mrbobke Reviews

1899 (2022)

Dont waste your time

[4/10 · 7 December 2022]

I feel it is my responsibility to warn you about this film. It is fairly rare that I am so turned off by a series that I no longer care what happens. But as my partner soldiered on for the remaining 3 episodes, I was perfectly happy to not know what happens, so ridiculous and disjointed this series had become.

The characters were more caricatures, so lacking in any kind of depth. I cared about nobody... ok, maybe the beetle. 'Dark' evolved into a mess as well, but the characters at least were memorable, and the journey was interesting. I don't know exactly what I missed in the remaining episodes, but judging from the other reviewers and my partner, it wasn't much.

12 Monkeys (1995)

Idea held promise; execution left me annoyed

[6/10 · 29 March 2020]

I guess its not easy to make a tight movie about time travel. One where there is some semblance of believability to it. But this one didnt really try to be believable. It tried to be clever, and I think it failed there, as well.

Why did the scenes from the future have to be so cartoonish? This was the first thing that put me off. There was sort of a lighthearted Delicatessen' feel to those scenes, so I had a hard time taking the movie seriously. But I had a hard time finding it funny, either. It couldnt decide what it was, and ended up being nothing. I felt nothing for any of the characters in this movie, as they were unbelievable exaggerations, and pretty annoying, especially Brad Pitt.

I give it a 6 because I didnt want to stop watching. But I didnt really care that much either way.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Sorry but this is just another big budget Hollywood explosion-athon

[2/10 · 2 November 2019]

I saw this movie a while back, and was underwhelmed at the time. After watching 'Joker' yesterday, I decided to compare the two Joker performances (Heath Ledger vs Joaquin Phoenix) and gave it another go. The joker performance is good, but it's not enough to make up for the rest of this train wreck (Actually, I think a train was the only thing NOT wrecked in this movie).

I had forgotten how vacuous and mainstream The Dark Knight actually is. The usual explosions and special effects extravaganza to divert attention from a lack of any depth whatsoever. This movie left me completely unmoved, in contrast to the Joker. Well, I will admit I was increasingly angry, but not at the villains, rather at the people who made this pile of bat guano. The trivialization of violence and complete lack of plausibility that is so common in American movies is at the forefront again here.

Nothing special, other than the effects. And after 10 years, even those are lame.

Icarus (2017)

Just a bit too slick to be totally believable

[7/10 · 18 August 2017]

I'm not saying that the cheating didn't take place. It did. But the movie spent a great amount of time and energy making us like the corrupt to the bone testing lab guy, and making him out as a victim. And it was just a bit too slick for a true documentary, with the victim's Orwell quotes and philosophical musings. Still, I acknowledge that it was well done and still worth the watch. Just not the 'best documentary I've ever seen', as many have proclaimed.

Unbreakable (2000)

Hero movie for idiots

[2/10 · 5 May 2017]

Im super angry right now. My life is too short to waste on this kind of oversimplified formulaic garbage. Mr. Sham-I-am took what could have been a somewhat interesting theme (a real life super hero), and dumbed it down to the point that I felt like I had been injected with a lethal dose of duuuh drug.

Just a few questions that came up in my mind as the film unfolded/unravelled that I guess I was just expected to ignore:

-Who realises only in their 40s that they have never been sick in their whole life?

-Who has to go bench some weights to realise that they have super-human strength?

-Who only starts realising they can sense criminals after somebody points it out to them?

-If your son pointed a gun at you to prove that you were a superhero, would you say that you were going to be very angry and then just forget about it after and go out for a drink?

-Why did I have to predict 5 mins in advance that he was going to fall in the water when he did his first hero job?

-Why does the Samuel L. Jackson character only reveal his evilness to our hero when they shook hands at the end?

-Was Bruce Willis acting, or just sleepwalking?

-Why does this have a 7.2 rating? How bad does a movie need to be to get less than a 5, like this massive pile of caca should have?

On a brighter note, some of the cinematography is not bad.

One more question:

-If I prevent even one person from watching this, am I also a superhero?

The Man from Earth (2007)

Wanted to like it...

[2/10 · 16 July 2016]

I like movies that make you think. That reveal something that puts you off balance and challenges your beliefs or principles. But this one just had me repeatedly shaking my head in disbelief at such poor execution. From the opening sequence I sensed that the acting was not going to be up to the task. But I don't think the actors had much to work with, anyway. Everything seemed contrived and forced about this movie. Strange camera angles that just distracted, out-of-place mood music, and a script that was cringe worthy. Strange that there are such positive reviews. I gave it a 2 only because I managed to sit through to the end. Barely.

Meet Joe Black (1998)

Dead end

[4/10 · 5 October 2015]

I gave this a 4 only because Anthony Hopkins somehow manages to get some emotional reaction from me. The other zombies, not so much. As is often the case with the Hollywood schmaltz films, this one works the music and the beautiful faces, and goes lean on the believability and depth.

The idea is interesting, (death comes for a visit), but then just oversimplifies all the roles so much that there is nothing really interesting to ponder about, in the end, other than "oh, really?".

Why did you HAVE to make it a happy ending? Its OK to leave things sad with some hope. So, the dead dude is now back? How does that work? What happens when he goes to get some money out of the ATM and it says, "sorry, you're dead"?

The Equalizer (2014)

Not even worth my time watching it on the plane...

[3/10 · 26 April 2015]

I actually smelled the odor of a piece of "riiiiiight" cinema pretty early on, and decided to stop watching. A "riiiight" film, for those who don't know because I just made it up, is where the filmmaker tries to make you believe something so unrealistic and far fetched that you say to yourself (or maybe even say out loud): "riiiiiight, possibly followed by "suuuuuuuuuuure".

The boredom of a 10 hr flight got to me in the end, and I decided to turn it back on. Many "riiiiight"s later I got to the end. I often get people telling me that they like these movies even though they know they are far fetched because they are "just entertainment". But when everything is so overdone that it looks like a satire but it really isn't, I check out. This was such a film. In spite of maybe murdering 50 villains during the movie, Denzel is the good guy, and we are supposed to feel sympathy for him. And the Russian bad guys were so, so bad. Thank god Denzel is there to slaughter them all with no collateral damage. He's such a bad ass.

Nightcrawler (2014)

Totally unbelievable lead character, totally unbelievable situations

[4/10 · 10 April 2015]

Of course there are functional sociopaths out there. But the lead character was just too weird for me to believe that anyone could build any rapport with him, or trust him with anything. His personality wasn't mesmerizing, it was creepy and robotic. For example, the conversations with the TV station director were unbelievable because he was just so completely weird. I wouldn't even listen to someone like that, much less do business with them. And his employee may be desperate, but hanging around with that dude all night for months? I really doubt it...

I also didn't feel like I got to know anybody in this movie. It had that same asthetic focus that Driver did, where the way to movie looks takes precendence over everything else. I found the two characters (from Driver and Nightcrawler) very similar; robotic and not human. I don't think sociopaths are typically that obvious, otherwise they would be easier to pick out...

Gone Girl (2014)

Im still angry...

[2/10 · 22 February 2015]

I knew very little about this movie going in, other than it had good reviews and a solid cast. However, I felt almost immediately that there was something amiss, that this was going to be one of those soulless Hollywood movies that is so transparently commercial and sloppy that I almost feel like even the director was saying to himself "This is pretty weak stuff, but the masses will still eat it". Its formulaic drivel for the lowest common denominator. Just have a look at the list of goofs to see how many holes there were in this numb-nut of a movie.

I know this sounds arrogant, and Im sorry for that, but what are you people smoking on here that you would give this anything but a panning? Can you really say with any honesty that:

1. You cared in the slightest about any of the one-dimensional characters?

2. the way the media was portrayed was realistic in the slightest?

3. it was believable that all these locals would spontaneously band together to pray for someone who was completely out of view in the community up to that point?

4. any of the acting was at all believable? Academy award nomination for the Pike robot?

OK, maybe the cat was convincing, but you could also tell it was medicated to the hilt to prevent it running away from such an embarrassment...

5. the 'semi-foreboding' music that drones on didn't get on your nerves after a while?

6. the whole thing didn't go on way too long, while at the same time not even giving a feeling of the passing of time in the movie itself? For example, the Pike character drops off the grid, becomes a plain girl with a black eye eating junk food, then is back being miss perfect with Doogie Howser MD all within 20 minutes?

I could go on, but I need to go watch some paint dry now to get my intellect going again. IMDb needs some way to detect if people actually have a clue and add this into their rating algorithm. It would have prevented me from this lobotomization.

The Next Three Days (2010)

Just too contrived and forced

[3/10 · 29 July 2014]

I'm not sure at what point this movie lost me, but it was pretty early on. Certainly by the time the 'innocent' wife attempted suicide in jail, then told her husband that she did it, I had a hard time seeing what the point was in getting her out. Why would an innocent person attempt suicide?

I found the character development overall pretty weak, and came away feeling that a couple of wackos risked the life of their zombie-like son in a highly irresponsible and foolhardy manner. There was something artificial about virtually every scene in this movie. The long drawn out scenes didn't draw me in, they felt more like that awkward moment of silence in a forced conversation.

I can't say it was a terrible movie, the acting was solid, and there was some suspense towards the end. But it was just too sloppily put together to be believable.

American Flyers (1985)

What a disgrace to cycling

[3/10 · 27 May 2012]

So, after maaaaaaaany years, I decided to finally see this movie, because I am now living in Colorado, and actually rode the Morgul-Bismark circuit today. Eddy Merckx must have been ashamed of himself to see his sport portrayed this way. What did I not like? Let me count the ways: so over-simplified, so not about the sport, cheesy LETS GO music, A guy out training with his cowboy hat. Man, must that thing stink!

But wait, there's more: a dude with a brain aneurysm doesn't go ride in a bike race. And you don't just sit on a fitness machine and then just qualify to ride against the national teams when you have no bike racing experience. It makes the sport look like a joke. A rider at this level rides on average 16-20 hrs per week. This made it look like you just needed to go out to the ballpark and hit a few balls around and poof, you're world class. And why couldn't they get a cyclist to play the Russian dude? That guy looks like he got on a bike the day before they started filming. I mean, its not like he said much.

Some day I hope they make a proper movie out of cycling. Im sure there are some good story lines that are actually believable. People who cant stop racing after they have passed their prime. The loneliness of riding for hours and hours by yourself, in all weather conditions. The incredible torture of the hills. Make a bigger story, but at least get the details right. Now the American population should be ready to graduate out of bike kindergarten. An American won the Tour de France 7 times in a row! Can please someone make a real moving about the sport?

Drive (I) (2011)

Disappointingly mediocre action movie pretending to be more...

[3/10 · 18 December 2011]

When I saw the rating here on IMDb, I was certain that this was going to be great. "More than just an action movie", "Amazing action scenes", etc. I still had hopes at the beginning when the driver was evading the police. Great suspense, apparently interesting lead character, etc. I started wondering soon after whether staring emotionless was the only thing this guy could actually do. I found that many of the scenes lingered too long on him, with the intended effect of revealing something deeper about him, I guess. But it didn't work for me; I felt nothing for him or anyone else, for that matter. I had the feeling that they were trying to create a character like in Taxi Driver, who is on the edge but is somehow still a person. Not this guy. Like a cardboard cutout. The only lingering thought I had regarding any of the characters was "Man, that Ron Perlman REALLY looks like a monkey".

The movie finally lost me for good when they went for the day out in the canals. 'Lets skip some rocks on the garbage strewn pond'. I could just smell the place, which just ruined any sort of believability there was to this scene. The later car chase scenes were equally weak for me. I just cant handle it when the only thing they can add as sound effects is the car accelerating and changing gears. How many gears does this car have? I counted at least 10... Oh, and when you broadside a car at what must be at least 20 miles an hour you don't just get out ready to whoop some ass. You will be stunned for a good while.

I echo others that say the rating here is baffling and unjustified. I was expecting something with at least a bit more depth than the usual action movie, but all I got was more superficial, oversimplified characters and in-your-face violence.

Melancholia (2011)

A roller coaster of feelings

[8/10 · 9 December 2011]

I always like movies that give you a bit of a mind f**k. The fantastical opening of the film is followed by a painfully real wedding from hell. It is all so messed up. The bride is seriously messed up. It all ends up so catastrophically bad. Cringeworthy.

But then, the second part makes you forget about the train crash wedding, because the overriding foreboding makes something like a wedding so trivial. Dunst's performance I think was outstanding. Actually, all of the acting was good. I think the best way to think about this film is as a collection of experiences. The scenes are there to make an impact on you, they don't all have to have some deeper meaning. It is the feeling that arises in you that is the point. In that way I think the movie was a great success. It was long, but I was captivated throughout.

The Beach (I) (2000)

More unconvincing acting from De Crapio

[3/10 · 19 November 2011]

This movie was on my 'Movies to Watch' list. It shouldn't have been. My problem was mainly with Di Caprio, but the overall movie was a loser, as well. The guy just doesn't do it for me. He always seems like the same dude, no matter what part he plays. Even in Shutter Island I still saw the same pouty pretty boy.

The movie doesn't make it any easier on pouty boy, either. It progresses slowly, but at the same time you don't feel like you get to know anyone. There was a bit of 'Heart of Darkness' to the whole 'crazy' part when he's out in the woods. But it was just so oversimplified and contrived, and just simply unbelievable. The dude is sitting out in the woods eating bugs with nothing on him, and after a few days starts running around like Tarzan? It was all over for me after that. The images and scenes in this movie have already been forgotten. And its better that way.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

Wanted to like this... I really did.

[12 November 2011]

A few people had recommended this movie, so I was delighted when I finally got the chance to watch this last night. I was looking forward to a film with some depth and sophistication. Instead I got the usual oversimplified, formulaic, Hollywood fast food. I sensed after about 5 mins that this movie was destined to be a dud. There was something about the way the whole 'science' angle was built, so utterly unrealistic.

The only character that had any depth at all was the lead monkey, but there you were asking yourself, "Sure, he can strike a good john Wayne pose, but is he a good monkey, or a bad monkey deep down inside?" The rest of them might as well have had sticky notes on their foreheads. 'Young, naive scientist', 'Success-obsessed corporate suit wearer', 'morally corrupt, tired scientist and his sadistic, loser son', etc, etc.

So much money spent on special effects, nothing much left for creating any sort of believability to the characters or the way things unfolded. Really got me angry, actually. Waste of 2 hrs of my life. Maybe I can save 2 hrs of yours.