TwistedCyberChik Reviews

The Days (2023)

Thank you Netflix for 1.5x speed.

[6/10 · 14 November 2023]

I had the same reaction as many other reviewers have expressed at this series' glacial pace. I can appreciate a slow brewing drama but that's not what this is. It is a master class in how not to do long reaction shots. With every reaction shot being long or even slo-mo, quickly none of them hold any significance to the viewer. It is clear they slated 8 episodes but only had content for half that many. They artificially bloated each episode with slower and longer shots than necessary. The actual events are interesting, but the pacing kills it.

That's where the ability to adjust playback speed on Netflix saved the day, and my time. At first (around episode 2 when the slow shots really started to wear on me) I set it to 1.25x and the dub did well enough that things became more tolerable. After a few episodes at that speed, I tested it and lo and behold 1.5x was even better. The long reaction shots became much more standard length and things really started to move along. It was even enough for me to rate it a bit higher.

Thank you, Netflix! I know it was a controversial feature that most filmmakers don't like, but if it gets me to watch all 8 episodes of your show, then you should be glad it was implemented. I wish more streaming services would ride the playback speed train.

Perception: Paris (2014) Season 3, Episode 1

Nooooo! Not the cello!

[17 August 2023]

Plot wise, this one at least had me guessing which parts were delusion and reality, so that's all good. But if someone hides sensitive technology or information inside of a very expensive instrument, one's first instinct, please, should not be to smash it! Just using a little light and feeling around inside would have revealed it just the same. I know it was done for dramatic affect, but realistically think! You have this woman who is a world renowned musician. I know they have her say that she had her eyes on a "new one" but at that point in her life she would have had a very good instrument for a very long time already. Please no Smashy Smashy!

Battle for Skyark (2015)

The skip button is your friend.

[4/10 · 22 June 2023]

The first 35 minutes are pretty painful to watch. Cringe with no forward momentum or real story. It does pick up after that point at least. Moreso still when the main character finally grows a pair. The 2nd foray into the Hive is watchable. The set design is pretty good, and what CGI there is passes the eye test. Costumes are creative. And the score is mostly fine.

But that acting and script. Seems the director didn't do the movie any favors either. My advice: have your finger on the +10 sec arrow and when a scene is draaaaggginnggg give that puppy a tap. Works wonders. Skippity skip through most of those first 35 minutes and a few more times here and there and this film is consumable.

MEAD (2022)

Get past the first 17 minutes

[4/10 · 9 June 2023]

I was very unimpressed at the start and the acting was subpar, very stilted with a questionable script. Turning OFF subtitles was actually important. It's a bit cringe when you realize you're reading the lines in your head more believably than the actors are.

But things did get better. Learning about how this film came to be definitely got me thinking less critically toward it. Taking a step back and letting it exist as a purely indie film with some cheesy lines and silly visual effects allowed me to enjoy it enough to finish watching it. The first 17 minutes were the weakest in my opinion but once past them the story was fine. I don't know if they'll actually make the teased sequel but I would watch it.

The Arbors (2020)

Loved it start to finish. Now a clarification.

[8/10 · 7 March 2023]

I am mostly writing this to try and give my take on something some reviewers seem confused about.

We, the audience, are witnessing events as the main character perceives them. This encompasses everything we see, including! The videotape and reaction from his friend. The "creature" is undeniably an expression of his own darkness. Think "The Babadook" but with rage and loneliness instead of grief and mental illness.

The first obvious admission of this that the film makes is when the dying man in a biohazard suit (probably a tenant or realtor in reality) points at Ethan when asked "what is it?" From this scene on, there are numerous things revealing Ethan as the real perpetrator of all this violence.

Ethan installed the security cameras at his brother's home, thus he would know exactly where to stand to snag his niece without showing up on camera. His decision to break into his friend's home and kill him before he could be questioned is only logical if he could have been revealed as the actual killer if the vigilantes got to him first. Ethan's obsession with that board game, something he had attached extreme emotional value to that his brother just dropped on the floor, dismissively. Down to the final scene where he burns down his childhood home, "killing" the creature, or rather deadening his need for violence to achieve what his isolated and warped mind needed - his brother to look up to him again. Does anyone think for one second that an actual creature of that sort would just let itself be burned to death without a fight? It's not real, people!

And it is SUCH a better movie for it! Not a creature feature, but a psychological thriller. I thought it was fantastic.

Alone: The Beast: Swamp of Suffering (2020) Season 1, Episode 5

Gimme the Arctic any day (Arachnophobia Warning!)

[6/10 · 19 December 2022]

This episode was a nightmare. The heat, the wet, the freaking massive spiders. How are you supposed to preserve meat in that?? At the very start I said, "If any of them make it through this I will be surprised." Lo and behold, two days in and somebody says "nah I aint about this life."

Then something carries off the carcass and Monsoon Mary introduces herself. And the tree supporting their shelter starts cracking apart?? These guys can't catch a break! (pun mildly intended)

But they get a rabbit! (poor bunbun) And it has worms. D; Time to eat a cottonmouth :D But it's tiny. Still, they chug along to the final week. No more gator meat. Now what? It was about now I wondered if they would go bug hunting. They opt for snares. Snares are mean, and I hope they catch nothing. Eat bugs, boys!

One of the guys is looking quite ill. They snare a rat. I currently have a pet rat that looks nearly identical to the one they're chewing on. Sad day. They don't eat bugs after all. OPPORTUNITY WASTED.

I'll Follow You Down (2013)

Masterful final 12 minutes

[8/10 · 19 December 2022]

It's movies like this one that make me glad I've watched them for the first time in my home rather than a theatre, where I have the ability to instantly rewatch parts. The majority of this film is a bit of a slow burn but fantastic casting makes it not drag. It's the final scene, the last sequence of events, that is truly memorable. Haley Joel Osment was fantastic in the climactic conclusion and Rufus Sewell is a personal favorite of mine and a world-class actor. Some bits of the plot earlier on were a bit shoe-horned in, but the payoff was well worth a little finagling. The one downside was how freaking hard it was to find on imdb. Searching "I'll Follow You Down" (the actual title displayed during the film) will not lead you here so congratulations on finding it.

I Shouldn't Be Alive: Alone in the Amazon (2010) Season 4, Episode 7

Doggo :(

[6 December 2022]

From the looks of it, this is one of the lowest rated episodes, and surely it's for the same reason why I'm here writing a review. The poor Doggo. To be brought to that point where you kill your own dog and then realize your body is so sick it won't even let you eat it is just... I don't know, I guess I just wouldn't want to tell that story if it happened to me. It's perhaps the first episode that I kind of wish I hadn't seen.

And yes, I realize there's a strange disconnect seemingly, where most people can watch these horrible things happen to humans and feel bad for them, but then move on and yet if something happens to a pet it just strikes a different cord in us. I have to assume it's at least partly because animals don't have a concept of what is actually going on whereas people can come to terms with what is happening to them and others they know. Something like that at least.

TLDR; Doggo lives when he shouldn't have been able to and then is killed when it is meaningless. Sad.

Stitchers (2015–2017)

Couldn't connect with any of the characters. Not a single one.

[4/10 · 25 November 2022]

The premise, being able to "stitch" into someone's final memories, is a fairly decent one. There could be a lot of variety in a show with that premise. But my God, they found a way to make every single character bland, unoriginal, and wholly unlikable. My mother and myself watched this separately and both of us got halfway through episode three before coming to the same conclusion. Not worth our time. These characters just aren't it. Especially the lead. Why make her so devoid of anything interesting. A real waste of what could have been an interesting set up. But you have a major Mary Sue who is instantly amazing at everything she faces and who is also just kind of a jerk but not in a sassy way, just rude. No thanks.

Aliens Inside Us (2013 TV Movie)

One team of researchers. Nowhere near enough to actually learn anything.

[3/10 · 21 November 2022]

The more that scientists learn about our bodies, the more they realize we don't know jack about how anything actually works. And then many of them proceed to act like they know everything. Facepalm.

The idea that tribes in the Amazon rainforest have extremely different microbes than those living in industrialized cities with access to antibiotics is a no-brainer. But why you gotta SHOW them vomit? And talk about it like it's a good thing. The study of these people was so brief and limited the researchers can't claim any specific thing these tribes are doing is what causes their health.

I was the result of a c section birth since my mother couldn't dilate, so I guess now I know where all of my issues come from - no vagina yogurt! Darn!

Overall, I mostly feel this documentary was made prematurely. Many of the points may have merit with more study. But the narration makes it sound much more conclusive and groundbreaking. Really it's just a combination of many hypotheses. Do the science first. THEN make your documentary.

Abyss (2019)

Watched 12 eps. Waited 3 years to finish.

[4 November 2022]

The first half of this series is pretty engaging. It overplays its hand a bit and clues the audience into more of the mystery than it should, but still an interesting mechanic of death and resurrection and detective work.

Then it turns into a slow romance thing and ugh. I don't like to throw around the term "boring" but the shift from sci-fi detective to NOT sci-fi detective was a bad choice. I left this unfinished 3 years ago when it was first releasing. Got halfway through episode 13. Finally "watched" the rest at 1.25x speed and some skipping once I happened upon it recently and noticed it only had 16 eps total.

The conclusion was, as expected, quite uneventful and convoluted. "Contrived" or "forced", even "cliche" - all appropriate descriptions of the final 30 minutes. I gave it my rating (which I reserve the right to lower in the future) out of a perhaps misplaced affection for the premise. If I were a fan of sappy romance, maybe I would have enjoyed the whole thing more. Thankfully, I am not.

Burning Bright (2010)

Decent thriller worthy of a rewatch with friends

[7/10 · 9 September 2022]

Suspense is not inherently tied to repeated nerve-racking action, not for me at least. It is about the state of mind the characters would be in, that you would be in, if in their place. Since state of mind is so important in thrillers, having characters make often repeated stupid/questionable decisions can completely ruin the suspense. I was pleasantly surprised to find there were not many notable instances of stupid decision making from the main characters, minus perhaps the believability of this whole situation having been an accident that the villain somehow thought would be credible as long as he had an alibi.

Scorpion: The Hole Truth (2017) Season 3, Episode 14

Uhhh why not just pay back what you owe???

[3/10 · 6 September 2022]

Paige's mom HAS THE MONEY she owes the "bad men". Why on earth would Scorpion encourage her to fake her death and run off with the money rather than, idk, GIVE IT BACK? Now Paige is saddled with a debt that she too won't simply pay back? EXCUSE ME??????? In what world does this make sense x_x Pay. Back. What. You. Owe. Does that dude really seem like the kind of guy you want gunning for you? ...no logic.

And now it's saying my review has to be 600 characters long... so... The following is from wikipedia:

Scorpion is hired by the US Army Corps of Engineers to help a sandhog unit locate a leak in a municipal water line. The micro leaks they find cause the soft soil to create a massive sinkhole that is ready to swallow up a silo filled with chemicals, along with a worker trapped on top of it. If this happens, the drinking water supply of one of Southern California's most prominent aquifers will be tainted. Meanwhile, Toby and Happy have to help Walter, who is slipping down their "EQ" scale, as he has been too sharp and insensitive to people's emotions ever since Paige decided to leave him to his own devices. Paige also has to help Veronica get back the con money she buried at the abandoned factory where they found the nuclear device, which is now being worked on by a demolition crew. She devises a cunning plan for her mother to cheat the men who want her to pay for her sins; however, it forces Veronica to part ways with Paige for good. She leaves a large cache of her dirty money to Paige in Ralph's name.

Scorpion: Fractured (2016) Season 2, Episode 16

BUT WAS FERRET BUELLER OK??

[30 August 2022]

As soon as the quake started and things around the garage were collapsing, I immediately said out loud, "Ferret Bueller! Is Ferret Bueller gonna be OK?? GO CHECK ON FERRET BUELLER." But they never did. D:

I'm sure he was fine, but still. :( I must own too many small animals that my first reaction was worrying about a freaking ferret.

It's saying my review is too short so here's a little bit more to reach 600 characters. Very Sly-like to have back up pairs of prescription glasses just laying around. Also - hazelnut is awful. Please go for anything other than hazelnut.

Why on earth are they saying this isn't a long enough review? I'm reviewing a single episode of a series, not attempting to break down the plot of some three hour long fantasy-scifi epic. FINE.

Having a guest appearance of Penn Jillette was a fun little surprise. Paige must have quite the sense of humor to select that lunatic to be the relationship therapist Doc and Walter visited. IS THIS LONG ENOUGH YET??

Finch (2021)

Should have read the plot. Thought it was sci-fi.

[7/10 · 4 August 2022]

One of the saddest films I've seen in my life. That may seem like an exaggeration, but think about what lies ahead for our main characters, not to mention the struggling remnants of society.

One is dead. One will die regardless of quality of care in a few years. The last, if he's not picked clean for parts the first time he trusts someone, will end up alone, struggling to cope with the realization that humanity will use you up then throw you away like trash.

People saying it had a "feel good" ending have very limited imaginations. The writers may have WANTED it to be a nice ending, but that outlook is bleak.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Trying (2020) Season 7, Episode 6

Guinea pigs are indeed that fertile. Too bad Amy isn't.

[7/10 · 26 July 2022]

I'm not here to say animal humor shouldn't happen. Obviously many of the things in this series that involves humans aren't safe either. Whatever, it's a comedy. The guinea pigs were all super cute and as soon as Charles said "she" and "he" about the first two pigs, massive red flags went off in my petowner brain. "Oh NO they're gonna have BABIES." 'Whoopsie' babies are so common in guinea pigs it's a bit ridiculous so having them serve as the foil to Amy's infertility was very fitting. I mean, a female guinea pig can get pregnant again a mere hour after delivering her babies, and those babies can get pregnant at 3-4 weeks old! It's insane.

But in no world are labs using guinea pigs to run mazes. Rats & mice? Absolutely. But guinea pigs (of which I have 10...) would rather sit on their cute behinds eating hay than walk a maze. XD.

Peacock (2010)

More realistic than you may think

[8/10 · 18 June 2022]

This film immediately caught my attention for two reasons: Cillian Murphy is a monumental performer; one of my real life friends lives with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) manifesting multiple personalities, male AND female.

A truly haunting event in his childhood, witnessing a horrific crime against a female sibling, caused his mind to fracture and a young girl was introduced into his psyche. The two personalities do not share memories; while one is "awake" the other "sleeps." This caused great confusion and distress until a third personality emerged, one that could recall memories of both, thus bridging the gap between them.

This all ties into the film Peacock even more dramatically once you learn my friend actually had four personalities for a time, but when the fourth proved to be hateful and violent, the others essentially "killed" him, forcing him to disappear.

Like I said, this film is much more realistic than you may think.

Limetown (2019)

Episode 4 is the real beginning.

[8/10 · 11 May 2022]

I was not familiar with the podcast before viewing this. I read a review that said they watched the first three episodes and then skimmed through the rest. I also was about to give up after the third episode. It didn't feel like it was going to hold my attention very well or develop into anything. And there was a overt sexual component that felt very out of place. That part ended with episode three.

I decided to watch one more and I'm quite glad I did. Episode four felt like a turning point, the first time you really get a glimpse at what actually was happening in Limetown. I binge watched the remaining episodes and as each new person was encountered, my fascination deepened. It's not a fast moving series, quite deliberate and nuanced, but I rather enjoy a slower pace now and then. The acting was quite exquisite and I have a soft spot for Alessandro Juliani, so seeing his part in this was a treat. Having the lead be a very flawed individual was also quite intriguing.

It was disappointing to hear no future episodes would be released, but in its own way episode 10 wrapped most things up quite well. The future could be bright or very dark. It's up to the viewer to decide which.

I choose dark.

La Brea (2021–2024)

19 minutes. Couldn't even make it a full 20.

[2/10 · 4 May 2022]

I had no preconceptions going into this. Giant sinkhole? Cool. Weird alternate reality at the bottom of it? Okay...Not expected but sure. Worst dialogue and unbelievable human interactions? Yikes, this is looking bad fast. About to leave unless something gets better. First CG critter in the hole is a very poorly done wolf? Maybe I can forgive it. But then a grown man with a branch can't deter the wolf but a skinny chick with what? A chunk of asphalt? Smacks it and knocks it over. I'm a woman and I'm not so deluded as to think a 120 lb woman can hit harder than a 180 lb man. THIS HAS TO STOP. I'm out. Bonus point for a really cool sinkhole. Everything else was abysmal. Not worth wasting my time. 2/10.

Blue Ridge (2020)

"I'm The Law!"

[6/10 · 20 April 2022]

Melodramatic in the second half, only heightened by a score lacking all subtlety. The acting is sketchy at times, but watchable. It's a PG film, definitely aiming to be Family Friendly, so cutting it a bit of slack is in line. I didn't crack the murder case before the Sheriff did, and the outcome did make sense, so it gets an extra point from me. No need to slam it, people. I've seen much, MUCH worse.

Slender (I) (2016)

It's fine to have on in the background while you fiddle with your phone.

[4/10 · 1 April 2022]

Watch the first minute for context then skip about 15 minutes and you'll have a better time. The ending could have easily been improved but oh well. The acting was fine, believable even. I don't think it deserves a score of 1, I've definitely seen worse films. 3.5 stars is about fair.

Wagons East (1994)

Nostalgia. I have no other excuse.

[7/10 · 9 March 2022]

My father was a huge John Candy fan so we saw this in theatres when I was 7. This is perfectly in line with my dad's sense of humor, so naturally I enjoyed the film too. Rewatching it recently, I had so many "oh! I remember that!" moments that I was smiling most of the film. I don't really get why it's hated so much. Without the nostalgia factor, it might rate between a 5-6 for me? I don't know. It's clearly not taking itself seriously so I think it mostly accomplishes what it set out to do. Also, uh, my family on my maternal grandfather's side really did survive as members of the Donner Party soooo there's that connection.

La La Land (2016)

Great leads, as actors, not singers and dancers

[6/10 · 8 March 2022]

I was struggling to engage each time it showed it was a musical. Gosling and Stone are very talented actors, but not born singers or dancers, especially Gosling, bless his heart. To make a musical thrive and not feel awkward you have to fully commit and have talent. Neither happened in La La Land. Take out the song and dance numbers and the story just isn't strong enough to make up for it. I'll add 1 star for Stone's effort when singing, she was clearly trying her best and the result was ok. 6/10.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

First 30 minutes are excruciating.

[5/10 · 27 February 2022]

I can get overwhelmed by visual and auditory stimuli so the start of this film was torturous for me. I also found those 30 minutes to be poorly written and poorly acted. The rest of the film (minus an exceedingly awkward cover of "Like a Virgin") was more a 7 or 8, at times even reaching for a 9. But that start. Yikes. 5/10.

Fanboys (2009)

Watch the last 20 mins. Burn the rest.

[2/10 · 22 February 2022]

You would think a movie about hardcore Star Wars fans would be aimed at Star Wars fans. It is not. It's a raunchy, low brow "comedy" with some movie quotes thrown in. I found myself skipping through parts of every scene until they actually reached Skywalker Ranch. A film this immature has no right representing an entire fanbase. Big yikes.

And the woeful attempt to include a young man dying of cancer to add a "serious" tone to the final act was plain exploitive and shameful. Boo.