dfa120374 Reviews

Hangman (II) (2015)

Utter Tripe!

[2/10 · 12 July 2023]

Just as the title indicates, this film was just a load of nonsense. It's about 85 minutes of complete boredom and about 5 minutes of FINALLY something happening. I'm not usually one for going into a movie blind or just switching off after about 20 minutes or so, but it got to maybe about the 50 minute mark where I started to really struggle to keep with it, but keep with it I did. Bravely or foolishly, well, that's a different issue altogether.

The story (and I use that term loosely for this crap) is basically a loner psycho (who obviously shows he had issues when growing up) breaks into a house, trashes it, then lives in the family's attic for weeks until the inevitable. That's it. Nothing else. It's like a squatters POV home video! And speaking of home videos, the camerawork was REALLY annoying, and I usually don't mind shaky, handheld camera work like a lot of found footage movies can have, but this felt that it was way over the top. At times he was filming the monitors he was watching, but zooming right in, so it became just a blurry mess! As for the continued 80s slasher movie style of heavy breathing, the over-emphasised slurping & swallowing of food/drinks just added to the complete annoyance of this film.

Now, is it plausible that something like this COULD happen? I would say yes, BUT for the intruder to stay completely undetected for the amount of time he did, especially coming out when family members were even still home, for odd things to happen (letters appearing on your bed for instance when you and your wife are the ONLY ones in the house), hearing the odd few thumps here and there and you not even think that something is going on?! Nah, I don't buy it.

There are other things to mention, but I think I've spent (or maybe wasted would be a better term) enough of my time with this crap, so I'll just end by saying watch at your own risk!

The Haunting of Julia Fields (2023)

Very Underwhelming

[4/10 · 12 March 2023]

This is a very low budget student film type of project that doesn't really hit the mark. Now I know that that doesn't necessarily make it a poor film on its own, but the execution of it all does and this IS a poorly put together movie.

It actually starts decent enough even though it has the very old cliché of person(s) who move into new house, weird instances start happening. Unfortunately, as the film continues on, it doesn't really get much better. If anything it actually gets a bit poorer and the acting gets decidedly worse, especially the actor who plays Sam. There is a wee attempt at a twist but it's a twist that doesn't make sense in the overall scheme of things.

The thing is, a lot of the movie doesn't make sense and some parts just seem to be put in just to beef the film out.

1) Who/what was the hooded figure? No explanation as to why it would be "haunting" the house.

2) Absolutely no reaction to finding a big ass gun in a drawer and the 22-year-old main character takes it all in stride and even uses it.

3) The relevancy of the "balloon man" 4) Given what we find out as the "main twist", how did Julia find out about the house? Who was she paying rent to? If she was renting legitimately, why the eviction notices? Oh, and you wouldn't get a "Final Notice" the very next day from receiving your 1st Notice.

5) The utter naivety of her (and her best friend) seeing a very obvious hooded figure in the background of a video (which it very obviously was) but putting it down as a "there's nothing there/can't see anything/it's in your mind" situation.

I could probably list more but I'm sure you get the point.

I rate it a 4 purely because of effort and the fact that it's not a truely awful film. However, it's definitely flawed and if the film were a report card it would be marked "Must do better".

The Forever Purge (2021)

Yet MORE Woke Purging

[4/10 · 18 January 2023]

As my title indicates, this latest installment of The Purge series is yet just another woke, political pile of trash. The stereotypical message of "refugees" trying to come to America but the "racist white man" wanting to keep America for Americans is all over the place and is highlighted at the start. This is what the purge has become....."ridding" America of foreigners. There's even a typical "white supremacist" skin head complete with a Swastika tattooed on his cheek and I'll give you one guess who it is that gets the best of him. Yep, a black dude of which I feel was only brought into the film for just that moment.

Now, if you can ignore the political messages in this one (which is tricky to do because they are everywhere) it's actually not too bad of a film. The story is threadbare though, and the only thing really keeping it going is the action. Even then, it's a bit of a struggle. It does raise the question again on whether "a purge day" would be good or not (and of course it wouldn't be), but because of the times we live in, it's got to be very political. With it being 2021 the film came out in, I'm surprised they didn't even touch on the whole COVID-19 scam.

The woke, trashy bullcrap political messages are all over the place here, but it's not the worst of the series (the previous installment takes that title). It does come 2nd in that category.

If you can stomach the woke $hit here then I'd say give it a try if your a Purge series fan.

Hell Trip (2018)

Hell Trip is Hellish

[2/10 · 27 September 2022]

To say that this movie was bad is like saying Biden is a dumba$$; it's a massive understatement. I'm just amazed that the average rating for this film is 5.4. That's a good few stars too many if you ask me. Right from the very start you know you're in for a bad bumpy ride. The acting is bad, the script is worse and the storyline is horrendous.

Throughout the film, we're subjected to bad decision after bad decision; met with acting that is extremely below par even for a film like this; horrendous dialogue. The list just goes on (like this film unfortunately). The only redeeming quality was when the end credits rolled up. Although, you can make the film more interesting by seeing what lines of dialogue is the worst, from Logan talking about his muscles to the speech by Adam on killing.

And where'd that helicopter come from?!

Honestly, do yourself a favour and don't be suckered in to watch this pile of drivel. It'll be 85mins of your life wasted.

Mary (I) (2019)

Bit of a yawn

[4/10 · 26 September 2022]

Mary is not the most original film and in all honesty I was hoping for a bit more than what I got, especially considering Gary Oldman being in it. I know it's not a cert that a movie will be great or even good just because of a certain member of the acting world (De Niro in Rocky & Bullwinkle anyone?), but I was hoping for better than what I got.

The movie sets out with a bit of promise that it could be a decent creepy film, but it never really gets going. It just kind of starts and stops throughout with no real build up of any kind to anything. The creepy (and I use that term extremely loosely here) moments are too few and far between with no real atmospheric feeling to them. Being set on a boat, you'd have thought it would be good for a nice claustrophobic setting, but this wasn't really brought into the situation. Whether it was and it wasn't pulled off or it was an opportunity missed, I don't know, but either way it was a let down. Just like the ending.

This isn't really a bad movie. It's just that nothing of note happens in it and it is a bit slow going a lot of the time. Even when it's revealed on what's happening with the boat, you have kind of reached that "Meh, who cares?" moment.

Would I recommend it? Not unless you've absolutely nothing else to do and want to just check it out for yourself. Other than that, I'd give it a bit of a pass.

Shortcut (II) (2020)

Absolutely awful!!

[1/10 · 20 September 2022]

As the title indicates, this film is woeful and is the worst I've seen for quite some time. The story, the acting, the "creature". The whole lot. Not one thing about this movie has a redeeming quality about it. Right from the off, you just knew that this was going to be a substandard film.

The story itself, while nothing new, isn't too bad, but it's the execution along with the terrible dialogue that makes it poor. And of course the acting which is extremely wooden. It feels that the actors are just out of drama class for the day. Actors can have off moments and films where even the best put in a subpar performance, and I hope for these actors' careers that's what this was because if it wasn't, well they should either stay in drama class to learn more or give it up.

Nothing really fits storywise either. We've got 5 English kids with an American bus driver along with an English "bad guy" (whose name is Pedro, by the way).....in Italy! Unless I missed it because my brain was already switching off, there's no explanation as to WHY the 5 English kids are even there. There are also just random bits of conversation that pops up for no apparent reason that don't add anything to the development of the story. For instance, when Pedro turns to one of the kids and just starts talking about comic books. It's just a terrible mish-mash of conversation.

As for the characters themselves, well only a couple didn't really annoy me (were still pretty lacking in performance by the actors, but we're the best of a bad bunch), but Pedro was by far the worst (although it was close between him and Karl & Reggie). He didn't come across as threatening, wasn't intimidating and just kept coming out with moronic threats for other people to do something that were out of their control, like getting Reggie (who didn't know how to drive in the 1st place) to start a bus where the engine was completely dead! He just looked like a bum waving a gun about. As for the "creature", well, um yeh, OK.

How a good few people have rated this so highly is beyond me and makes me wonder if they are either just friends of the cast/crew or watched the same film as me. Honestly, do yourself a favour and give this a miss. You're not missing anything and you'll save yourself some mental anguish at the same time.

Dark Mountain (2013)

Blair Witch Project.....In Arizona

[4/10 · 22 June 2022]

I don't know if it's intentionally copied or not but this film is basically (as my title indicates) the same as the Blair Witch Project. There are obviously a few differences here and there, but the similarities are absolutely everywhere else. For instance -

1) The film starts the same with the interviewing of townsfolk about the local legend.

2l It's all fun 'n' games and anticipation until after a couple of days where they're on edge, wanting out, start arguing amongst themselves.

3) They get lost: Kate insists she knows where they're going but really doesn't: end up back at the very same place they've been before.

4) Someone moves/touches something they're not supposed to.

5) Campsite has been ransacked.

6) Ross & Kate hearing Paul's voice and go to try and locate him, leading to the penultimate ending.

7) Kate's "I'm sorry" speech.

8) A "gift" has been left at the campsite.

9) Even the group is the same; 2 guys and 1 girl.

The film could have been written practically AS the Blair Witch but have just the legend changed on what their documentary is supposed to be about.

And speaking of documentaries, this film doesn't have a documentary feel about it, unlike the Blair Witch (one of the very few things differing between each film). This has more of an actual film feel about it with the three main cast members playing tourists instead of documentarians. It's just like they're out for a 3 day trek in the Arizona desert. Also, for supposed documentarians, it's very strange how when something happens they don't even view it back to see what DID happen, even out of curiosity.

The main cast do OK with what they're supposed to do though, but let's face it; there's nothing challenging them to up their game here especially when the story is far from original.

This is very so-so but it's hard to escape from the Blair Witch when watching which does ruin the viewing because you just end up making comparisons. A pretty bland outing with a "watch a forget" kind of feel at the end.

The Soul Collector (II) (2019)

A slow burner but not altogether bad

[5/10 · 30 April 2022]

Just as a warning, this film is very slow going and is a lot more psychological than visual, so if you're hoping or expecting a film with lots of creepy moments and/or jump scares then this will disappoint.

The Soul Collector is a lot more of a drama than anything. Some horror and suspense moments, but definitely more on the drama side. Not that that's a bad thing, but the trailer misleads you which is disappointing. However, putting that aside, it's not too bad of a film if you can handle much slower paced movies.

Set in South Africa, this tells the story of a family who recently move into a new house and befriend an old man (Lazarus) who is on a path of spiritual self healing after committing an act that causes him to lose his only daughter. A film you need to pay attention to to actually get what is going on but can be pretty tricky because of the slow pace. It's easy to become bored and disinterested unless you can get into it.

Lazarus is played really well by Tshamano Sebe who, while technically playing "the bad guy", makes you feel sympathetic towards him and does a good job of bringing you onto his side even though you know you should really be against him and what he's doing. The rest of the cast do a decent enough job with what they have but the standout is definitely Sebe.

All in all, The Soul Collector isn't too bad of a watch and it may be a decent break away from the seemingly endless superhero films that is being trudged out right now. Just be prepared for the slow pace.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

The TRUE sequel to the first two films

[7/10 · 13 April 2022]

Marked it down on my watch list as soon as I heard about it and saw teaser trailers to it, Ghostbusters: Afterlife is an excellent sequel (which isn't usually a phrase that gets used too much) to the first two films and thankfully ignores the abomination of Ghostbusters (2016).

This film really was enjoyable right from start to finish and it had a wee bit of everything in it. Humour, action, tension, thrills and spills and even an abundance of nostalgia. The chemistry between all of the characters was spot on and the banter between Phoebe and Gary was really enjoyable to watch. Mckenna Grace who played Phoebe did a superb job and she had the Egon look all over her. It was also really good seeing the original cast members back and they still had that chemistry between them all that helped to build the foundation of the first movies.

People who grew up with Ghostbusters (1984) like myself, will definitely have the nostalgia gears running into motion with Ghostbusters: Afterlife not just because of the film itself but with so many nods TO the first film. Stay Puft, the goggles Podcast wears, Egons favourite snacks, the whole Zuul storyline. Even the "There is no....., only Zuul" line is here. Just so much here to make connections to the first film. No remakes. No do overs. No upgrades. Just the same as if it were taking over from just weeks after the earlier films.

There's an obvious update to the effects, but a lot of the original practical effects (including the demon dogs) make a return and all of which are done really well. I think the producers wanted to keep as many effects as practical as possible keeping in line with Ghostbusters (1984). One effect that was very obviously not practical was the "return" of Egon which was amazingly done as it really did look like a modern day Egon. This was a wee bit of an emotional time in the film due to the death of Harold Ramis in 2014 but was handled excellently. You felt that it was a tribute to Ramis and the character of Egon and not just a glorification of the part JUST for the film.

I just have to say as well that I'm SO glad this didn't have any of this woke garbage that is being drummed into everything these days too. It was good to watch a film BE a film, for it to entertain the audience rather than have a bunch of woke labels forced on us.

This is definitely on the "must watch" list and even on the "must watch again" list and when binging.

Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters 2 then Ghostbusters: Afterlife acting as if the 2016 version didn't even exist. Do yourself a favour and get this film watched. You won't regret it.

Wish Upon (2017)

Not a bad take on the Monkeys Paw story

[5/10 · 13 April 2022]

Very run-of-the-mill PG-13 horror flick here with Wish Upon and a very mainstream take to the old Monkeys Paw story except this time it's in the mould of an ancient Chinese wish box where the (unfortunate) owner has 7 wishes to make all their dreams come true.

That's the illusion anyway.

Wish Upon is not altogether that bad of a film, but it does tend to get a bit annoying due to the ignorance of Clare Shannon, the wish boxes owner. Although the ignorance could really be taken for her being blinded by all the good that reigns down on her. I mean after all, she makes her crush fall in love with her, she is plied with untold riches and is the most popular girl in school. Unfortunately, where good happens bad soon follows. It's that old Ying and Yang scenario. The annoying part is where Shannon knows the bad is happening but continues to use the box anyway, but this is the moral of the story after all. Be careful what you wish for as the saying goes.

With the PG-13 rating it's obviously aimed at a much wider audience and given that the main characters are all high school students, it's that age group the movie is really guided to. With this in mind it's obviously going to be toned down quite a bit so anyone expecting gore will be somewhat disappointed. That being said, it still has its moments that will make some people possibly squirm, but overall it tries to play more to the story to drive it rather than gore.

Wish Upon is honestly a decent watch as long as you don't expect too much from it.

Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005 Video)

Better than I was expecting.

[5/10 · 5 April 2022]

As the title says, this 8th installment is better than what I was expecting, considering the absolute mess the 5th, 6th and 7th movies all were. This one has a more Hellraiser feel to it although it is done in a serial slasher kind of way.

The previous three films were just all extremely painful to watch, with all three having nothing to do with the Hellraiser world, so going into this one I was prepared for another excruciating 90+ minutes of which I'd never get back. However, I was a wee bit surprised as this was actually watchable. The acting was much better, the story was actually written (it seems) with the Hellraiser world in mind and there were a few darker moments. Moments we've come to expect from the subject matter on which the 1st two films focused.

The main aspect to this film however, is that it's done in the style of a slasher movie. Each member of the main gang starts getting picked off one by one just like in any other horror slasher film. That's where it loses some of the credibility of the Hellraiser world because Pinhead isn't a serial killer as such. Solve the box; the Cenobites arrive; take the soul of said puzzle box conquererr; Cenobites return to Hell. Here, they work through the main group just like a Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger etc. It's just all a bit too '90s slasher' for me.

As I mentioned before, this film isn't as horrible to watch like the previous three films. This one is much more bearable and dare I say it, more enjoyable. Don't get me wrong it's still not up with the 1st two films, but it does keep the interest piqued just enough to keep watching. You could actually watch the 1st three films, go straight to this one and not even worry about what was missed in the subsequent films.

A nice little surprise of a sequel.

Hellraiser: Deader (2005 Video)

Utter drivel

[3/10 · 5 April 2022]

The 7th installment of the Hellraiser franchise and just like parts 5 and 6, this one is also a load of nonsense. It's yet another part where it just doesn't have the Hellraiser feel to it until the last 10-15 minutes and reason being is because it wasn't originally going to be a part of the franchise until it was hastily re-written and after watching it, you can tell hastily is the right term.

This installment at least starts off a little bit more interesting than the previous two, but that interest doesn't really last long and the acting - especially from Kari Wuhrer - is on a par with the previous two films. That's to say not very good, and some is just way over the top, especially the bathroom scene after she sees what's happened to her. That scene - along with a few others - was also very drawn out as if they were just trying to beef out the films running time.

Just as a side note, am I the only one to wonder why there are so many English actors in this film? It's supposed to be in Romania yet there's hardly any Romanians.

I'm actually amazed that these last 3 parts were given the go-ahead to be filmed in all honesty. I guess there was enough call out there for more Pinhead for them to be given the green light. Just don't get your hopes up for a lot of Cenobite action because, just like the last part, they are hardly in this, including Pinhead. Very strange seeing as the original Hellraiser film was really centered around the Cenobites. There's no dark feel to it. No feel of uneasiness. No sense of foreboding that you got from the 1st two films. It's a cheap horror/thriller that just has the name Hellraiser attached to it.

This is definitely one to watch and then forget.

Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002 Video)

An absolute mess!

[3/10 · 4 April 2022]

This installment of the Hellraiser series is - along with the 5th - one of the worse yet. The writing is a shambles, the direction is all over the place and the acting is extremely wooden. This isn't even close to the Hellraiser universe (apart from about 10 minutes within the end act) and it's like a separate movie that just uses the Hellraiser name.

Almost right from the start it's a constant series of flashbacks, hallucinations, hallucinations within hallucinations, dreams within hallucinations. The only time it feels like a coherent story line is in the last 15 minutes. Before that, you have to suffer through a total mish mash of what's real and what's not real. All IS revealed in that last 15 minutes, but boy, it's a bit of an excruciating journey getting there.

When you see Kirsty at the start of the movie, you may think that you're in for an interesting take on what happened to her since she escaped Pinhead years prior, but nope. Instead we're treated to Trevor (Kirsty's husband played by Dean Winters) just ambling along aimlessly for 3/4 of the movie, going from dream sequence to hallucination and back again. There's no real depth to any of the other characters either. I know the main focus here is on Trevor, but everyone else just seemed to play a bit part, including Pinhead. The first 3 films revolved around Pinhead and his fellow Cenobites in one way or another. Here, they're just like extras that turn up for a few odd minutes here and there.

This truely is a dire installment to the franchise and if this is the extent of Dean Winters' film career, he should just stick ti the Allstate adverts.

Slender Man (I) (2018)

Nowhere Near A 3 Average Rating

[5/10 · 19 March 2022]

OK first off, no it's not a great movie. But, it's definitely not as bad as the average rating indicates. Take it for what it is: an average teen horror movie. It's a PG-13 people. It's a rating to include the teenies, so you should know that it will be (generally) less scary/creepy/intense than a higher rating.

Secondly, it can be tricky to try and make a full length feature film based on a myth and slender man short horror videos. Sometimes it works (Lights Out for example) and other times it doesn't. For me, Slender Man is right there on the fence between working and not working. It's a decent attempt in my opinion and while it does tend to drag at times, it didn't really get too boring for me, especially not as far as for me to turn it off. Dunno about this whole "too dark" thing either as I managed to see everything with no problems.

The tension, scares and overall creep factor is pretty minimal in honesty, but they generally weren't TOO bad. I think if the film makers kept the full on detail views of Slender Man to a minimum it might have been a bit more creepy. The glimpses of him and clever 'blending in' tricks employed could have made for a bit more of a creepy atmosphere. The parts where this happened had more intensity for me rather than the full on 'up close & personal' shots although some of those shots were pretty decent enough. Javier Botet was pretty good as Slender Man and while it wasn't his creepiest role (Insidious holds that title I think as the Red Faced Demon) he still does a convincing portrayal as Slender Man.

Like I said, this isn't a great movie but if you're struggling for something to watch then you could definitely do much worse than this.

The Devil's Doorway (2018)

Amateurish, Slow and Very Lackluster

[3/10 · 24 February 2022]

I usually enjoy found footage/POV type of movies and when I saw trailers for this one I thought I'd give it a go. In hindsight, I wish I had passed because this was actually one of the worst films in that genre that I've seen.

The subject of the film is what got me as I do enjoy the myth of possession, exorcism, God v Devil etc and I thought - from the trailers - this looked a decent wee film. Unfortunately, it didn't hit the mark. Pretty much from the off it was slow, dull and pretty poorly shot. It was just disappointing all round really.

The cast themselves do a decent job however, and they do bring a believability to their roles. The material they work with is the issue. There's too much stop/starting and there isn't really a good flow. It doesn't grab your interest and keep it. For the 1st few minutes it seemed OK but after that I just thought I was in for a slow ride and I was right. There are a few moments where it gets a bit creepy but nothing to write home about.

This was a big miss for me but at least I got that nap I missed out on earlier from the day.

The Boat (2018)

Ambitious But Falls A Bit Flat

[5/10 · 24 February 2022]

This isn't actually that bad of a film but it just lacks that something too give if a bit of a boost. It gets to a certain point and then just seems to fall and get a bit boring. It starts off OK and it keeps your interest up to a certain moment but it becomes repetitive and your interest starts to fade.

There are a few moments where the main (and only character) makes you scratch your head and ask "What are you doing?" Now I KNOW it's easy for people to say what they'd do when they're not in that situation, but some decisions just make you wonder. But desperate situations usually do make people not think clearly so can give benefit of the doubt.

There's no real closure to the movie either. My best guess is that it's open to interpretation on what happened to the main character. Paranormal, hallucinations, a kind of "worm hole" effect when going through the thick fog? Who knows so it's a wee bit frustrating in that respect that you don't know 100% exactly what happens, but I guess that can be part of the story that keeps you watching.

A decent wee time filler that is worth a watch.

The Ritual (I) (2017)

Slow But Not Too Bad

[5/10 · 17 February 2022]

If you like slower paced horror/thrillers which are more geared towards the psychological aspect then there is a good chance you could like The Ritual. It IS on the slow side but it never feels like it drags at all. The slower parts of the film still has story development and you actually see the various cracks forming between the group of friends as time goes by during these moments. I've read reviews as well saying that questions are unanswered, but I think the answers are subjective for audience members rather than just plainly being told outright.

There is a genuine uneasiness to parts of the film as well with very subtle glimpses of something here and there until the last 15-20 minutes where you see everything. I'm not sure if I liked that or not as with films like these sometimes what you don't see can be scarier than what you do see. Still, the build up is done pretty well and it keeps your interest even if it is only just to eventually see what is stalking the 4 friends. The creep factor is definitely not off the chart but like I say there is a definite uneasiness to it.

The area where it falls for me I think is the main pace of the film. I generally don't mind slower films but it just seemed that this was dragged out, like it was a 45 minute episode of a TV program beefed up to be and hour and a half. It was just a wee bit too repetitive as well....have a trek through the forrest, followed by a few scares at night then repeat the next day. It just felt like it took a while to pick up.

This is worth a watch especially if you prefer more psychological horrors like I said earlier, but just don't expect too much.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Extremely Gritty & Gruesome

[6/10 · 16 February 2022]

This is an interesting take on the background of "the family" and how they came to be, from the "sheriff" becoming the sheriff to how Leatherface got his infamous moniker.

The mood and tone of the film is set right from the off just the way it was in Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003): gritty, grainy and just a dark undertone all throughout. This isn't a film for the weak of heart (or stomach) either as the gore is prevalent all the way through but I wouldn't say any gorier than the previous film installment. There's definitely enough here to keep the gore hounds happy however.

Thankfully there is more than just the gore to keep the film ticking along as the story shows how things came to be in this small rural area of Texas. The main underbelly was always there but it was interesting to see how Leatherface became part of the family, how Sheriff Hoyt came to be, how the Uncle became wheelchair bound etc. They're not major but it's the small things that make up the bigger picture after all.

All the same people return to take up their roles with R. Lee Ermey bringing back that dark humour, wit and viciousness as Sheriff Hoyt and Andrew Bryniarski as the intimidating figure of Leatherface. All cast members did a good job for me and I can honestly say that none of them really annoyed me the way that a fair few characters can do in films like this, from daft decision making to just sheer ineptitude.

For me, this is on par with the previous film in terms of enjoyment and I'd recommend it to anyone who's interested in seeing a different telling of the Chainsaw film.

Come Out and Play (I) (2012)

Nothing But a Yawnfest

[3/10 · 16 February 2022]

Come out and play? After watching this tripe I'd rather stay in and watch a pot boil. This is the worst movie I've seen in a while. Lackluster, slow, dull, uninteresting and nonsensical and if I could claim a refund on the hour and forty five minutes I lost on this I'd post in the claim tomorrow if not sooner.

The film pretty much start to finish is an effort to get through, from the 80s style beginning to, well, the 80s style ending. I don't know if the director was going for gritty or what but I know a word that rhymes with that which is more accurate. Nothing grabs you about this film and it actually gets more infuriating as it goes on.

This is a Children of the Corn type of film where a remote community has had all the adults killed by the children. The main difference with that story arc is you know WHY the children did what they did in Children of the Corn. Here, you're left wondering as nothing is explained why the wee spawns of the devil do what they do (unless I missed it because of my boiling pot watching).

There's nothing remotely interesting about this film, from the increasingly annoying main characters to the lazy writing. I guess the location looked good, but how far can you get on that with a movie that bores you to tears?!

Do yourself a favour and leave this one well alone.

V/H/S/94 (2021)

Absolutely Awful

[2/10 · 24 January 2022]

It's amazing how a series can go downhill so fast and so much after a 1st outing, yet here we are. V/H/S was a pretty decent outing even if some of it was a bit much, but compared to the 3 sequels, it's a masterpiece and I'm stunned at how this installment has an average of over 5 stars (even more stunned at how the 2nd film has 6 yet that is just as truely bad as this).

I don't really know where to begin with this one as it was ALL just as equally bad, from the extremely over-the-top storylines to the equally over-the-top gore. A few moments here and there were eerie enough, but the segments just transcended into the nonsensical. I guess that's the point of these films.....to go a bit OTT and not take themselves seriously which I can get, but still. There's OTT and then there's just off the planet.

As with the previous films, this one shows different segments of film footage from very different story arcs all interwoven with a main story. HOW the stories are interwoven though doesn't make sense because at least in the first film we're actually watching old VHS tapes with one of the main characters due to them looking for a specific tape. Here, it feels like very random VHS cutaways that takes you from the main story.

Gore fans may love it because there is a ton of it here. With each passing installation they seem to have ramped up the gore factor. Just a pity they didn't put as much effort into each of the storylines because if they did, we may have had a winner.

I purely watched it due to seeing the previous three films and was hoping it wasn't as bad as the previous two. Ah well, win some lose some and this was a definite loss. Only watch this if you haven't got anything else better to do, like watching paint peel.

Locke & Key (2020–2022)

Season 1: Decent. Season 2: Boring Woke Nonsense.

[5/10 · 4 December 2021]

Here's yet another Netflix series that started off pretty decent but just went off the rails with forced woke bullcrap. I'm honestly sick to the back teeth of EVERYTHING going woke these days. What happened to STORY driven rather than SJW driven?!

Season 1 was actually pretty decent and was interesting to watch, but this second series has lost the vast majority of that and more. It just turned into a teen angst/Hallmark Channel kind of movie too many times as well (it felt like I was watching some kind of crappy teenage drama).

I could maybe have put up with that IF there was more decent thriller aspects to the story and also less forced woke trash. There's everything here: interracial couples/families, interracial LGB couples, feminist crap ("mansplaining"). It's SO obvious this is just forced claptrap and the writers put this in just for the sake of it. Add to that several of the characters have become annoying from Kinsey and Scott with their CONSTANT awkwardness because they're "so into" each other and doing sod all about it, to Tyler's constant indecisiveness.

There are a few good moments dotted about here and there, but it feels like these were put on the back burner for the political Hallmark type moments. Yet another series with potential completely ruined.

The Reef (2010)

An Open Water Wannabe

[4/10 · 31 July 2020]

What a complete yawn fest.

I've seen people comparing this to Open Water and some actually saying it was better. Really?!? In what universe? They must have seen a completely different movie to what I saw because this doesn't compare or come close to Open Water. Open Water I found tense, interesting, thought provoking and altogether a good film.

Reef was the opposite.

At no time did I feel any tension nor thrills while watching this (apart from maybe a couple of minutes towards the end). In fact, it was more frustration I felt due to the characters decisions to stop moving and watch for sharks all the time. I know that fear can make you freeze up and being in a situation like that is completely different to sitting in your living room watching it on screen, but if you're THAT close to an island, would you just stop, watch and wait for a shark to get closer to you or would you swim? Exactly, and this happened all through the film.

The characters weren't unlikable, though. Just frustrating. The film was just too repetitive as well. Drift: stop and look: wait: repeat. Just too many times and then just waiting for the inevitable.

Reef wasn't without its odd decent moment here and there, the main one being that the sharks were not CGI and everything was done practically. This wasn't enough to give the movie pass marks, however, so it will be filed under W for Watch and forget.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

How did we get from Terminator to THIS?!

[5/10 · 23 July 2020]

Dear dear dear. What an absolute let down this latest installment of the terminator franchise is. I gave it 5-stars but purely because of the action, visuals & the effects. Everything else, however, is either not very good or plain mediocre (I never thought I'd say THAT about a terminator film).

I was actually looking forward to this, especially when I saw who was going to be back (no pun intended), but oh boy. Sorely disappointed doesn't cover it.

Firstly, the writing - especially for a terminator film - is extremely poor. I mean "Carl" the Terminator?! C'mon, and I still can't say that without laughing, but that was the moment it just got ridiculous for me. "Carl's" back story makes absolutely no sense, from the moment "he" was sent back to the moment you see "him" in the film. Also, the cringy "YOU'RE the resistance leader! Not some man!" speech (yes - even Terminator has been added to the nonsensical, politically correct "woke" garbage). A 60plus-year-old woman able to fight like she is still in her 30s without breaking a hip. It's stunning James Cameron was a part of this and to see this franchise go from two amazing Sci-fi/Action films (T1 & T2) to this is pretty embarrassing.

Schwarzenegger seems to have been brought back just for an extended cameo (and not a very good one at that). In the 1st two films the T-800 was threatening, intimidating & relentless. Here, it was the exact opposite. I LOVED Linda Hamilton in those 1st movies also, but she was wasted here, and I hate to say it but she was very wooden in the part of Sarah. Two standouts were Mackenzie Davis and Gabriel Luna and I think they really carried the film, but without any disrespect, that wasn't hard to do here.

The plus points were the visuals & the action, but it's just a pity the story dragged it all in to the gutter.

An extremely mediocre Terminator film. NEVER thought I'd say that about a Terminator film either. Just one more thing to add to the year of craziness that is 2020.

Ju-on: Origins (2020)

Very muddled and confusing

[5/10 · 5 July 2020]

I've just finished watching this series and I'm torn. Torn in the fact that I loved the original films (the American ones were OK) but pretty disappointed with this series, and I so wanted to like this BECAUSE of the films. Unfortunately, this series is nothing really like the films for the vast majority of time and seems to just veer off on its own direction. Also torn in wondering how this series manages to get ratings of 7 and higher from people as I just don't see it myself.

Anyway, the series starts off OK, but it doesn't really get much better and ends on a bit of a cliffhanger so I guess a 2nd series will be in the making (unless it gets The Glades treatment). This doesn't have a linear storyline either and it jumps around quite a bit, so if you're not paying any attention then it's very easy to get lost. I watched all 6 episodes within the space of a day and still caught myself trying to remember who certain characters were. It seems to intertwine various couples' experiences who've moved into the "ghost house" over a span of years, but like I say, this gets a bit complicated tracking who's who if you're not paying close attention, which is hard to do when the series is lacking in any great amount of interest.

Another thing that was a huge let down was the lack of atmosphere, scares and overall creep factor. There were a few of these moments scattered about but the films were much better in all three areas. The series just lacked SO much in what I've come to expect from J-Horror films and I think that was the biggest disappointment for me. In actuality, this felt more like some kind of Drama than a Horror series.

In comparison to the films, this was a big disappointment. If you like the whole Ju-on universe, then there's no harm in giving this series a go, but just be aware you may be let down like I was.

Countdown (III) (2019)

A Countdown from interesting to boring.

[6/10 · 5 July 2020]

Ringu, meet Countdown.

Countdown, meet Ringu.

The difference between these two movies is pretty much night and day, but that doesn't mean Countdown wasn't pretty decent. This is basically a more modern "upgrade" of Ringu and brought into the cell phone universe.

This is yet another film where the trailers make it much better than what it actually is, but of course, you never know till you watch it.

The writing wasn't too bad, the scares for the most part are of the PG-13 variety but there were a few tense moments scattered throughout and the characters do have their moments but most are generally likeable. The creep of a doctor side story was too "#metoo" though and I feel like it could have done without that.

The story was a bit too predictable and it was full of the usual tropes (people seeing dead family members yet STILL doing what they want them to do). This is actually pretty lazy writing as it's unoriginal but it wasn't a killer for me and even though it gets a bit tiresome seeing the same things happen I guess it's to be expected these days.

There was some decent comic relief moments brought to us by cell phone shop manager Derek, and demonology expert Father John, but while relatively funny, these moments made this "horror" film less horrific as it was too frequent. I guess that's what happens when you make a "horror" a PG-13 and try to make more money by bringing it to a wider audience.

It's not all doom and gloom though and there is the occasional creepy moment (the feet suddenly turning backwards was a really nice touch), but it's just a pity they were only occasional.

Countdown is pretty much your typical popcorn horror flick but I don't regret giving it a go because it genuinely did seem like a good horror. Alas, it wasn't to be but it's definitely not the worst film I've seen.