else this is bad. Really bad.

Rarely has a film taken such liberties with its source material. Kunta Kinte is now a 21st century African-American teenage superhero dropped into a strange pre-Lapsian (and spotlessly clean) "Africa". Despite being able to fit off who gangs of assailants with his javelin- throwing superpower, he ends up on a (rather small) ship (that has been through some sort of time-warp as its flying a 19th century Red Ensign) as part of possibly the smallest cargo of slaves ever to cross the 18th- century Atlantic, where he leads a slave revolt that kills almost all of the crew... though somehow the ship still arrives in the New World.

There he demonstrates an amazing linguistic ability and... oh I could go on.

The acting is no better than the historical accuracy and faithfulness to the book. Admitedly compressing about 20 episodes into a series a quarter the length means someone must be lost. Here that is belivability. Everyone is so damn clean - and well-dressed - even on the slave ship.

Alex Haley and his ancestors will be spinning in their graves, and wishing the afterlife had decent libel lawyers.